Hey all! I really need help. I've become more or less completely disabled recently and have been edging on a mental health crisis for months now.

I'm diagnosed with DID PTSD GAD and MDD, another provider has diagnosed me with BPD and ADHD though there is disagreement on whether or not I have those. We've been having regular flashbacks and amnesia, I struggle to remember what I did even yesterday. we often forget how to draw (dissociative skill loss) or experience so much distress and dissociation I can't manage to draw. I have to take long breaks with anything and have adrenaline for many hours any day I'm trying to work. I cant sleep or cook full meals for myself consistently. I've been horribly ashamed at what I've become and I'm in therapy twice a week trying to accept none of this is my fault, none of the past decade of struggle in my career. I didn't know just how much was going on under the hood to keep me safe from the pain or why I was so fucking tired all the time. I've been living a nightmare with no real escape but through.

I'm applying for disability benefits but it may be a long time before those go through. I've been living off my credit cards off and on for the past year and have no way of clearing the debt in the foreseeable future. Neither do I have a way to reliably complete commissions or raise money for myself. which is hard to admit. I feel like I've committed the ultimate failure and I'm really struggling with it. I'll be starting a DBT program soon to get more intensive help getting my head back on straight and bearing the pain of the flashbacks.

In good news, my prognosis is good within a few years and I have wonderful friends and partners that are keeping me stable. I've never felt as safe and loved as I do now. life has been a roller coaster of my highest highs and lowest lows, hours of crying every other day, lots of healing.

I feel bad asking for money when I have no way to return anything at all to the community atm. we still dream of making something impactful other people can enjoy and will be trying to do so as my energy and funds allow. unfortunately we don't know who all of us even are and we don't know where we want to go in life anymore. some want to be a therapist-- I want to help other people with dissociative disorders that are hurting and not knowing what's wrong with them. but one thing is remaining strong; I've been a furry since I was young and the fandom is such a huge part of my life, I will be around and interacting and making art here for the rest of my life <3 I feel like I have a bright future ahead of us with a beautiful sky and wonderful vistas, but there's a mountain in the way we must scale first.

If you wish to help, I will be needing assistance for many months to come. I'll also continue to lean on my local support network for help and while they have been great but can only go so far. I can't promise anything in return and I'm so sorry for that. I hope that I'll have wonderful art to share in the future that makes it feel worth the investment. and I'll keep giving support for my trans chickadees that need mom's advice as much as I can-- it's currently the only way I have to pay anything forward is by being a shoulder to those hurting in my community

Patreon.com/ManeframeArt
Ko-fi.com/maneframe
Paypal.me/maneframe
Cashapp: $Maneframe

Thank you so much for reading and I'm so sorry for anyone I've let down~
- Maney

if you are having thoughts of suicide there is help available to you, please contact 988 for the national suicide prevention hotline. They have helped me before

Mental Health Posting, Financial Stuff below:

hello all~ I wanna start this off with some thoughts. Ive done a lot of mental health posting over the years and I've realized it's because I'm ashamed for having difficulties working and trying to prove to myself and my supporters that I'm not just some deadbeat. I've been starting to accept that we're relatively disabled and have been for a long time and I need to be easier on myself. I'm the only one questioning my worth as a person for being poor and struggling to work. Im trying to retrain myself to stop viewing myself as lazy and try to do what I can in the face of depression, dissociation, and frequent post traumatic stress. I realize looking back I often was losing time or unaware of what I was even dealing with and just getting frustrated that I can't seem to focus or get anything done and ADHD meds weren't working. I've always felt ashamed everytime I ask for money or patience.

Things are improving. I got better meds and am transitioning over to a therapist with experience in DID. HRT has made it easier to face the person in the mirror and I'm starting to like her. I have amazing friends. I have a food card and stable housing. I am safe. in some ways, things are still very hard. I don't want to talk about things I've started to remember or see in flashbacks, I feel entirely too vulnerable to admit how often I'm completely flattened or can't rally the troops in my head in the right direction. I realize that with my mental health prognosis it will probably take several years before I am consistently stable but sometimes I have weeks where I get a lot done before I fall down. My system is large, I have a complex case of an already complex trauma disorder and we're still not 100% how that happened but I'm sure I can't remember all of it for a reason. lol.

TL;DR It takes years of therapy to treat DID and I need to stop making posts claiming I'm about to be 100% better and unhindered anytime soon, and I can make peace with that. still gonna keep trying our hardest >:3c

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

My car broke recently, the steering went out and some other things are starting to get bad. she's a good car with more life in her but the costs are steep. it's coming at a bad time as I've had a trip planned (to see our partner for a week and then FWA) for months we've been saving for and because of recent inability to work because of mental health we've ended up draining those finances back down. we want to try to do everything we can to avoid more debt (I racked up thousands last year on credit cards because america sucks and doesn't have short term mental health disability). We also really make it out to see our friends, it makes life a lot more bearable and happy

We have too many commissions right now to responsibly open up and take more, so I'm asking for help if anyone has anything to spare, I want to be transparent so you can choose if you believe in the cause or not. the expenses over the next 45 days look a little something like this

Car Repairs: $2500 (it's going on a credit card)
Gas: $150
Brake pads: $50??
Weed restock for the year (medicinal): $300
Food during trip: $100
2023 Taxes: $820 (taking out a loan)
haircut+dye (my first time? I wanna look like maney): $80-140
Black lipstick and toiletries: $40
My usual expenses: $1206
Con merch budget: $50

I can usually complete $1200-1500 worth in commissions as my only income per month. Prior to taxes and the car things were doable, now I'm pretty stressed. we're gonna try really hard to keep up with things as mental health allows. hoping for a miracle, the hotel and reg are already covered

please help us afford a little vacation while minimizing debt and the amount we have to work during it.
- <3 Maney(s)

Ko-fi.com/maneframe
Paypal.me/maneframe
Venmo: Neighslayer ( pfp is Kitty :3 )

p.s. We will be streaming at 1900 CST tonight on https://picarto.tv/Maneframe , there will be charr balls and bats.

p.s.s if anyone that's a trusted friend that wants to help us get posts up on FA, for some reason we're completely allergic to it and I feel bad for only posting to telegram. Feel free to reach out if interested

https://t.me/maneframeart/3612

give them a gander here

Money has been a little tight and life is still a rollercoaster, but we're currently the happiest and most stable we've been in like forever, and I think things are starting to turn around n--n

What do you guys think about posting old art that never made it up here? I have hundreds of pieces but it feels weird to drown out the new with the old and post up things in styles I'm not looking to take commissions for. There's a solid history of all of it on our telegram channel, but Furaffinity always felt like my home base

WE FINALLY KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME :hooray:

It's a long story and I've been shy to share public details but I know I have to or it'll eat me. In June I had a whole host of new and existing symptoms get horribly worse. The list of those alone is a paragraph long. It's been very difficult and the amount of surreal pain and nightmarish fear I was in almost put me in the hospital several times

We had to get a specialist to help us figure it out but it turns out I have Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) (and cPTSD). Those who have followed me for a long time will know I've been posting about mental health for a long time and "I'm finally better soon I can feel it guys"™ every other month since 2016. My mental health professionals and I have been trying to figure out why I've spent 11 years in therapy but can't seem to get over some really horrendous anxiety and attention issues. I was previously being treated for ADHD, OCD-ish symptoms, PTSD, Rejection Sensitivity, Severe Anxiety, and major depressive disorder. turns out: OOPS! All DID. It turns out it's nothing like the movies and is often very covert. Many cases, mine included, have symptoms (and system activity) get suddenly worse later in life

cw: abuse

DID is a complex childhood trauma disorder most notable for "Multiple Personalities". It is a child's mind's way of protecting itsself from repeated trauma (usually abuse) by failing to integrate into a single personality. It keeps the parts separate so that some can hold the pain and others can grow to be as normal as possible. In spite of this, multiple personalities aren't the main issue with DID that needs to be treated, It's trauma.

I think I want to advocate a bit for those with DID/OSDD and plurals here and there and it'll be a topic that is mentioned from time to time. This has been very quickly life changing and I feel very blessed by my friends that have embraced the other parts of myself they have met and supported us through meeting and learning more about eachother. My idea of what makes up "Maney" as a person has so widely expanded in recent months. It's been stressful for everyone involved but has brought hidden blessings with it. Many of my friends have come to love and recognize these other parts of myself and it's put a lot of my history into perspective.

It's too much to educate everyone on every little thing I experience and I want some things to remain private, but I think if there's anything I wanted my friends and followers to know it would be these:

First of all, the stigma is stupid. There is no jeckyl-hyde situation with most plurals, and they are no more likely to be violent than anyone else. Since the discovery of my system I have remembered surprising details to my past out of what was a 20 year long haze and my history is piecing itsself together. I know now I was emotionally neglected, beaten, and very likely sexually abused as a toddler (there have been allegations in the family but I always dismissed them) and again when I was 17. We still don't remember everything and have partial flashbacks of things I can't make sense of. We have about 30 parts that have any degree of substance, many of these feel like twinsies with different opinions and attitudes. All feel a full range of emotions and aren't just moods. 5 are running the usual day to day life. 3 of these are pretty subtle flavors of Maney that work closely together as co-hosts and are what my friends have been interacting with for years. Most of my life has felt like a movie I'm watching or kind of foggy and dreamy. Many of us have varying levels of amnesia to what the others were doing, my spotty memory makes a lot more sense now, and my memory is significantly worse than it was when I was mostly the host personality, but we're learning to share better. Each aspect of myself is a full person on their own and has their own agency, their own thoughts and ideas, their own goals, and in some cases their own mental and physical symptoms, and can't be controlled by their other headmates. it's only through collaboration and caring for eachother, talking to eachother in my mind and notes, that we are learning.

What this means for art and commissions: As before and even moreso now, I am unreliable, have an extremely shitty memory, motivational issues, and a lot of symptoms/issues I don't want to provide details on that all make art very difficult (we'll just say, for 7 years now most of the time I'm trying to art I'm sweating through fight or flight for hours and I'm just too passionate or stupid to give up and find another career). Art is wrapped up in my triggers and I think it can be difficult to understand just how much of a physically intense life-or-death reaction post traumatic stress can cause. Unlike before I'm learning to love and understand and respect myself. I know I'm not weak or flimsy or unmotivated, I didn't want to be this way and I know I've legitimately tried my best against an unknown obstacle. Someday I will be reliable, I'll do slots fast, I'll post often, I'll sell merch, I'll have something to offer on patreon. Until then, we're trying our best and we all have very different ideas of what we want for our life and career, even just within furry. We have different styles, our skills are compartmentalized and it takes a handful of us to paint. Some like Marley can create on their own without assistance. We often argue over brushstrokes. I was so tuned out my whole life I had no idea all that was going on under the surface

I've been barely able to work for the better part of this year and I'm both grateful for others and yet sorrowful that I haven't been able to lift myself with my own strength. Bills have been tight, I only have enough spoons to get out of bed for half the day, and I owe credit cards and roommates more money than I care to admit. But I'm still standing and moving along and for that I am happy. My prognosis is good, our future is bright <3

If you'd like to learn more about DID we think this is a fascinating resource: https://did-research.org/did/myths

Love y'all so much and thanks for sticking with us through the crazy.
- Maney, Marina, Moriah, Mira, Merryn, & Marley)

Hey all, I've been avoiding asking for help because I wanna prove my self reliance, but unfortunately I'm in a rough spot. I don't want to divulge too many details publicly. I've been in a mental health crisis for a couple months that's has made working regularly extremely difficult. Im hoping Im on the tail end of the worst of this and I'm getting specialized help, but in the meantime I've been unable to afford payments on rent, health insurance, car insurance, and registration renewal. My roommates have been feeding me on their good graces, and my credit card debt accumulated in the past year and a half is starting to crush me. I'm not having luck digging myself out of the hole on my own and it's compounding a bit :c

I have frequent panics/flashbacks and episodes of lost time or unawareness of what I'm supposed to be doing that seem out of my control, foggy memory. (and much more I dont wish to speak of.) I'm getting worried that I'm incapable of fending for myself meaningfully or paying back any help I receive, or even holding a normal job anymore either till we get me back on my feet. a lot of the symptoms I've been experiencing for years have worsened and new ones have cropped up

If you have any way of helping, I would be immensely grateful, I'm trying my best and I know I'll scrape my way out eventually one way or another. 💙 Maney

Patreon.com/ManeframeArt
Ko-fi.com/maneframe
Paypal.me/maneframe
Cashapp: $Maneframe
Gpay: maneframe.art[at]gmail.com

If you send anything please send me a ping maneframe so I know who to thank ❤️

Hey all, I've been avoiding asking for help because I wanna prove my self reliance, but unfortunately I'm in a rough spot. I don't want to divulge too many details publicly. I've been in a mental health crisis for a couple months that's has made working regularly extremely difficult. Im hoping Im on the tail end of the worst of this and I'm getting specialized help, but in the meantime I've been unable to afford payments on rent, health insurance, car insurance, and registration renewal. My roommates have been feeding me on their good graces, and my credit card debt accumulated in the past year and a half is starting to crush me. I'm not having luck digging myself out of the hole on my own and it's compounding a bit :c

I have frequent panics/flashbacks and episodes of lost time or unawareness of what I'm supposed to be doing that seem out of my control, foggy memory. I'm getting worried that I'm incapable of fending for myself meaningfully or paying back any help I receive, or even holding a normal job anymore either till we get me back on my feet. a lot of the symptoms I've been experiencing for years have worsened and new ones have cropped up

If you have any way of helping, I would be immensely grateful, I'm trying my best and I know I'll scrape my way out eventually one way or another. 💙 Maney

Patreon.com/ManeframeArt
Ko-fi.com/maneframe
Paypal.me/maneframe
Cashapp: $Maneframe
Gpay: maneframe.art[at]gmail.com

If you send anything please send me a ping maneframe so I know who to thank ❤️

Taxes and debt are draining me to zero in a couple days and I need to build some padding back up x3

I will mention more on it in the future when I have energy to do so, There's a long post on my telegram channel here: https://t.me/maneframeart/3459 but TL;DR I was diagnosed with PTSD on Tuesday- it explains the years of motivation problems and dozens of journals complaining about mental health :v we've finally figured it out and we're working through it. The past few months especially have been difficult to work thru and my finances are suffering especially from it. I'll be okay, but things definitely get under my skin sometimes.

That said, things may be highly sporadic and scattered for a while longer. Not that.. everyone's not used to it from me already x3 there's a bunch of things I'd like to do and post more consistently but I'm not gonna keep making promises I know I can't

Examples:
https://t.me/maneframeart/3461
https://t.me/maneframeart/3462

Submit your entries here;
https://forms.gle/fS8oZDqPL1SmjR4U8

- <3 Maney

I haven't been posting (or drawing really lol) in a couple months now and I wanted to give an update. I'm still here! I hit a rough patch for a couple months there but things are looking back up :> Before I get into anything else I wanted to say-- overall I'm doing very well, I've had amazing developments this past year.

My self worth has been built up so much and is no longer built upon just art. Through conventions, transitioning, a day job, VRChat, making more friends, getting a vehicle; They've all contributed in different ways to me feeling so much more free and capable. I've gained much confidence in my ability to perform well and be likeable in certain settings. I'm finding deeper connections and love. I found acceptance from my faith-- a big victory for me being openly trans. Before I was focusing all my energy on trying to make up for failing at being where I wanted to be in my career. Now my self worth has been growing upon this really fun mix of dedicating myself to the cause of all these other beautiful fuzzy queerdos in my life, as well my relationship to God and learning more about what that means for me instead of fearing it. I love my friends so much, and Im grateful for the pains and experiences I've had that have helped shape me.

a few months ago I had this really amazing personal victory where I made more art income than I have in any 10 week period ever. It hurt quite a bit to fall back into doing almost nothing after that-- but it also gave opportunity for my therapist and I to figure out the heart of this issue with the shame around my artwork and productivity. I'm really eager to see where it goes

I bought a laptop black friday to still be able to work on trips and I really love it. unfortunately I had a surprise half a grand in car repairs immediately afterwards, so I drained all the funds I'd built up haha. So it's back to the grind and hopefully staying that way this time :> I have a big piece I've almost finished up and will post soon, and then catch up on some other commitments before I go taking too many more slots n--n

Thanks for tuning in and have a very Marey Christmas <3

- Maney

Slots Chosen! I randomly raffled all 19 names, but didn't realize when I was picking 1 by 1 that it the tool I was using doesn't keep a history lmao xP I will look into other options or screenshots or something. I've never done a raffle before.

The lucky five:
1.  RabidBadger
2.  inksaplenty
3.  Bruvelighe
4.  PaulRevere1991
5.  Rasvimirthirisk

These five will be ideally finished by September 8th. I have an unexpected trip occurring between the 8th and 14th. so whoever isn't done by then will be finished soon after. As stated in the notion page, if too much time passes (september 22nd) and I haven't finished, I will be automatically cancelling the remaining so I can take stock in what went wrong. I want to avoid some issues I've had in the past <3

Because of the trip, I am handpicking slots with familiar characters to do on my ipad. The extra winners are:

 Copperroach
 Addradry
 Blackjack8134
Anon

Thanks to everyone that participated and I hope I do well enough to keep taking batches every other week and consistently deliver :3 I will be contacting yall individually asking for additional details, but I don't have time till tonight. I've been super duper busy. Feel free to reach out to me before then with any additional desires you may have for the sketch

- Maney

Slots Chosen! I randomly raffled all 19 names, but didn't realize when I was picking 1 by 1 that it the tool I was using doesn't keep a history lmao xP I will look into other options or screenshots or something. I've never done a raffle before.

The lucky five:
1.  RabidBadger
2.  inksaplenty
3.  Bruvelighe
4.  PaulRevere1991
5.  Rasvimirthirisk

These five will be ideally finished by September 8th. I have an unexpected trip occurring between the 8th and 14th. so whoever isn't done by then will be finished soon after. As stated in the notion page, if too much time passes (september 22nd) and I haven't finished, I will be automatically cancelling the remaining so I can take stock in what went wrong. I want to avoid some issues I've had in the past <3

Because of the trip, I am handpicking slots with familiar characters to do on my ipad. The extra winners are:

 Copperroach
 Addradry
 Blackjack8134
Anon

Thanks to everyone that participated and I hope I do well enough to keep taking batches every other week and consistently deliver :3 I will be contacting yall individually asking for additional details, but I don't have time till tonight. I've been super duper busy. Feel free to reach out to me before then with any additional desires you may have for the sketch

- Maney

Please Review the info from this link and then comment below to apply for a slot :>

They will be chosen in a week, and I will be challenging myself to finish them in less than two weeks~

https://maneframe.notion.site/Manef.....4eef8917bb945d

5 Slots available

I plan on opening sketch slots sometime in a few weeks, I want to trial taking on small batches and trying to finish them in short order. We're gonna get experimental with methods and try raffles and auctions among artist's choice slots. I may also offer stream events and snipe slots

by this time I would like to have some updated commission info as well as a price list, though the latter is very subject to change on a week to week basis as I feel out the pricing and pacing of my newer sketch styles

I want to make sure I can offer some slots cheap enough anyone can get one on the roughest end. I also want to make sure I avoid taking too many expensive detailed drawings

Stream Schedule this week:

Today 1230 - 1800 CST
Wed 1630 - 1930 CST
Fri 1500 - 1900 CST

https://picarto.tv/Maneframe

This is the best I've consistently felt in 7 years. I feel so much more confident in myself and my work. I'm not sure what has made the biggest impact, between medication changes, my day job, transitioning, and my therapist helping me challenge my rotten ideas about my artwork. All of them have been stressful, But for the first time in over half a decade I'm consistently and calmly rising to the challenges I face and coming out a better person ;u;

There's still much to be done, There's still a few problems that really hold me back, but I feel like finally really getting somewhere

My finances are currently very messy. I've been accruing debt for a while since I was out of work for a couple months. My day job only covers half the bills, and I haven't been doing a lot of commission work while I explore and study what it is I want for myself as an artist. Foolishly or not, I've also been allowing myself to charge some purchases aimed at increasing my self worth. Like a haircut, desk plants, new shoes, makeup, and girl-fit clothes as I've started presenting femme out of the house. they've definitely made a difference in my mood, I don't feel as poor and ratty xP

If you like my work and want to support me and the directions I'm headed in, my transition, or just help me put more apples in the fridge, please drop me some funds at
https://ko-fi.com/maneframe
https://www.patreon.com/ManeframeArt

TL;DR I'm transitioning, I'm cute as hell, I have a side job now, I'm struggling a lot with my art and finances but finally getting somewhere towards fixing it;

Hello all~ your regularly unscheduled Maney updates:

I'm coming out as trans in my physical spaces and it's been.. Uplifting and cautious. I'm doing a lot lately; trying new clothes, trying makeup. I'm really loving it. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my head. I start hormones later this month as well. I've been waiting for this for years now and I'm glad I'm finally making the leap :> I'm nervous about how people will react but so far it's been mostly supportive, except for some of my family.

I got hired by the local grocery store as a customer service rep part time and I've been training for that. It's nerve wracking presenting in public my first week on a new job but I know it's what I need to do for myself. It won't pay all the bills but I hope it takes some of the pressure off of art and my own mind. I'm making much less on the hour than with commissions, but I've been so burnt out on art I can barely create at all for months but an hour here or a monica head there. The debt I had accrued is unfortunately only growing and I really suck at it, I feel a bit ashamed to admit I've racked up 2.5k. Kitty's vet bill is almost paid off and the rest of that is just 4 months of groceries, bills, and girl stuff. I was clean of cc debt for years 😩 dammit

In regards to my work; it's my hope that before long I will be making more art than I have been, The problem isn't a lack of time but how many mental barriers I have with my art. Often times I open a commission and just feel anxious and my head hurts. I'm discovering what it actually is that's been bothering me with my work and it's not at all what I expected, and has very little to do with anything based on merit, but more my own thoughts on it, and the heart that goes into it. My work has felt empty to me for years because in a way it has been. I don't really dream of my own worlds often or get excited about breathing life into a client's character or world. I will be making changes to my approach to art, trying to put more of myself into it.

A lot of the anxiety comes from my current commission list, which has about 30 projects on it. I've decided against cancelling them, though after I'm finally through with these I will be only accepting a few at a time. Because of recent revelations in my understanding, I will also be trying to have more fun with the ideas even if it takes more effort. I would love for a good half of my artwork to be me sharing my personal worlds and stories with y'all, to finally actually show everyone what I feel like I'm all about ;u; instead of stifling it with worries over my income or how good the drawing is.

Thank you very much to all of those who have supported me and continue to support me, both emotionally and financially. I love yall, I wouldn’t be here without you. I pray in gratitude often that I have friends and fans that lift me up so much and are so understanding of the mental blocks I've been stumbling through. I hope in the coming years I can give back, if only by flourishing in my work, for all of those that have believed in me enough to sacrifice their time and earnings for my wellbeing

Thank you all-
- Maney

I have racked up over $1000 usd in medical bills between me getting covid months ago and my cat getting sick. I'm opening up some sketch comm slots to try and pay those off~

SKETCH COMMISSIONS:

Sketches will be done in this style: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/44765562/

60 USD per character
+ 20 USD for rough background
+ 35 - 60 USD for fetishy content

I'm opening these ones up to any kinds of NSFW content as well even if it's outside of my wheelhouse. I'm more than happy to do it to get these bills paid off. if in doubt for what I'd count as fetish content, please just ask~

Please email maneframe.art @ gmail.com or message maneframe on telegram with your ref if interested. I'll be picking favorites to work on first but likely doing most that come my way unless I get slammed

Making good use of my double vax and "I recently had covid" immunity to show up before that wears off ;V I paid for registration on the day it opened

I'll be at Midwest FurFest all 4 days of the con and a bit of the wednesday night before. I'll be going as a regular attendee so it might be harder to find me, but if you want to say hi to me in person let me know :D

TL;DR 5 years of being hard on myself has finally broken me, I'm looking for leads for work elsewhere for a while, I'm not quitting art, and I share plans for the future of my work.

----

Things have been a bit rough for me lately. A few weeks ago I finally burnt out enough that I've been getting headaches when I work on art and feeling entirely glazes over and unable to focus. I took a mandatory week off, and the two after have still been less than productive. I don't want this resulting journal to be discouraging to anyone pursuing art. you can absolutely make things work, I know many who do. But I crashed years ago and never fully resolved it. To my commissioners; None of it is your fault. I love your projects, I'm just really having a hard time making peace with myself and how I handle them.

In 2016 I fell into a rut with my work and things just haven't really been the same since. I was an absolute art machine the first few years I was taking art seriously and I really enjoyed it. But for every bit of passion I had in it, slowly turned to pain and shame and I've felt like a massive failure ever since. These feelings have overshadowed all of the wonderful blessings I've gotten, and the skill I know I have. My prices are good, I get enough commissions and demand, but I only work a fraction of what I need to to make a decent wage, and walk away from it all feeling more drained than when I was working 40 hour weeks doing residential maintenance. I know my art is good and fine but this is unfortunately not enough to resolve my feelings. I know I need therapy but I'm literally unable to afford it

It makes me feel like a humongous pussy that I have what most would consider a dream job and I'm filled with so much stress and fear over it that I can barely work. that I seem unable to just bootstrap it after 5 years of this stuff. So much of my self worth is tied to my art and I feel really crummy about my low output. I've improved in A LOT in my art and as a person and it just hasn't been enough to correct my poor art work ethic. I literally can't make ends meet without generous donations, and while I feel incredibly grateful for them, I also feel like a failure to society and ashamed that I have a degree and can't fend for myself. I'm making under half annually what a lot of grocery store workers do.

I really need a major shake up. painting is my passion and I'm -NOT- going to give up on it, but my friends have been begging me to take a break and find income elsewhere for literally years now and I keep avoiding it. But I'm admitting it to myself now, I can't actually fix the trauma and bad habits I'm dealing with while relying on art for my income. it's a vicious cycle. I need to take a step back. There's already massive perfectionist pressure from myself on everything I do, and I can't address any of it when I'm also worried about doing enough art to make ends barely meet.

Plans for the art future:

I'll be trying to pick up a different job for at least a few months. Eventually I want to move back into art being my full income. While I'm working another job I'll be prepping skills I need to make money off of merch and 3D work, both of which have been exciting to me in the past and I have little baggage with. Painting is still my main squeeze and I'll be keeping it for personal work and some seldom commissions until I've resolved my feelings~. For years I've been neglecting a lot of things I want to do with my art because I feel critical of myself and unconfident. I'm done. I mean, I've said that before, but I know I'm srs this time since I've been putting effort into it for every piece for several sustained weeks now. so I'm confident that'll keep up.

I'm actually somewhat hopeful despite the negativity. each day has been a rollercoaster of hope for the future and feeling terrible that I feel so close to the edge. I'm dealing with feelings of having failed my career and a lot of financial stress, but I also feel like I have something here that might finally work and I have confidence I'll find a way to eventually return to feeling okay about my work full time again. I know I won't always have fun doing art as a job, but it shouldn't feel like I'm straining myself most of the time either. I don't want that, my friends and watchers don't want that for me, and I owe myself better.

Help with Finding a Job:

If anyone has leads to an online remote job, I'd be grateful. I was thinking something like data entry? but I think I'd be a good fit for anything where I have to organize or help people. I'm pretty good with computers and spreadsheets, and I have some minor experience in teaching and repairs. Despite what I've been dealing with in my art, I've always been a good worker though any of my previous employments.

Help with Finances:

If you want to make things easier on me during this transitional period, I'm deeply grateful for all of your help. I literally would not still be producing art if not for the continued generosity of my friends, and when I finally get all of this working I will have you to thank you it

https://ko-fi.com/maneframe
paypal.me/maneframe

Thank you all so much for reading and sticking with me these years, and here's to another 5, hopefully brighter years

- Maney

I'm super grateful to yall~ thank you so much nwn

Hello! just an update here. I'm pretty sure Im through the worst of it. No more sore throat, but I am coughing like crazy. my energy levels are back to normal.

My sense of smell is -entirely- gone as well as most of my taste. it is actually rather distressing and I'm pretty upset about it. you never know how much you rely on those for comfort or checking food/clothes until it's entirely gone.

Quarantine is also not fun, it makes me feel a little like a burden in order to not make other people sick

The new keyboard and monitor yall helped me afford came in and it feels a little weird, like I have two computers next to eachother. It'll take some getting used to but it's definitely doing its job. I dont have to unplug my tablet. The hope is that eventually being in front of the other monitors will just feel like it's time to draw. so far I'm pretty hopeful :3

Thank you for all the well wishing~

- Mane

I just tested positive for covid

I seem to be doing relatively well. The first day I couldn't get out of bed and had a fever for 12 hours. But after it broke I could eat and walk again.

I mostly have a sore throat and feel a little tired now. I'm vaccinated so the hope is the rest of my recovery will be relatively mild :>

Honestly the fever felt almost exactly like my response to the second vaccine (it hit me pretty hard)

I couldn't imagine two weeks of feeling like that, so I'm glad I got vaccinated x-x this would all be so much worse.

I appear to be sick and more or less stuck in bed except for hobbling to the bathroom :< very feverish and achey and nauseous. I'm having trouble even sitting at the PC haha

Hopefully it passes soon x: I really wanna keep chugging along on commissions

I'm vaccinated against COVID-19 so hopefully I'll do alright in that department :3

Hello all~

I wanted to update yall on how things are going and ask for a bit of help from those who are able

but first; a bit of celebration. I finished EVERY hoof-it submission to my form! No one was left unselected. They've all been posted up to my telegram channels and I'll be putting them onto FA later in spreads.

Lately I've been a bit down on myself again. I keep getting caught up on the fact that I've been doing this job for 5 years, with a degree, have a good rate, and still can't get myself to work enough. my ADHD is real bad (and I've been unmedicated for 18 months; my last medication fucked me up pretty bad) and I have a lot of negative associations with producing art. I've been dealing with this for years. it's finally starting to improve, but it just all feels still too slow. I know where to go from here but the stress of feeling like I'm weak and can't keep up with everything has been getting to me. I've been living off of 12-17k a year for the past several and that's very low in the states, especially for someone with a lot of student debt

Don't get me wrong, in the past year I've been in a position that's one of the best in my life. I feel more calm and secure than I really ever have. But depression has still been managing to creep back in and I haven't had the extra funds to go see a professional again.

I'm going to continue working on myself, I dream of a day not too soon in the future where I'm really pulling my own weight. I have a dream of producing a lot of my own content for my sci-fi and fantasy worlds (I barely touch them since college, out of fear), I'm studying again, and making enough money. some part of me knows I have what it takes. I just hope it's sooner than later. In 5 years I don't want to still feel like I'm still scraping, at my wit's end just trying to put in the absolute minimum effort. it's not great for the self confidence

If you believe in me and want to invest in that future a bit, would you consider donating some? And please include somewhere I can properly reach and thank you, if you do <3 I'm not in an emergency yet, and I don't like asking for help, but it could take some of the edge off

If anyone sends me anything the first things it'll be going to is a cheap keyboard and another monitor, so I can keep a separate art station with my pc, to maybe help with the work/life separation and so I never have to unplug my tablet anymore. I think that'll help me focus on work a lot better. I'm also going to the doctor for the first time in almost 2 years on friday and I'm worried about how much it'll cost. rent and loan payments are also coming up and things are tighter this month than they've been in a long time :x

Thank you very much for reading and for those that have been with me for a long while ;u; I love yall and you make this all worth it

https://ko-fi.com/maneframe
https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/maneframe
https://checkout.square.site/mercha.....RRAZ27GVZHMH33

Hey all! As promised. I have picked slots. I've already done 7 of them as Early birds and I'll now be picking 10 more. these ones have been chosen based on how long it's been since someone has been able to get work from me last, and giving all entirely new people a chance n-n

I'm listing approximate dates that I should have each one done by

8/31 - Superlemon
9/01 - Aleister
9/02 - Stickers
9/03 - Linna
9/04 - Sirgir
9/07 - BSD
9/08 - Bruvelighe
9/09 - Spiney
9/10 - Procene
9/11 - Sindri

These 6 I'm keeping on backup in case I still want to do more :3 (quite likely) so keep your eyes out~

1 - Vpaws
2 - Moln
3 - Vareoth
4 - Silere
5 - Chefobg
6 - Butterfly-Dragon

Thanks for all the submissions yall~ <3