Like one person pointed out to me earlier, it's a poll before the actual voting for us here in the US.

Wheee!!!!!!!!


Anyways, I have not updated much in awhile. I am not sure where I stand IF the ban gets lifted. Let alone, IF the ban does happen. Everyone treats this issue as an attack on freedom of expression. Really, is drawing that shit the ONLY thing these individuals are able to express?


Anyways, I am about to head out to a holloween party. Yeah, it's late, but its what these people planned. I am not complaining, they got my favorite local Cajun resturant catering this party. And I went to these people's party last year, and it was a blast. I mean, okay, I felt sorta out of place. But it was fun since it had a live band, alot of snacks, big screen video....holy shit, it was a party I always wished I could be invited too. And I was there. Hehehehe, so it was cool to be invited again, and I am going.

Oh well, that's what I'll be doing. I'll be going as a peasant on fire along with the brother-in-law as my sis goes as a dragon. Heh, we got burnted......

I cave in.

I voted.

Want to know my reasons, read the last two post.

Wow, half the people I been watching are already thinking of leaving cause of the subject. Either cause they want this to be banned. Or because they don't want it banned.

Honestly, filter, no filter.

Right, wrong.

In the end, there is no real winners.


So all I'll have to say is, if allowing such and such art to be posted on FA is going to make you leave. Well, hope you do well. I would love to see your art and what not in the future. I am not saying this in a harsh way. I am just wishing you luck, cause I am very sure you'll move on, and do well elsewhere. This is just another site on the internet. And maybe you'll find a place....or you make your own place with like minds and organized the way you feel comfortable with what's being displayed for the public.

Same goes for the ones who will leave if the such and such stuff will be banned on FA.




IF, IF anyone really wants to know what side I am on. I can write a super long essay which would make no sense and circle itself to the point I may convince myself to change sides at least 5 times, and still won't know where to stand after I am done. But I will do my best to make it short and simple.

Under the age where they should not understand how their sexual organs work. Wrong.

At the age where they are curious (and this is SUPER touchy for most), yeah, its okay. As long its consentual. The only two reason why that would be even considered to be wrong is because of one, legal reasons, depends what country your in. Some countries are as high as 18 or over, like here in the US. And there are countries where its as low as 14 years of age. The second reason is the maturity level of the teen. They don't know better, and can easily be manipulated into sexual intercourse. And it don't even have to be life threatening. It could be with false signs of affection. Pretty much mentally messing up the child into thinking that in order to be loved, the child must put out. So these two reasons are mainly why it is wrong. Hell, I honestly believe this is how half of the nymph's out there exist, half of them exist cause they LOVE IT. The other half where so fucked up and manipulated in a way as a child that they have a hard time understanding that they don't need to put out just to get the feeling of self worth.

I mean, come on, some of you may have had your first sexual fantasy, maybe even your first orgasm around your early teens. Though a small few....like me....had their first orgasms around 9 to 10 years old. Heh, probally explains why I am messed up. So I guess you can say I look at things with my own personal experiances. Though I can turn this conversation around and say I know some one who actually almost got raped in her early teens. And to this day every now and then she just mentally shuts down and...can't stop crying. And it would start from something stupid, or even from a compliment about how she looks before a dinner date. And its all because some guy was trying to coax her and manipulate her into opening up. But she was too smart for that, she understood and got out of it. But the experiance stuck with her to this very day.

So what I am trying to say to all this is, I can see why I would let some of the art slide. But of course, in the end, the most simple, and easy answer to all this is, just to say its wrong. Cause really, its hard to defend it, and its hard to fight it when it comes to what the artist was thinking when the pic was drawn. And what the pic is percieved as by the viewer. It is a touchy subject.


Besides, when I think about it, I rather have this place be viewed with awe and respect. So I may as well be honest. I rather see this stuff get band. But we can at least figure out an age limit. Cause, lets face it, seeing 6 year olds being rooted is just wrong. But seeing a 16 year old enjoying him/herself is interesting. We where young once. And between 14 to 16 is around the average when a person reaches sexual maturity. Does it mean they know what's considered right or wrong? If they are being loved or used? No, probally not. Some may, some won't. But really, since that is considered to be in their teens. Are teens bad? I am just curious. Where are the limits?

But really, I rather say go ahead and ban it. I rather keep most of the clean, moral people over kinkiness any day. Sorry for some of those I know personally. But there are other places for them. Can we have ONE place where we can share our works of any type and feel comfortable about the place we are sharing in. After all, everyone are individuals. But the majority of people will always brand everyone in a group. And if your part of that group, your are tarnished too. And to be honest, I can understand why those artist WANT to leave.

Oh, and I do realize Yerf exist......though so far looks dead on my end.

I just find it stupid though with the ones who are trying to defend it are playing spin doctors. What I mean is, instead of sticking to the subject, they are trying to toss out other stuff to worry about. And using the "WHAT IF" as a domino to the domino affect. Its as if they don't have any good argument on why the art work in question is "good". Fantasy, okay, fantasy is a good reason. And those who used it are giving it their best reason. But really, IF its fantasy, is it based off of some world you made up where everyone gets sexually mature at a super early age? Lets not forget the main purpose of sex.....TO REPRODUCE. To continue the species. If sex was not enjoyable, most of the species out there in the world would have been extinct long ago. So seeing anyone at any age become sexually mature but are not able to produce makes me wonder whats the freaking point for nature to allow it. Some insects reproduce the very second they come into the world of the living. Cause they will die VERY QUICKLY. Probally in a few days. So seeing a child in your fantasy world wanting to get it on is how you percieve as sexual maturity in your fantasy world. Well, I better see that child be a mother and die very soon. Yeah, I got a harsh imagination.

As for I was trying to point out earlier. Spin Doctors, trying to change the main subject.....which is banning cub porn. And focus on "banning". Honestly, want to know what I think. And no offense to some of you. But this is what I think.


And like I said, this is what "I" think. Don't take offense, and don't take me seriously. Cause this is my opinion...like the whole entry is.

Scat - Ban it. It's the sickest thing I ever seen. Why the hell do you want to drink some ones piss and eat shit all day. I must admit. It sure makes a funny come back. "EAT SHIT!" "Sure, just put it in this paper back, I am on the run...." "Ewww!"

Snuff - There is no sex in violence. What the hell? How does anyone get off watching some one die. Let alone killing them with their bare hands. Maybe if the person was fucking the victim. But then that also falls under rape. Really, what the hell people. Ban, ban, BAN.

Decapitation - This one is a touchy one for me, since I once and awhile get idiots who think I get off of seeing characters either with missing limbs or seeing them get their limbs cut off. Just because one of my main characters I love to write about happens to have a missing right leg. Really, why would anyone in their right mind find that sexy? I find it sexy when the person who happens to must live with a missing limb, actually lives life with NOTHING slowing the person down. Will power, the want to live. That's beutifull, that's the what I find charming. I do NOT find it a turn on because a person thinks that with less limbs means I get to use the person like a toy. And/or easy access to their orifaces. Really, get a life. Hell, better yet, get your limbs cut off and call me, so I can ask you how it felt and make fun of you on how UN-pleasant the experiance was.....oh, and now you must live with it. Enjoy. Ban that shit.

Rape - Really, what more can I say about this? Ban

Dead bodies - I know there's a word for it. But really, I want to know my body is either burnted, or burried, and left alone. I don't want my body being used as a sex toy. I say that's a real "Ban"

Bondage - Wow, here's something that alot of people actually find erotic and acceptable. Well, I guess it can be enjoyable, since some like to be tied up, slapped around and be told to tell the master "who's the master?" And some like to be used like some sex toy, and even enjoy being controlled and denied gratification. But really, this just sickens me. These very same methods can be used for rape and totally fucking the mind up of the young. So, as far as I am concerned, BAN.

Anal sex - Whoa, getting into something else that EVERYONE ACCEPTS. Really, why do I want to stick my dick into something where waist comes out of? And really, I don't want NOTHING to go into my ass, so why do I want to ruin some one elses ass. But then again, some people actually do enjoy anal sex. And even though I don't understand, I have come to terms to its existance, so I won't say ban. I will never do that to anyone. But, well, if I ever have a lover some day, and she REALLY wants it, I MIGHT go with it. But really, WHY? Heh, things I may do to make a lover happy, I guess.

Homosexuals - I guess I get uncomfortable with this subject for two reasons. One - I had a room mate when I was in some asylum back in Honolulu when I was 13. I won't go much into it. But I'll just say I learned very quickly that I am not gay. Second - Why is it when I try to ask for directions, either I get a woman who ignores me and tells me she's gay, so fuck off. Or I get my question answered, only to be ask afterwards if I am gay. Okay, and there's a third and fourth reason. Third - I grew up with alot of Catholics around me when I was living between two island in Commonwealth of Micronesia. Then 3 years in Bagiuo City, Philippines. Homosexuals are VERY looked down. At least at the time. And fourth, why does everyone always ask me if I am gay? Really? What is it about me or looks I have that makes anyone think I am gay? So I guess you can say this is a personal problem than a valid reason. But in the end, I got nothing against gays, hell, I know a few. And since this fandom is mostly filled with gays, what's the problem? Really, they are fine. Just don't shove it in my face.

Straights - Funny why I even decided to put this out. If it was not for straights, these species would not continue. And fuck science. Without science, you won't get artificial insemination. And that child you adopted came from a straight parent. Now, I am not saying all gays are not down to earth. But I have met some here I wonder how they past high school when it came to learning the birds and bees. But really, ban on that? I guess we can ban everything sexual if we are focused in a PG site.

And finally....

Pedophilia - It's such a broad subject, if you have not read my first few paragraphs. But if I think about the victims and those I know who where messed up cause of earlier experimention. Along with laws, and moral issues. Really, why debate? Ban it. It won't look good on this site if its allowed to go anyways.

So that's my 100 bucks worth. Though forget stating all this on the damn poll, cause I have no idea how they are going to get the exact numbers when most of the entries are flames. And a small number of them are people saying "Yes/no".

The more I wonder what is the problem.

Honestly, I rather not take any sides when it comes to this current, heated issue.

For those who been hearing about it, you know. Those who don't, I won't get into it.

What I will say is, when we signed up, one of the things stated that is no allowed....is...well, happens to be the heated topic of if it should be allowed or not.

Honestly, if its against the rules, WHY has it been allowed to be posted.

But, of course, the other thing no one seems to think about is, well, enforced or not. The admins are allowing the users to vote on it. So in the way, if no one abused this rule, yet the subject came up and the admins put up a poll. Well, we are still going to see the same reactions on both sides.

Either way, nothing is totally black and white. But trying to figure out the light colours and dark colours of the situations is not easy.

So all I have to put forth towards this is this. And this goes for ANYTHING that's a touchy issue. Is this legal? And no matter if it is or not, are we willing to be known for it?

There's alot of things I rather not see on here. But everyone has their ideas on what they rather allow and not allow. Due to either legal reasons or moral reasons.

Either way, I got alot of other things to worry about than to jump into this fire.

But the main thing I did want to point out to both sides is....

For side 1) It's stated when we signed on here that we are not allowed to post the stuff in question.

For side 2) Everyone's allowed to vote and change the rules due to majority. That's how democracy works. Should be happy that the admins decided to allow this to be voted upon instead of just letting the hammer fall.

There's so many sides to an argument. And I honestly really feel there is NO pleasing either side. So I'll let the fighters fight this. I'll just work with what ever happens in the end.

Out of subject.

I been playing with Linux again. Hehehehe, been trying to find a distro that would do everything I want to do.

Well, after Fedora crapping out on me during installs......SuSe being a big wuss and pretty much making everything VERY hard for getting all the media stuff to work right (like DVD's and MP3). I found a think called Ubuntu. Never heard of it till I a few months ago as I was breifly talking to a freind of my brother in law. Never heard of it, like I said, but so far I am impressed with it. Heh.

Anyways, I been using this that last couple of days. So far I got pretty much everything I want working on this laptop working with it. If everything continues to work like it should. I may make it the main OS. But so far I only have it on another partition. Then again, I may just keep everything as is. Since I won't be able to get on line for a long time once I get back to Washington State....unless at friends homes. And I may want to play video games.....which don't do well on this laptop, but better than nothing.

Oh well, about it for rambling off the wall stuff But yeah, so far I am impressed with Ubuntu. Though I still got a few more things I want to test. Like window's shares. But so far, its a go when it comes to being able to use all my hardware. I mean, it's even using my internal Intel Centrino wireless card. Something that I was getting problems with in other Linux distro's. Except SuSe, since they went ahead and just installed the Intel driver from Intel themselves. Though the huge issue with SuSe was multimedia.

As for Fedora, I am not sure what happened to them. I have always been faithfull with Red Hat for years. Mainly cause in the end, it gave me the less amount of fuss when I tried to toy with it. Lately its so flakey, I even have a hard time just trying to get past the initial Install boot screen.

Oh well, not saying Ubuntu is THE winner for me. But its getting very closely there.

Well, no work so far here. Blah, I really wanted to see if I could get a job here within the IT field before I head out. After all, I had been able to find some here in Indy.

But of course, nothing.

Anyways, my buddy up north went ahead and got me a plane ticket. Thanks.

So I'll be flying back to Seattle on the 14th. Hopefully the airlines don't fuck up with the tickets. I am not sure if he's got the information yet. But he had problems with their site, so he ended up calling them.

Oh well, so from here till the 14th I'll be in Indianapolis. But once the 14th is done, I can finally go home.

I only been home in Washington state TWICE since I joined Werner the first time in April of 2005. I been home in May 2005 with my first time with Werner, then in June 2006 with my SECOND time with Werner.

I don't fully blame Werner for my displacement. But I do give them the main reason why I have not been home and round up being here in the Midwest US. There should be NO reason why a private company should make a worker un-intentially move for THEIR sake.

For anyone who'll ever decide to go into trucking withen the US and Canada, avoid Werner like the plauge. If you live outside of the Northeast US and Southeast Canada, you'll be seeing that more than home. I should know, when I started, I lived in Seattle. Only to round up fighting every moment I get a chance to stay out of the Northeast US/Southeast Canada cause that's all I ever end up going too. If your living within that part of the two countries and want to see places outside of that area.......forget it, your stuck. And the sad part is, they'll keep you away from your house so you can't just go home after a long day. Werner will do their best to keep you more than 50 miles away from home. Cause in the DOT handbook, the driver is allowed to get off his/her truck at a safe location, and go home if they are within 50 miles of their home address.

Either way, for anyone considering trucking, avoid them. I worked for them TWICE. Nothing improved. If I am made to work for them agian, I'll either shoot myself, or tell the transportation industry to kiss me ass and go elsewhere for work.

Anyways, about it. Currently goofing off, slowly packing, and looking through job search engines for the Puget Sound Area. I sure hope I get a good job when I get back. Though I'll be happy for anything STABLE at this point.

And still no job.

I guess by the end of this week I'll either jump back with Werner (groans).

Or I'll some how magically get a bus/plain ticket back to Seattle.

Hehe, I really want to wait more on this.

But at the same time, the only thing I done productive since my Sis and her hubby went on vacation was.....

Clean basement.

Discovered NOT to open the basement windows. Glass so brittle that when I closed it with just enough force to make the latch click in. The cracks grew.....

Air out the house.......every day.

Washing ALL the sheets and blankets that been piling up near the wash since we moved in (almost two months now).

Mowed the lawn.

Sweeped the drive way.

And out of the blue, I tore my sisters side panel off of her driver's side door, tore the lock out. Dis-assymbled the lock. Took the busted key out of it (been in it for more than a year now). Then put it back together. Would have been perfect IF I did not lose the the little metal peice that's supposed to close the key slot to prevent water from entering. Oh well, the second thing I did wrong was I was a little shakey with the cordless drill and accidently drilled further than I should have. So half the pins are busted. BUT, the lock still works. And as far as I am concerned, no Toyota master key will work on that door now. :-P

Oh, also replaced the head lights on my sis's Camry.


OH well, been bored out of my mind, as you can tell. I was only asked to go grocery shopping, replace the head lights on the Toyota, give it an oil change, and mow the lawn.

I done everything BUT the oil change so far.

Everything else was extra.

Made me think that I am pretty good being a handy man and jack of all trades. But I have no fucking clue why its so hard to prove my worth to any job market. It's rediculous when everyone wants you to be educated in just one thing......but be nice if you know ALOT more while your at it. What ever.

Also, about the lock, I have not tore appart a lock in 9 years. I actually felt good I remembered what I needed to do and what not. Despite I can't remember exactly what each part is called......and I improvised on alot of needed tools. Hehehehe, made me wonder if I should go further into debt and finally do that small locksmith business I was planning on doing in the future. OH well, it would help if I had my certifications and lock smith tools here in Indianapolis instead of back in Washington.

Or do it there. Who knows.

But I doubt it, its another job feild where you need to be in unionized just to do anything. Same with electricians. Either way.......the whole system is just based on more paper work and red tape.

I guess you could say I am in despair at the moment. Well, trying not to be. But these guys here, no matter how much they appricate me trying to do more to earn my keep here while being jobless. I can't live here for very long. And I got bills to pay. And nothing makes you feel like crap when you MIGHT be able to get fast food. But why the hell do you want to when you can just go back home where you came from for the same thing. Or you can keep trying to get in a job where....well, they want you to be experianced. But of course, since you got no experiance, too bad. That, and they want you to have tons of certifications. Yet, of course, I need a stable job to get those certifications....if there's money left over after bills. And then there's a job feild I been in where most people so far have not called me back. And if I did call them, tell me they won't take me cause I can't prove to them that I left Werner under good terms. Let alone turn my truck in to the nereast terminal. Of course, while this is going on, Werner keeps bugging me to come back.

Heh, so, I guess out of all that, at least I have a job where I can go back too.

But I just left that place called hell nearly a month ago. If I go back, it will be my THIRD time working with them. I am tired of puting my life on the line for a bunch of money grubbing cheep bastards who can only focus on their customers. Yet don't give a damn about all the dangers they put their drivers through. I mean come on, where do they get off beliving they can turn to me and say, "Follow these directions we give you, so incase we have to swap you, it will be easy for all of us." Then turn around and say, "Well, we only give you directions out of curtisy. Its the drivers responsibility to direct themselves. So don't blame us that our directions got you under a bridge......which if course, we'll also charge you for the damage truck. Have a nice day, and drive safe."

Uh, yeah.......heh.




So EMO, EMO, EMO me. :-P

Well, okay, I don't know what Viva mean.

Let alone Vista.

BUT, well, since I am no longer a truck driver for the time being. And I been sitting around looking for work in the other. Anything and everything besides trucking and fast food. Cause, lets face it, if I have to do fast food once more, I may as well move back to Washington state. That, and I miss the wet weather in that part of the world.

Anyways, no luck in finding work yet.

One job I went for an interview for have not called me back yet. So I guess I'll be giving him a call VERY soon. Knowing my luck, nothing. Won't be the first. Either I go to an interview and get hired on the spot.....or I'll get told they'll call me later....and I hear nothing. I only had one job where they gave the curtesy (I am so bad with spelling) to send me an e-mail. And that was the Microsoft TSG (Trade Show Group).

Oh well, till then, I had Windows Vista Release Candidate 1 laying around. Sorry, I can't give copies of these. But if any of you live withen the US/Canada, you can order this trail version for under 10 bucks US. I am sure they do the same for other countries, but I am not sure of the prices. It comes with two DVD's. One for the typical 32-bit PC processors. And one for the quickly taking over 64-bit PC processors.

So far its runs very stable and lovely. MUCH better than the last BETA I tried....in 2004 when it was still under the code name Longhorn.

Heh, I am way behind since then. But so far it's pretty decent.

I still think that Digital rights thing will be a problem....I'll be testing that later.....as if I know what I am doing. :-P

And I'll be doing the usual stuff like I always do to see if there will be problems. Along with adding some games to this. Though I doubt I'll be doing that any time soon.

This machine have 768 MB of memory.

Windows Vista recomends the minimum of 512mb just to run DECENTLY. The recomended for this to run SMOOTHLY is 1 gig of ram. Now is that just messed up or what? Just when 512 was starting to be not only the norm, but pretty much was all we needed just to make anything run smooth. Anything more was a luxury.

Anyways, so far it was okay. And the install did not take all day like the BETA version I messed with 2 years ago. I think MS REALLY did their damnest to make this worth while before releasing it. I still think it needs much more work. That, and I still need to use this more before I just hop up and down and say, "WOW, this is actually not another new Windows that SUCKS at the first start."

OH well, hope it works with no flaws. But hey, if there was no flaws, then its perfect. And nothing can be perfect. :=P

I sit here, thinking it would be lovely if some one would favorite something I posted. Just anything, I just feel its a rather great form of flattery. It's just, perfect. How do you comment about something you just adore?

I don't know, maybe I just see things differently. But sometimes I just can't think of any reason why I like it. That, and maybe some of the reasons I do is best not shared. No one needs to know if I find something.....hmmm....can't find a nice word for it. But yeah, maybe I am a prude. But really, if you really want to know that I find a pic that turns me on. Then I'll tell you...in a round about way. But usually when I comment, I try to give some worthy comment. If not, at least find something witty or silly to say towards. It also depends how awake and how NOT busy I am.

Either way, I will admit of being guilty of looking through art, and find around 2 or 3 pics that have a female drawn somewhere between cheesecake to down right raunchy. Yeah, its my sexual prefference, and its whats going to turn my head.

But I am not going to go around, demanding it. Nor am I going to go to an artist and say, "WOW, that girl is so hot, I want to *bleep* her from here till next Sunday. Please, please, PLEASE draw more."

Besides, I am not solely looking for it. It's just one of those things that sadly get my attention without trying. I do try to look at alot of other things in art. And there are times where I am just too amazed and blown away by an art peice. It don't matter what is happening in it, it's just beutifull. Like the background seems so lifel like...and not because its a photo with art over it. Or the character in the drawing some how just amazes me. And it don't have to be either gender, or anything naughty. Hell, my desk top uses a pick by Kacey where some fur is sitting on a car at some gass station. I just love that one. So much detail.....that, and the car in it looks like I car I once owned and had fond memories of.

My point in all this is. I feel that if a pic is gets my attention in a way that I feel I would like to favorite, just so others who visit my user page can see what I find out there to be nice. To me. Cause lets face, if I did not want to share this. Then how would anyone know what happens to be my favorite works and what not.

And I favorite an artist when I start to find their works to be too good to just pass up. No offense to some who I have favored some of their work, but did not favore them personally. But maybe there's just not enough to make me interested. But that one pic I favored may have been out of the ordinary for you. And even though I liked it, it may not be what you love to do. Once again, I am not going to hound an artist to do that "one thing" he/she decided to post online that is different from what they love to do.

Either way, if making your work as favorites is an insult cause I am too stupid to comment. Well there is no reason why I should ever had even bothered with you. After all, no matter how much I love the work. If the artist is going to be vile just because I did not comment fast enough. Or comment first before favoriting. Or do things a certain way to give that artist a sign that I just became a fan. Well, sorry, but you just lost a fan. I don't need to put up with another Steve Martin. And I met the guy, he's an asshole. All I had left was 20 bucks and I was thinking of maybe wasting it on him. But after he grumbled to me, "Sure, look, that's all anyone does anyways. Fucking cheap bastards." I just left his table and wasted it on some one else. And since then have a bit of ire when I look at his work. Honestly, if some one upset you and made you feel like your the worst person ever to walk on this earth, would you be able to forget that just enough so you can give that person's work a look through?

So, as far as I see it, getting a favorite should be the ultimate compliment. Not an insult. But then agian, I guess its used differently than I use it for. After all, some artist are so loved and stalked that I guess its hard to tell if they are being watched cause of the pure love for their artistic ability. Or because they are watched cause they happen to dish out porn.

And some artist would love to hear me say, "Oh yeah baby, sit on my lap." Or something like that for a comment on an art peice. Some actually LOVE giving the public porn and cheescake. And nothing is wrong with that.

But really, if I could just turn this around a bit and say this.

You may have gotten a few favorites with maybe one comment. But all I ever got is a couple comments. And no favorites. I would just die happy if some one loved the crap I typed up. Let alone get some lovely comments on some of them too.

I am no artist, so that's the OTHER reason I don't comment much. It drives some artist nuts when some one with no art talent, like me, comment on their work and say, "Well, your shading is a bit off. And that smile on the muzzle is just not right...blah, blah, blah, yakitty, smackity."

Really, is it just better if I don't do anything and crawl under a table and DIE?


Anyways, for those who shouted on my user page and thank me for the fav's. Thank you for taking the time to let me know you appreciate it. And I will do my best to comment in the future. And heck, most on that list I did go back and did my best to comment with something at least uplifting. And if it was not, sorry.


But next time I get a ream, indirect or directly. I am quickly un-favoriting everything from that person. Its not worth my time to try and stroke an ego of an unstable, spoiled, and down right ignorant SOB who is blind to the fact they are getting fans. It may not be the exact sign they are longing for. But damn it, its still a sign that they got fans. Either way, don't take your frustration you gained from some of the assholes out there and toss it on me. Cause, lets face, you want to call me an asshole while acting like one. Then great, back at yah. Either way, I am not going to comment on that either. And as far as I am concerned, fuck you. Hope you go far with your art. Cause that's all you got.

Maybe I should just go home.

Indianapolis is nice and all. But really, I lost everything I gained since I got here last year. The only difference is I got a bit more clothing, and I got my game consoles and PC here instead of being back at my mother's place in Washington. But other than that. It's rediculous here.

I know no body but freind's of my sister's. ALL of them got jobs and married. And if not, going steady. And most of them own a house. If not, they got their own appartment. Heh.....and I not only feel out of place. But my views are WAY out of place.

I don't know.

All I know is, I made plans with my brother in law that if I don't get a job withen a month, I'll grab the next bus back to Everett, Washington.

But something in the back of my mind is telling me that if I don't get a job, go back with Werner and just use them to go straight home. And nothing more. But really, I don't want to work for them, EVER again. Even if I just wanted to use them to get me back to the Northwest. Cause knowing them, they'll send me to the void called the Northeast, and I'll be stuck there for months. And they wonder why I HATE that part of the country. More reasons than that.

But anyways, other reasons I feel I should not hang around here is my sister had a mental break down a couple weeks ago. And apperently I am one of the causes. So when ever she all the sudden gets overly stressed where she just shuts down, she ignores everything that is bothering her......including me. Whee, yeah, I should not take this personally. But in a way, yeah, I am. To be fair though, I am in their house, making their lives no longer private. Therefore they can't ignore all their problems since I am around....and I am one of their problems. I can't say I am not since I am living here due to financial problems. Not to mentioned they bailed me out of my bills the last two months, thanks for the jerks offs called Werner.

I don't know, but these are part of the reasons why I choosed to stick with the idiots longer than I should have. I should have just shot my way home. And then thing was, I was going to do just that this time out.

If God truely have a reason why I am here, I wish he would just let me know. But he won't. Mysterious ways, so he works. I just hope what ever he's got planned, it will be okay in the end. Life's not perfect, but I can always hope for decent.

Too bad I am not worth that much. :-P


Anyways, cleaned out my truck this morning.

Once I was done, I turned in the keys, told them I was on "A leave of absence".

Came home, unloaded the car.

Out of the blue, shaved my crappy facial hair off. I looked worse than "Shaggy" off of Scooby Doo....that cartoon.

Then I left the house, went to the barber shop and got my hair cut nice. Heh, some how, I don't know how I did it today. But the ladies where nice and lively, and I was just in a talkative mood. It was weird that the last couple of times I been to this place, the room was mostly quiet and serious. Instead the three ladies and I where cracking jokes and some how making the people in the waiting room smile and even loosened them up. Talk about out of the blue. Either way, I got my hair cut, whee, now I feel like a human beeing. :-D

Went to Dick's (some bbq place) and turned in my 5 bucks off voucher. So I got my meal down to 2 bucks. Yum.

Called my dispatcher to let her know I finished unloading my truck and turned in my keys. She really hate to see me go. But....well, there's a reason why I like her. And she understands this place is crappy, and she actually appologized alot for the financial problems I got into. But really, her hands are tied on alot of things. And really, that's okay, I understand. So its at least cool between me and her. Though she told me I'll have to talk to her boss though. Not her idea, but they been wanting them to do that recently. Though we both figured why, but heh, at least we both let each other know that at least we enjoyed working with each other and good luck.

Well, I get transferred to her boss. NOT to my surprise, it was an imidiate, "Well, we don't want you to leave, so if there's a problem with your dispatcher, we can give you another one........." I shocked him when I said, "Actually, Vickie is a kick ass dispatcher, and IF, IF I ever do come back, I hope to God I have her again." Hehehehe, silence on the phone for about 10 second. "....okay, if she's fine, why you leaving?" Then I went ahead and told him EVERYTHING I was pissed off about with the company. Of course his idea was, "Well, if I can pull some strings and get you another truck today, would you stay?" All I could say was, "You guys should have done that a long time ago. Instead of me playing games and working around your system. My keys are already turned in and my truck empty. If I was going to stay, you'll have to give me another truck anyways." So I get this speach about switching jobs and all that crap that goes with switching truck companies. Only to have me shoot him down when he was done, "Well, the thing is, I am not going to another truck company. I am going to give another job feild a try...." He then tried asked me on how am I going to get home to Washington. I told him that it's been more than a year since I lived at home when I first joined them in April 2005. Its already a lost cause in my mind. My life revolved around you people, and I still have to fight to see home, and that usually don't happen.

Heh, that's when all the sudden....I swear, I never heard ANY of those jerk offs in higher up do.....begging me. I could not belive it, he was, "Well, we really don't want to lose you. Really, I want you to stay with Werner. Your record is flawless, your the safest driver to ever come on my board with as little to no experiance before joining us. Your are now a trainer. And your always on time and not once we had a customer complaint about you. Really, is there ANYTHING we can do at all to convince you to stay?" All I could say was, "Well, lets see, call me back in a week or two. Then if I decide to come back, I'll give you my demands. But right now, I am finished." He then told me that I'll be put on a leave of absence with hopes I change my mind. And also thanking me for giving him a chance to talk to me and assuring me that I have no burnt bridges.

Oh well, I almost felt sorry for doing this. But really, if they wanted to keep me that bad. They should have stopped fucking with me since I been working with them. It should have not come down to this to make thme want to work with me. It should not have come down to this to make them feel the need to change trucks. Though knowing how these guys work. He'll say he'll change my truck. And then the terminal here will tell them they don't have anything. And I'll be back to square one, so really, they'll just need to use their imagination on what my hand looks like, and which finger I am holding up.


Ah, I swear, my life is a joke.

Heh, I am not sure why I am excited. All I know is I sent a resume to some place that was recomended for me to try. And I got called for an interview. Hehehhe, Monday morning at 10 AM. It's part time, tech support. But honestly, I can live with part time. After all, it will give me more than enough time to chill out during the week so I can put up with people. Not to mention give me a chance to get used to it and learn to handle it better so I'll be able to do full time some day.

Either way, it will be a stable pay check, I need a stable paycheck right now. :-/

I just hope things go well.

Either way, my thoughts are final with work. I am going to finish unloading the truck. Get me a hair cut today, and find my razors for a shave. Then from there.......figure out what I did with my slacks.

Heh, still send in resumes and look for work. Can't afford to just be lazy.....much. :-P BUT, either way, I can't job search while on a truck. And I am totally fed up with them.

Good Bye Werner. I gave you more chances than you deserved. Time to move on. Good or bad, it don't matter. I make a stable living working at McD's, at least I get a pay check for my time wasted behind their equipment.

Seems if I don't say anything. I upset people when I decide to leave the room.

If I told them why, I would either cause worry or be deamed as a jerk. Like the show they where watching was just to crappy. I mean, yeah, the acting is funny on how they all think they are hard core bad asses. But I deal with hard core bad asses who always think they are in the right. I want to beat the shit out of those hard core bad asses. And those type of shows always have the one who is apperently wrong NEVER give back a good defense. Just either a stupid hard core bad ass answer for a reason. Or silence. Fuck those people, I deal with them every day in truck stops and on the phone with my current job. Fuck that show.

Other reason, I ate just a little to much and I had to puke. I just don't realize how full I am till its too late when I am stressed out and upset. And I just did not want to tell them that. Even though I was hogging the upstairs bathroom, pukeing alot.


I get offers for help in living arangments and what not. But I can never seem to get a for sure on job security. I appreciate what I can get. But I am at the point where I just know what will happen in the end, and the jobs I look into won't give me a chance. Or I'll get into some job that seems sleezy, and is, and I'll be out of the door in a couple months.....if lucky. Either way, I don't have all the needed certifications for the IT feild. I am down right fed up with it.

Let alone behind on alot of todays tech toys.

I can go on and on about businesses and their workings. But I done that already and don't want to waste my time right now.

I put my heart into something, do things without asking for anything, and I get taken advantage of. When I do start asking for something in return after maybe....I don't know, 50'th time of me forking out my own time and money for "the team", I am being an asshole. Really now?

I even made my life revolve around not one, but two stupid job feilds. I came to Indianapolis cuase apperently its one of good number of places where its a good place for beginers in the IT feild to get a foot in the door. It is also a majour hub for the trucking industry. Two things that Seattle was lacking. So far......I am still being fucked with, broke, and in and out of living arangments. At least when I was in the Puget Sound Area, I had stable living arangments with my mother, and people to hang out with. About the only difference.


Sorry to gripe and whine. But I am at my wits end. Maybe its right that I freaked my brother in law out when he finally caught my comment "Glad I don't own a gun." Though that was the first time anyone took that seriously. Not that I ment that. But I did ment alot of others things I said. Like the more I try to jump on something and get some where, the more I owe people and physically get lost, but no where I want to be. Or I can stay stable in one place.......with NOTHING.

So, I could overdose on pain killers. Or I can go back to work tomorrow and drive my semi off a bridge. But nah, both would be a slow, and painfull death that would easily be diverted and I'll get in more trouble. So forget those ideas. I guess I'll just......look around and give calls. And I get nothing, I get nothing.
Nothing new.

Who want's a tumor faced fat guy anyways? I can do alot of small crap here and there, but i have a hard time focusing on one majour thing.

Hell, I can over speculate a small observation, but have a hard time seeing the big picture. Though as far as I can tell, what I see is the real big picture, and what everyone else sees is a small picture that have been overblown.

Sorry, but there's more to the big picture than the bottom line. If your life revovles around money, then no wonder why your an asshole.

Then again, assholes do have money. Funny how that works.

I told a freind of mine last night that if I let them talk me back to work. I will beg for a gun to shoot myself with.

Well, anyone have one?


Seriously though, they did not take my quiting seriously and just dropped the load on me while I was home last night.


They called me up, wondering why I have not been answering my on board computer in the truck.

My question back to them was, "Can't you tell my truck have been off since last night? You guys can tell when its running....hell you guys would bitch if I am speeding for more than an hour straight."

Well, long story short. I'll head into work on Monday. Mainly cause they dropped the load going TO Hamilton, Ontario. But for some crazy, fucking reason, they want me to deadhead (take an empty trailer) to Etobicoke, Ontario. FUCK NO. I need to buy a map for that place. Last year I was there, I had a map that was only 2 months old, and I still got lost. Only to be told by the locals that the damn streets and routes change withen the area every 2 to 3 months. GAH, no, no, NO. I don't have that money.

That, and lets face it, try to explain to border guards that I am bringing in an empty trailer to drop off and pick up a load to bring to Baltimore, Maryland is not easy. If I remember right, the trade agreement between the US and Canada is am allowed to deliver a load that originates from the US to Canada, then pick up a load in Canada to deliver to the US. But its not clear that I am allowed to just go up there to pick up a load. Either way, I did read I am not allowed to pick up a load withen Canada and deliver withen Canada. Which makes sense, you know, not steeling jobs from the locals. But still, WHY do I want to waste my time? Hell, I make HALF of what I would make driving up there loaded. I think its 13 cents a mile empty. While I get 24 cents a mile loaded.

Oh well, in the end, I am taking this weekend off. Then Monday, give out my final demands. While giving out these final demands, call around and make plans QUICK while I still am considered working with these morons.

I will never recomend anyone to work for these guys, EVER.

I don't know.

TO sum up my day.

IT SUCKED.

And after fighting with these idiots that I don't have money to do this load up to Hamilton, Ontario........not to mention that my truck keeps breaking down with something new the whole day.....

I quit.

They owe me around 400 bucks of down time through the last two months. I have not seen that yet.

They expect me to be happy that they'll pay me 200 bucks extra to take this load to Ontario when....hmm, lets see last sentance.....THEY OWE ME FOR DOWN TIME STILL. What the hell is 200 bucks for next pay check mean to me when I NEED IT NOW! I already spent 50 bucks for supplies today. The bridge between Detroit and Windsor is a toll bridge. I have to pay to get back in the US later once I am done with that load. It will cost me money to call the customer for directions cause our direction system sucks. And it will cost me an arm and a leg for long distance.

Its not fucking worth it due to my current financial problems.

Top off the truck batteries died last night (even though I made sure things where working fine the night before). On my way to hook up to this trailer in our yard, the air bags for my truck deflates and won't inflate. So there went my suspension. They fixed it, I got to the truck wash, the passenger door leaked...AGAIN. And it was fixed last month. WTF?

By the time I figured out what needed to be done. I was going to be super late to my first stop, where I needed to be at some trailer shop in Detroit to get it inspected before I bring it to the border.

Top off this day, I got no student, and they "gleefully" let me know I'll be heading to Allentown, PA, to pick up a student. After I told them 1000 times not to send me to the Northeast US.

But what the final straw of my whole day that made me flip was I was told in order to get my door fix, I had to some how go to Springfeild, Ohio. Since our body shop is there. I tell the night dispatcher, and they tell me to head to the terminal there to swap there. After, of course I told them I will not move till they either fix the truck here in Indianapolis. Or give me another truck that is problem free in Indianapolis. Where in this demand that says get this fix "outside" of Indianpolis. I am tired of camping out at terminals FOR DAYS, even WEEKS, making NOTHING. With promises of mony I STILL HAVE NOT SEEN.

And the kicker of the whole thing, why the hell do I want to go straight east on I-70 to I-75 north? Which is near Dayton, Ohio by the way. When I can just go northeast on I-69, then east on I-90/I-80. And pretty much go up I-90 till I get somewhere to Detroit. Something like that. Either way, I asked dispatcher what crack are they smoking. He told me to watch my language and going past Springfeild, Ohio is part of my route before this problem came up.

Bullshit, they want me to go that way cause they want to avoid the Indiana and Ohio turnpike.....which is I-90/I-80. Fuck them, I am done.

Okay, going to go out to dinner with my sis and brother-in-law.

Then they'll drop me off my truck.

So I'll be offline for awhile as I am on the road.


Might come back on here and there when I find a wireless network and time. Till then, later all.

Well, I know businesses are getting VERY impersonal as years go on.

But I am starting to really feel that business leaders are WAY out of touch with their customers.

There is NO reason why I should be on the phone for FIVE minutes with an automated operator, fighting with options and speech reconigtion. Then ignore reports that their customers are usually pissed off and angry by the time they reach a human being. As far as they are concerned, customers are angry, agitated people. Uh, we are PEOPLE. LIKE YOU. But what ever, its all in HOPES to lower call times and cost. What ever, I should be able to ask for an operator, and get it. Instead of, "You said, "Operator", are you sure?" Yes. "May I have the reason?" WTF? Your a fucking machine, why the hell do you give a shit? "I am sorry, I don't understand that......"

All I wanted to do is call, get a human being, tell them what I want, get transfered to the right department. And be done. Its easy, quick, and simple. Those damn machines are not simple. You guys just want to skip paying labor and what not, while you tie up MY time. Yeah, fuck you too, you gready bastards You'll raise prices on me anyways from what you the internal spending you just cut.


Anyways, reason I brought this up is I am getting tired of businesses not giving a damn with what their customers say. BUT, BUT, they demand their customer service reps to "feel" for the customers plight. My work, once advertised that we have humans on the other end the minute we call in for anything, just two months ago put in an automated phone service. And the damn service SUCKS.

Speaking of businesses who are out of touch with their customers. They are also out of touch with their workers. Like my current job where they bought a new routing/direction tool called "Maptuit". They continue to ignore the drivers complaints about how the directions are horridly wrong. They refuse to take responsibility that "YES, it's got problems, so SORRY for having you (the driver) go east instead of west, and some how round up under a small bridge in some homestead." NO, NO, NO, its the drivers fault for not reading his/her atlas right. IF, IF any of your guys ever read a map before for your town, you may noticed that not ALOT of small roads are not on the map. Now take a drive who only has an Atlas made to give him a general idea of each state/province for each page, with a special map for each MAJOR town you go through. And even those maps of those towns only give out the majour roads. IF you the small roads. Either way, I do not have that type of money to go out and buy maps for every freaking town withen the US and Canada. But hey, not their problem.

Speaking of Maptuit, I learned last night that our company have not recieved a reward since the last quarter of last year. And the awards came from the customers who are currently pissed off with us to the point we are currently on "Customer Watch". Meaning, we have a certain amount of TIME where we need to get our shit together before they FIRE US. And they are WATCHING our EVERY MOVE. I had awards from Wal-Mart, Proctor and Gamble, even Office Max. These names I am giving you are currently marked as "Customer Watch". And the troubles started since we brought in MAPTUIT at the FIRST QUARTER of THIS YEAR. Though it was not fullly rolled out everywhere till THIS SUMMER. Even I did not have it on my truck till late April.

Either way, they'll keep blaming the drivers. The customers won't see or give a shit that's the higher ups fucking everything up. In the end, higher up will blame us. And the customer will just pull out and fire us. Besides, that just looks wrong when you tell the customers, "Our drivers apperently can't read an atlas." "Well, that sucks, you better fix that problem, or you won't get work from us." So the companies idea of "fixing it" was offer Map reading classes at their Omaha headquarters. Uh, yeah, I can read a map just fine. I just ignore their directions unless I need help finding the town on my atlas. Then from there, I call the customer and get the directions from them. If have internet, do that along with use Mapquest to give me an idea of the area. Which reminds me, my job should pay for my cell phone usage.

Anyways, ranting away, again. But I am just getting fed up with how businesses are getting so big nowadays that they can afford to ignore their staff and customers. My company will suffer if they don't shape up. But places like Verizon.....and I know how they are cause I used to work for them, they'll never fall. They own you. You need land line, go to them. You need DSL, you go to them. And if not, you'll go with a company that uses their network ANYWAYS. it's a Dog eat Dog world, sadly.

I took a long drive around town.....mainly in the Carmel area. Which I must admit was a STUPID idea. Made me think about how well off everyone was but me. Wrong place to go and try to find reasons for my situation to be considered decent than some. Carmel area is considered to be the "Yuppy" part of Indianapolis. Hell, its not even Indianapolis. So after awhile of driving and not even getting close to what I THOUGHT I wanted to stop off at for dinner. I ended up going to TGIF. Yeah, here I am bitching about money, no place to go, and no one to see. And I go to TGIF. Heh, I stop off at the one off of Keystone and 86th St, and just walked in.

Funny, I am so used to going into a truck stop resturant with most drivers who are in an anti-social mood. With waiters who are so rubbed off with that type of vibe that they just treat you like dirt. And the place is usually sub-par to CRAP. Well, except for some TA's, some Flying J's. Though Petro's are ALL great. Anyways, I go in here and I get greated by not just one, but nearly every singal waiter and waitres. Doing their job, yeah, but it made me feel like they care cause they where LIVELY. I get seated and even got to joke around with a few of them before I even get situated with a drink. Order some food. Even got a waitress to sit down across from me for a quick chat. From the looks of it, probally would have been more than small talk if her boss did not come out of every nook and cranny. Oh well, the guy looks like an asshole who thinks he's manager material. What ever, either way, it was a nice turn around. Made my day. I even got thanked for the tipped I left her.

Trust me, you people want to see how much "loose" the waitresses and waiters have been this year. Go to a place like TGIF's. Then go to a truck stop resturant. You will see the huge difference. Either waitresses and waiters are overly freindly (which is okay if don't touch any uneasy buttons), or they are just "there".



One more thing

While I was sitting at my table. There was 4 guys sitting at a booth. Talking, of course. They sounded like a decent, lively bunch. I mean, cracking CLEAN, witty jokes. Being polite, and just haveing a grand old time. Though when I decided to ease drop....which is not good, I know. But when I did, I realized that these guys are a bunch of religious men for some church. I am not clear if they are part of the staff (what staff), or they are back up preachers or what not. Though they talk like they are....dare I say....stock holders in that church. Talking about how the current "man" is giving them wrong bottom lines, and not THINKING with what he's doing. Like they where complaining that he told them that he could bring in 1400 of revenue in a day. Only to find out he ment WEEK. Then complained (though I felt this was valid) that "the man" pointed out a singal man in a crowd. Made a real good speach about the mans troubles, and what not. Asked out to the crowd if one person could just give that man a 100 bucks. Would you? They ended up having 5 families give out that amount to the church. Only to have "the man" say it will go to the building fund.

Sad when I get to sit and hear a church get talked about like a business by a bunch of guys who may as well be called "stock holders". I mean, when I think about it. They talk business. They will get a sells man. And a sleezy one at that. And that's all this church is, a business. Well, I guess its no surprise. I mean, I been to too many churches back in Washington where nearly all preachers have BRAND NEW SPORTS CARS. I have not yet met one preacher with a car more raggity than a rusted old Nissan I once had. Not around in Puget Sound anyways. Not sure about here in Indianapolis, but those guys have not made me think well so far.

1. What is your character's name?
- Mick Stover

2. What kind of character is it (furry, anime, etc) and any particular race?
- Anthro striped skunk

3. What is the first thing your character would think of when he/she first wakes up?
- No, not yet......

4. Your character's favorite outfit would be?
- Buttoned blue collor shirt, blue jacket, blue jeans, blue shoes.
"I'm blue, ladade......."

5. When your character looks into a mirror, what's the first thing they would notice?
- "Why won't my hair stay down and straight.....I look like a crazy MF."

6. Does your character have the same tastes in food as you?
- Yep

7. How is your character similar to you?
- same personality.....way too much alike. Though less fat and better looking. :-P Well, okay, not better looking....but probally better than human. :-P

8. How is he/she different?
- Well, besides physical appearance? Uh....well....

9. If your character could speak, would they have the same voice as you?
- Yeah. :-/

10. If you were to suddenly become your character, what do you think would be the first thing you would do as them?
- Go into the bathroom and get naked, just so I can get to know my body before I go into public....and have some one ask me something I am not aware of. Like my tail for instance.

11. Is there something about your character that you don't like how others think of them?
- Well, not many know me, so no problems yet. Well, okay, the skunk spray issue. No, its not a major turn on for me to spray anyone. Besides, if you ever had been sprayed, it really stinks, it STINGS. HORRID, HORRID stuff.

12. What advantages does your character have over you?
- Muhahahaha, after ranting about the skunk spray, I say the skunk spray is an advantage. After all, who wants to risk getting sprayed by a skunk? OH, and fur. Extra layer of warmth.

13. What disadvantages?
- The tail, nothing would be anoying than trying to sit down, or lean back with a tail sticking out behind. That would REALLY hurt. Especially at the tail base. Or trying to close doors and what not. Shedding, I'll be unshedding alot of things....just to use them again.

14. Do you have any secrets relating to your character that only you know?
- Well, I used to have a short story based on his back ground. But I ended up tossing that years ago. So no.

15. Do you have any secret drawings only you know about?
- Yeah, mainly cause no ones seen them nor care, except for a few freinds. Nothing that a perv would look at anyways.

16. Do you have any plans for your character or are you working on something big relating to him/her?
- At one point, yeah. Though I tossed them out years ago.

17. What misconception(s), if any, do people have about your character?
- Don't know.

18. If you could have just ONE characteristic from your character, what would it be?
- The hair. White, straight hair. :-P

19. Have you made any characters that go along with yours, based on real-life people, that have the same relationship with your character as you with the real-life person?
- Yeah, lots of them. Well, not lots, but some of them. And if not, some characteristicts.

20. Have you written any stories about your character?
- Yup, two in high school. That was a decade ago.

21. How has your character changed since his/her first creation?
- Well, species wise. He was deep down more than a skunk. But that changed. He's now just a regular anthro striped skunk. He could sing. But that is no longer at all. He's pretty much more me than before.

22. Give us a one-liner from him/her.
- Stop thinking with your dick....wait, you don't have one......

I use live journal to pretty much put stuff down as they come out of my head. Telling the events of the day. And how I felt about them.

I use this place to do the same thing.

Now what erks me is. The attitude that is emplied to everyone is, "If you got nothing nice and important to say. Don't say it at all."

I am sorry, but its my fucking journal. And in the end of the day, no one really gives a rat's ass if I got promoted or if I met some guy who was supposed to be Willie Nelson. Really, who gives a fuck, right? Some would, some won't.

But the point I am getting at is, it don't matter if its pleasant, or if it was the worst experiance of their life.

In the end, no one gives a damn. The only one who cares the most in the end is ME. And the one who'lll be looking back at it later on in life out of curiosity is "ME".

Some freinds will look at it, some won't. And those who do, thank you very much for caring. Those who don't, well, they got their own lives to sort out and live. And I should hold nothing against them for it.

What erks me is, when some one takes a moment of their own time, and rags on the person that, "It's too long." Or "It's so wordy." Or, "Whine, whine, whine, whine."

Here's a concept I like to give those people. IGNORE IT. I am not stapaling it to your face while I prepare to hang your poodle, demanding you to read it and like it.

Really, if its anoying you, if it bothers you, if it just drives you up the wall. Don't waste your time to bitch to me about it.

Here's a polite concept when it comes to COMMENTS.

"If you got nothing nice to say, don't say it at all."

Telling me I suck is not nice, nor productive. Telling me I suck cause I hate football.....and I do. It's still not nice. Though I really should not say its productive, but its a start.

So, that's about it from me. :-/

Well, the BMV sure have improved since I was last in there last year.

I got in, paid 10 bucks. Got my ID updated with my new address. Though I was surprised to hear that I was supposed to have my Social Security # on my ID card since its a Comercial Drivers Lisence. Well, turns out its the old system that did not work with it. BUt....well, its still not on my new ID now. BUT, they say the main reason is, for CDL drivers, especially CDL A drivers like me who go cross country, need more than one way for the Police to look up my records. UH, okay, though is that a violation of our laws? I mean, it is already a violation to hand out Social Security numbers for any reason. SO I been told. Though I always figured that it was needed for documentation purposes for taxes and what not. Cause, lets face, if you wanted to keep your number seceret, do YOU want to take care of the paper work, and have the government expect YOU to be responsible and honest? Really, I rather have Uncle Sam go after work for screwing up than have them go after me.

Anyway, point of all that is, I got my ID updated with my new address. Lets hope I don't get into anymore weird shit like I did for my last ID.
Went to my truck to drop off my huge bag of clothing that I won't need tonight. Then went ahead and picked up my bed sheets to be washed tonight. I swear, that terminal of ours smells like SHIT. No, really, it does. But its nothing to do with sewage problems. It cause some of the drivers are too fucking lazy to get out of their truck and head to the bathroom. They'll just piss in a bottle, and empty it outside later. :-/

Came back here, and for some reason jumped into super depressed mode all the sudden. Nothing againts the Ludden's. I guess I am just tired of trying to explain myself and looking like a jerk, so I decided to be quiet. But thanks for my face for reading like a book, I had to explain myself anyways, cause I already was offending people. What I mean is, what I am planning on doing at that moment. WHY I decided my bed sheets needed to be washed heavidly. And just silly stuff that really isn't should be considered the end of the world. But for some reason I was treating it like that. They weren't, but I was. Top it off, I been thinking about being back home in Washington for the last couple of days. You know, say hi to some people, chill, hang out. What not. And here these two had a party for some one on Saturday. Then today are going out to meet up with people this evening. And I am just.....well.....in the back ground. No, I am not saying I am being ignored. No, I am not saying I want to stick my nose in their private affairs. I am just trying to say is, they got places to go and faces to see. I got a car that I am borrowing from them when they are not using it......and.....what faces? Could say hi to Bambi at her work. Though don't want to turn it into an every day venture. Then again, I don't do it much either. But the other reason I avoid doing that is, well, she's at work. You just don't bother people at work. Get along, talk a little bit. But if you don't need anything, why are you stopping them from getting their chores done?

Anyways, point of all this is. Far from people I know. I have not really been succesfull with meeting new people here. The circle of freinds for the Ludden's are nice, but leave me feeling totally out of place. I mean, the majority of their freinds went to college, passed, and are actually succesfull right now. I don't mean they are stinking rich, no, no, no. But they are financially stable. Not to mentioned married.

What do I have to show? "Oh, hi, I am John. I live with who ever is willing to put me up in their home. I work in a job where I am making less than I should make. Realtives bail me out of my bills. I got a college degree where I have not seen more than a days worth of work from it. I moved out of Washington only to still be stuck making shit to nothing. The only improvement in life is I got to catch up with my sister, get to really like her husband, and the jobs I had got came with real good medical benefits. OH, and don't ask me about a significant other. I still have that mentality of "cooties". Dispite my seceret stash of porn on my harrdrive, I still run away if a woman flashed me her boobs on purpose (and I did....when a lady flashed me at our Dallas Terminal). Not like I know what I want anyways, and the weirdo's I meet at conventions and truck stops are freaky enough to make me want to give up totally in the human race. After all, we are a bunch of fucking animals. So lets forget that. OH, and I got a tumor on the side of my face. I keep removing it, but it keeps coming back when I am low on funds. But nevermind about me, how about you?"

Yeah, whee, whee, do be doo do.

But I am fine now. I really should not thin like that, after all, I am alive, well fed. And...yeah, fed, sheltered, and sane. Yeah, sane......for how long?

Out of the blue I decided to just upload everything I got so far when it comes to Shandra.

The rest of the stories I put up in Scraps cause I still need to make corrections and what not. Though that can be said for the first four I put in "submissions" so far.

Really, I don't catch my mistakes cause I honestly not been taught well. Learning English from a teacher who's using English as their second language does hamper things. Especially since its the ONLY language I know.

Also putting up pics I collected through the years. Some in scraps, some in submissions. What ever.


Mainly I want to do this to show all I got so far.

And if I have a majour hard drive crash, I hope to be able to retrieve it elsewhere.

About it, staying up later than I planned cause I got a majour heart burn, and I was told not to take any antacids on the first day of the anti-biotics. Darn.

GENERAL

(001) Your gender: Male
(002) Sexual orientation: straight
(003) Single? Yep
(004) Do you want to be? Nope.....but I am scared of being stuck with a nut job.
(005) Your birthday: 5/17/1979
(006) Age you wish you were: Uh.....don't know
(007) Your height: 5'7
(008) The color of your eyes: Brown
(009) The color of your hair: dark brown/blackish
(010) Piercings: none
(011) Tattoos: none

DO YOU

(012) Smoke? nope
(013) Do drugs? nope
(014) Read the newspaper? Once and Awhile
(015) Pray? Once and awhile
(016) Talk to strangers who IM you? Used to...not anymore
(017) Take walks in the rain? Heh, more than I can count, Seattle.
(018) Drive? Yep, an 18 wheeler
(019) Like to drive fast? Hell no, 18 wheelers take at least 2 foot ball feilds to stop at 45 miles an hour without risking a jack knife. Do the math.
(020) Hurt yourself? Not on purpose

HAVE YOU EVER

(021) Been out of the country? Lived out of the US mostly. Well, okay, Guam a US Territory, and Saipan a US commonwelth. Though the Philipines I guess is a true out of country for me.
(022) Been in love? Not really, funny how a person can mix up love and hormones. I really want to know what love is....
(023) Done drugs? Nope.....unless you consider ritalin a drug. Legal speed people.
(024) Gone skinny dipping? Nope
(025) Had any type of surgery? Cut my head open from a chicken coup when I was...I think 5 on Guam. Had a keloid removed from my back around 7 to 8 on Guam. Had a tumor removed 2003 in Mount Vernon, Washington. Had a keloid removed in same town. Going to get regrown keloid removed next year. So I got another planned operation coming soon.
(026) Ran away from home? Nope, but thought about it alot when I was very young. Parents where crazy.
(027) Played strip poker? Nope
(028) Gotten beaten up? Lots of times, by either gender.
(029) Been picked on? Oh yeah
(030) Been on stage? Yep
(031) Slept outdoors? Yep
(032) Thought about suicide? Yep, almost did it when I was in Baguio City, Philipines when I was...I think 13..or 14.
(033) Pulled an all-nighter? Lots of times
(034) If yes, what is your record? 38 hours.
(035) Talked on the phone all night? Yeah, I talk to much
(036) Slept with the opposite sex without having sex? Nope
(037) Slept all day? YES
(038) Killed someone? Nope
(039) Made out with a stranger? Nope
(041) Had sex with a stranger? Nope
(042) Kissed the same sex? .........yeah.......
(043) Done anything sexual with the same sex? Yeah......nuff said
(044) Been betrayed? Yep
(045) Broken the law? Who has not?
(046) Met a famous person? Bruce Campbell
(047) Been on radio/TV? Nope
(048) Been in a mosh-pit? Yep, and got out of it quick.
(049) Had a nervous breakdown? More times than I care to count
(050) Been criticized about your sexual performance? Don't know, never tried.
(051) Had a dream that kept coming back? Yeah, dying, beaing shot by dancing vixens while going down some mountain with President Marcus's head saying something while everything is in a shade of green.

APPAREL

(052) Shoe brand - anything that's slip on
(053) What are you normally wearing to school/work? Jeans, buttoned up shirt with collor, socks, shoes. Boring stuff.
(054) Wear hats? Hell no
(055) Are you guilty of judging other people by their clothing? Yeah
(056) Do you wear make-up daily? NO!!!
(057) Favorite place to shop: Mejier over in the east. Fred Meyer in the west.
(058) Favorite article of clothing: Uh.....I guess underwear, cause I never leave my room without that at least.
(059) Are you trendy: Nope

DO YOU BELIEVE IN


(060) Life on other planets: Nope
(061) Miracles? Sorta
(062) Astrology? Just for shits and giggles
(063) Magic? Nope
(064) God? Maybe
(065) Satan? Maybe
(066) Santa? Your kidding?
(067) Ghosts? Hell yeah. Heck, I seen a good number of them back in Baguio City, Philipines. Our dorm was near a battle ground from WW2. Freaky. That, and you know you saw a ghost when you and 4 others talk about a strange encounter....at different times, with different situations and out comes...but with the EXACT same spirit.
(068) Luck? Yeah....
(069) Love at first sight? Kinda, I seen it for some, false for others, never with me.
(070) Yin and Yang? Good and bad, yep. Karma.
(071) Witches? Yeah....though today they are bitches.
(072) Easter bunny? Good easter time meal
(073) Fidelity? WHAT?
(074) A pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? If there was, we are all due for our gold

LOVE

(075) Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title? Nope
(076) Do you remember your first love? Yeah, and she crush my heart before I could even have the guts to even touch her hand. I am pathetic....but then again, she was dateing 8 guys besides me.
(077) Still love him/her? Nope
(078) Do you consider love a mistake? It can be
(079) What do you find romantic? Being able to comunicate on the same level without saying much
(080) Turn-on: .....uh. Nice personality, tomboyish looks. Don't need "a man" to do every day chores. And knows when to be polite, and when to litterally kick ass.
(081) Turn-off: In everyones face. Ranting about which genders are superior and the other not
(082) Do you base your judgment on looks alone? Nope
(083) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive? Well, honestly, why does it matter? Then again, my ex-gf asked me out. Then paid for my dinner even though I was going to pay for it. Honestly, I think that's what won me over with her. Besides we got along okay.....till I started to get to know her more outside of class. That, and she dated 8 others......I think I mentioned that. OH well.....
(084) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive? Yeah, once.
(085) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking? Nope, if they did, I probally would have no problem trying to ask some one of the opposite sex for directions.
(086) What's the last present someone gave you? Nothing
(087) Are you in love? Nope

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...

(088) That you laughed at? Forgot
(089) That laughed at you? Forgot
(090) That turned you on? Forgot
(091) You went shopping with? Sister
(092) To disappoint you? EVERYONE
(093) To ask you out? My ex-girlfreind......
(094) To make you cry? Some bitch over the phone when I was working for Verizon. HEY, the company are cold hearted assholes, but that does not mean I am. Sorry if my voice is flat.
(095) To brighten up your day? The married couple in this house
(096) That you thought about? Ivisible some one
(097) You saw a movie with? Sister and Brother-in-law
(098) You talked to on the phone? Dispatcher
(099) You talked to through IM? Seth Triggs
(100) You saw? Brother-in-law
(101) You turned down? Some weirdo I met at Conifur 2003. Kept teasing, teasing, and I just kept refusing. Even after she made me blush and woke up Mr.Happy by rubbing her crotch on my knee, I still said no. Really, I seem to meet strange women at conventions and truck stops.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU

(104) Smiled? Right Now
(105) Laughed? Few minutes ago.
(106) Cried? Saturday when the damn pain in my throat was VERY bad that the pain killers weren't nulling the pain
(107) Bought something? A new CD by Weird Al, during lunch....along with another perscription
(108) Danced? In the shower.....what?
(109) Were sarcastic? ALL THE TIME. Since when I was not? :-P
(110) Hugged/kissed someone? Uh...like that, never
(111) Talked to an enemy? Oh, I forgot when....but those that anoy you are enemies.
(112) Watched your favorite movie? Last night
(113) Talked on the phone? Half an hour ago
(114) Listened to the radio? This morning
(115) Watched TV? Haven't watch TV in a long time, I forgot when the last time I watched a station. Signals bad over here.
(116) Went out? Outside? This morning. On a date? High school
(117) Helped someone? This evening
(118) Sang? All the time.
(119) Said "I love you"? Never
(120) Got drunk? When I was 15 during some feild trip in Metro Manila.

Muhahahaha, Weird Al released a new album on the 26th. I just got it today. Muhahahaha.

"Straight Outta Lynwood" is the current title.

Heh, the video he made so far is funny. To me anyways.

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?f.....oid=1194164636

Though my two favorite songs on it is "I'll Sue Ya", and "Virus Alert". Muhahaha, these two make me laugh. Mainly cause he's so sarcastic in it. I can't figure out what style "Virus Alert" Alfred did. But he did he did his take on "Rage Against the Machine" style for "I'll Sue Ya". Which, I am sorry to say this, but all their music (Rage Against the Machine) sounds SO similar to me. I mean, heavy yet slow guitar jamming. Yelling out of his nose with ryhmes, and the slow repeat of a line in the middle. About it for "Rage Against The Machine". And I don't say RAGE for short. Cause there's a real good German metal band name RAGE. And they sing in English. :-P

Well, after me getting stressed out, Sister and Brother-In-Law decided to help me finish moving my stuff out of my appartment at the last minute (like 9 PM). Eithe way, they brought both of their cars and we loaded both up till there was barely any room to put any extra people in the car. Heh.

Anyways, went to the Doctor again this morning. Got some anti-biotics this time. Turns out I was NOT taking anti-biotics the whole time. It was just a super strong pill to clear my throat and stop me coughing alot. WEll, it sure did that.....BUT the doc told me the reason I did not get on it right away cause she was under the impression I was going straight back to work after my visit. If she knew I was going to be home the whole time, I would have gotten it right away. Oh well, mis-comunication.

Anyways, that was done. Went to Meijer to get my perscription and the Weird Al album.

Then finished doing the last touches on the apartment and turned in the keys. Yay, the appartment is done.

About it. Now sitting here, doing dishes.......I don't mind dishes if its a small pile and it was rinsed prior to just sitting in the sink. Well....this is 3 days worth of dishes, none been rinsed before hand. I swear, these two can be lazy. Then again, if I was not so out of it the last few days, I would be doing my part more often. Oh well, who cares. I am part of this living arangment, so as long that one of us take care of whats need to be done. We will all be happy.

Besides, Brother In-Law got both work and a few freelanceing projects to take care of. And my sister is trying to recover from a nervous break down. SO...yeah, all three of us are pretty much messed up this whole week.

I yanked this off of a few people's journals....like the last one. :-P

Now, I know no ones going to do this. So I have no idea why I even bothered putting this on here.

But for shit's and giggles, why not? Just to surprise me.

Honestly people, surprise me. I could use a surprise for once that don't involve finances. :-/


. Who are you?
. Are we friends?
. When and how did we meet?
. Would you kiss me? Where?
. Give me a nickname and explain why?
. Describe me in one word!
. What was your first impression of me?
. Do you still think the same?
. What reminds you of me?
. If you could give me anything what would it be?
. How well do you know me?
. Are you going to put this on your journal and see what i say about you?
. Would you ever meet up with me?