It has been a long time since I have made a journal here, I have been gone for quite some time and I think it's time to update you guys on what's been going on.

1. Due to RL taking up most of my time, I have been working on several projects that have been taking up most of my time, I can't reveal on what these are just yet since they are not yet completed, and won't be until the end of the year.

2. I have been job searching for quite some time since I graduated from college. Completely forgot to mention that. Been searching for a year now. I am so glad that I don't have any student debts. Though as time has gone by, I have been doing some odd jobs here and here, though the income is not steady at all. Most of it goes to pay for clothes.

3. Here is the sad reality, My health is not in the best of shape. Most of it is due to not taking care of myself during college. My thyroid is failing at the moment, and I can't get it fixed within a year, I will have to take meds for the rest of my life.

4. During BLFC 2018, I contemplated suicide two times due to my anxiety being at an all-time high, I have been doing a lot of running the last few months and am happy to say that it has gone down drastically.


I've gotten a few messages in regards if I am going to post any more material on here. I'm going to be very honest here, there is a strong possibility that posting times are going to be a lot slower. I've lost a lot of motivation when it comes to writing, and I'm struggling like hell to get that spark going again.

I'm also hoping that by the end of the year that I can get my second character created. This has been a long planning process and I feel that the design is ready. The only details that I am willing to give is that she will be a liquid latex being.


That's all I have for now.

I know I haven't posted anything in a while, this is due to life keeping me busy with a lot. For one, I finally got done with technical school and now have a certification in Computer and Networking Technology. Two, helping out with a friend's wedding, and three, having to deal with an unexpected death in the family.

The last thing I've been dealing with is trying to break the habit of being introverted. I've noticed that I have a lot of people added in a few places, yet I hardly talk with them. It's not that I don't care, It's just that I have a hard time trying to start a conversation. Another reason is that I feel like I'm bothering people when I am messaging them. It's hard to know if I'm interrupting them, so I tend not to message anyone.

I'm not sure if anyone deals with this, but have you ever been afraid to message someone because you're afraid you're going to say something stupid? That's something I've also been dealing with.

Haven't done this in a while. Ask away.

So where to start, FC 2017 was a rather interesting one. I’m going to skip some details since I want to try and make this short as possible. This is what I learned:


1. I am an introvert, big time. So trying to socialize is very difficult for me. I was tested big time when I attended one of the panels on Friday night. The only way I can describe it is that my heart rate was beating like drums in a heavy metal concert. Being able to stay in that panel without running out was a huge success for me.


2. While attending this same panel, I have also slowly coming to terms with accepting my body shape. For years, I’ve always had that damn illusion in my mind that you had to have the body of a porn star to fit in certain things, such as latex and zentai suits.


3. I have to accept that I can’t change what happened in my past. If you’re curious, go to the front of my profile and click on “The person behind the dragon.” There are still a lot of scars that are still healing, and it has been such a painful process to go through it alone.


While I was meeting with a few people here and there, I couldn’t fully express my emotions to them due to fear. I wanted to tell them so much on what was really going on. I know they care for me so much, but I struggled so much to tell them how much I cared for them. There is a lot of work to be done, hopefully by the end of the year, the past will no longer affect me.


There are a few other things I left out, but this is only for those I trust the most.

At this moment, I am looking for someone to room with for Further Confusion. Is there anyone that has room available? If you guys could also spread the word, I would appreciate it. Please let me know if you do.

So, I've been experimenting with a few things, and I'm curious to see on how this would work out if I offered this on FA. Over the last few weeks I have been creating sudoku puzzles. Google it if you are not sure what that is. Its a bit hard for me to explain it. Would anybody be interested in helping me out with this project? I will need at least 10 volunteers for this project.

Thank you  skywize for helping me out. I have just enough to where I can get the repairs done.

I have decided to put this beta project on hold for now. Before I can do this, I need evidence that this will work. This will be put on hold until further notice.

This is one of my projects that I have been planning on for a while, and before I can fully start it, I need a tiny bit of help. I need 16 volunteers that are willing to donate a bit of their their time. Keep this in mind, since this is in beta, I have absolutely no clue if this will work, but if it does, it will help you and me out in the long run. There will be a few rules though


1. No RP whatsoever in this project. No exceptions

2. You must be 18+ for this project. While there will be no adult content in this group, you are expected to act mature.

3. All drama will stay out, Once you start the project, all issues such as political, religious, family drama, etc stays out. I want you to focus on your assignment.

4. Once you are accepted, you will be required to download an app on your smartphone, or tablet. If you are not able to, there is one available for the PC. This will make it easier to keep in contact with you all.


So with that in mind, who wants to give this a shot?

Very rarely do I do this, but I seriously need help!

A few days ago, I had to withdraw some money for my upcoming finals, such as paper, scantrons, and a calculator. What I didn't realize that after I made the withdrawal, it went into overdraft, draining my account to zero. What was worse, is that I needed that money to pay for a bus pass.


For those who don't know, I go to a community college out of town, requiring me to get a bus pass. I would drive up there, but my truck was totaled not too long ago, someone crashed into it while it was parked. And I can't use my mother's truck since she needs it for work. The bus is the only way I am able to get to my classes out of town, and without it, i'm screwed. I hate to do this, and I hate begging, but is anyone able to donate?

I know it's frowned upon here, but I really need that bus pass to get to my classes, Finals are coming up soon, and I can't afford to miss any classes. It's normally about $45 for a bus pass, which allows me to ride up and back for a month.

Again, I hate begging for money here, but I really don't know what else to do. If you can donate, that's fine, if not, please spread the word.


- Librios

It has been quite some time since I've updated this, Where have I been? Well, just just say that my life had gotten pretty hectic due to class, and other events as well. Plus I have been dealing with a personal issue that finally has passed after all these years. I've been doing a lot of reflecting, and there is going to be a change with me, and for the better.

I am currently in the process of making a blog. I have not had much time to work on it due to being close to finishing up my classes for the semester. I will put up the link here, and on twitter for those who wish to follow it. This will be whatever is on my mind mostly, as well as some funny, odd, and interesting things. Though keep in mind, there will be times where it can get a bit controversial, maybe even make you think for a bit. I'm hoping by this friday, I can get it posted.


I am really excited to get this started up. Hopefully it might help some people out.



- Librios

After doing a bit of research, I have decided that I will be accepting three new ways that will be replacing PayPal


I will be accepting Square Cash, as well as Bitcoin and Litecoin. Before anyone starts criticizing me on why I decided to accept Bitcoin and Litecoin, let me tell you why.


I like the fact that it's mostly P2P, meaning Peer to Peer. I like that I am able to control how much I can spend, without having to waiting for an authorization from the bank. I can send funds to someone without having to wait for the bank to clear it. Plus the fact that I don't have to pay a fee once a month, just to use their services. Lets not forget the exchange rate if you are purchasing art, etc from other people in different countries. Lets say if you are purchasing art from someone in the UK, and the price for it is 30.00 in GBP. Realistically you would be paying $43.28 in the USA. (This was the current exchange rate for GPB to USD, the price can change from day to day)

I know there are risks to using Bitcoin, Litecoin, etc. I am very well aware of it. However, this is the risk that I am willing to take. Believe it or not, there have been artists here in FA, as well as other furry sites, that are starting to accept Bitcoin as an alternative payment. So with that in mind, those will be the three ways to get funds to me.



- Librios

I won't say what it is just yet, but I'm hoping that some people take interest once I post the completed project.


Updates:

I've been noticing that there have been a lot of issues with PayPal, not just with me, but others as well. At this moment, I am looking into other alternatives when it comes to receiving funds. I have a few ideas on what places, but I'm still doing a bit of research.



I have also decided that until it receives more interest, I will no longer be doing writing commissions. It hasn't been getting enough interest within the fandom, so for now, I will no longer be taking poetry commissions.



- Librios

This will be the first con that I will attending, so I'm not sure on what to expect.

Days staying:
Arriving Thurs

Leaving on Sunday Afternoon

Staying at:
The Hilton.

How are you traveling?
Mostly by train

Who are you rooming with?
Will be rooming with  zarafa

Who will you be with?
I'm not sure to be honest. Will be with random people

Where will you be?
Not sure yet, I know there is a lot to do, so I'm not quite certain yet.



What do you look like?
Look for a big guy in a black jacket. Black hair, and brown eyes with a goatee

What is your gender?
Male

How old are you?
25 years old

Are you mated/in a relationship?
Not yet, Hopefully in the future i will

How tall are you?
5'11

Can I talk to you?
Of course, I don't mind at all!

Can I hug and/or snuggle you?
Please ask permission first before you do.

Are you nice?
Once you get to know me, yes!

Are you cliquey?
Nah



If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Say Hey Librios, that usually will get my attention

Do you take commissions?
I'm afraid not, Im not an artist. XD

Dealers den?
I will be looking around in that area.

Can I draw in your sketchbook?
If I had one.

Can we hang out?
Of Course!



Where will you be eating?
Not sure yet. I have yet to decide.

Can I come to dinner with you?

Sure, though keep in mind, I might have others with me.

Can I ask ya to dance with me during the dances?

I'm really not a dancer with all due honesty

Can I buy you drinks?
Not much into alcohol, but sure.

Do you attend parties?
If it gets my attention, then yes.

Can I take your picture?
I'm afraid not, I'm really not comfortable with taking pictures just yet. Sorry. :(

May I kidnap you to my room?
Depending on what it is, sure!

Attending any events?
Again, I'm not too sure. This will be the first time going to FC, so I don't know what there is to do.

What's your goal(s) for the con this year?

Meet new people, And thats about it honestly. XD


How is the best way to find you?
Best way to get a hold of me is on twitter. DM me if you want to meet.

So I've been trying to come up with a way where I can still be able to get a good setup, but the prices in parts keep going up. So I'm thinking of just biting the bullet and purchasing a pre made one. Not the ones like from Ibuypower or other sites like that, but rather go to a best buy or another electronic store, and buying it there. This is starting to become a pain in the ass. -_-

So this will be the first time that I will be making a custom gaming pc. But here is what i need help with. What can i get with a budget of $650? The maximum that I am willing to go to is $700 and that's it. My main worry is making sure that the parts will last, and not having to upgrade, or replace them a year later. So, any ideas? When it comes to PC parts, I'm pretty much not that great at it.

I think it’s time to explain whats been really going on. I was originally working on a journal, writing down what’s been happening, but its gotten to the point where I no longer feel like writing in it. So I’m going to just give you the short version of it. There are also a couple of other things I need to explain as well


I have been battling an addiction, and becoming dangerously close to another one. The first one is an eating addiction, not to where I’m always hungry all the time, but more to help keep the stress levels down. This is due to my uncle being in the hospital again, and trying to balance classes in the process.


The second one that I have almost caved into is an Heroin addiction. I have came close at times to where I need something else to just relieve stress. Due to my uncle abusing this in the past. I had also considered taking this as well, just to find an escape. Its fucking insane that I would consider crossing the line.

I have reached out to someone that I know outside of the fandom, and I am receiving help on both matters.


I have also been dealing with a lot of past issues as well. I know most of you had read my past story, and have this posted on a few other sites as well. The strange thing is, whenever someone comments on me being a hero for coming out on this, I have difficultly comprehending it. I don’t consider myself a hero, etc, and my head just starts to overload with questions. Questions such as:

Why am I a hero for coming out with this?

Of all people that have had it harder than I have, and have done more than I have, Why do people consider me a hero, even though I have done so little?

and the list goes on and on and on.


I have also been dealing with a lot of self-esteem issues, It really didn’t hit me until it started to have constant nightmares about it. I’m going to give you a warning right now, the following is going to contain extreme graphic content. If this bothers you in any way, stop reading now, otherwise be prepared.

Im going to describe my nightmares as best as i can here.


Most of the time, I am in a plain somewhere, out in the middle of nowhere. There are no trees to be seen, I start walking forward, and keep going. It seems like it goes on forever, until I notice something within the distance. All of a sudden, everything goes quiet, like if someone had put it on mute, and thats when the scenery starts slowly turning black and white. No matter how much I walk, I don’t seem to be getting closer to whatever I see in the distance. It felt like I walked at least five miles, and it seems to be so far out.

Eventually, i start seeing a better view of it. That is when I hear the wind, but it sounds like it’s picking up. I start to see a tree, and there is somebody underneath it. As I get closer, the wind starts to get more violent. A muffled cry is heard in the background. I finally get to the tree, and I see this person sitting down with his back facing me. That is when the cry becomes a lot louder, and i start to see black liquid coming out from the bark of the tree. The person slowly stands ups, and i start to see writing forming on his back. I look closer and start to notice that it looks like it’s being carved. Words such as, Forsaken, Worthless, Useless, Monster. This person slowly turns around and faces me, my heart instantly drops.

This person is me, the eyes are coal black, the jaw is completely ripped out, the tongue visible as well as part of the spine. two fingers are missing from each hand. The veins are all collapsed on each hand. Parts of the skin are missing on each and every body part. The chest is completely open, revealing a broken rib cage, with a few organs missing. The right hand is holding a heart, still beating. There is blood everywhere, covering the face and chest areas.

He comes towards me slowly, stops, and lets out a bloodcurdling scream that would make anyones hair stand on end. For about two minutes, its screaming nonstop, He stops, and falls down to the ground. within an instant, the whole body just splats to the ground. Blood is everywhere, and there is nothing but organs laying around on the ground.


This is what I understood from my dream so far. It’s telling me that there is a lot of shit that I need to fix, and i don’t get it fixed soon, it will kill me in the end. I know some of you may just ignore this. I really don’t know who to tell about this. I’m not looking for an answer, I just need someone to listen. That is all. I wish I could tell this to my family, however, I know if I do, they will just start shoving their religion down my throat, and they won’t listen. So yeah, that’s what I’ve been dealing with so far. I’m ok, just struggling is all.

Who here uses Linux on a daily basis? How easy is it to use, and what is it primary used for? Is it mostly just used on servers, or is there more than that?

Been playing on a few servers here and there, and found a server that has skyblock on it. In case if you don't know what skyblock is, It's pretty much you are on a floating island. And you are given only a few resources to expand your island and survive. Its pretty much survival, but with a twist. So my question is, who would be interested in teaming up with me and surviving on a floating island?


I will have two slots open. Now keep in mind, this will not be first come first serve. I will need to know if you will be mature enough to not get into arguments with not only with each other, but also other people that are on the server. Another thing to keep in mind, I'm not exactly sure if the server is furry friendly, so just to be on the safe side, I would not mention that you are in the fandom.If you have Skype, I will be making a group chat so we can chat instead of using the server chat. But I leave that up to you if you are comfortable with it. Here are some requirements that will need to be met:

1. You must be 18+ (Some of the conversations might get sexual)

2. Be mature. (Just because your 18+ does not mean that you are mature. If I see you starting drama with others, I will kick you off the Island, and give someone else a shot.)

3. No griefing. (If I see you attempting to destroy buildings or stealing items and fall off the map on purpose, You are getting the boot.)

So with that in mind, who would be interested? comment below if you are interested, and I will get to you in a bit.

Going to do something interesting here. I will allow you to ask my character any question, and this could be anything. Im really bored at the moment.

So apparently IMVU purchased FA from what I understand. I'm going to keep this short. Am I worried about the whole issue, absolutely not. While people are flipping their shit about this. I have other things I need to worry about, such as classes, and keeping my grades up. The FA staff have already starting in the clarification post that:

IMVU is *NOT* taking FA content, redistributing it, reposting it, using it in-game, etc. It's your content. Only FA has the right to show it if you upload it to the site. No one else.

Unless if IMVU starts breaking these rules, then I would be worried. Only time will tell.

t’s been quite some time that I’ve uploaded anything here. Let alone, update you guys on what’s going on. So here is pretty much an update:


1. My motivation for writing has gone down the drain. Been at least three months since I’ve uploaded any submissions. Besides the TMI journals that i’ve been posting, submissions have come to a stop. Also been struggling like hell to come up with new ideas, especially with poetry. Many of you have asked if I am still continuing with the Memories of a Dragon series, I am very happy to say that the story is almost done. After starting it two years ago, It feels good to be close to finishing it. I won’t say when it will be done. Hopefully it will be very soon, and I will post it.


2. I have come to terms that I am pansexual, This has been a bit of a struggle on figuring out my orientation. This one of the very few places that I feel safe about revealing my sexuality, since the fandom is very accepting of all orientations. Sadly this is also something that I am not able to reveal to my parents, let alone them knowing that I’m in the fandom. Due to my parents being in the Christian religion, this is something that has to be kept secret.


3. (Skip this part if you don’t want to hear it) I have also been dealing with depression, It’s not the kind of depression on where I want to commit suicide, It’s more with I don’t want to get out of bed. A lot of times, my mind will fuck with me, reminding me of every little thing I did wrong, and as a result, I become anti-social. There are a few other things as well, but I won’t go more into it, due to it getting extremely graphic. I’ve been keeping this to myself lately, but I need to let this out before it kills me.

4. Once in a while, I will get random messages from people FA and Weasyl on how my poems have impacted them and helped them out. The comments can go from hero, inspirational, and the list goes on. I’m going to be very honest. I’m not a hero, a philosopher, or any of those things. I’m just some random guy is all. My mind has a difficult time comprehending it. Only because I’m not used to hearing those types of comments on a daily basis.


Thats about it for now.

Hello there, if you are reading this, then that means you have took an interest in the raffle that I am doing. Here is the deal, I will be opening up 20 slots for this raffle. The winners will receive an invitation to my private blog. This blog will contain my upcoming projects that I am working on, upcoming stories and poetry, miscellaneous things, as well as my own personal thoughts. I have already sent a couple of invitations out already, and thought I would give my followers an opportunity as well. Everything will be explained to you once you are chosen, since I do not want to give away the surprise. So what do you need to do to enter?

1. You must be watching me on my profile so you can keep updated.
2. Comment below and say that you are interested. I will give you a number.

I will be giving this about 3 days to fill up, if there are less than five people interested, the raffle will be postponed until there is more interest. Once all 20 spots are filled up, I will give a date and time of when the winners will be selected. However, do not get discouraged, In the future I will be opening up more slots. So with that in mind, here is the question, who wants a chance?

Going to really need some help here, and I have about 7 months to get this done. Next semester I will be taking classes in Merced CA. However, this will require me to travel out of Los Banos, where I currently live. Now as far as how many days out of the week I will have to travel out of town, is still unknown.

I will not know that information until this April. My main concern is finding a place in Merced, that is somewhat close to Merced College. My question is, are there any furries that live in Merced by any chance that are looking for a room mate? I know this is still far ahead, but if someone is willing to help out, that would help me out so much. If you guys can, could you spread the word? I really need to get this done before time runs out. If you do live in Merced, and are looking, please comment and let me know if you are able to. Thank you so much

Yesterday I received my Samsung Galaxy Tab 4 in the mail. And so far I'm really liking it. As I was looking more though the apps, I came across several apps that allow streaming, So i'm wondering, would any of you be interested seeing me stream some games?