Slow week. So I am just in Indianapolis, IN, chilling at relatives for a bit.

About it.

Despite being cooked around most of the country. Let alone power outages due to major bad weather in the east coast. Have a happy 4th of July. Hope we all just enjoy this day without bitching politics........guh, I want a break from that shit.

And Happy late Canada Day for Canada.

I see too many journals and talked to too many women to have this same line come up all the time. "This is what we women want...."


Bullshit!

What you should be saying is, "This is what "I" want."

Why I say this?

Cause everyone one of these ladies who say this do not realize nor care they are contradicting the other lady who came out and told guys what women really want. So far all I have seen that seems consistent when it comes to dealing with those vocal ladies is they want to be the the SOLE representation of the human female gender. And everything they say is law therefor OBEY. Give em attention, cause they crave it.

I actually met a few ladies who say they want to be told they are hot, sexy, and please just take them. Yet I know a few other ladies including my sis who says that's fucking creepy and don't you dare tell them that shit. Some I am told want chocolate, and lots and lots of it and therefore women want it. Then to meet women who say they hate chocolate and women don't love chocolate, it's a stereotype. Well, that group got one thing right, the stereotype part. But it still leave things puzzling.

Then again, these group of PEOPLE generalize too much to the point they THINK they know the world. But they don't. Cause these same PEOPLE would generalize the opposite gender, their parents, pets, family, and for shits and giggles, their own body and God.

Cause they are a bit too simple minded who would have a headache if you convinced them that the world isn't that SIMPLE as they would like to make it out to be.

And I say people cause we are all people. Both men and women. And Men do the same shit.

Seriously though, when I see journals about ladies telling men what women really want. It's bullshit, I don't believe it at all. The ONLY thing I believe is that's what SHE wants. And if I want to try to date her and/or get her in bed, I now know how. But for someone else, it's probably totally all wrong.

Not to mention, if this person, like I said earlier, thinks of everyone and everything in such a generalized, simple manner. Then there's a high chance she'll think lower of me and be-little me for being a guy, therefor not worth my trouble or breath to begin with.

Just my thoughts.

When studying biology or what the fuck you wanna call it. What makes a female and a male was put in front of me that the females make the eggs and the males produce the seamen....seed.

Okay, so the only creatures that seem to debunk this is seahorses. BUT, then again, the female places the egg in the male for the male to inseminate.....and figure it out from there.

So I guess I still don't get dick girls and cunt boys. Cause if a dick girl still spunks out seed, then as far as I am concerned, that girl is a MAN with breast for some reason. If a cunt boy actually have ovaries and even produce eggs. Then guess what, your cunt boy is a flat chested girl.

MAYBE I would understand it more if the cunt boy get's pregnant from a dick girl. Female seahorses INSERT a part of them into the male and injects eggs into the male. The male does have a pouch or womb like space in their body to inseminate and gestate many young.

So the dick girl....being a girl with a dick.....would shoot eggs into the cunt boy's womb.....cunt boy being a male with a cunt. I guess then it would make SOME sense to me.

SO.....when will we be seeing dick girls ejaculating eggs into women wombs? Or cunt boys cumming INSIDE of his womb and covering the guy's dick like as if the guy came.....but didn't yet?

Oh, my imagination disturbs me sometimes. But I like to make sense out of things. Cause it's just weird that a dick girl is considered a girl despite she ejaculates seed. Or a cunt boy being a boy yet he somehow produces eggs. Makes no sense.

I see so many of them from everyones imagination around here lately that it just seems to be WAY too common and mainstream. So much so that I would THINK their values should be so lowered to the price of pennies that I think it should be boring by now. I mean, really, WHY would I want to pay for porn if my neighbors got their own porn studio going on? Hell, why buy porn when me and a buddy got our own harems?

Just an oddball thought. But seriously, with so many dancing on that harem dream and/or porn studio, it just don't seem too unique to me any more. But just the same old, same old.

But I noticed too many people seem to believe in this "Love at first sight" BS. Now don't get me wrong, I do believe love is out there. But I noticed there are too many out there.....especially on HERE that seem to like to really believe that it exist. Exist so much that they will bite your head off if you tell them that they are either wrong....or there's something seriously NOT right with their union with their "mate".

What I mean is, I seen too many who'll sit there whining on their journals that they, "Are so lonely" just to get a bunch of "takers" to give out a sympathizing hand....er....paw (hey, this is aimed here, may as well go with the lingo). ONCE they are able to pick and choose their "mate", it's automatically, "He/She's MINE. R love R 4evars! NO TOUCH!". Of course during this time, they are arguing over EVERYTHING. NOT even living in the same area, just lovers on the net. And while this is going on, if not both sides, then ONE side is out flirting and even fucking around IRL and/or on the net. And I'll watch this person either DENY anything bad is happening. Or on the flip side, BITCH that everything is the THE MATE fault with none on their own. Eventually between 1 day to 5 years, they split after one final insult to the ego.

Then I'll watch this same person who believe in love at first sight to either TRY AGAIN. Or my favorite, say love does not exist and fuck the world. Therefor either they'll become something equivalent of a Nun. Or a bitch in a permanent estrous cycle, fucking anything and everything that moves....or doesn't.

Really, Love is NOT instant. Sit back and look around. Watch what happens to people.....or even people you know....like your parents.....are they still together...or divorced...and why? How did they start? How did they survive after all these years......before it ended....or how did they stay together?

Too many want that happy ending at the end of the rainbow with that pot of gold. With that nice knight in shinning armor....or gorgeous princess who somehow is able to do maid duties despite being spoiled rotten with maids of her own. But sadly that does not exist in life.

Everything we do is a job. Just because you finally got it, it does not mean your troubles are done. It does not mean your life is complete. Nothing lasts forever. And nothing is perfect. And relationships sadly are just another job on top of just living....which is also a job.

Sometimes love don't come at all. Sometimes it comes later than expected. Sometimes from a person you least considered. Cause really, there's more to attraction than just looks and how a person presents his/herself. And it's nothing to do with how nice or assholish the person is. It's more on the lines of, is there ANYTHING I could see on the person that makes me smile. Tickles my fancy? They are not going to be perfect, get it right. Then to personality. Do I get along with this person? Am I able to put up with his/her short comings? Does he/she make me smile just talking to the person? Cause really, the person may look smoking hot, but the second the person opens his/her mouth and you wanna slug em. Then chances are, shouldn't be hooked up at all.

Really, Love and Sex are actually separate things. You can have one or the other. Yes, it is true. Anyone can have sex and that's it (or more casual meet ups later if chose to). And you may have love without sex. There are more platonic matings than people would realize. But the point is, Love and Sex are not the same. They are VERY different. Making love is actually a fucked up saying for those who are too shy to say SEX outright. I think part of the problem with people not realizing Sex and Love is separate is because we allow ourselves through the generations to cover up our real intentions in song and media with putting "love" in it's place. Sad really. Especially this current generation wanting to place "heart" over "love". Cause they are very clear on where the meaning "love" have gone. And those who say "heart you" (I hate that saying, but I know why it's there) are saying, "Love you....but I don't wanna FUCK you." Or in a nicer translation, Heart You means, "I love you, but we are not "lovers"". Really, really sad.

NOW, could you have both Sex and Love at the same time? Oh hell YES. A sexual experience with someone you know, trust, LOVE, it just makes the experience much more exiting and wondrous. Granted, BOTH sides need to be into it....or it's just going to be all grand for ONE side. But yes, you can have the two mix together.

BUT back to what I was saying earlier. Sex is NOT Love. Nor vice versa. So if you think that cause he/she turns you on....or even do great in bed. Does NOT mean they are your lover....therefor they MUST be your mate. They are just great looking and a great fuck. Sorry to say that, but that's just it.

SO after saying all this. If any of you think I'll give sympathies when I see one of you going, "Oh, I am so lonely." Only to jump onto the next easy FUCK. Then claim that fuck partner as your MATE. Only to then cry when that MATE tells you off and calls you CRAZY. Or even worst, shows you a picture of his/her NEW fuck buddy just to make YOU get off of his/her ass. Then you really don't have sympathies from me cause you obviously need to re-look, re-think, re-learn on what you know on what makes a relationship.

Either way, that's my rant on "Love". I think I done this before. But I guess I could always re-state this since no one is learning.

Got my truck back today. Paid for and all......so I am probably looking at 4 grand I owe the company for tow, repair, and money borrowed for food and board at the hotel. FUN. Give or take a few hundred.

Anyways, I am currently sitting here, waiting to get a load to do....probably gonna fall asleep from boredom soon.

I been trying on and off through the past to get some discussion on my stories. Granted, I am glad there are people who like it. Especially the drawn forms. Hell, I noticed I am back on the 200 most read comics on Belfry.com......at 185. Better than being off the list like Newshounds is currently. Which is sad cause I still think it's a great comic. But then again, I guess not many people can handle a major shift.

I got off topic there.

I guess I can't ask for much of a discussion since there's not much there I guess to generate a discussion as of yet.

Just me thinking aloud. Starting to wonder if I keep failing in life cause I don't ask or demand for much other than just to get along and see another day. Well, and demand respect too. I am not asking to be a great story teller or what ever. Nor am I asking to be rich doing what I am doing for a living. But I guess I just want to have a little success at something in life. Even if it's just for a little bit. Then again, I guess if I did get huge success for a little bit, I wouldn't know what to do with it or even try to do anything with it. My story in art form did made number 1 on the Belfry for a short bit a while back. Though I never thought of milking it. Even when people close to me including my sister said I should try to put ads up and ask for donations. I just never planned nor liked the idea of milking anyone for something trivial. Heh, maybe that's why I keep failing at things. I don't know.

And when I take a job, I don't expect to be stuck in a trap where everything I make is going straight to the people I work for. I hadn't paid a bill more than a year....

Either way, it sucks sitting here in a job that used to be known for making loads of money. Yet for those who are not IN the industry, it still LOOKS that way. Yet those who are in it, are really having issues making ends meet. Maybe the world isn't what we are told it is to be. Maybe all these fighting on ideologies are truly NOT worth fighting for. Maybe to just live in peace isn't going to be winnable unless it's fought. But fighting isn't peaceful, now is it?

You nobody unless you got the cash. And once you got the cash, your just the cash cow.

I hate Slipknot, but I am finding myself really agreeing on the song "People Equals Shit". Cause they don't give a shit, deluded with visions of grandeur. Topped off with being purposely blinded to the issues around them. Will fight to believe a lie and turn a blind eye towards what's really in front of them. Any excuse to say it's all okay just so they can spit you in the eye out of "love". Yeah, people are shit.

.....but I can't seem to get shit done in the south.

Okay, Atlanta, takes a week or more to get my truck fix. Dallas, takes a week or more to get my truck fix.....one repair took TWO weeks for a simple 1 hour job.

Now here I am in Birmingham. I WILL give them some slack since I got towed in on Friday evening before the Memorial weekend started. So they were down to one guy till Tuesday. BUT I got my hopes up yesterday when I called work (cause I had issues calling the shop) to see if they got an estimate in for the repair. Work did and approved the repair. So I tried calling the shop back on the news......got into a vicious circle of get operator, ask for the service desk, listen to wait music and ads, get operator again. Repeat process. SO I gave up and wanted to call later. Later, the SHOP called, asking me if I want the truck done. I told them to go ahead. Last I heard of them.

Now today, I been waiting, waiting....no word. Didn't help I over slept till around 2 to 3. So had fun doing that cycle of annoying the operator again. So I gave up.

So my conclusion is the South...at least from what I seen for the mechanics, or a bunch of smart ass, lazy fuckers without a care in the world. THEY are fine, so "I" should be fine. Topped off with a bit of ignorance for what's really going on and too focused on living up to or following stereotypes. One of them I hear a lot is, "Your a trucker owning your own truck, you got money." Uh....no I don't mother fucker.

I am nearly fucking broke. I am tapping into the remaining tax return I kept aside for emergency. I think tomorrow I WILL check out and camp out at the shop. It will suck. But it looks like I can't take care of this from a distance. I can't afford to stay off the road again. I had a week off in Washington not too long ago. Now a week off here. It's going to take me two months to get out of this damn hole again cause of this breakdown plus repair cost.

I am on my last string of tolerance. I am actually considering working one more month, just to try to get the bill lowered as low as possible, take time off in Indianapolis, drop the keys off to the terminal and call this done.

Then try to figure out where to go from there.

Nothing wrong with this state. But I never been to a town where during the holidays, the huge majority leaves for better places to unwind. Granted, I lived in small towns before. But Birmingham......I would THINK they got more than MLK JR. memorabilia. And they do. But.....I guess nothing on the lines of good whole family fun to bring people in rather than out during the holidays.

NOW, why am I talking about this place?

Well, I didn't want to complain....I do that a lot, it seems. BUT my truck broke down on my way OUT of here after I delivered a load in McCalla. Damn clutch just quit working. Thankfully I was in a trailer shop, about to pull out when the clutch went out. Cause if it happened when I was trying to get off a freeway, I guarantee I would have ran over a car due to not being able to get out of gear safely. So it got towed to a Frieghtliner dealership south of town. I been here since Friday.

Work is lording this over my head of MAYBE fix, maybe not. But they won't answer till they get an estimate. BUT guess what? It's Memorial weekend. And the shop is down to ONE man working. Literally, ONE man doing the shop AND front counter. And this is not a small, 4 door shop. It's a 10 door shop, not including the 6 doors at the OTHER building. He won't have a full staff....let alone half a staff till Tuesday. BUT he tells me he'll do his best to get an estimate in on Monday to the company so we can get a quick yes or no, then put me in the pool for Tuesdays, first thing. So at least the guys is doing his best to help speed things up. But still, this coming Tuesday was supposed to be my first paycheck OUT OF THE DAMN HOLE that I been in since February. Fun, how am I surviving?

Ah well, nothing going on here. Anyone in Birmingham, Alabama near the International Airport? I am THAT bored to consider showing myself in public. Though I don't have wheels and I don't plan to leaving the hotel.....so I guess I am still a room hermit. :-P

And rant?

I am not going to point anyone out. But I been getting so fucking fed up with this "Asian" this and "Asian" that.

People, Anime is not all Japanese. Just because it came from somewhere in Asia, it's not always Japanese and their culture is NOT Japanese. China and Japan are DIFFERENT cultures. Languages are totally different. Same for Korea, Philippines, and all the other Asian countries in Asia. I mean, fuck, INDIA and PAKISTAN are ASIAN nations. YES, eat that, ASIANS. ASIANS. Afghanistan, ASIANS.

Get it fucking right idiots.

And why I am upset with this?

I am fucking ASIAN idiots. I am half really, born in Hawaii. But still, I grew up in Asia. My child hood is in the pacific islands and Asia. My Mother is from Thailand. Do I have to keep giving reason why I should have fucking say in this? There's many many many different cultures in Asia. Going around and saying you like the Asian culture is really fucking stupid. It's like saying you like the American culture......but not being specific since there's a North, Middle, and South America. And many different cultures in those regions too. Hell, I met some who said, "Northern." WELL, okay, we got Canada and the USA. Why not say "USA" or "US" culture?

Back on track, weirds me out to hear this shit over and over and over again. Why can't you just admit you either like the Japanese culture....cause so far everyone I meet is into Japanese culture the most. OR just admit you don't know shit.....so I can tell you to go look it up and shut the fuck up till then.

This argument can also go to those who love to go off the "African" culture. Uh, same things applies. MANY different nations in Africa. MANY different cultures in Africa. Somalia, Egypt, and Kenya.....VERY different nations. Very different cultures. Stop going off with "African" this and "African" that. WHERE from Africa people? Really, grow some fucking brains.

It really insults me that there been times when people realize I am "Asian" and assume I am into the latest anime, speak Japanese, and know Kung Fu...or some fucking stereotype bullshit. Grow up idiots. Damn, I am seeing ADULTS doing the same shit. Stop it, you don't see me go up to you Caucasian assholes and ask if you sleep in the bed sheets you wear after burning crosses.

Either way, I think my mind got blown when I seen an artist write she's Puerto Rican but have an Asian mindset. WHAT THE FUCK is an Asian Mindset? Your Hindu? Budist? Muslim? Catholic? Are you Thai? Are you southern Chinese? Or Northern Chinese? I know for a fact that northern Filipino's are Catholics (mostly) and southern Filipinos are Muslims. So if your a Pinoy mindset, what kind? And which 2 main dialects...or the remaining sub 12 are your mindset on? I won't go into the other 100's that may or may not exist anymore there.

Really, she made sure no one will mistake her for just ANY Caribbean Islander since she knows there's different cultures and mindsets from her island and the other islands in the Caribbean.....like Jamaica. SO why oh WHY would she pull the shame shit that she most likely knows usually happens to her when idiots who don't know better would assume Puerto Rico is like Jamaica?

I don't know, but it just really blows my mind. Especially around here when nowadays when I meet an Yank who don't want to be mistaken for a Canuck. Yet they don't understand why someone like me with Thai decent get offended for being pointed out as the Chinese or Japanese guy.

Cause I had a woman come up to me at a truck stop in the middle of the damn night, asking for a ride west in some town, I don't know, west of Greenseboro, NC off of I-40. Actually, west of Newton. And I told her I am not allowed to take any passengers. That, and I am trying to find a place to park the night anyways.

Of course, she immediately cuts me off in a miffed, annoyed tone, "Ah, okay, no problem. I know about this. Okay. Well, I would like to leave a prayer." I hadn't got a chance to say anything. Nor do I think she got a chance to breath as she went from making that proclamation of leaving a prayer to saying this. "I like to thank God for your time and I hope someday everyone will align themselves to the correct path towards God's plan. God bless." Before she even got to finish that last part, she storms away. I swear that's the most ANGRY and not so prayer like prayer.

Sounds almost like my Mother when she's DAMNING people in Lords name.

Then I realized something.

I wasn't thanked or being part of a prayer. She just DAMNED me for not giving her a ride west. And/OR feels I am a very sinful man anyways, and only reason she asked me for a ride is because she is DESPERATE to get where she needs to go. Only to get more upset when NO ONE is giving her that ride. That, or some drivers may have offered her a ride for some......quality time.....if you know what I mean. Either way, I have no idea what I did to deserve that. But one thing is for sure, for some one who believes in God. She sure have no problem looking down on everyone and damning people just because she don't like them.

But back to my original question. What the fuck is "God's Plan"? May some one answer me this fucking question? I grew up going to church, been to private schools overseas where I had to wear uniforms and study the Bible. What the fuck is "God's Plan"? Either I was asleep during these lessons. Or there's something going on in the "good ol" US of A that I don't know. Like a Holy War is about to started on our end towards the world.

Not to jump off subject. But I sometimes wonder if we are going on that path. With a lot of people I been meeting through the years, it's getting worst. Mindlessly proclaiming love but dishing out hate. Yelling they are blessing you with God's word......in a voice and action that leaves you feeling like you been damned to hell. Or my favorite, saying that when you forget God (WTF people) therefor you do horrible things.....as they themselves do horrible things. I mean, seriously, I seen a book on the "Christian" book shelves in truck stops and there's books about, "What we need to learn from Nazi Germany when they forgot God." Uh, hello people, Germany didn't forget God. The were CHRISTIANS who believed they were the rightful race, the superior race to rule and clean out the bad races....or bad genes. They believe they had the Holy right to do so. They didn't forget God. They USED God. Just like the rest of these idiots who proclaimed they have not forgotten God and stomp all over those who show signs or just part of a group who supposedly "forgot God"

The Middle East used to be a place where they had many acceleration in science and technology with highly sought out scholars and mathematicians. But they are behind now. WHY? Cause they let their religion get the best of them and reversed backwards in hopes to be "on the path of Allah". Which if you translate Allah, it's GOD. Islam isn't out to eradicate the world of non-believers, it's the idiots who are currently being looked up at for guidance, giving out these horrid doctorates.

I see similar things happening here in America. We were at the time on the top of advancement. We probably still are in a few areas. But we have gotten lazy. Religion to blame? Nope. BUT with lately how we are going backwards with wanting to toss out ideas and even certain advancements cause it seems to interfere or go against what the "Good Book" talks about....or how ever you want to translates old stories of time gone by. I have been noticing a lot of things being mocked or even yelled out as evil happening. And not wanting to advance on things anymore. But more than, keep it as is cause 1, being comfortable with it's flaws and what not. And 2, well, could be and/or 2, it's considered evil, so improving on it would be just as bad. SO leave it be, since we have to use it anyways.

Either way, there's a whole lot of doctorates being made by Mass Media here in this nation and possibly around the world that is telling us Christians on what to do, what to expect, and how to behave. Let alone who and what to love and hate. I honestly feel we are heading into that radical hell that the current Islam faith have gotten into in the Middle East. I know a good number of people who are into Islam. And those people I met, you wouldn't even know. They treat you the way you would want to be treated. And it's all from lessons from the Koran as much as we treat people as we would like to be treated from our lessons from the Bible. It's just when you get idiots who will take a Holy Book and twist and change it's meaning to benefit his ulterior plans and/or visions of how the world should be is where we have problems. Either way, doctrines are a nasty, nasty thing to follow. It's like the additions placed on the Constitution. YES, making that comparisons means the Bible had been messed with and/or changed through the years. Same with the Koran. And I guess we are all damned to hell anyways.

So why can't we get along?

And back to the original question, what is "God's Plan"?

She decides to call me and of course at one point of the conversation, she mentions that fucking annoying line, "Respect your Elders." Then she wonders why I go into that monotone, "uh huh, yep, uh huh......"

Sorry, I am letting every little thing get to me lately. I am just tired of being broke, stuck in a place I don't know, and getting sucked dry of everything. And all my family could do is go "BHAWW!, why don't you call me?" "I don't know, I don't want to depress you with my depressing life. Why don't you call me?" "I am busy! At work today this bitch look at me funny. Ruined my fucking day. How's yours?" "Company going to repo my truck soon cause they are taking ALL the money I to pay off the debt I occurred from the repairs I had to do 4 months straight in a row." "Aww, that sucks, you coming to visit?" "I don't know if I'll have a job tomorrow or where they'll dump my sorry ass off of in this "great" country of ours." "So not this week?" ".......no, I'll back to you on that *click*"

Guh. And that's the generic version. With Mom it's, "So you got money yet?" AND, "You must move back so you can take care of me." Fuck, I can't take care of myself. And at this rate, I'll be lucky not to be shot while driving past a gang ridden area.

Cause they may have seen things the elders may have missed.....

There's a line like that somewhere in the Bible. I think RIGHT after the, "Respect your Elders" bit. And I do believe it's true. BUT damn, I am always amazed when I hear something that makes me say, "Whoa, that's wise kid." Even after seeing them do the same stupid shit I or others like me done in our younger age.

A few weeks ago when I just got back on my truck from visiting Seattle, I had to stop at North Bend to get a tire replaced on my trailer. While talking to the Mechanics who obviously just got out of a short term college for truck repair....about their very early 20's. One of them said something I noticed even when "I" was in school. Or seen from the upper classmen when I was watching them when even younger. He said this that made me go, "WOW."

"There's no such thing as true love with women here. It's all just a game. You just lose your place if you don't keep up with the attention."

What, what, WHAT? Was my thought. But then he explained it. Oh, he had a buddy of his who works there too, and they both where talking about this.

"I had this girl I knew for many years. We dated in high school since Freshmen year. Yet when I left for 2 months after high school. Just two measly months. Despite we had phone calls. I was placed down on her list. She didn't say that. But she was talking about her current boy friends, flings, parties. When I came back, I had to work my way back up her list again. Only to leave again, this time for college to do this damn job. And now I am so far down the list I'll be lucky to get more than a "Hi, how are you? Oh, I gotta run, got a big date."

I noticed this a lot. But I never fully considered this as "true". Though I seen this happen more than not. Especially on TV. Now don't get me wrong, love is out there. But I see this way too much that I don't wanna even try. And it's not just Western Washington. It's everywhere, mainly big cities. Country? Maybe.

Am I an idiot to think this way? Maybe. But there's a few girls I know that the minute you disappear a little bit, your down their list and not even given a rats ass about. Eventually off the list and they don't even WANT to know you anymore. Treat you like you abandoned them. But never did. Just was busy, tried calling them, but never able to get a hold of them.

I know one FOX particularly who's real good at opening up her "list" when she's dumped but the moment she's got some one on top of her list, closes it up and those on the bottom are NOT even talked to till once again her main focus is down graded or gone, and she opens up again for a NEW partner. So once again, I watch everyone flock to this vixen for a hot seat like in musical chairs. Hoping that once she closes her list....or in this case, stops the music, a few guys can grab a seat in her life while the others get the cold shoulder again.

By the way, FUCK YOU, you lousy vixen.

Even my ex-gf from high school was like this. Had a group of guys, wanted them to "fight each other" in hopes to figure out who will rise up on her "list". Sorry, but I don't play that game. And this guy I was talking to at the shop mentioned a couple of girlfriends he had was just like that. But thank goodness, like me, he told her to fuck off and ignored her. This guy maybe obsessed with Metal and got a mohawk.. Then again, I love metal, and he's a very smart kid.

Anyway, this is why I avoid dating. I don't to be on some fucking list. Nor do I want to compete. There's a difference between just seeing people......and just fucking with people. And I don't like being fucked with.

And don't get me wrong, this is not based on ONE gender. Guys do the same damn thing.

WELL, the truck is running like it should.....despite having a couple of issues I should fix. But I am so fucking fed up with everything and so close to having this thing repossessed that I just don't care anymore. I SHOULD get an exhaust leak fixed since it is an offense if the cops find it. I was lucky NOT to get picked out for a random inspection in Washington DC yesterday when passing around it (I not allowed to shoot through it.....be fun if I could).

The other problem is more of a comfort thing. But really, at this point I am getting the feeling that I am just being used as much as possible since they like my work, but they really want me to "team". And since I can't team as an outside contractor unless I was training their drivers....which they banned me from. OR "I" pay a driver to drive for me on my truck....which I got no money right now coming in to pay the extra driver, other than feed myself. SO takes care of that. SO I see the process is being set in motion to have me lose the truck. From there, either let me go, or hire me back on as a in house driver.....and forced teams. I got into this mess cause I wanted to stay out of teams. I'll be damned to get back in that fucking set up again.

Either way, my point is I don't want to put anymore time and money in this piece of shit, only to hand it over and have someone else reap from my hard labor. I am NOT usually like this. But really, I feel like I am being punished for nothing other than I am not able to make them a few extra bucks out of my time and energy. SO fuck it. No offense to the next poor soul who might inherit this giant cow turd on wheels. I would hate to dump this thing in poor running conditions like it was done to me. But since I am starving and living on borrowed money. I have no choice.

AH well, today was the first time I got some major rest since I left Washington State a couple weeks ago. Long story short, I actually slowly worked my way over to the east for once. Was in the west, then midwest most of the time. I was lucky to get out of Wichita, KS before that crazy weather got bad. Went down to McAllen, TX and found out I hate that border town more than Laredo, TX. Though it's not so bad as Laredo, TX when it comes to ones safety......as I can see so far.

Then from there, drove all the way here to New Jersey..........frankly, I rather have stayed at Laredo. No offense to anyone who lives in New Jersey, but I fucking hate New Jersey. EVERYONE got an attitude. Even the ones who are generally nice have a fucking attitude. But ah well, it is a nice LOOKING state.

About it for me.

In Seattle.

Well, I don't know what's worst, admitting this might be the last time. OR the fact I said this many times in the past.

Here's the thing, I don't want this to be the last time, so yeah, I am sure I'll be seen again. But if I truly didn't want to come around to visit, I could have so easily stay away. But I do miss the area. Just don't miss the bullshit this place got. Let alone dealing with my Mother. Other than that, I'll miss the area.

Ah well, tomorrow I'll be back on my truck. Last few times I was rushed back to the east when I had a student. I am sure I'll be rushed back to the east. But how fast and how soon as a solo driver? Not sure. But I am KINDA looking forward to it. Ah well, take care all.

Also, on other news, I was hoping to be cleared up on issues. BUT since I am not, Unconventional....well....Shandra's drawn stories will be on Hiatus again. Sorry all.

I been stressed out and eager to just work the last couple of weeks that since I been back in Seattle, WA since Monday.......I been BURNT out. All I want to do is just sleep.

Ah well, I visited ONE buddy so far. And saw my doctor. About. Tomorrow I'll pick up my meds. Then head out on the road Friday. I unloaded most of my belongings on my truck. So I shouldn't have too much to drag with me when I lose the truck in the end.....or quit. One of the two.

It's been awhile since I been out this way. Despite not liking this city when it comes to dealing with their traffic. I am just happy to be here......I am so, so, SO sick of the Midwest and East Coast. About time I am back in my former area. Miss this part of the country.

Am I wrong for wanting to correct people with how they fill in information about their characters? Like character's species being "Wolfess", or "Tigress"? Is there truly a different species that branch off of wolves called Wolfess? Or a special breed where Tigress must be separated from Tigers?

I understand the idea behind "ness" behind what ever specie the character maybe. But for shit sake, I already know she's a female. WHY is "ness" had to be put behind "lion" in the species column? I am so glad I hadn't seen these words used YET for female cats in the species column. "Catness", "Queen", or "Pussy". I guess the last is pretty obvious.....unless she's a "trap". Oh, wait, I am sorry, "She-male". Or a chicken character with the word "Cock" in the species column. Once again, probably freaking obvious he's a male unless he too is a trap.....well, I think he would be a trap if a lady was hoping for some cock and instead got pussy........

Oops, getting off track on the subject.

Point I am getting at is, I would THINK the purpose of the "species" column is to point out the character's species. And nothing more. Adding more to it would make it sound like something totally NOT related to the specie the character is supposed to be associated with.

Am I making sense?

It's only cute when a 5 year old does it.

Oops, maybe that was mean.

I start my subjects with well a lot. :-P

Seriously though, in Omaha, NE. Truck is fixed....FINALLY got working AC. I mean, it worked on and off in the past. But this time it works perfect. No sense of warm, cool, warm, cool, hot, cold, hot, warm....alternating temps....then "poof", gone.

So now I am just sitting here......waiting for a load....waiting.....

I won't go into the whole ordeal of my day. Other than I was right about what the TRUE issue towards the AC problem was.....and the shop caught it in time in shop cause the damn AC pump literally fell to pieces. If I had the engine running when it did that, I would have lots of damage including losing my new radiator.

So it's fixed. Despite the company saying they won't pay for it. WHICH makes me worried. Shop here at this terminal didn't tell me how much the work cost (had two OTHER issues needed to be fixed besides the AC. Like leaking wheel seal and exhaust pipes). BUT told me I got 500 bucks built up in maintenance escrow. NOW, I know for what work NEEDED to be done to be legal on the road was covered. And the AC pump itself fit within the repair cost of parts of the other work. BUT getting the AC pump installed and what not when it comes to the AC system. I am sure I went a bit over the 500 buck mark. But the shop finished the work. Signed the paper work. And said I am free to go. IF there's issues, they'll let me know.....by having the guard block me from leaving. The only way to get the "keep in yard" flag off of the security system is when Owner Op payroll pay.

Owner Op Payroll this morning said they are NOT going to pay squat. Work with the 500 bucks.

Shop says they got okay from Owner Op Payroll.

I am getting different info when I call them back on that.

I am STILL in the yard after being available for a load since 2 PM today....it's now 6 PM, and this is their MAIN terminal. NEVER had I moment where I sat here for more than an hour after I said I am ready to roll.

NO one is answering my question when I am asking them if I am free to go or not......so till WE get an answer (me and guard), I am staying put behind the fence.....unless I want to walk out of here.

Should I be worried? Yeah, I am worried.

I think when I first got this truck last year I had the AC worked on for the first two to three months I had it. Granted most of it was paid for by Fleet Sales. WELL, guess what? AC have been acting up for nearly a month now. I just had this damn thing fixed Wed, and yesterday it acts up. Then this morning, it worked again....only to conk out totally. Now when the AC pump kicks in, it SQUEALS. When that happens, means the AC clutch is about to go out. OR....which I am sure the worst is what's happening, the AC pump went out and if I don't turn the AC switch off, the clutch will too.

Ah well, out of coincidence, I got a load heading straight to my company's main terminal in Omaha to be split off for another truck. I'll be raising hell at their home property once I show up......

But damn time too.

Anyway, after a week of fighting and work keep pulling me back in as I try to pack out. After the truck still had issues after the first repair. I am finally rolling and working. Let's see how long this will last. Either way, nice to get out of there yesterday. I never thought I would be so happy to see North Carolina......let alone Tennessee and Kentucky. Hell, I was happy to see ANYTHING but Atlanta. I was even happy to pass by Lavonia, GA.

Maybe things will work out this time. Maybe.....

Truck is in the shop again. Fleet sales PROMISED to fix my AC issue. BUT obviously the problem is back. Radiator is replaced, so that's good. But that's NOTHING to do with the AC issue.

The AC issue is random. Once the truck is off for hours, ac works like a fridge when I turn it on. DEPENDING on temperature.....or temperament of this stupid beast, the AC can last for at least 5 minutes before totally stops working, leaving me with a blower circulating what ever the air temp it is. Today was the LONGEST it ran without issue. 3 hours, then it went bye bye. THOUGH I noticed after the first 30 minutes of use, the air temp was fluctuating from freezing cold to very warm, then back and forth till it finally decided to stop working altogether.

I'll be super irate if this shop finds NOTHING wrong with this. I warned them that if they don't find it, I will sit in their lot idling this truck at high RPMs till either the problem comes back, or the engine blows up. Either way, I'll either have a fully working truck by then......or a dead truck.....which would be a way to get out of this thing. Over 20 grand to replace an engine.

I think I am getting way too jaded recently. But then again, it's the same thing, over, and over, and over again. Just new situation, new job, new what ever. But the same hidden message. Your nobody unless you can be taken advantage of. Some form, some way. Cause if your too nice and let things go cause you are naive enough to believe everyone is out for the greater good, you will be sucked dry and left nearly dead. ONLY to be given just ENOUGH hope and life so you can be sucked of some more till your either used up....or you crack and do yourself in. I have NOT seen anything different during my time in McDonald's, Holiday Inn, Best Western, ITT, Verizon, Epson, Werner, Marten, or even Allied Barton. In the end, as far as I gather, just scum off the face of the earth.

Sorry......but why am I? Apologies shows weakness. Especially when you mean it. Maybe I should say more "fuck you" than "Sorry". Really, I used to say fuck you a lot as a kid, all it ever got me was more enemies and places I can't show myself to nowadays. No.....no. There's got to be a better way. I am sure I am doing something wrong, cause I can't seem to get out of this mess, let alone avoid these messes.

Finally. Though the assholes are trying to get me rolling right after the second it was handed back to me. Uh, I been up since 7 am......NO. And no trying to lower anything else on me. SO yeah, I'll definitely be giving them my month notice very soon.......at least delay long enough so they can't play the stupid, "I did you a favor" bullshit.

Come to think of it, maybe debtors prison wouldn't be such a bad thing. Fed and housed. Then again, I have NOT met one person who's gone to jail due to over accumulated debts unpaid....yet.

The company actually decided to pick up the tab for this repair after jumping through all these damn hoops. Plus they are going to reimburse the damn diagnostic fee I had to pay when I had it checked out at the dealership in Forest Park, GA. I never asked for this.....but I am NOT going to complain.

On Monday I'll have to call them up again to see what else they MIGHT do for me. As of right now, I been told they are currently having a meeting on what else they can do for me. But as of right now, I am getting reimbursed for the diagnostic fee I paid for, and they are going to pay for the repairs without charge to me.

I don't know, but I'll give them this LAST chance. If things get so fucked up like it have been this week AGAIN, I am gone.

And I am still not going to beg.

But damn, so much shit happened through the years for me that I can't help but want to hide away and vanish.

Anyway, the idiots who sold me the truck want me to jump through their hoops before they'll let me turn this truck in with as little penalties as possible. If I wanted NO penalties, I should have turned in my resignation a month ago. BUT shit, I was not expecting this to happen.....who would?

So today this is going into our terminal shop to see how bad it is in THEIR eyes, and see if they are willing to either flip the bill or have it on my already huge tab. If nothing can be done, then they'll let me turn it in.

SO.......more time wasted, more money lost sitting here instead of working. Funny, I been told by some that I have some depressing ideas for stories sometimes. Really, I could be more bleak than this. I am actually putting out my bittersweet happy stuff. Cause there needs to be more happy......in a realistic manner.