Hope you all liked that comic Seth drew for me using a story I did.

Anyway, been super busy, a friend was here for my entire time off. Then the next two weekends after him, I had relatives visiting and taking up all of my free. So three weeks of getting no time for myself had left me really burnt out and grouchy. Hehehe, not to mention I spent one weekend working on a PC for a co-worker. Then another weekend trying to fix/make work around on a Macbook for a really nice guy who owns the coffee stand in my lobby. I always wanted to find a reason to tear a macbook apart. And since he had been giving me free food when he's got some salads or sandwiches left over after he closes up. I figured he already paid me for the work. Either way, both repairs had been successful.

Anyway, pretty much, I just been running around like my head cut off. But I guess I could say I at least saw Speed Racer. NOT the movie I wanted to see. But I must admit, it was entertaining. I have no idea how they could have done it better.....other than do a better job with the first 10 minutes. But once you get past the beginnings with all the chaos of seeing mixtures of now and his beginnings story. The movie actually gets very interesting.

Ah well, today, my parents want to see Iron Man. And since now I got nothing going on, no friends over today, no relatives. I think I'll go and enjoy that movie with them. Then tomorrow, try to get a hold of an old high school friend again.

I am 29 today.....and everyone's waking me u before I get a chance to wake up myself.....so I am in a blank state right now. Hehehe, ah well, it's may birthday today.....wheee.

Now to see my Dad later......who's all depressed and upset that I did not come with my Mom and step Dad to pick him up on Monday. I didn't cause I was dead asleep. Showed up 8 AM in the morning. And I wake up at 10 PM so I can get ready, then leave around 11 AM to 11:30 AM to get to work before 1:30 PM. I drive from Arlington, WA to Seattle, WA, so it's NOT a short trip just to work. Once at work, I am at work from 1:30 to 11:30 PM. Depending how long it takes for me to leave, and due to our office moved from my building to another building that's at most, a 10 minute walk......along with waiting for the Rover guard to come around and let e into the office..... WELL, the latest I get home is around 1 AM to 1:30 AM. SO, my work days are busy.

Anyway, I am sorta not looking forward to this day. But I am at least glad things between me and the rest of the relatives I am dealing with are peachy so far. And work is actually stable right now. It's been years since I felt like I was secure. Granted, I still have to walk in egg shells. BUT, the egg shells I am stepping on are more like an old bridge over a cliff. It will hold for now.

EDIT - I messed up, I'll be 29 on the 15th, not 30. Born 1979. Hehehe, I am so stressing out with work and my Dad going to pop up here that I forgot how old I really am. -EDIT-


Work is starting to get stable since the Union kicked in. So it looks like getting over time will be the thing of the past. So it seems so far. I mean, I actually offered to work this Saturday. Instead, we had floaters take over.....which is what's supposed to happen when a site is low on regular staff.

 mikefurry was here for the weekend. It was fun, even though I had more moments where I was a vegitable than exciting. But at least I changed the oil in his van, along check a couple things and replace the starter switch. I still need to make a list of what was done to it so far and what I recommend to have happen next.

My Father ran away from China some how and without warning anyone back in Indianapolis that he'll be back in their lives. So far I find it funny at the same time annoying that he's driving everyone nuts. Ah well. Both him and my sister will be coming to Seattle on the 12th. Sadly I WON'T be free to pick them up, since I work that day. And IF I request that day off, I'll still have to make it up that week....hence work on the 15th. And the 15th is both my scheduled day off and my birthday.

I'll be 30 years old. At first I was not going to say anything about it, nor make a fuss about it. But since my Dad is coming over, I am dreading that question. The question of, "Where do you see yourself 5.....10 years from now?" Honestly....and it's the same thing I thought when I turned 21. I don't really know. I have an idea. But they all keep changing, and the paths I decide to take turn into dead ends. So, to me, turning 30 is just another year on my life. But just looking at what I done and where I am going in general, I just feel like shit. And the thing is, I did go to places and done allot of things that some....maybe most don't get to do very often. But in the end, it's not all long term, just short term. I NEED something stable, I need something for sure. I need something to wake up to with a smile on my face. And I am NOT talking about getting laid.....though that would be a nice bonus.

I just feel like I exasperated all my options. Not to mention tired and frustrated, jaded to make another huge leap into something new and exciting, only to come out with nothing but another huge bill and a shot ego and another nasty mark in my book of "reasons to blow up the world...or end my life".

I doubt I'll ever get married and raise a family, so I may as well forget that dream. I can never take care of myself anyways.


My stories had been shot for a bit. Living here at home drains my creativity. Half is how chaotic my home can get. The other half, I just want to zone out after work for more than a day, playing video games.

The other problem is, I still love my character Shandra and her universe. With my current job, I guard a lobby at a Medical building, part of the Swedish Medical Center in Seattle. And my post is a podium just across of the Prosthetics clinic. And despite how much I was gleeful with how my assumptions with how Shandra would walk, live, and relax and go about her life is very accurate. I met too many asshole patients from that clinic who just treat me and everyone around them like they are inferior and always want to challenge people that they can do the work better despite their handicap. That's half. The other half just bitch, moan, and cry about how "I" should baby them cause....well...poor wittle them, they lost their leg. I am doing my best not to let these assholes ruin my creativity and love toward Shandra. It sounds pathetic, but then again, she is my creation and I am writing these stories of her. The only thing I can do to remind myself that I should ignore these idiots is these people are either rich, good insurance, or both. The Swedish is NOT a place you want to go to for simple stuff and a small bill if you don't have insurance and/or money.

Anyway, about it, I need to get to bed.

Well, work is work. It's union, and they are currently trying to fire a guy for messing up all the time. Despite how much I like the guy, he does slack so much to the point that his mess ups creates allot of work for us. Ah well.


About all for now. Work is work. And I am doing okay so far. At least for now. I could gripe about work....but it's stable for the time being. And that's all I ask for right now......besides wishing it was closer. Ah well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UBL.....eature=related

Albino raccoons....

I am up in New Westminster right now. I ended up getting my time off I requested for All Fur Fun....but since I canceled all my plans to show up to it, it's sorta pointless. BUT, since I was getting frazzled with the job already, a good time away is welcomed.

Anyway, work is work. Hehehehe, not sure what more to say. But I am doing decent.

Hope most of you liked the latest story. And hello to new watchers and thanks for the faves. :-D May not be allot of faves, but a fave is a fave. And it's better than none. :-D

Well, this job sucks. All I'll say about it in general. As for me still having a job, yeah, I still have a job. The idiots are avoiding me now. Though they are still being little baby bitches. But the ones I blew up with had not reported me...yet. So we'll see.

Other than that, about it. I would say more, but I had not been in the mood to talk much except for a couple people on chat for now. Sorry for those who are watching me and I had not been replying. I just need to time cool off........which hopefully soon. But I am not trying to ignore you all.

I had good days here and there. Wish I typed them down.

Today it was hell. I mean so much that near the end of the shift, two patients once agian decided to rip into about me "being heartless and not Mark." I just blew up and slamed my fist down, broke a couple of things, and told them, "I AM NOT MARK! YOU WANT HIM SO BAD, GO FUCK HIM!"

Can anyone say, "fired"?

Things had gone a little better this week. I am off tomorrow and Saturday. Though this pay check makes me really wonder if I should have fought for another trucking company. But then again, that industry is....well....I won't go into it. But it's a stable pay check. And since I got over time, it was worth the trouble. Makes me sorta want to do more over time......really does.

Anyway, about it, the patients the last two days some how turned around and started to talk to me. Apparently me doing little unless I am asked to do so is "better" than the other guards. Though they still miss the last guy I replaced. Ah well, I guess my theories of "Happy medium" can be appreciated.......hope higher up don't start pushing me.

Also, I found out the company I work for IS unionized. Though they are still working out the bugs and new rules to put into affect. Apparently we only been unionized since last month. And not this pay day, but next pay day I am supposed to get 12 bucks an hour and not 11. Most may say this is not much of a raise. But considering most sites this company have only pay their workers 9 bucks an hour. Going form 9 to 12 is a huge improvement. Should be in effect next pay check.

As for each site, we are still not safe of the current crazy BS of firing without a chance to defend one self till the union can find a site representative that both us and the owners of our site can agree on. In other words, until we get some one between us and the building management.....it's still the same old BS. And I am sure the site owners are going to delay as much as they can. Cause once this union worker gets assigned to our site. The building owners will be forced to fuck off and let us guard.....and not be bell boy....paper deliver boys....messengers.....un-trained nurses (I kid you not, we are expected to help a bleeding or pass out patient without paying for the CPR and first aid training), and easy targets for scape goats.

Ah well......IF I can last till the union fully go into full swing.......well....I'll have to see how things go once the union kicks in. Remember, unions are good....but they do have an ugly side to them.

Or Mark, or Mack Daddy......

But seriously, I am getting sick and tired of these patients treating me like shit cause I am not their favorite moocher. ANd I say this cause the more I learn about the man I replaced, the more I realize how much these old people had been suckered in by a man who was sucked into his own game. What I mean is, this, imagine a person who could have done anything within the time these patients knew him.....like get in assistant living.....dump his money grubbing girl friend......move in with his parents......maybe get parents to watch his kids or get baby sitter. BUT, instead, he'll go up to you on the first meet. Give you a sob story about his life, and hope for a freebe to the point that he actually gets surprised when you don't give him a freebee.

Am I being harsh? Probably, I don't know the guy, but I know why he was fired, and a small number of patients who seemed to see through his scheme. I mean, for Christmas, majority of patients gave him money as gifts. This was not the reason he was fired. But it was that huge junk in the back that was waiting for that final straw to knock it down.


Anyway, why am I saying all this? I cam getting tired of me and the rest of us get pushed away and treated like shit cause we are "not Mark." Cause we don't go out of our way to do the things we are not supposed to do. I mean, doing extra nice things is one thing. But doing it all the time to not only make the rest of us look bad, but to actually get a hook into their pathetic hearts to the point he can get freebee's.....like food and money? I am sorry, but he's probably the worst pan handler than the drugged up homeless pan handlers out side.

And it's sickening to be compared to that type of person. Let alone these patients don't realize how much of a fool they where in being suckered in by this scam. And what's worst, I doubt the guy realized how big of a scam artist he was. He apparently just used to getting hand downs and use the drama to his advantage. He was fired from our location. Not from the company, the company offered him another site. But he wants to whine about it and say he wants his post back. Honestly, the last straw was unfair and should not have gotten him fired. BUT from the pile that last straw landed on, I am surprised it took this bullshit, scamming, laying, drunk husband of a patient to do him in. Karma can be a bitch, huh?




Other than that, fine, despite how this job is a revolving door. I am starting to get to know who's who. And I am getting along with the clients in the building....minus the trouble maker next to my post. But fuck them. Either way, it's nice. And the guard who does the rove is pretty cool. Once all the big bosses are gone and the lobby is clear. He'll come and hang out for a little bit. Go back to work, then come back to chill a bit more. He still does his job, but he at least stops over to see how I am doing. I guess we got this "new guy" bond. I mean, I started 5 days after he did. Hehehe.

I am so dead tired. So much BS, so bad that when they changed the codes to the key vault....AGAIN....I thought I was fired after I made an incident on two clients from one suite. But long story short, I was shocked to find out I still had a job and the people in that suite now just glare at me but leave me alone. And that's alright with me. Cause they kept pestering me.............bunch of babies. My job is to sit behind a podium every second of my 10 hours....NOT.

As for do I care about this job? I lost all will for it on the 3rd day. And this is the first time EVER that I just don't care if I do get fired. First job in my state for years, and already I just made 58 hours for this week. So yeah, I got 18 hours worth of over time pay. So yeah, I'll hang out till it crashes. As long I am making the extra hours to cash to the bank, meh.

That, and I was told I should not go crazy with incident reports, the owners of the building read those. Uh.....yeah, that's why I wright them, so save my ass. And so far I had not have to hear from her whenever I am on shift.....unlike everyone else. SO I must be doing SOMETHING right to avoid her nagging like everyone else.

There's allot more. But I'll type them all up later. I'll just say, yeah, allot of shit that I am using a snorkel for air. But so far I am surprised I lasted for being an tight ass when it comes to reports.

I am off tomorrow............if no one's free, I'll probably just sleep all day. Easy job, but the drive before and after the 10 hour shift is brutal. I could NOT believe my account manager tried to convince me to do the 12 hour shifts. Nope,nope, NOPE. If I was living in town, maybe. But since I don't, they are lucky I even accepted this Seattle site at all cause it's in Seattle. 45 minutes on clear roads (which is rare during the day). Or One hour and a half (worst time during the day with stop and go traffic in Everett, Lynwood, Seattle).

On Friday I was was trained in the evening by a guy who came from Zimbabwe, and he was upset that work decided to tell him he can't go this weekend to his home country for his wedding to his fiance. And he been requesting for the last two months. WELL, I figured either ONE, he'll quit. Or TWO, they'll give him what he wants. Or THREE, they'll fire him. Well, I was expecting the first two, but the third one was it.

SO I am probably be working 6 days instead of 4 days for a bit. Granted it may not seem so bad, but it's 6 days worth of 10 hours instead of 8. Along with my nice 1 hour and 15 minute drive (average.....first day was 1 hour and 30 minutes while Sunday was 45 minutes).

Ah well, rack the money, at least I'll be able to pay a bit more off......

But now I won't be surprised if I slip up on the first week and get fired too. Heh, it's a firing spree...........but I have one advantage so far. I show up early.

WELL, here's the thing. And I had a good feeling this was the case with this company. But apparently it's a revolving door. Especially at my site. I met one guy there who been there for a year....making him the second oldest one there. He said he's seen 19 people come and go. Though most of them where fired cause they just never show up on time. But the recent one who left was a guy who did the swing shift where EVERYONE liked the guy. The patients love the guy, and so did the clients in the building. That guard been there for nearly a year. Then one jerk of a patient went in there drunk a coupe weeks ago, and started yelling at the guard and decided to call corporate on the guy. Of course we are required to write reports on EVERYTHING we do, even if it's nothing, we still need to put down something. So of course everyone's trying to figure out why corporate decided to fire him, even though he's been praised by everyone including the owners of the building.

Either way, his notes don't mean shit, and there's been allot of anry clients and patients who not only been calling headquarters, but the "I" got to hear the ear full and some are actually giving me hell cause apparently they are just looking at me like I won't be nothing like the last guy. That, and the owners of the building is already talking to the heads of the Hospital to switch security companies. Talk about walking in when the shit is hitting the fans.

Ah well, we'll see how things go.

Apparently something is up if I get told that 4 out of 12 showed up for the general training at the main office on Tuesday. And yesterday "I" was the only one who showed up out of 6. It don't make me feel comfortable about what I am getting into.

BUT, at least the 8 hour course ended very quickly since I was the only one who showed up. Heheehe, it was supposed to end at 5 PM, instead I got out oat 1 PM. Got my temp security license, uniform.......gah, I have not had to wear a tie to a job in years. And I got to show up to the site today for training at 11 AM, finish at 9 PM. Apparently I was told I get paid for the whole time I am there, not worried about taking out 30 minutes for lunch. Pretty much I am on an honor system. Heh, ah well.

Funny, I went from a job where I really don't have to cut my hair and shave if I choose too.....though everyone would like me to. To once again being back in a job where I must be very primp and proper. And the hospital I'll be guarding at want me to shave. Which is okay, cause I usually shave anyways...............I don't grow facial hair real well, so I shave it as much as I can when I am not in a hurry. I live at home now, so it should be easy.

Well, I got 6 months at this site before I can safely request a transfer or give my two weeks without hurting my records with these people. Along with needing to have less than 2 days of absences within 3 months of employment for me to be able to get offered all the benefits.

SO, I sorta figured SOMETHING was going to make me want to reconsider going to Spokane next month. SO I won't be able to go to All Fur Fun this year.

And I'll make it clear that I am not interested in showing to Rainfurest either.

Anyway, about it. Now to get cleaned up, shined up some old shoes my step dad letting me use.......cause I was too dead tired after the training and I went straight to bed once I got home.......only slept 4 hours before training. And.....well.......I hope this feeling of dread is only just nervousness than regret.

I go into training on Thursday at my companies main office for a whole day to learn the in and outs of their systems. Then probably either Friday or Sunday I'll start training at the actual site in Seattle.

In other words, I am now a security officer. Well.......lets see how this goes. I MUST complete 6 months at the site before I either can request a transfer to another site within their network....or leave. So lets hope for the best. If things work out grand, I'll probably be there longer.

Oh, and I want to shoot Tom Green for "The Bum Bum Song". "My bum is on the Sweedish....the Sweedish....."

So I can now tell Marten to go fuck off.......not like I have to since they had not given me feelings of self worth towards them. I mean, really, I am still employed with them and on the pay roll, but they have not gotten me a truck. Well, their loss. And they bought me more time to find work elsewhere. So I guess I should say thanks as a rub in. Ah well.

So, we'll see how this goes. Say hello to the Skunky Security Gaurd. I sure hope I don't get to experience the hell  mikefurry went through when he was a security guard years ago......granted US security guards differ slightly than Canadian security guards since I may need to get a un-concealed weapons permit. But I honestly don't want one.

Hehehe, about it for me so far.

I was feeling really down and like a failure.

I still feel that way.

Why?

Well, I been trying to get back to Marten since the 29th, but they been dragging their feet with giving me a truck. But then again, it's also my fault for really not trying to hard too.

Either way, going back to them makes me feel like a low life looser.

Now, a security company I applied to had got ahold of me this week and been calling me here for other oportunities in the Seattle area. Granted, I signed up originally for the Everett area. But Seattle pays a bit more and got more locations with full time positions popping up. Right now they are just waiting for my back ground check to clear.

Either way, I got no job, money is tighter than I like it to be, even after the tax return came in. And right now I am waiting for whomever grabs me first. Marten.....who I am still employed with. Or this security company who does realize I still work for Marten and are trying to speed to hiring process up before I have to have to go back on the road again to supply my loss of wages......after all, I been off for two months, going three.

Other places I had applied to have not called me back. But so far this security company seems really to want to work with me. I just need to be patient and some how last while going through the hoops to get hired onto the site they recommend to me. After all, this company is sorta like a temp. I sign up, they'll try to get me on a list for places. That place calls me up, I meet them. If accepted, I'll get trained by the security company, then I start at the job. Though this whole process between now and clocking in is not paid for. And the main office is based in Tukwilla. So it's going to cost me to drive back and forth once the hiring process and training kicks in.

About it from me.

I ask that cause Mom can be very nice. But she's a self righteous person who you can NOT tell her she's wrong. Even if she is caught. Getting her to say sorry is not easy. Though she had in the past apologized for things. But rarely.

Dad's got the worst temper which for my child hood is spent avoiding him and hoping to not piss him off again. Though nowadays I forgive him.....cause I know I was a little shit that deserved it. Cause he never done that to my sister.....though he had come close. Just she knows when to behave.....I didn't....I just did what ever. :-P BUT, point is, he's been cautious around me for the last few years. He's literally been avoiding contact. And when he does, it's more on the lines of, "Hey, hi, I would really like to meet up with you some day. I got these plans that of course really don't have any input with everything that you would like to do. But it's ONE of the things that you would like to do that will affect everything else."

Anyway, Mom's calmed down with temper wise and I don't really have to worry about her well being much anymore. But Dad....well, it just makes no sense to me.

He just feels that since he treated me like shit through the years, and I don't like asking anything from him, and when he offered to send to me to college. It was at a time when NO ONE was taking care of my Mom. "I" was the only one helping her, we both worked two minimum wage jobs. And to top it off, the college involved me leaving state and moving back to Saipan where I did not leave there with a clean track record. Either way, it just was not going to work.

So it seems that me not wanting to ask much from him is a bad thing. Even though he made it clear to me in the past that he better not start hearing me ask him for something all the time once I got older.

Me not taking taking the offer for college was not only a shot to his ego and since then made him feel like I hate him enough to not even want anything helpfull from him. But my reasons NEVER GOT THROUGH TO HIM NOR MY SISTER. I told her again in January, and it seems she did not know and told me I should have said something, even though I did. But the problem with Dad....and from the looks of things, my sister, and if they don't remember or recall anything.....IT NEVER HAPPENED.

Ugh, now what brought this up? I decided to use Google talk, and he pops on. So I decided to say hi. We chatted a little bit. But he was so tuned in looking for anything that may give him a hint I was angry. I slipped up ONCE. And he goes into a depressing fit and logs off. You know, I have no way of getting a hold of him, cause he works in Mongolia. Only when he's in some northern China town that he's able to get online. And the last thing I needed was to shoot his ego.

And all it was is his offer once again to get a house and have me take care of it. And all I did was try to tell him in a nice way that, "Thanks, but I am really not sure yet. Don't wait for me to get the house since you really wan to get the house." BUT, his big plan that my sister told me is he wants to get for all his kids. Both my sister and half sister have homes of their own. I am the only child out of his brood that is unmarried without my own place. So he wants to give me a home. But once again it's got to be by his own rules. And the thing is, I been bitched at by my sister and cousin back in Indianapolis that I am being a hard headed asshole too. That he just can't give me a house just anywhere.

But the kicker is, and I said this to them, "I NEEVER ASKED." But of course, if I said that to him out right. He'll throw his arms up and as far as I can tell, this is his LAST shot with reaching out towards me. If I give him any impression that I don't at least appreciate the offer (which I do), he'll for sure break communication with him. He almost did once all because I used "MickStover" for my e-mail account. Cause he thought I was not proud to be a Hartman. Blah, if you can't tell, he's obsessed with me getting married soon and continuing his family name. Thank goodness my sister was able to tell him that it was nothing more than an online alias.

So now what? I am grumpy that work is being flaky. I feel like I just want to die in shame from gaining no results to show from being here looking for work....and I will admit, some of the blame is on me. And now I feel like shit.

Last thing Dad said before he logged off was, "I wish you had came with me to the Philippines." After me trying to explain why I really don't want to move back to Indiana. Though I am not sure if he meant for this winter. Or in the past when I was just a teen then and he was working there and pulled my sister out of our home cause of issues I won't discuss. But he told my sis he don't have enough for both of us. And he told me that too, but he never told her that "I" wanted to go back to Mom. And he DID TRY to find a way to get both me and her into private schooling there.

What ever, that's my fucking drama that just won't close with this family. My sister wishes all of us can move close by into one location. Or at least Dad and I. But honestly, that won't happen. So why is it so hard to just pick up a damn phone and talk?

No, wait, I sound like an uncaring asshole on the other line. And when I type online, I always come off 100% angry. Heh, I see.......damn it.

Saw friends in Everett, WA on and off.

Same with Marysville, WA

Same with New Westminster, BC.

Nothing turned up for work.

My current job (Marten) is being flaky with getting back to work, it's either like.....RIGHT NOW. Or, "Wait, we have to 'take our time?' Sorry, but we do not understand this concept, we'll get back to you......or you may call.....MIGHT feel like answering."

I guess the only things worth mentioning is.....well, I caught up with people at least. And I got to drive around. A loop.......from New Westminster, BC, down south on 99 to I-5. Then got on I-90, went east to.....some....place.....junction of WA-970 and I-90. Stop there for a night. Then from there, head east to US-97. Then north till we crossed the border onto BC-97, then took BC-3 west to Trans Can 1. And headed back to New Westminster, BC.

About all I really can think of that is very interesting.

I pull the cord and the semi blows it's horn.

All hail to the truck driver. Truck driver man......

Well, I probably should not have typed that last entry. But I am just getting extremely frustrated.

And that's about all I can say right now, frustrated. I can stay here and do shit I don't like. Or I can go elsewhere and find opportunities elsewhere. Tough choices.

I need to rethink things again. I am just really getting tired of disappointments. I really want to settle down, but I am obviously no where near that. And trucking is just one of those jobs that keep you far away from anyone. Meh.

Ah well......I'll hush up for now.

I give up with this state. This is my home. But for shit sake, since 05 I been turned down on allot of work in my education for lack of experience. In the past I got ignored in fast food and hotel work......though I honestly did not care....nor care now if I was ignored for turning in apps and never hearing from them. And then recently this job. Really, when I was in Indianapolis, I was able to get a job at one point where I had close to no experience in that field. Yet I was still able to get it after passing their entry test and passing the back ground check.

I understand not getting hired at Microsoft, but Goodrich? Honestly, the IT field is over saturated anywhere I go. But for a factory job where I just put parts of the housings on new jet engines......is over saturated with workers with more experience? Hotel's over saturated with manager material workers willing to work for less. EVERYTHING asking for more experiences that I would think won't be available....and they get ALLOT of people with more than they ask for?

Either this state truly is sinking with more workers than work. Or there's something about me that is not clicking. This is my fucking home for shit sake. There's no reason why I should always get the same outcome regardless of how the interviews and testing went.

Is every field really over saturated to the point I just can't start from the bottom anymore?

I'll leave state before I take another trucking job. Shit, I am starting to wish I never took the schooling. It was meant as a back up job till I get a job that I would like to have. Like at the time, IT. Now.......it's just this festering tumor that won't go away and people look at it and always seem to give me this weird look around here.

SO, I don't know how I am going to do this. But I am going to start looking elsewhere. I'll keep trying here for work. But once I find nothing and end up getting back onto the semi-truck. I won't be moving back here again.

If I can't stay with a stable decent paying job........which at this point I can't even get noticed for a shit job.....I been told I was over qualified by both Wendy's and McD's......WTF? BUT......well, I just can't live here. I honestly don't know where to go anyway. The only job I did not try to get so far is call center work. And wow, this state is so desperate to hire anyone for call centers. I mean, call center employees are hard to find......NOT. NO they are not hard to find. The only types are hard to find are those who are able to talk nicely while talking like a robot and follow lines instead of being a human being and using your best judgment. I can't work under those guidelines.

So.....what shall I do? I don't know. I bet some say I give up too quickly. Well, lets see which am I more desperate for right now. Right now, get the hell out of trucking.....ALL FORMS of it. SO, if I end up leaving cause there's nothing but trucking jobs I can take, so be it. I want to stay here, but I DO NOT WANT TRUCKING. Why don't anyone understand. Shit, I know my goals, why don't people get it in their heads when it comes to trying to suggest things to me?

That industry is just poisonous. Just makes you bitter, a total anti-social nut job who's too busy trying to find a willing ear to listen to them throw their balls around about how good they are when in reality they are just trying to cover up the fact they hate their pathetic, lonely existence with nothing to show but the jacket in their back.

I can do the job, and I actually love it. But with the mindset of the drivers along with how everyone around me treats us like we are the scum of the earth.....well....I found myself believing it on and off through the years.

Do I regret going to ITT? A little, but I regret not having enough time and money to make it out of there with enough paper work and bullshit background to get some where.

Do I regret getting my CDL? YES, greatly. It's one of those fields that once you get into it, your sucked out of society. Society think your a womanizing, pedophile, zoo, try anything , rapist, stupid, bottom of the gene pool slackers. I don't know ANY trucker who's been on the road for more than 10 years find anything flattering about "Big Mother Trucker" video game. It's insulting. And it seems that once you get into the field, it don't matter if you are Jesus. Jesus becomes a trucker, he may as well be the new Devil.




SO, any place worth looking into.....with work? I'll go to Alaska or the Northern Interior if I have to.....

That was the closest I ever got a job here at home in years......and I some how still did not get the job.

Anyway....yeah, I did not get the job. Though....well....not sure what more to say. :-/

I'll start packing tonight and get ready for what ever Marten have in mind. Though I still got another idea up my sleeve before the last week of Feb.

That was the closest I ever got a job here at home in years......and I some how still did not get the job.

Anyway....yeah, I did not get the job. Though....well....not sure what more to say. :-/

I'll start packing tonight and get ready for what ever Marten have in mind. Though I still got another idea up my sleeve before the last week of Feb.

Why is it that in order to become part of the typical working class.....let alone dealing with government, I must be a day person.

It's 30 minutes to 12. I need to be up at 6 AM to get ready to head to the county court house around 8 AM to report to Jury duty. And I am still awake. I just can't sleep. I laid on my back in my bed for 4 hours, wide awake.

Some one shoot me.


*edit*

I finally decided to pull my stories out of scraps and into the gallery..........well....heh....enjoy.

*edit edit*

Heh, I also updated my profile. Bah, it's sorta productive.

Hehehehe, I am just trying to send a message that it's just another day and really should not have too much thought put into it. I mean, oh, it's Feb XX, on....lets say Wensday. Ah, okay, no big deal.

I guess its hard for people to grasp the concept at times cause they are so used to being surrounded by people and institutions that love to make sure you know and some how participate in certain special days that it gets nerve whacking.

When I lived in the Philippines, we never celebrated Thanksgiving.....cause it's a freaking USA holiday. So after awhile I got used to not thinking about it.

Of course I later on learned some countries may have their own Thanksgiving at a different time. Like Canada have "their" version of Thanksgiving. Usually a month before the US does it.

4th of July means nothing where I was at, but they do have their own Independence day on some other day that celebrates THEIR independence from Spain.....or was that from the USA. One of the two (Philippines). And Canada have their own Independence day on...I think the 1st of July.

What I am trying to say is, all in all. These days are just another day to those who have nothing to do with the day, or don't want to have anything to do with that day. SO lighten up people.

That was what I was trying to get at in my journal about Valentines Day.

Just for those who have no clue what I am talking about.
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/301477/