So work says they are not going to loan me anything and instead gave me a "name" of apparently something I got as part of the deal when I got the truck. Well, I got no way of getting to the truck till morning to pick up the packet of shit I signed last year when I got this truck. BUT it's supposedly something that would cover certain repair cost....or at least knock down the price. Of course not knowing what it is or how to use it a of right now is leaving me stressed out.

Either way, it's official that they are not going to give me anything now. So I am sitting here wondering if I should waste precious money sitting at this hotel trying to find out what the hell this shit is in hopes to get it fixed and work again. Keep in mind that I am already going to be close to 10 grand in the hole to begin with by next week due to NOT working. OR should I just get up tomorrow and start the process of telling these people to take this truck and shove it? I got money from my tax return......but I don't want to spend it all. BUT the issue is, either way, I am going to spend a lot of it to either leave, or play the game to MAYBE stay with them. Tough choices.

I'll give a quick history about me and this company. I been working with these people on and off since 2005. This is my 3rd time working with them. Last few times they put me in the hole as a company driver. THIS time I came back, I decided to become an owner operator. Seeing how their owner operators were doing fine years ago, why can't I? Well, the key phrase is "years ago". Things do change, and as I found out during my time working with these people again. So why did I come back again? I was desperate for work. Why I decided to become a contractor? Cause I wanted to run the truck like I used to run it when I was in ANOTHER company. Either way, the last two times I worked with them, I was in the hole with credit card debts. This time, I am 10 grand in the hole with THEM. Not including the bills that gone default on me since I hadn't paid any bills for nearly a year now.

I don't want to get into the nitty gritty. But with this in mind. Is this even WORTH trying to salvage at this point? I am going to lose this truck, it's very obvious at this point. I am just delaying this. Is there a chance? MAYBE. But is it worth it? Is it worth being a company driver again? With what I just mentioned about my history with them, is going back to being a company driver even be worth my while.

Truck is broke down due to a crack radiator since Monday. I get booted off of the training program yesterday. NOW since I am no longer a trainer and just a solo driver, owner op payroll is on a debate about loaning me more money to fix the truck. In other words, if they refuse to loan me more money. I'll have to either figure out where else to borrow the money to fix it. OR turn the truck in and become a company driver. Pretty much fail as a contractor. Good bye self business.

So I am waiting.

Though really, I said it before, and I'll say this again. If, IF this happens, I will NOT be a company driver for these assholes and leave.

SO guess what I am doing right now?

I am trying to figure out my options on how to get the hell out of Atlanta when the shit hits the fan. I am still hoping for a good out come. BUT here's the kicker, if they approve the repairs. I'll have to work for MONTHS on end to get myself out of the debt I accumulated. IF they approve this repair, I'll be 10 grand in the hole. So either way, I am fucked.

So yeah, I am REALLY panicking now.

Long story short, my last student threw me under the bus. Because of her complaints about me, I am now permanently banned from training. Even though my past students praised me. And all because she said I bad mouthed the company. WELL, I guess they are doing a good job proving me wrong.....well, depends who's looking at it.

Ah well, what ever, trudge forward.

NOT for FWA, sadly.......that, and no offense to anyone, just not wanting to go. That, and I am broke.

And the reason I am broke....cause of my damn truck. GRRR, I get into Atlanta to deliver a load, only to have the service air line from my truck to trailer break when I was removing it. No problem, I'll just get it replaced and grab my next load out of here for North Carolina.

I get to this terminal (whee, this void, this can't be good....always get stuck here) to pick up the loaded trailer. Nope, got to see the office folks. I get in....my last stupid deserter student apperently is done, but needs ME to grade her for the 3 days she was on my truck. And the annoying part is, I can't get it done here, I have to call the terminal she tested out of. Which is Indianapolis. Long story short, could not get a hold of anyone, so I'll have to take care of that tomorrow.

Here's the fun part, while waiting for a call back...that never happened. I installed the new air line myself. Tested it on the trailer I was supposed to take out later, works great. Hehe, I was proud of myself. So I was sure I'll get to leave once I figure out what to do about the issue of being stuck here cause I wasn't able to fix the "grading" problem. WELL, while waiting for my dispatchers next response, I decided to check the engine to see why my AC quit working today. Weather been nice still, so I hadn't been desperate to get that done. BUT, I find water stains from under the hood......not good. Then all the sudden the damn radiator started to leak fluid. It's like a damn dramatic stall you only see in movies where the star looks at a perfectly normal device.....and watch it explode without anything dramatic to give warning. MAYBE there's a small "sign" that was there. But did catch the warning fast enough. YEAH, that's what happened there. SO now I am just sitting here, waiting till morning for the Frieghtliner dealership to open their doors. I'll call them up to see which location I need to go to. There's one near where I am at near Six Flags, but meh, it's a tiny shop. Then there's a huge one in Forest Park. I don't know. All I know is.....this sucks.

AH well, about all from me for now. I can't afford to be here on the weekend. But I guess if I am here, I MIGHT show up to the con. But I highly doubt that.

WELL, may as well have fun with this. :-P

---

Follow this to figure yours out:

A = French Kisser
B = Good Kisser
C = Will kick your ass
D = Very very easy for people to like you
E = Crazy as hell
F = Loves it hard
G = Can kick your ass
H = Freaking hot
I = Everyone's best friend
J = Hot
K = Crazy
L = Beautiful eyes
M = Very good kisser
N = Cool person
O = Different
P = The best at all sports
Q = An animal lover
R = Beautiful/handsome
S = Damn sexy
T = Easy to fall in love with
U = Will make you laugh till your sides burst
V = Most amazing kisser EVAR!
W = Makes people laugh
X = Never lets people tell you what to do
Y = Can be funny and dumb at the same time
Z = Loved by everyone

---

Let's do my 'fursona'.

M - Very Good Kisser
I - Everyone's best friend
C - Will Kick Your Ass
K - Crazy

Hmmmm........doubt the first one makes sense. But the other three seems about right. :-P Well, maybe just the last part.

---

Just for fun now, I am going to do Shandra

S - Damn Sexy
H - Freaking Hot
A - French Kisser
N - Cool Person
D - Very, very easy for people to like you
R - Beautiful/Handsome
A - French Kisser

Ooookay. I guess Shay's just too hot for her own good.....

---

Just having fun with this. Let's try Jason

J - Hot
A - French Kisser
S - Damn Sexy
O - Different
N - Cool Person

Okay......

---

I should stop, but :-P. Let's try Nikki.

N - Cool Person
I - Everyone's best friend
K - Crazy
K - Crazy
I - Everyone's Best Friend

I guess the last four screams her out well......

---

How about William (Bill)?

W - Makes People Laugh
I - Everyone's Best Friend
L - Beautiful Eyes
L - Beautiful Eyes
I - Everyone's Best Friend
A - French Kisser
M - Very Good Kisser

Oooookay.....I guess Erika and Nikki can agree.....

---

Speaking of Erika.....

E - Crazy As Hell
R - Beautiful/Handsome
I - Everyone's Best Friend
K - Crazy
A - French Kisser

Well......she is crazy.....kinda....

---

I am on a roll on characters no one gives a damn about. But hey, I am seeing a pattern here. Let's do Devin.

D - Very Very Easy for People to like you
E - Crazy As Hell
V - Most Amazing Kisser EVAR!
I - Everyone's Best Friend
N - Cool Person

Yeah.....

---

Rachel?

R - Beautiful/handsome
A - French Kisser
C - Will kick your ass
H - Freaking Hot
E - Crazy As Hell
L - Beautiful Eyes

Muhahaha, I guess her red eyes can be beautiful in an exotic sense......

---

I should stop.....let's do Isabel

I - Everyone's Best Friend
S - Damn Sexy
A - French Kisser
B - Good Kisser
E - Crazy As Hell
L - Beautiful Eyes

---

Okay, last one. I'll do my real name.

J - Hot
O - Different
H - Freaking Hot
N - Cool Person

I highly doubt all that.

But gotta wake up and get ready to drive. Ah well.

I actually look through my "notes" on here. Funny how a while back I used to get messaged here and there. Nowadays it's just silent. Like everything else....silent on my end. I mean, I upload stuff, say a few random things on my journal regardless if it's intelligent or not. But in the end, no responses. Not much. Either I am not interesting.....or I just got nothing to relate to with the current crowd. I don't know.

OOOOHHH, and I still got a few notes from a younger lady who at the time was so funny and lively. I wish I knew what happened to her. I KNOW where she's at (on FA, not in RL. I no stalker, hehe). But she sure changed to someone a bit angry and bitter. AH well, as if I hadn't gone down that path myself. Hell, I was already on it when she popped out of nowhere, wanting to chat. I know it's not me that got her down there. But damn, I hate feeling like I failed to try to be positive and be someone trustworthy. Only to be ignored and considered as "one of them".

Ah well, nowadays I rather just keep my distance. Less chances of being on the list of jerks. Knew too many through the years that were someone I actually found aspiring. Made me wonder how they were able to remain cheery. Only to watch them bottle up and hide from the world the moment they got hit with the worst part of reality. And I can't help but wonder if I had something to do with it. Did I point it out too much to the point when it happened and I got shunned out cause I was right? Or did it happened and I was shunned out cause they needed someone positive, and I was just too negative? Maybe the later.

I don't know. All I know is I genuinely adored them. Made me smile. I tried to learn from them. And I tried to be uplifting. Or maybe the reason I wasn't uplifting cause I tried too hard? Heh, I guess I'll never know. No longer in my teens and twenties, I shot past that age group where I am allowed to mess up and "make it up".

Everyone seems to be doing it. So I want to do it too. :-P

So far, I guess I am the weakest link here.

[ ] you meow/bark to get attention
[ ] you find pets toys amusing
[ ] you get hyper by the smell of catnip
[ ] you growl/hiss when someone gets too close to your food
[ ] you growl/hiss when someone you dislike is too close to you
[ ] you purr/shake your leg when someone shows you affection
[ ] if someone tosses a ball, you chase it and bring it back
Total: 0

[ ] you love to be scratched behind the ear
[x] you love fish/meat
[ ] you like to stick your head out trough the window of a moving car.
[ ] you like when people pet your head
[ ] people can make you stop doing stuff by hitting you on the nose with a newspaper
[ ] you think feathers are fun to play with
Total: 1

[x] you sleep a lot during daytime
[ ] you enjoy scaring birds
[ ] you lick peoples faces to show you like them
[ ] you bite people if they annoy you
[ ] you tend to steal food from your friends/family's plate when you have eaten all of yours
[x] milk or water is your favorite drink
Total: 2

[ ] you own a collar and you enjoy wearing it
[ ] you own a leash and enjoy wearing it
[ ] you own animal ears/tail/paws or a fursuit
[ ] you enjoy long walks in the park
[ ] you meow/bark when you see something you want
Total: 0

[ ] you call your hands and feet "paws"
[ ] you tilt your head when you do not understand what someone is talking about
[ ] you run to the door when someone mentions a walk
[x] you really enjoy cuddling
[ ] you stretch your body and whimper a bit every morning when you wake up
[x] you can wake up and go back to sleep right away after looking around
Total: 2


[ ] you have your favorite spot besides your bed where you like to sleep
[ ] you meow or bark very often
[ ] you hide when you get scared
[ ] you run to the door to see who it is every time someone comes in to the house
[ ] you like to chase flying insects and try to catch them with your bare hand
[ ] you tend to chew on stuff a lot
[ ] you like to do tricks to get a treat
Total: 0

[ ] you own a wearable item/tag with your name on it
[ ] you refer to your self as an animal
[ ] your username has something to do with animals
[ ] your e-mail has something to do with animals
[ ] if you get a bleeding wound, you lick it to make it feel better
[ ] you look for edible stuff often
Total: 0

[ ] you often find yourself looking through the window for a long time
[ ] you like to say hi to strangers
[ ] you like to be petted when you have done something good
[ ] people think you act like a pet
[ ] you growl/hiss at stuff you do not like
[ ] you like to eat grass
[ ] if you get wet, you shake to get rid of the water
Total: 0

Final total:



Take your score and multiply it by 2
Put your title as "I'm _% Furry"

Well, fox news....

Every time I watch Fox News, I TRY to just sit there and take it as a news channel. After all, I believe that in order to get real news, you need to look at both sides. Hear both sides to get the REAL news...NOT issues. NEWS. Here's a quick example.

Fox News - "Whitney Houston died today. We are not sure how she died, but she had drug issues, sad life, blah, blah, blah. BUT damn she was a great singer.

CNN - Whitney Houston died today. She leave behind a late teen daughter. She had a great career. Not much is known about her death....

WHAT did I learn from these two channels? "Whitney Houston died. Not sure of the causes."

SIMPLE, right? Tune out the bullshit "issues" which is nothing more than biased opinions. IF both sides are saying similar things....or even the same thing, then that's GOT TO BE the actual news. Does it mean it's the end all to all news on that subject? NO. But it cut through the bullshit. Cause really, I could have used examples like Former President Bush. Or current President Obama. But I won't go there.


NOW WHY did I bring up Fox News?

When I DO pay attention to what they are saying. Oh boy, they are a bunch of spin doctors who butcher a lot of information, history, and pretty much say what every they want cause they actually believe their viewers are ignorant bastards. Sadly, I am starting to agree.

Here's on thing I heard a month ago. The news report was more of a question on HOW we should change our "message" toward the "trouble makers" in the Middle East. The news respondent actually ask this in the middle of this "report". "So we shouldn't do what Theodore Roosevelt suggested. 'Speak Softly.'"

UH.....hello you stupid, stupid, STUPID ditz! Theodore Roosevelt's full saying was, "Speak Softly and Carry a big stick". Which means, "Be soft, polite, and generous. But don't be afraid to smack the shit out of the idiot who steps out of line. Give fair warning. But only a fair warning. Then strike if not taken with caution.

And IF you all want my opinion about how we are supposedly following Theodore Roosevelt's saying nowadays? We are NOT. We are yelling and screaming, waving are giant prick missiles (cruise missiles) at everyone. We expect to be respected with yelling out bluffs. Uh....yeah. THAT'S why no one is listening to us. I can go on and on, but I won't, cause there's really no SAFE and humane solution for that issue. Other than hope for the best and try our best to work things out. Hopefully without anymore dick waving. Cause it's obviously getting so old to the world that they are now just going to go ahead and build their own weapons to blow up our dicks.

NOW, back on subject.

Last night, FOX NEWS again fucked up with their information. DAVID Jones (NOT DAVI Jones) from the Monkees passed away yesterday. They put DAVI Jones on the screen and kept calling him DAVI. What the fuck? Nickname? Yeah. But he was ALWAYS named David Jones. But forget that. The real thing that pissed me off is they tried to talk about the Monkees as "the inspiration for the Beatles". WHAT THE FUCK FOX NEWS? David Jones and the rest of the Monkees themselves, even the TV network who PRODUCED THEIR SHOW said that both the show and the band was inspired BY the Beatles. The Beatles were BEFORE the Monkees. BEFORE, BEFORE, BEFORE, BEFORE. MOTHER FUCKERS. BEFORE the Monkees. I repeat, everyone involved with the Monkees including David (not Davi) Jones said they were inspired by the Beatles. For the love of everything holy.

David Jones NEVER changed his name to Davi. Though a British David Jones did use a stage name to make sure he was NOT confused with US David Jones. That David Jones is David Bowie.

Anyway, Fox News is literally Faux News. And anyone who wants to call them real news need to check into an asylum. Either way, I tried, tried, TRIED to watch these guys for actual news. Instead, I feel my intelligence being fucked with how they twist and corrupt everything they report.

I could go into what's been going on with me lately. I'll just say this, despite the ups and downs. I am actually fine and doing okay. things are slowly improving. Currently in Buffalo, NY. Been a year since I been home. Heh, this PC got a years worth of updates.


I want to try something silly. Hopefully I'll get responses and be able to roll this out before I have to go back on the road again. I'll be around till Monday. Hopefully I have not alienated myself to the point these journals go unread.

Anyway, anyone want to do a "Q and A" towards a character of mine? It's a thought. Won't be very fancy. But it definitely would be fun to try and out do. Which character would any of you would like to "interview"?

Super cold, freezing fog, and covered with snow. FUN.

I was in Fargo, ND from Thursday till Saturday.....cause of a stupid trailer issue. Long story short, I was being tossed back and forth between tractor shops and trailer shops. Tractor shops finding my truck to be fine (after replacing relays and the power cord that hooks up from truck to trailer). Trailer shops doing NOTHING but pointing blame to my truck. Either way, by Saturday, I gave up and drove more than 7 hours with a blatant DOT violation from Fargo, ND to Omaha, NE to our main terminal here to get the issue fixed.

So it's in the shop....still.

BUT, our shop found OTHER issues that's nothing to do with the trailer....but very serious issues. Either way, it's reminding me it's a freaking lemon. SO....since Saturday, that truck is in the shop. They do one repair....and get more repairs. From the sounds of things, by the time it's done. I will have a new tire on the steers. The differentials are being rebuilt. The steering system is being rebuilt. And for the hell of it, I went ahead and told them to do a full service oil change on both tractor and the auxiliary generator.

I don't know what to think other than this better be the LAST overhaul this damn truck gets. Hell, I actually tried to lessen the expense by requesting to give me the parts and let me do some of the work. Which they did. Ah well. At least the hotel here is dirt cheap. 33 bucks. I can't complain.

Well, I am stupid. I gone through 5 students in less than a month. Two got off for another trainer. Two got off the truck at odd places, quiting entirely. Then I had one never got on the truck cause apparently I had a dick and she got breast. I don't understand the last part since she agreed with the company to go out with a coed trainer. They would have automatically put her on the list for women only trainers. But what ever. I went from being a high mark trainer for most of the year to now the bottom of the heap in a month. Fun how that works out.

I need a break. From everything. Not just work. But life in general. I never was a social butterfly. And the last few years I had been caccooning myself from everyone cause I am tired of hearing myself bitch. That, and people been disappearing on me.

I dont know what to do. But life does not stop for anyone. So I guess I'll push forward and keep trying. But I am going to give the training aspect of my job a break. The last student was driving me up the wall. So this works out.

**edit**

Well, I got suspended from the training program. For about two weeks. Despite getting praise between the terminal manager here and a guy on the phone from our main office in Omaha about my past trainees giving me high marks and doing very well in the company. This one month is grounds for suspension. But they worded it as, "Time Off.". Ah well, was planning to request two weeks off of training, so this works out. As long I am not fired, it's all good.

Could not help but have this thought in the back of my mind, "Please fire me. I failed so much at life already. Cut my foolish pride up some more. Set me free."

I wish I can say I am doing fabulous. But nope, not doing great. But hey, I am still alive. And I caught up with all but ONE bill. That ONE bill went into default and dissapered on me. So I'll find out sooner or later on what collection agency took over that bill and what may happen to me (garnished wages or not).

Anyway, I got a question. Is it just me? Or is there a lot of Furry Conventions popping up all over the place like weeds in a flower garden?

Have a very happy one. And if I don't get a chance. Have a very merry New Year.

I'll be spending my Christmas here at my sister's in Indianapolis, IN. So....yep. About all from me.

post a comment and i shall~


1. Tell you something I'll learn about you by looking at your FA page for 13 seconds.
2. Tell you which color you remind me of.
3. Tell you my first memory of you.
4. Tell you what Pokemon you remind me of.
5. Ask you something I've always wondered about you, and your answer has to be as vague as possible to keep the suspense.
6. Tell you my favorite thing about you.
7. Give you a weird nickname
8. Tell you what's on my shirt right now.
9. Challenge you to post this on your journal

I got dared. :-P

Seriously though, this would be fun. Though I am on the road, so I will try to respond ASAP. Though my main worry is, will ANYONE respond to this?

I guess I shall see.

But when you keep getting into situations where you are at the mercy of people around you. And all they want to do is jerk off all day and not complete a simple, repair job. Topped working for a company who would rather find any reasons to short change you, then have the gull to say it's your fault being in a financial hole. And when you try to do their suggestions, more shit comes up and/or they short change you more since supposedly your at a point where you could make more than you did before.....so you don't need as much help as you did before. NOW, topped off with things finally seem to look up. You finally get that huge paycheck you should have been getting constantly when you started....only to watch it crash, burn, money sucked up WITHOUT it going to businesses and people you owe in the last 8 months. And to add insult to injury, your pay check this week that should NOT be harmed from your down time IS harmed therefor giving you no return and sucking you in the hole again with the company you work for BEFORE you even give them the huge bill for the current issue on your equipment.

Honestly, why have I not gone insane yet and go on a murderous spree of bombing businesses and corrupt politicians?

Cause I don't want to spend the rest of my life in jail. But at this point, 3 square meals and an ass rape a day don't seem so bad with how things are going. Either way, my credit is fucked beyond repair. Student loans are now threatening to garnish wages. And all I can do is sit here at both the repair shop (Freightliner) and my company mercy. Either way, I won't be able to afford to see my doctor now. But I must go see him after this ordeal is done back in Washington State.

Sorry to gripe. But it is really fucking annoying when I can't let this out cause it's so "emo". Yet I see people talking about how a paper scratch ruined their otherwise super awesome, happy derppy day. Maybe me giving my day experience could be used to make YOUR day seem better.

Either way, in case anyone wants to go into trucking. NEVER join Werner. NEVER! You think I would have learned after 2 times? My third shot, still same shit. And I done both Owner Op and Company driver. Don't touch this company, don't even breath out it's name.

I am leaning super close to just abandoning everything and just hitch hike to nowhere. There's nothing for me out here. And I am at the point I want nothing to do with the world around me. All I ever get is screwed and reminded that I am just some weird creep.

WELL, like the title says. I been here since the 9th. Damn truck broke on my way out of Dallas, Texas.

On I-635, heading west when I heard an explosion like a tire had blown out. Both Student and I was trying to figure out what was going on while we still rolled in busy traffic. Noticed no weird shifts or leans for truck and trailer. So it looked okay. I looked at my air gauges and noticed it was not losing air. Fully at 150 PSI. So it was fine. So I kept driving.

By the time we got through stop and go traffic and got onto northbound I-35E, we started to notice that the air pump didn't kick in and charge the system when it went below 100 PSI. By the time I found a place to safely pull over, the air tanks gone down to 75 PSI and it was still not charging air. SOOO, pretty much there goes my brakes. If I kept going, the air pressure would have gone low enough to release the trailer brakes, making the wheels lock up since there is no air to keep the brakes from locking up. Go down any further and then the tractor brakes will lock up. Despite how this is dangerous. It's not as dangerous as the very, VERY old trucks of long gone where there was no system in place to lock the wheels up when there is no air (which most consider this set up as parking brakes). SO the old stories of trucks rolling out of control due to no air for the brake system isn't a huge possibility anymore.

Anyway, long story short, got towed to a dealership. Got to this hotel. Sat here since. Waiting, waiting.

Thursday found out a cap on one of the air tanks blew, which in turn destroyed the water separator. Thankfully the air pump and an emergency cut off switch and shut itself off. So after getting the okay from my company (me begging for money) that's been repaired Friday evening. Though they found more leaks. So they are currently looking into where and how much to repair. That's....been it since then.

Saturday,  sethtriggs was in town with his cousin to visit Dallas. His cousin was interested in seeing the Cowbows vs. Bills game. So I got to hang out with them both Saturday and Sunday. While they were in town,  sailoranna came to town also to hang out. I hadn't seen him in years, so it was nice to see him again and catch up. And we all had fun. Mostly lounged, but it was fun.

Same for Sunday, though it was wound down day. We all slowly went our separate ways.

Monday, as I predicted earlier in the week, Werner called up my Student to ask if he's still with Werner. Oddly enough, they offered to test him out early. He only had 20 hours left on his training. He wanted to tag along and finish, which I was fine with. BUT, once I get my truck fixed, I am heading to Seattle to see my doctor. And at this rate, may as well be there for Thanksgiving. SO, by the time I am done and what not. He'll be late for his Daughter's first birthday. So I convinced him to just take the offer. So I spent the whole day going to the shop. Demanding to speed things up. Then gone to my truck to get my students stuff. Then we sat at the dealership for 3 fucking hours waiting for the slugmobile they call a shuttle van for the terminal to show up. And the terminal is only TWO MILES away from the shop. Took 3 hours. Got him to the company hotel. I then hanged out with him to get him situation and tested out. Easier to get him out of training status and into driver status when the trainer is right there to answer any immediate questions they may have. Once all done. Rode the van to Wal-Mart, ate there. Bought stuff. Then rode back to the terminal with my student. Student went his own way. Damn van driver clocked off early and went home. SO I ended up calling a cab to get me from the terminal back to my hotel. And here I am.

About it.........about it.

I didn't do much at Furfright. But I got to meet a few people. One of them was  katalina and her BF JT. They are sweet. Though Kat got a great sense of humor. Hehehe, and there's a few others who were cool. Finally got to catch up with  maxblackrabbit. Hadn't seen him in years.....had to jog his memory. But it was not hard. Hehehe, glad to see he's still the same nice, good, and very funny man.

And honestly. About it. Looked around and mostly hanged out with  sethtriggs. Nothing much for me to say other than the con actually didn't have any major drama. It didn't had cliques that clashed with each other. And it was easy to just mingle with others. I think I may go back to this one next year...maybe...depends how next year looks.

Now to finish laundry and get ready for tomorrow. Back on the road again.....and sadly my little cold I been trying to fight off decided to kick my ass finally an hour ago. So I am not feeling well at all. But ah well.

I'll be around Furfright today in Connecticut. So this is my first Con in a long time.....and my first fur con outside of Washington state.......out of the west coast. Huge leap huh? :-P Connecticut is east coast. :-P

Hope to meet anyone who wants to meet me. Other than that, hope to see at least a small number of artist I hadn't seen since Conifur 2004. Hell, I heard there's one artist in particular I hadn't seen longer than that is actually here. I doubt he'll remember me.

I'll be mostly hanging out with  sethtriggs. So have fun all.

It's amazing that an over the road driver is expected to work every waking hour that he or she will receive hell for shutting down for one day by a group of office people who get to have an eight hour day with weekends off to enjoy life and family. And people wonder why some drivers become bitter and shun society. Especially without thanks for bringing them food and electronic crap from either factory, distribution centers, or even from the train yard.

I am just thinking too much. I just realized that I keep getting into job fields were I have to deal with inconsiderate snobs who treat you like the scum of the earth as you supply them with means to live, work, and play. This also appllies to working in fast food, hotels, and security. Provide a thankless service so these assholes are allowed to be fat, oblivious, and happy at your expens as they degrade you. Yet all your allowed to do is suck it up and take your anti-depressants.

There's my rant. Old, huh?

My last trainee was a complete moron. My current student is awesome. Former school bus driver out of Chicago. So not only he drives well, he actually taught me where I can safely go in the southern part of that metro area....since we had a load to deliver to a Wal-Mart near his home in Evergreen Park. Hehehe, finally, someone to put my nerves at ease at that city. Been too many times years ago getting back directions from locals and having to call the cops for a turn around due to a low bridge.

Ah well, currently on our way to Allentown, PA. Hope this good streak continues. Tired of the shit streak from past months.

Well, after weeks....months trying to make things work with this company. The guys at work decided to drop the amount I owe. So despite the slow week, I took home my first pay check in months......200 bucks. Not a lot. But compared to ZERO for nearly 4 months. I'll take it as a blessing.



Anyway, where's a broad question. Do anyone read my journals here? If you do.....why? :-P

BUT the big question is, what do you all like about my stories? What do you hate? How would you like to see me improve. What would you like to see happen?

Oh, those last questions, they are just question. I am curious. Don't mean I'll follow through. BUT it's nice to know....it may make me re-think things.

I knew I am anti-social to begin with.

But I am starting to realize that I really have nothing in common with everyone on here other than I like furry.

I find it amazing that in a small fandom, you really don't need a whole lot of similarities in order to be part of something as long your subject of enjoyment is what the fandom represents.

Though nowadays, this fandom....let alone any main stream fandom have gotten so big, so huge, you can't just like the core of what that fandom represents. Especially since in a fandom like Furry where there's many, MANY factions who believe THEIR view of what furry fandom represents is the RIGHT one. When in reality, who is it really the one to say? Uncle Kage? No offense to the guy, but he's got his own views about the fandom too. That, and from what I seen, it's a pretty open minded guy, so I doubt he'll even try to force HIS interpretation onto the rest (so I THINK). So would not hold a flag to his views as THE ONE.

Though I look at other peoples FA pages nowadays and they all have to belong to MANY things. And they have to show this kind of pride (almost blinded, snot nosed attitude) about each thing they are in. It's not like it was when it was small where you can now be any body and still go up to a person and say, "Hey, I like Bugs Bunny." Or, "Hey, I think Jenny from 'Balto' is hot." Nowadays it seems, "Oh, Jenny? Yeah, she's cute. So, you played WOW? WHAT, you never heard of it? Speak to the hand." Or my favorite, the conversation goes silent and they go elsewhere and your let standing there, wondering if your at a furry meet, or a WOW convention. Cause quite frankly, if it was the WOW convention, and you have no idea what it is....or hate it. Your in the wrong place.

It amazes me how you can like an artist comic strip, but then get black listed from the guy's board cause you don't believe in the religion he believes in. And just trying to debate philosophy is apparently the same grounds as me being an asshole and calling him stupid for believing in such nonsense (which is not).

And my favorite, the weed smokers. The pot smokers, 420, what ever you wanna call them/yourself. You got half the group not wanting to deal with you cause you just don't get it that grass you smoke is illegal and there's a good number of jobs who is not afraid to bar you from employment for life just having it in your blood stream from even second hand smoke. And yes that can happen. ON THE FLIP SIDE, these pot smokers seem to go out of their way to get in your face about how it's NOT harmful and beneficial it is. And they'll either make your life a living hell until you either try it.....or they give up and avoid you like your the most evil thing out there.

That can be said for the ones who love to party hard with liquor.

Honestly, I am looking at the Furry fandom from afar lately, mainly cause of my job I have no choice. But also because I got tired of trying to "fit in" as being myself. As I watch from afar, I see too many factions. Too many cliques. And with a bunch of posers going along with most of it. I can't help but finally feel the need to say that the furry Fandom is pretty much high school after high school.

With that said, I never was a social butterfly. And during my time in high school I was the most anti-social of my life. I just wanted to get in, finish what I needed, then get out before anyone noticed me.

And oddly enough, I find myself doing the same thing. And the hilarious part is, there's no law saying I must. I am doing it cause I still love Furry. But it definitely means something different to me than most. And I definitely don't fit in any clique. And I really don't want to.

I share my stuff cause I just want to share. And I am happy if that there are those who enjoy it. But am I looking for fame? No. Would I like some recognition? Who doesn't? I do. But honestly, I am at the point that I now view this as high school. And like high school, I'll reach out just enough. But if no one cares, no big deal. I'll keep moving and I'll please those who actually took the time wanting to know me.

Either way, I am just never was the type to go out there and get noticed. And I must admit, with that, there are times I feel left out. Like I do now, hence this journal. But looking at the fads from each faction, and the attitudes that go with them. I am reminded I am best off not even trying. I am not as old as the old timers in this fandom. But I sure feel like I relate to them more than my generation. And sadly my generation is just yesterday.

Either way, I am close to my 10th year anniversary. Amazing what had all happened since  mikefurry brought me into this. I was a furry before hand, but he was the first person I met in it.

I been back here in Washington state since Friday night. Mainly stopped here to see my doctor. I hadn't change doctors from here to Buffalo, NY yet. BUT with how things are going, probably best budget wise to stick with a doctor that knows me for the time being.

Anyways, I didn't realize I was going to be here at all after 3 months of canceling home time each week in hopes to get out of my financial hole....which I am STILL in. So of course, I didn't have my doctor's appointment set till Monday.....for Wednesday. So I won't be going back to work quicker as I would like....actually I may have to extend my home time in hopes to get the new prescriptions from the lab testing.

BUT I must admit, my Mom have been backing off this visit. And she's letting me relax for once. Which is good cause I have no money to just jump in my Jeep or my motorbike to get away. So I have been staying home mostly and eating in the house and not spending a dime. It's....oddly refreshing.

Anyway, nothing much more on my end. I am just glad to be off the truck for a bit and back in Western Washington. Even though it sucks I can't afford to go out and hang out with friends. And since most are stuck at their homes due to lack of funds too...and we all live a long distance away from each other. It....well....just sucks. But hey, it's good not to be forgotten.

Fox News and all these news reporters and politicians can throw words around like "Private Sectors" and what not. But you know what? It's a fucking joke. There's no such thing as far as I can tell. And with how it's set up. You have to be very lucky at the start to keep it going. But have a shitty first few months. And you are hosed.

With that said, I am going to bail ship on this.

Sitting here at this Freightliner dealership as I wait till tomorrow evening to get this truck fixed....AGAIN cause of the bolts on the tranny are all snapping off with only a couple left holding it up....and NO Money for a hotel or meals. Sleeping on the dealers lot in the back of my truck. With an APU that was JUST fixed the night before ALREADY having the same issues resurface after it received NEW parts.

I am in hell.

Well, okay, I am in Denver, Colorado. But with the temps today, sure felt like it.

Tomorrow morning I am going to call up corporate to see what can be done. I can't afford this anymore. I am in week 9 of no money. And with 2 grand of repairs I had done so far. Not counting the work needed on the tranny tomorrow.....and lets forget after 2 grand of repair on the APU and it STILL acts up after a day of running smooth. I am done. Finished, broke. And ruined.

I got 3 credit cards gone delinquent and heading to collections. My student loans are on forbearance for now.

So first thing, ultimatum with company. Most likely will be bailing this truck. I may be offered a job as company driver again.

But I been royally fucked by Werner 3 times. This is the 3rd and FINAL ass rape I'll let myself take from these people. And this 3rd time is a huge fucking charm. I got nothing, NOTHING left. If I walk now, I would only have 50 cents to my name. And thousands of miles to head to either direction to a bed.

I will NOT go back company driver with Werner. And I will NOT work for these assholes ever again. Even if they offer me a job like they did when I had NO job. Cause it's easier to tell your bill collectors you have no job, therefor no money. Than to tell them you have a job, but the company your contracted under is garnishing your wages. It's sickening. I made up to 6 grand in one week, and STILL owe these assholes at least 500 bucks. I was better off being broke and on the streets begging than giving the tax man reasons to go after me for earnings I NEVER GOT TO TOUCH.

So yeah, private sectors are dead. If you think you can jump out there and be a one man show private business and make it. Get your head out of your ass and stop dreaming. It's a dead dream. I learn that the hard way.

Two months, no money.

What more is there to say?

I am a modern day slave.

And I am on the last couple of days worth of medication. I'll just work till I die. Okay?

But most people don't care. They only want to hear murry, purry shit. Cause they feel their life is more hectic than others. But in reality, they are just as pathetic as everyone else. If you can't hear issues, can't TALK about issues. Then YOU are an issue and should seek help. And I don't mean take medication to help IGNORE the issues. Cause, let's face it, you may be on anti-depressants....either legal or illegal...or both. But despite that chemically induced smile, your problems are still there, yes?