Listen guy, I have a disclaimer here. I'm working on a digital drawing, using my phone for it. Drawing with my bare finger.

After that drawing is complete, there will be NO DIGITAL DRAWINGS UNTIL MY PC IS FIXED.

I really want to get back into drawing on my phone but I really can't, it's not on me. My phone is really slow these days, ibispaint crashed multiple times during the drawings I did recently, it takes ages to import an image into the file, corrupted my drawing 3 times. It just does not work.

So pls do be patient, you guys will need to down colorless traditional (on paper) drawings temporarily. My phone is acting up.

I prepared myself to finally get a job, my parents told me to. Now they told me to go do classes again first. The job I found basically rejected, and I gave all of myself to prepared for finally work. Now they come to me saying that I need classes first. From this fay forward, everything tuesday and friday, I need to go have classes at evening, doing everything on my own bcus my parents are not home to take me at the our we've choosen. My mind is completely fucked, can you imagine? That whole stress, finding a class to do, my bro crying loud, my mother yelling, my parents finding me a lazy fuck, my stress had grown bigger than this solar system. Creativity dead, I'll not be drawing anything.

I hate my life, I hate my parents.

The post of yakko have been taken down. I'm really sorry for what I did there, I didn't mean to do something so wrong. That drawing wasn't meant to be taken seriously, it was just something stupid to laugh at. I ask everyone for forgiveness for my act and I'll try not to do that again, if I stay alive at this point, if you know what I mean.

I've been drawing quite a bit these days, ngl. But... idk if I should upload before or after the fix my pc. I mean, I still have my cellphone, but I'm trying to think of important things first.
It's hard to think when you take serious decisions but actually want to erase them or travel in time before make it happen.
I never had much attention around here so I doubt I'll receive many feedback about that, which I need them to put my head in order.

Maybe it's early to confirm it, but seems like that's it. The laptop will not be fixed as long as I remind my parents about. I need bubble wrap, a box big enough for the laptop to fit, a copy of the warranty and send it to the mails, but I'm sure my parents will want to see how the mess. If they do, they'll eat my liver, specifically my father. So until the fix of the this piece of filth, which I don't think it's going to fixed, there will be no drawings. "But Lukas, how so you feel about all of this? What will you be doing during this?". I have no idea guys. I know that in my last account I used to draw on my cellphone but now if I need to use that thin techno brick to draw, I'll literally be extremely bored bcus I won't be listening to videos while drawing like I used to do, and drawing with my finger is really exhausting sometimes. And depending of how detailed the drawing is, the app can handle it and the frame rate drops massively. You guys want to see simply doodles from me? I bet you don't. Well, you might say "don't give just now dude! I believe in you". I'm glad IF you think that way, but sometimes we need to know when to give of certain things, or else we'll keep suffering bcus of them again and again.

Apparently I did of these for attention, bcus I denied people's help. Great...

People really portrayed me like an evil jerk. All I can say is that it wasn't my intention to make people think I denied help nor did I do everything for attention. My depression is so deep that no one can really get me out, but I even try to help people sometimes. But probably at this you're thinking "he's using his depression as an excuse. HATE FLOOD!". Sigh, damn life...
When someone tell me what I could do to help myself, I tell them why it wouldn't work. Why? Bcus in tye majority of times, I ALREADY TRIED WHAT THEY SAID MULTIPLE TIMES AND IT DIDN'T WORK. So when I tell them so, "oh he deny help when we try our best, he's so unpleasant".
Tsk...
No answer me, if you think your life is worse than mine... wanna trade?

fuck april fools, what I'm going to say is serious. yes, that thing that happened to my pc made me feel real bad. I was starting to feel, then this shit happened. I tried to end everything this night, not even that I could do. That's it, I give up. I give up for real.

I will make it brief. I'm still doing awful. nothing much has changed, I'm still a poor creature lacking love. I did drawings, but I lost faith for myself and my works.
now I found a job. I need to wait till I'm starting, but I'm still not doing well not feeling well about it. So while it, I'm not drawing. Maybe I will release a trade I did with a friend, but only when he finishes it. Either way, if you don't hear from my after long time, well... you know what happened.

- I apologise for grammar mistakes and typos.


hi, my name is Lucas, Jorge Lucas. I'm 19 years old, I'm Brazillian, I never had a job, I was never good at school, and I don't really know how to deal with these things. I have depression, impostor syndrome, inferiority complex and maybe autism, at least think I have these. I never went to a psy or a medic to be sure.

I have a 4 years old autistic brother. My parents are focused on the basic, but not on the serieous, unless it's something related to the whole family, such as money and food, the things that keep us alive. My parents doesn't listen to me, they were kinda mean when I tried to vent about my problems and they make me feel like it's my fault, it was somehow callous. When they heard my brother is autistic, I believe they felt like the world smashed them.

I live at a poor region of my state, my family's monetary conditions aren't the best, we need to be very responsible with our money. I literally have only 3 bucks on my chest.

During my life so far, I studied in 2 schools. I was severaly bullied in the first, but the same people (my classroom). They made me be constantly and permanently uncomfortable about myself, making hard for me to make friends in the other school I studied. I never had good friend, at least they were very few. Some of them stabbed me on the back, I realised they always lied to me. My parents have no idea how I feel about it, and I was called "obsessed" when tried to vent to my mother.

I constantly suffer with the same issues: depression, anger, sadness, insecurity. The only way I can stress out is vent for my friends that are all in discord, but I have hard difficulties on express my true feelings and thoughts. My friends are all I have, but my parent put a paranoia on my head that everyone I know wants to trick me, and it made me extremely insecure.

My life is not worth it. People constantly tell me I'm a great artist, fantastic, amazing, and such. I'm thankful that they think that way, but my fetish art will not make my parents proud of me.

I've always been a burden for those who put me on this world, I always disappointed them. I honestly don't wanted that it was that way. I'll never been the one they wanted me to be.

During my life I always caused pain for those that followed me, with my opinions. I wanted to erase all the badness I did. All I wanted is to have my sins forgiven and then rest in peace for all eternity, but I don't deserve that.

Some people said I should forgive myself first, but I hate myself so much. I can't forgive this filthy human being I've become.

I have once question: why? why did I do to deserve all of this madness? I guess being sorry is not enough, I have to earn it.

I'm not confirming anything, but my mind had awful thoughts of what I should do to escape this insanity my life is. Everyday my parents go to work and my brother goes to the kinderganten, and I stay lonely at home. My mind is trying to convince me to leave the house and wander away from there. With all my strength I'm trying to stop thinking on this, but I don't know if I'll succeed. I just wanted that this ended forever.

My parents nor no one knows how I see the world. I think I'm "special", yes in THAT way.

I see the world as an object, and we are the germs and bacteria. Some are harmless, some are deadly. If the world was a living creature, I would be a retarded cancer. Somehow harmless, but about to become deadly.

I might be "overdiscribing"my life, but I swear I'm being honest. That's how I see the world.

1 - 3D models of my most used characters: long time ago, a friend of mine  Lucidies, made a model of a character of mine. I don't use the character but I still have the model he did. My wish is to have a better computer to do wholesome things in blender, maybe in Gmod, or SFM. I would love to have models of Gigi (both her normal look and Starbounce), Erik, Lukas, Violet.

2 - Earn money with things that doesn't take much effort or time: I know it sounds lazy but I'll explain. What I want is to earn money with what I do. I'm still not ready for taking commissions, since I don't understand much of what I could orgnanize them. With money I could buy things I'm interested in, like a good pc, maybe a tablet, good markers to do traditional drawings, I'm even interested in doing clay sculptures.

3 - Play VR games: silly, I know. well, I've always been interested in used an oculus or vr, play games in there, interact with others.

4 - Get a new console: The only console I have for years is a PlayStation 2, and now I can't play it because I don't have a tv anymore. Only if I had a tv I wanted to have a new console to play with. N-Switch, PS4 or 5, a gamer PC, it's a dream of mine.

5- Make toys of my characters/works: one of my most ambitious wishes. I like toys; action figures, articulated figures, plushies. It would be lovely to have my characters as cute toys.

6 - Make my own game: I know you're thinking "but you made the Blob Them game in scratch". No guys, I mean a full game, a cool game, a game based on the games. A friend of mine once gave me an idea, but maybe I can't make it happen.

7 - Make Gmod addons: I play Gmod a lot, have my stuff in there would be so cool.

https://twitter.com/LightWaveDrake

there.