http://unconventional.cfw.me/

My comic's new home. It will be updated there first before here. On Monday and Friday each week for he current story line.

FA will be the mirror. I am still angry with Smack Jeeves. It worked and had ways for me to download the archive I built through the years. WELL, with it's changes, I couldn't even download the images one at a time. Topped off moving a lot and going through numerous PC/Laptops through the years have brought to my attention that I do NOT have a fail safe way of storing things. FA ended up being the way for me to rebuild my private archive and transfer the strips over to it's new home. SO, despite FA being a pain in the ass due to being old and behind......saved me a bit there.

Ah well, hope you all keep up there for the strips. AND....well....hope to be sorta active on Belfry again.

My Smack Jeeves account will be deleted by the end of the month. Probably sooner. Been fun Smack Jeeves.


ALSO, thank you all for the well wishes for my birthday on Friday. :-D Thanksies. :-D

Hadn't tried this awhile. I am sure nothing much will happen.

But, ask me anything. I'll respond as soon as I can.

Though, may as well say, stay put here on FA for updates for now.

I finally figured out Smack Jeeves new layout and function. It is designed to release a chapter all at once. An issue. Like Marvel and DC comics. Or like a Manga. Where it's focused on one large release instead of a strip a day format. You know, like Sunday comics. Or how the majority of online comics are. How I been releasing my comic for years.

Once I got it in my head that Smack Jeeves format is comic book/manga layout, then uploading and working with it was with ease.

Well, I am for sure not going to deal with it. I tried to add strips at a time to the same chapter. It don't give notice to the change of the file. So as far as folks watching are concerned, I had not been updating often.

So bye, bye Smack Jeeves, you were great.

Still looking for another site. Just need to make time. I was just too busy trying to salvage Smack Jeeves.

Well, I maybe lonely, but I can at least give everybody else well wishes on this day. Have fun all.

Well, I don't want to give up on Smacked Jeeves since they been the go to place for my comic for a while. As most may have noticed here on FA, I am quite bad with keeping updates. Reason I went with a site like Smack Jeeves cause it was a place for non FA users to find my comic. Topped off, it was open to the public (with a disclaimer on the adult content). But most importantly, the uploading and managing of chapters are very easy.

Since the site change not too long ago, the navigation have become extremely wonky and hard to work with. Tonight I decided to try to test uploading. And they totally changed that. So much so that it's not even easy. It's extremely tedious....like uploading to FA. Granted, I still can upload it into a pool for release later at a later date. BUT, instead of uploading it at on time. It's one at a time. And they....well, just changed a lot of shit.

I am extremely not happy with it. There's only 9 strips left to go on Smack Jeeves till James's current arch is done. And I am getting prepped up with getting the next arch rolling out soon. And already I am pulling my hair (what's left of it) on how to use this thing.

Seriously, they had a simple system. Tedious, but simple. Not too long ago, I think this year, they changed the upload system where it was super fast and easy. Only to change the whole site dramatically to the point that I don't even know what I am looking at. The frustrating part is, despite it's still a simple LOOKING system. It's a DIFFERENT system and layout than what I am used to. AND it's a STEP BACKWARDS from what they made huge improvements on not so long ago prior to the site change.

I don't want to leave Smack Jeeves, but I am so leaning towards it. The BIG issue is, not finding a new home/mirror for Unconventional. But finding time to upload EVERYTHING to that new home/mirror.

SO, my question to you all. And I know I been given suggestions in the past on discord and other places. But I am a huge flake lately. So please, I want it on here. Does anyone know any simple comic sites that are easy to manage for a numb skull like me who don't understand coding. That won't hide adult content (or any content) behind a pay wall. Something that's similar to what Smack Jeeves was.

If those sites turn out to be easier to deal with than Smack Jeeves (hell, FA have become easier to work with compared to them), I may end up going that direction.

I am fine. Just been very busy with work. Been looking around for a new place to live. No such luck yet. But it's slow going mainly cause I am scoping prices and what available between Anderson and Frankfort. In Frankfort will be ideal. Last two months I either camped at work or stayed in a hotel near work due to either fatigue or weather. So if a place near work, I don't need to drive more than an hour one way. Funny, I always seem to get jobs far from the place I live.

Home life is still frustrating. I gave up trying to talk sense with my cousin. Seems she's happy to make up my life's reality than hear me out what I been doing. As far as she knows, I got a "friend" I see every Sunday night. What ever, I just go out for dinner by myself. Don't need to go out to meet anyone. But after the 4th night, I decided to just say, "sure, if it makes you happy, I got a date.". Never told her more. But she responds with, "I knew it!". I am like, "yep, your willpower to twist reality is strong.". Pissed her off, but what ever. Between May to June is end of my two years there. I'll have something lined up by then. Or before.

Ah well, maybe I can salvage things with her once I am out of the house. Tired of being something she thinks needs fixed. I never asked for anything from her except a place to stay. I don't need relationship advice when I have no plans on dating anyone. Nor tips from a person who been married 8 times. I don't need her to contradict my doctor with what I need to do to take care of myself. I just don't need to be treated like a kid.

But hey, job is doing well. Everything going better than when I was in Washington state. Maybe I'll show myself to the next Indy con. I don't know.

So I'll keep it simple. I been living with my cousin since July of last year. And since then, I hadn't got any time for myself. She constantly seeks attention, gets on my case about anything under the sun. And topped off she's so sporadic and impulsive that I have no idea what to expect when I get back home from a few days away at work. Let alone what to expect that second. She's that bad. To give an idea of how extreme she can be. I came home one week and she bought a new house that week and we are moving in, starting NOW. I am not kidding, this did happen.
Topped off she loves to argue and wants to win. She don't know WHY she is arguing sometimes who what it's about or where she stands. She MUST win. She could accidentally stumble onto a subject, like being Pro Baby Eaters, and she'll fight to win it. Even though it's against every fiber of her being. I mean, she's argued with me a few times about needing to go to Church and she hadn't been to Church in 20 years and SHE is proudly counting.

I did my best to deal with it, since I can't afford to just move out on my own. At least at the time I moved in. Though now, it looks like if I really need to, I can struggle on my own.....on CHEAP rent. And frankly, I am so used to dealing with fuckwits needing to one up each other and just make themselves feel good that I can ignore it. What I can not ignore, which she crossed the line this week. I can not ignore doing anything a person can to win an argument for the sake of feeling better. At the cost of people around them and the person they are talking to. And willing to distort, manipulate, and even lie to accomplish a win.

I am fed up with it. I just don't know what to do at the moment. This current job I am only out 4 to 5 days a week instead of 3 to 4 weeks in a month. So I can't just pack my stuff, put into a storage unit, and live in truck till something comes up. My Father and Sister is in the loop with what I want to do....and frankly they are not happy with her lately either. My cousin is about 70 years old and is acting like a woman child. She will scream and yell to win. She is getting worst. And I partially blame it on going senile. But I also blame Trump Supporters. She is getting worst and even would even defend her behavior because...well...look at Faux News. And before anyone says how dare I compare her to Trump Supporters. WELL....fuck it, she not only acts like one, she IS ONE. Voted for the guy. Yep. I can sit here and say how much I hate/love Trump. But his Supporters can be the worst. Not all.....but the screaming majority of them. Especially when they talk about race and conveniently ignore that I am part of that minority they like to bitch about.

Anyway, I probably be chatting with my Dad and Sister this weekend on what we can come up with. But they agree that I need out of there. So I got some help. I just need to remind myself it's not going to be instant. Especially since I already set roots in this place. So it will be hard to uproot on a short notice.

I ended up not going to Indy Fur Con. Mainly cause my truck broke down during the work week, making me delayed to getting back to Indiana for my normal weekend off. By the time I got back Saturday, I rarely slept the days before. So I just slept for majority of my weekend till now. Now it's almost 4am Monday. Gotta go to work 12 hours from now. Whee.

Ah well, maybe next year. Heh, I think.

Like.....who is going to Indy Fur Con next month? I been considering popping up to that, but not committed to it yet. I really don't know what to expect or if it's worth it. It's only 5 minutes from my sister's place, and half an hour from where I currently live. So I could make it easily work if I really want to make the plans. I just....don't know anyone who's going. ONE person I SORTA know moved to Colorado couple years ago, so takes that person out of the equation. Topped off, I did do a very last minute trip to AnthroCon last week. So I have to chose if this is worth what little money I got left, or go ahead and show up. I can easily make this a very cheap trip if I wanted to. As is, show up for a day, drive from house to con and back. I guess I'll see as the dateline slowly approaches.

But anyway, looking back at my gallery I realized a lot sure changed on my end. And not just where I currently live. But....well, I just seem so hopeful and out going compared to how I am recently. I was more outgoing with comments, postings, and just giving people more benefit of the doubt. Last part is funny to me since I recall at the time that I still had reservations and even gut feelings about some things. But I normally chose to jump than then back off. Or at least cautiously work my way down to an even level. Nowadays I am just too cautious, rarely willing to just blurt something out, and just......broody.

I blame a good chunk of it on trucking. But there other aspects are also, oddly enough, on here. FA itself have not been bad to me. And frankly, while I watched others through the years raise hell, I just was content on my little space here. And FA isn't perfect. But it's still a place I interact in. I got SoFurry and I still can't figure out how to use it. And Smack Jeeves is just were I post my comic versions of my stories. Facebook is just a place I make sure my friends and family keep up with me....though that too had been dying due to relatives and friends going shitty with politics and what not.

So yeah, despite me going quiet more and more each year, I still am active in a ghost kinda way. Though looking at the past uploads and seeing comments from folks I used to talk to. I realize a recurring theme. Each person comes on here new, get's very involved, find something that angers them, leave. And the ones who don't leave, usually get angrier, angrier. Get cynical and just get quiet, and quieter. I miss a lot of those folks who left. I feel old wounds open up when I see some I thought were friends move on and not even give a damn we both once shared laughs and did more than just comment on submissions. Just thinking of that makes me even more broody and anti-social.

I don't know if I am making much sense here. But I am trying to say is, I still think back at the fond memories. And I get hurt wondering, "what the hell happened?" For some folks, I can't find any fault they did other than they just not interested in me anymore. Or FA in general. Some folks left out of not liking where FA is going....or what it already was. I can't let myself take those situations personal. But the ones I some how upset to the point they won't respond or respond in a shitty manner. That really hurts. I can no longer let that bother me. I still wish I knew what I did, and how can we repair the relationship. But it's obvious at this point they don't want to fix it. So I need to just let it go and let it be. Cause trying to fix something that nobody wants to fix will just break things further.

I won't give names. I just won't. But I still will say I wish you all well. And from what I seen of those who are still on here, you all are. So that's good.

I'll admit though, there is ONE person whom I wish I can scream sense into.....but that's the only person so far that "I" purposely pushed out of my life. SO I guess I am not so perfect myself. I don't wish that person any ill either.

I just been thinking a lot lately. Finally in a job where I am getting the respect I deserve and more time for myself. I am rediscovering myself, I guess. Years of living/working in a truck for peanuts have really left me feeling like a nobody. My drive to write had been shot. And my drive to just work for the sake of working is too strong. It's nice to finally work for the sake of income. I am looking forward to weekends now cause I actually get days off during the week.

Point I am saying is, more I do stuff without worry and SOME sort of positive outcome, I feel a little gutsy to do more. My last minute trip to AnthroCon was not only my first AnthroCon ever. But it was the first group gathering in years where I felt comfortable roaming on my own and walking to places on my own. Yeah, I still wanted to hang out with people I know. But I didn't feel the need to beg for folks to walk me everywhere. I was able to just do what I had to do. I honestly didn't think I could anymore. I wasn't clingy. Well, okay, I was clingy for company. But I wasn't clingy for security and confidence.

Saturday of the con was the only day I was in an anxiety attack. But even then, I didn't show up and let myself be a downer. I just took care of it on my own time. Eventually showed up when I was ready to hang out and not be a downer for my own gain.....like some I met. Gotta have them somewhere.

I think I can be like I was once again. I just wish it did not involve being dislocated thousand of miles away from home to start over again. Actually, I wish I never went back to Werner and try to be truck owner. BUT on the flip side, since I now understand how to manage my own truck/fleet, my current boss and I sometimes talk business and I am able to keep up with him and even give my two cents. SO I guess there's some good in that.

Anyway, I am rambling, obviously. With no real direction....some things never change. :-P But point I wanted to get at is, I realize...well....knew I was getting more distant through the years on here. But I am also realizing tonight that I am not the only one. And me and the small few who despite going distant through the years, are still on here, posting something and looking sorta alive. SO I want to be one of those who is more lively and interact more with others. If I could jump in and say shit with no fear cause, "I am new here." Then I can do the same now to someone regardless if new or not.

Really, 10 years ago I had postings where people comment and I would comment back. Then through the years, people comment, I rarely respond. Nowadays I'll be lucky to get a random comment. I want life around me. So I need interact with life around me.

To my surprise, for a big con, it was very good. NOT the place to go if you don't like huge crowds. BUT the convention center it was in got plenty of room to roam about that it don't feel suffocating. Granted, I still had an anxiety attack on Saturday that I just had to stay hidden in my room for the day. But from Thursday to Sunday (minus Saturday), it was good.

Not sure what more to say without making this super long. I met a lot of people. I feel weird making a list of people I met. You know who you are. Comment if you want to be advertised.

Only met one who keeps up with the comic form of my stories. But that's fine, I rather meet one person who likes my works than to meet 20 who wants to bash my work. And nobody knew me enough to bash my work. SO, I say it was good. I didn't go there in hopes to be a celebrity anyways....unlike some folks I met or read from journals. I just came to mingle.

Anyway, so all in all, not a bad trip. i guess the biggest thing that helped with budget was I live 5 hours away, drove there, and stayed at a hotel outside of the heart of Pittsburgh. Though.......maybe having A room mate could have helped knocked the price in half. But still 91 a night instead of 220 a night for the hotels near the convention.....yeah, I still did good. Remember folks, I decided like a couple days before the con to go. So I missed out on locking myself in on decent rates.

About it.

Well, turns out not much orders for work this week. I was LUCKY to get a last second Nebraska load on Sunday. But about it. So I'll have a paycheck. But from Tuesday to next Monday, I am free for the "blow up our nation for it's birthday" week. So.....since I now live in Indiana instead of Washington state.....and I drive past Pittsburgh every week for my usual route to Maine. WELL......I may as well jump in my car and go to a con I always wanted to pop up to since I got out of high school.

SO yeah......I won't be doing much there other than socialize and meet folks. I hope this is worth the last hotel search nightmare to maybe plan to arrive next year.

I am not keen on sharing rooms with strangers. But since this is a last second planning to attend a con and the affordable room I found happen to be a double occupancy, I MIGHT entertain the idea of sharing the room. I hope I won't regret mentioning this. :-P Do realize it's NOT in the con hotel/shuttle area. So if needing rides, that might an issue.

SO....yeah, might see some of you out there. :-D

And nothing much changed....other than having 30,000 submissions to go through. So I did something I don't normally do. Nuke it all. Sorry for those who was hoping I seen your submissions. I guess I'll catch up manually later on.

I am also horribly bad with keeping up with Journals. Actually, I rarely look at journals. Which is quite sad since I want to know what everyone else is doing. But on the flip side, part of the reason I hardly keep up with mine is because I am sure I am not the only one who rarely reads the journals. I am horrible, I know.

Well, work is still doing good. I think I made my footing there. Cause I am being giving work and being asked if willing to do more here and there when they need me. So that's good. The Jeep Patriot I had for only a year was already starting to act up to the point the transmission needed to be repaired. Long story short, traded it in for a used Toyota Prius v. Yeah......I got a Prius. And so far I am liking it. It's getting the same gas mileage my motorbike back in Washington would get to and from work. I thought I would miss that Jeep....but I do not. I was pressured into buying it anyways. And thankfully there was more than enough value to trade it in for the down payment. First time I EVER got a loan for a car. Now hopefully I don't screw up and lose the job, therefor lose the car.

Heh, a truck driver who drives a Prius when off duty. I bet those nutty environmentalist will have their minds blown from confusion. Hey, a truck pulled many Prius's in one run to the car dealer lot. :-P

Anyway, about all on my end. I do have complaints about living with my cousin and dealing with her side of the family. I never realized I had redneck relatives. BUT then again, if I have Redneck types back in Thailand from Mom's side of the family. THEN why am I surprised I have redneck types on my Dad side of the family here in the states? I mean, I knew how Grandma was KKK like. I should NOT be surprised. But I am....go figure.

Other than that, all good.

I been super quiet mainly cause...well...like I said before....kinda tired of always giving bad news and gripes. Granted, life really hadn't been grand through the years. But I live.

My new job is turning out to be quite well. Getting along with everyone. It's a tiny company. Just 11 of us drivers and the family who owns the trucks. All I do usually is pick up in Frankfort, IN. Head to Lisbon, Maine. And head straight back to Frankfort. Then have a couple days off till my next run. Sometimes I'll do something else that week. But I am mainly hired to do the long runs to Maine. Either way, they been fair and honest with me. Paid me correctly and on time. And been even giving all of us bonuses. Best part is, my truck been in the shop for a week now. And I am using another truck. So I am guaranteed of some sort each week.

Funny, being paid honestly and with a well planned, structured environment with focus on keeping our customers base small and willingness to grow with those customers can keep a good pay check coming in. I am making 2 cents less than the last company I worked for. YET I am taking home way more.

I am still expecting to wake up from the dream and fall back into my nightmare I been in for years. I kept quiet about this cause I am afraid I'll jinx this and watch it all fall to pieces once more.

I honestly have no complaints about my work situation for once. It's...kinda foreign. I hope good things continue to come. Or at least hope that stability remains from here on out. I didn't plan to move to Indiana (again). But things are looking up finally. I'll be stupid to drop this and leave. I just now need to start getting my finances in order and I shall be okay. I am not going to say GREAT. But then again, compared to what I been through the last few years, this improvement IS great.

Well, I am about to go into another trucking job. Not really happy about it....at all.

I really, really, REALLY hate trucking now that I want to say to anyone who feels like I would be happy to talk about it....I do not So wanna get on my good side, don't try to sell me for another company or "Talk Shop". It's okay to ask me how I am doing in it. Just don't go further than that. That's all I can ask. If I can't get out of this relationship, then I may as well keep my distance and glare angrily at it....cause it seems I can't divorce it. Just go into separation till I need to go back.

I have tried to find other lines of work since November. And I hadn't gone anywhere since. I took paths that my stupid young relatives took to get jobs they have no qualifications for, and got nothing. Seriously? These guys just got out of high school and getting decent paying work....that they flake and quit. Yet I can't get shit? Yet....I get un-employment and temp agencies point to more truck driving.

I am serious folks, if you never dreamed of getting a CDL, never dreamed of being a truck driver, DO NOT GET YOUR CDL. You will NEVER get out unless you get hurt or you need to start taking insulin. I feel like Leonard Nimoy, take a job cause you need it....and forever be typecast as some alien off of a TV show. I swear, do not get your CDL if you do not plan to make this your life. You will FOREVER be stuck in it, and you will have fuck tards who refuse to understand why you want out. Fuck tards who will forever believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the Trucker's rainbow. There's a pot alright, but it's not gold. Actually, it's a bill for you to PAY for that pot at the end of the rainbow.

Sorry, I am just highly frustrated and out of anything positive to say. I been very quiet, hoping for something good to happen so I can have something good to say. And instead, I still hanging by a thread. SO yeah, I am not really happy. I think I am gonna be one of the many truck drivers with no home, nobody, and the truck being his only shelter with little money to pay for food. Friends all gone, relatives passed away, and a public who wants to think he's a menace to society as they take whatever I just hauled to them.

BUT hey, I have the wonderful privilege to say I got a job and be used as a statistic that I am part of the working class for a party who obviously don't give a damn about me and others who are not like them.

My home situation is very complicated right now But I am really considering moving back to Washington since I am not getting anywhere with the false promises of opportunities since they are too busy kissing forcing me to get back behind a wheel. And I can do the same shit back in Washington state. If I am going to be broke, constantly on the road, and unhappy, then I may as well be where I want to be. But me moving back will be a while since I am flat broke.

Well, it's that time of year again. I know I been very silent as of late. But I could at least pop on out of my hiding place to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Well, at least my Christmas/New Year isn't as different for me this year....since I always wound up in Indiana for this time of year since 2010. Just actually wish to be able to go back to Washington state. My plan at the start of this year was to have Christmas in Washington state for once. INSTEAD, I lose my truck, job, and move on my birthday. Heh yeah ,happy birthday, your life is changing.

Ah well, despite what I just said, I got a lot to be thankful for. Just hope to get a job very soonish.

SO..........what is everyone doing this Christmas? New Years? I am just hanging out with my sister for Christmas. And it looks like I'll just be at home for New Years.

I kept a tight lip about my last job because I didn't want to jinx much. I'll try to keep this short. But I left cause despite how the positives I was seeing made me happy. The negatives was rearing it's ugly head after the first month. I was overworked, ignored, and expected to play with my logs (hours) to make things work.

I pride myself with doing things right, never playing with my hours, and staying on roads that are designed to take heavy amounts of traffic as much as possible. I never skipped scales, and I kept things orderly. Yet during my time with these guys, I found myself doing a lot of things that I hated other drivers for doing. And topped off, when I tried to address this to my company safety head, she blew me off and talked over me and tried to make it sound like I was cray and there was no problem. Seriously? During orientation she talked about how our safety rating was horrible, especially our logs. Yet I (was the only new hire at orientation. The rest were drivers from another company they just bought) was hired in hopes to improve their safety rating. WELL, my safety record is not clean for decades because I was great at lying. I am a horrible lier. It's clean cause I do everything by the book.. Topped off never paying my reimbursements on time. Tolls and truck expenses come out of my pocket. Werner and Marten never had a problem paying me back the moment I scan in my receipts. These guys won't pay me till I show up in their office to turn in the originals. NOW, that's okay if they told me at orientation that I must turn in originals at the main office. BUT they told everyone that they will pay me back when I scan in my receipts. Not once they paid me back from scanning. Topped off told everyone that we can use the toll roads without restrictions. Only to have them tell me they won't reimburse me for certain roads cause they felt I could have taken a cheaper route. And finally, despite me being on their asses for months to make sure I'll get my medical insurance after the 3 month grace period. They blew me off, saying the info is in.....only to say they NEVER received it.

Yeah, so that's why I left them. Topped off living expenses on the road is high compared to 10 years ago. The pay rates hadn't gone up since the 90's. I was able to keep my living on the road expenses between 50 to 100 bucks 12 years ago. But nowadays, I barely keep it down to 200 bucks. It's really not worth it anymore.

SO, unless it's a local driving job that pays hourly, I am no longer driving truck anymore. I rather flip burgers at McDonalds than this. And McDonalds was my first job ever, so I can say that.

I'll look for work here in Anderson, IN for the next month or so. See if I can get into some factory work. If I don't get anything worthwhile or stable by January, I guess I'll head back to Arlington, WA for home.

I want to break my silence with something. I got a lot to ramble about with my current job....but I'll get on that some other time. I'll just say it's not working out and I'll be jobless soon. SO once I am out the door (or off the truck, in this case), I'll update on that front.


SO, I am curious, how many Space theme songs do you all know? I am curious. Cause recently I been thinking of how many songs I know through the years that deal with space themes? Jamiroquai have many songs...even an album or two that is totally space themed. David Bowie had his Space Odysee and a couple more albums in later years following Major Tom. Level 42 even had a few songs on space themes. Duran Duran had touched on space themes too.

So I figured there's way more out there. Anyone want to mention any? Something to dabble with.

I rarely do this. But like to amplify a signal.

Check out some of  kv1nn4 chakat adoptables. They are quite good design. Apparently, I guess they are part of the Stone family. Bunch of rolling stones, I guess. But do check them out.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/24184870/

And check out this out of this world geek jackal. Cause...well....can't have enough geeky jackal gals.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/24196096/

Well, first week on the job is done. And many more to come. There's a lot of good things and bad things about this company I am working for. Good part is I get to at least live in this truck as comfortable as I would like. And they gave me a 2016 Freightliner Cascadia Evolution. Fancy name at the end there. It's a dream compared to my last truck which was a Freightliner Century, 2006. This thing didn't come with an APU or battery powered AC unit like I was promised. BUT it does come with a fridge, power inverter, auxiliary bunk heater, and all their trucks don't have idle shutdown. Well, it does, but all the by pass methods are in place so I can run it during very hot/cold days. And they don't track my idle. SO that is good. Also don't force me to follow their routing....don't give me a route. I direct myself. SO as long I keep everything I want to en-route, and as close to the destinations as possible, I am pretty much left to do what I need to do. Also I get load information way in advanced. I know what I am doing from now till Friday. So that's a huge bonus.

My gripes are this company got a lot of dings and fines for any mess ups on my part that I can't help but feel I am wide open for mis-treatment in the future. BUT right now, I'll just take it easy, do what I need to do, and try to bank things. I am scared to see my first pay check. I am so used to NOT seeing a pay check that the thought that I may actually get paid instead of IOUs that I can't help but look at it as a foreign concept. But the threats of penalties to my pay check for going out of miles, making few mistakes on maintenance checks, and anything else you can think of under the sun is not making me sleep easy at night. But I hadn't slept easy in many years, so I'll give these guys a shot.

Overall, they are keeping me working. Despite my worries about what I am getting into and signs I might have jumped out of the fire and landed into the frying pan. But at least it's not the other way around. One more ledge to jump for better grounding. But there's a lot of good I seen so far that is making feel these guys will be worth trying out and giving them my all. So I hope for the best.

My biggest gripe is I barely have time for myself. So you all will not hear from me as often as you used to. Oddly, I was going silent for a bit cause I didn't want to toss off my sob stories through the years. But now it seems I'll be quiet mainly cause I am actually busy. So that maybe a good thing.

Oh, and I am finding myself hating the automatic semi trucks. Oh it's set up to very aggressive fuel economy setting. So instead of using the engine to help me slow down....or to help me keep control in the mountains. It wants to either go up to highest gear as soon as possible. OR worst yet, go "economy coast" down the fucking mountain. Economy coast is pretty much stop fuel from entering the engine and let inertia coast me. Good on flat land with some up and downs. Not good for mountains. I end up using my brakes more....which of course turns the engine back on. But I want it to be on and STAY in gear I selected when climbing/going down grades. I could turn on the jake brakes. BUT it too is controlled by the trucks computer system. SO it will slow down/shift how it FEELS it should and depending how "aggressive" I set the Jake breaks, I MIGHT get the results I want. I do NOT want to be driving this on slick roads, like winter. It depends too much on brake pedals and jake brake settings instead of just letting me use the engine for speed control. Many times I tried to slow down, only to have the tranny all the sudden go to neutral to figure out what gear to go next, all the sudden leaving my truck to all the sudden speed up faster on it's own innertia when trying to slow down for a clover leaf.

Speaking of driving an automatic semi......those things are a different beast than car automatics. Just like semi-truck manuals are a different beast.....I got a car now that is a manual. Fuck, so I am confused as hell jumping in my car and finding myself trying to drive my car like a semi-truck, wondering why it's not getting in gear like it should. Car manuals are SIMPLER than Semi-trucks. Much simpler. Clutch to floor, put in gear, done. Semi-trucks have no synchronizers. To down shift, clutch half way, stick in neutral, release clutch, rev engine to correct RPM for speed and what gear you trying to go for, clutch half way, put in gear (might not go in right away due to YOU not syncing it right), release clutch. Up shift, go up to 1500 RPM's (or what ever RPM that matches the speed you are in....you'll know once you get used to your engine and tranny), clutch half way, shifter in neutral, clutch out to get flywhee and engine in sync. Clutch half way, put in gear (once again, all on YOU to sync them right, or it will not go in....but easier than downshifting), release clutch. Clutch to floor is the flywheel clutch brake. NEVER put it to floor unless you need to slow it down enough to help get in gear. There is no way to hear, see, or gauge flywheel speed.....so good luck. It's mainly there so you can get it in gear when you are stopped and trying to start moving.

SO.....can you see why I get confused easily in a simple car when I am used to driving a complicated manual system like a semi-truck?
Driving an automatic semi-truck isn't easy either. And I am learning it on the go. So far....it's too easy to confuse it to the point it leaves me coasting slowly in intersections. Been more than once I ended up coasting at 5 miles an hour during a light change cause the damn tranny "got confused" and I couldn't tell it which gear to get in without confusing it even further. Sometimes at a stop, it would get in gear, only to slip out of it all the sudden before I start to roll.....once again coasting at 5 miles an hour as it tries to figure it out. Thankfully, I could just stop and wait...but even then, I had times I literally stopped for the entire green light till it finally figured out what gear to get into.....as the light went red....and I had many angry cars zip by and flip me off. No sir, I do not like this automatic.

Ah well, the truck itself is in great shape and functions. I hadn't had an issue yet (besides the tranny). It does what I need it to do, it runs, it keeps me comfortable and dry. For a truck, what more do I want? And the best part is, it's NOT mine.

Good thing about this place so far is maintenance and cleanliness is important to them. You will rarely see a truck and trailer get anywhere near as dirty as my last company was. Though the little gripe I have is their trailers are missing a lot of their valve stem caps. And I had inspectors look for them in the past. So I better bring that up.

Their office is tiny, and staff is very small. There's only two dispatchers, and I deal with the head one the most. I got no employee number. She calls me by name. I get to see everyone including the owner face to face when I am at the office. So it's a nice turn around....I never met big wigs back in Omaha in my last company. And only met ONE of the 10 dispatchers I had while working there for nearly a decade. So that's a huge change. Topped off, these folks don't play "Secrete Service". At least so far. I was not once so far been told to do anything without explanation or help. I must admit, I was scared at first. I am so used to just doing what I need to do and using that on board computer for both help and MY protection that it's foreign for me to just be able to call a person up, get an answer. AND actually have things happen without the game of, "We never talked". That's why I use the on board computer a lot for "protection". TO make sure it's documented that I did send/rec messages and requests. Having things over the phone actually making results is....foreign to me.

Ah well, enough from me for now. Won't go into how my weeks been when it comes to work. I'll just say it's typical work chaos. Some days work out right, and some (like this weekend) don't work out as planned. But it's all good in the end.

Anyway, I am officially living in Anderson, Indiana now. SO....yeah......not sure how to feel about that part other than, I got a roof over my head. Guess I'll see how things go in due time.

Well, I think I feel comfortable now to say things. At least more than I was willing to. But I don't want to go on and on about the shit I put up with for the last few years. SO I'll just say when it's asked.

Anyway, from the last entry, some job applying I did didn't seem to produce much. My Dad took me to unemployment not too far from his home. I was worried how that will work with an out of state ID (WA). Dad wanted me to try to apply for both unemployment and welfare. WELL, I skipped welfare. Especially since while I was sitting at a computer terminal, I overheard a Mother and her son talking to a rep about why they are not accepted for assistance. Brought back a lot of memories of Mom and I trying to do the same thing and getting NOTHING. I figured, fuck, not going through that again unless I am in dire straights. Enough disappointment in my life. Besides, I am still doing okay.

I instead went straight to looking for work, posting my work history, education, and job history in the last 10 years on there.

Less than 5 minutes of me completing it, I get a call from a local trucking company just 4 miles south of the office, very interested in hiring me. I was skeptical. So I went down to their location. It was pretty much an on the spot interview. Place looked fine. Equipment in great shape. Though like I said, local, so it's small. They just opened an office in Tennessee, and got an office being build in Jacksonville, FL. So yeah, huge downgrade. These guys don't go west of Denver, CO. So I won't be going home to Washington state anymore. So I'll need to transfer my ID to Indiana. They are going to help me on that....guess they want me bad.

Long story short, I go in this Saturday to learn how to function in this company, then most likely start driving on Monday.

My Dad seems happy. So happy that he loaned me money for a car. So I got a car here. My cousin lives 4 miles from their terminal. So I am going to be moving into her home. I been offered a place to stay at her place for years. But I never did since Anderson is an hour away from Indianapolis. And everything including my last job was in the heart of Indianapolis So I didn't bother. But now seems like everything is going to be Anderson. Ah well, guess I'll see how this goes.

SO yeah, that's what's happening with me. Got a new job, starting life over in Indiana....again. And once again I got tons of shit I hadn't taken cared of back in Washington state that I'll have to put on hold once more.

But I can't complain. It's nice to get calls for work from people I never applied to than getting disappointments for no call backs for the places I did.

Well, past the 2 week mark. And what have I learned from this?

My company truly is a mismanaged company. My Dispatcher been trying to get me to either fix or trade the truck in since this issue started. Refused to get me started on either transitioning to company driver, or start the "exit". Lease department been dragging their feet trading my truck in for another truck. While these two are still arguing at me to do something....which I can't till one of them does something, accounting behind all our backs terminated my contract on the 25th. So despite all these talks between the two I mentioned for days, even after the 25th. I am already let go and I have till the 25th of June to remove their electrical equipment off their truck and off their property. Topped off, I have BILLS adding up each week till the 25th since it takes a month to stop all payments for permits, and all shit to legally run this truck in all 48 states. So 4 week and plus 2 weeks makes 6 months of added debt. I'll be looking at 10 grand or over once this is all done. And the thing is, accounting told NOBODY. If they did, dispatcher and Leasing won't be communicating with me after the 25th. I only learned this just now since my Mom called me an hour, saying they mailed my termination in the mail back at my home in Washington State.

Either way, accounting did me a favor since nobody else was going to do what I felt was in my best interest. And that is, I now got the clear to start selling the truck without needing to consult to them. Didn't have to before.....but I was more worried about keeping my employment with them (despite not wanting to). NOW I don't have an employment with them (which is a HUGE rock off my shoulders, believe it or not).

SO...yeah....where do I go from here? I don't know. Turns out I got multiple people offering me a way back to Washington state once the fiasco with this truck is over. Even my sister is offering to help me back to WA. But she is offering me to stay and find work here in Indianapolis. Not the first time I wound up in Indiana broke, and staying with my sister. I was hoping NOT to do that again. BUT I am tired of living with my Mom. She means well, but drives me nuts. I actually get more depressed thinking about going home than my current predicament. But I like Washington more than Indiana. I know my way around there and people. Then again, after 6 years working out in the midwest and east coast, I know Indianapolis more than I know Seattle. BUT I don't know people like I do back in WA. So there's a huge trade off.

I guess I am stressing out about the future. It's going to be worst here on out. But I'll just have to work with it. But the ball is finally rolling for my exit as a contractor toward this company. Art this point, I won't even try to re-apply for company driver.....though with how long it took to get this far, I doubt they'll want me back anyways. So I guess it's moot.

So far I am just going through the motions and looking for work around here. Maybe I'll like I did the last few times. Look for work in a month, if nothing, fly back home. I guess. Unlike those last times though, I didn't have health issues. SO....this is going to be interesting.

I been trying to ignore personal issues in life for the last two weeks while slowly going at trying to either salvage or rebuild what I have left.



SO.....I found something that recently got my annoyances.

Why the fuck are Red Pandas all the sudden nicknamed "wah"?

I been told that it's the sound they make. Really? I tried to find as much video/audio of red pandas as I could find, and so far I only found ONE video where a red panda went "wah". Mostly it was chitter/chatter/grr/gah. Last part may as well be a "wah". Sadly, it's a debate no one including myself will win since it's all to individual interpretation. But one thing I am sure, just like all animals, there is way more sounds coming out of a creature. Just what does it usually sound like is what get's them stuck with a stereotypical sound. I refuse to accept that Red Pandas are just "wah" though. But It's not an argument I want to start.

No, the thing that is really bugging my mind is nicknaming a creature off of a sound they supposedly make. I never heard anyone call a cat "meow". Really? Seriously? So if the cat is Korean we'll call it "yaong"? Once again, it goes back to individual interpretations. Either way, I can't help but feel like it started by some folks who want to cement in peoples minds what they think a Red Panda sound like.

I guess it's just me, but I refuse to accept nicknaming any creature to the sound they make. I mean, how dumb this sounds to someone who either never heard an animal speak, or interprets it differently.

"The moo yelled moo for the meow bit the moo's leg. Which got the barks charging in to chase the mew away from the moo. But the buzz stung a bark that made the other barks run from the buzz, which it then stung the moo and the yakitty yak who was in the barn, milking other moos. It created a stampede that made the moos in the barn destroy the gates, letting them run free till the howlers got them."

For those of us who knows what those "sounds" represents would get it. But there's a lot of people out there who either hear the sounds differently. Or heaven forbid, Speak another language and write it totally different. They may read what I wrote and won't make the connection at all.

Why the fuck do I want to confuse people?

Unless it's meant to keep this exclusive to a small inner circle, then great, this will work.

But if the idea is to share it with others, then maybe it would be a good idea to not make "sounds" as a way to point out a character. After all, some animals make the same noise as some other animal. So saying "meow" could mean small house cat, large wild cat. Or "oink" could be pig, could be skunk. So there's no gain in using a sound as a nickname to A creature when many other creatures could have the very same sounds.

Unless we like more confusion, then go right ahead.

Thank you everyone who wished me a happy Birthday. And those who missed it, or forgot, well, thank you regardless and God Bless.

ANYWAY, I hate to say this. But my truck gave me the birthday gift of "FU I AM DONE". Fuel is leaking into the crankcase. SO....either there's a leak in the fuel rail/injectors. OR the head is warped/cracked. Either way, it's money I don't have to tear the head down to check. And the repair is pretty much will end up asking for a rebuild. So I had an oil change done while I was in Chicago, just to drain out all the fuel, refill, then bobtail to Indianapolis. It made it and still safe to drive to....wherever is willing to take it.

Either way, truck is officially done if I want it to be or not. I'll have to start tomorrow on with work on stopping all the expense to legally operate it with hopes they'll help me find a way to get rid of it. Also will need to re-apply with them as a company driver....and start over. I don't want to. BUT it's an option....and since there's nothing else right there to jump into and I owe them 6 grand due to repairs since January....yeah....I am not walking away with a clean slate with them like I did last time. SO.....yeah....I owe them.
But hey, could be worst. Could have been stuck in a place like Salina, UT. The fact I was super close to a place near family, like Indianapolis.....and able to make it is GOOD.

SO, despite being broke for 6 years. I ran my own truck, I did it how I like it (or as close to how I like it). AND I even paid it off. For the dire straights I was in for this business venture....well....I guess I can say I did great for persistence? Though obviously, it was never meant to be. Ah well, I will always be learning. I doubt I'll be able to do this ever again. But I can say I done. So, good bye Truck 13775. You.....were shit. But you were also home, work, and my ride. You shall live on as a private video own by Curtis Alex Jewell. I have both fond and nightmarish memories from that truck.

NOW.....to figure out how to get rid of it and hope I can get something out of it. I'll be lucky to get enough to pay off the debt with the company.

Funny, I have regrets in life. But the more I think about my time in trucking, especially Werner. I really can't bring myself to regret this. Which may sound good....but the other side of this blade is I am firmly in the belief that this is how the whole trucking industry is as a whole and I really don't want to put myself in harms way ever again.

I am going to keep this cryptic due to how volatile things seem to have gotten recently. I'll just say this chapter of my life is at it's last page. And despite how I finish this chapter, I am going to be destitute (as if I wasn't already). SO all I can do is play it by ear and try to be proactive once Monday comes around. The ideal outcome is to be someplace safe, dept free and clear from the Company. And I am going to do my damnest to get to that ideal point. Cause right now, if I do things wrong, I am in the middle of nowhere Utah with NOTHING. And just enough to either fix the truck, or hitchhike to the nearest bus home with a huge IOU and abandonment of vehicle/load.

Yep, 7 years. Thanks for nothing....other than fixing my work history to make me look reliable. Longest I been in a job and I had no plans to come to this point. Though if I count the last two times I worked with this company, It would be close to 9 years.

Anyway, since last entry, truck fixed. Though fixed after shop did everything BUT check the one thing I told them that was wrong. After taking the head off and finding it fine, engine brake fine....and replacing pullies and an alternator, they finally checked the ECM and realised that I was right. This great fuck up was a waste of time and money. And they did the work prior to asking me. Just send the invoice to my company like it was cash buffet.....then wonder why it stopped when they put in another invoice for fuel injectors. After I told them that it's my truck and they basically wasted my maintenance escrow with their bullshit to the point work won't approve anything till I can guarantee I'll be running after it's repaired.....well, they lowered the bill to 4 grand instead of 6 grand. I won't be going to that shop again if I can help it. Not the first time I had a fuel injector go out on this truck. And last time it went out, the shop in Shreveport, LA didn't waste time hooking my truck up to a computer and found the issue. Only delay was ordering parts. The shop on Greensboro, NC though, as far as I can tell, was milking it. And if not milking it, then totally ignored me on purpose cause I am not a mechanic, so how would I know that's the issue? SO they figured to look everything BUT what I suggested. Cause....they smart....fuckers.

Anyway, after that, worked my way up Buffalo, NY. Pick up meds and visited  sethtriggs and  kv1nn4 for a couple of days. About it, then left and been working since Wed.