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I want vs I need
Posted 9 years agoFirstly I would like to address something many of you will notice. This is also posted on the other pages I admin for, and though I am trying to keep this page and the other pages separate in their innate nature of being, I think this is applicable to this one maybe even moreso than the others.
foxchu the lovely person that they are, sent this over my way. At first I thought "No way am I going to read all that" But then I read what she had to say about it, and well, I read every word, and now I am posting it here for all of you to read as well. l feel as though we can all learn something; take something away from this that will help all Dominants and Submissives in many ways, no matter the dynamic of that relationship.
I will leave you all to reading, and I look forwards to your comments.
-
BDog14157
The Submissive's Owner's Manual: I want vs. I need
written by: Jade Richardson, 1997 (may she rest in peace)
We often confuse these two things: I WANT and I NEED. Although they may seem to be the same at first glance, there is a huge difference in the two. We want a lot of things in life; money, new cars, a beautiful home, success, and hot fudge sundaes, just to name a few. But how many of them do we really need? Very often the things we want are not always things that are the best for us and are usually self-indulgent wishes that change as fast as the top ten hits on VH1. "Needs" are a different situation. They are the fundamentals we require to remain mentally and physically healthy and allow us to grow spiritually and emotionally. I may really want a hot fudge sundae but survive quite well without it. But, I cannot thrive without my basic needs being met.
We've had many encounters with unhappy submissives who bemoan the fact their Dominant does not give them what they need. As we listen to the list of complaints, we sometimes find a lot of "wants" mixed in with a few valid "needs" in the charges against their Dominant. Sorting them out isn't always easy for either the submissive or Dominant in a relationship. Each person is unique and comes with their own special requirements. Without a doubt, this is one area that requires communication skills and time before either party can confidently determine what they want or need from the other. The Submissive Owner's Manual may help you to understand some of the complexities of the Dominant/submissive relationship.
Submissive Owner's Manual
I need to feel safe
Before I can begin to open my submissive nature to You, I need to feel safe and have reason to trust You. To let down my walls and give You control of my will may take time and testing before I feel safe enough to permit either of us to go beyond the initial stages of our relationship. Even after I've given myself to You fully, I need to be reminded I am safe with You. I may like to feel the thrill and excitement of fear and the unknown, but I need to be sure no matter how You stimulate those emotions during an intense scene or situation, I will remain safe in Your care.
I need to know You accept me for all I am
I will be many things to You as our relationship grows and I need to know You accept me as a person during each transition along the way. I need to know You accept me as a friend, lover, companion, and Your submissive but also accept me as parent, child, employee, community member or other roles I fill in my obligations to family or society.
I need to have clearly defined limits
I need to know exactly what You expect of me and know that You also understand my limits. In some ways I am like a child that needs a fence around my play area so I know how far I can go and feel secure inside those limits. I need You to reinforce those fences by correcting me when I try to climb them without Your approval.
I need You to be consistent
I need to know You mean what You say and that today's rules will apply to tomorrow's behavior. Nothing confuses me more than giving me mixed signals by allowing me to break rules that You've given me. From time to time I may test You to see if You are capable of accepting control of my life by consistently bringing me back to the path You've chosen for me. It's not done to try Your patience, but is my way of finding reassurance You are paying attention to my progress. Very often it's not done consciously and I promise I'll not use it as a method for provoking Your negative responses.
I need to expand my limits
I need to grow and to be challenged. Left on my own, I'll become bored or stagnate within the boundaries I accepted in the beginning. I need to be pushed, but never shoved, to go beyond the places I've been. I may drag my feet and pout at times, or sit down and refuse to move because I'm unsure and need Your guidance in overcoming my obstacles. I depend on You for strength and encouragement to get beyond them.
I need You to teach me
I need to learn, and it is You who are my teacher. My mind is hungry for new things and learning helps me to become all that I can be. This may require You to continue to learn new things in order to keep me challenged. Together we can grow to the fullness of the gifts we have and deepen the diversity we share.
I need goals
Part of my make-up as a submissive makes me very goal-oriented. I need them to measure my progress and need You to provide them for me. Take time to explain those goals in ways I can comprehend Your plans concerning my growth as Your submissive. Without Your direction, I quickly become lost so I'll look to You frequently to provide a purpose and aim as I continue in my development as a submissive.
I need to be corrected
I need You to correct me when I make mistakes. Without Your correction, I will develop bad habits that can be very difficult to break and do great damage to our relationship and to us as individuals. Without Your correction, I may never know I've made a mistake. Allowing me to continue unchecked will only cause me to fail both of us in the end. I admire firmness in Your correction and feel secure in knowing that You will never be afraid to take steps needed in keeping me focused on the goals You've set for me.
I need You to be my role-model
I look up to You and try to follow in Your footsteps. If You fail to live up to a standard, I will follow You into failure, often without You noticing until it is too late. I learn quickly by the examples You provide for me and often base my reactions and behaviors on my observations of You in similar situations. I will blindly pattern myself in Your image, so be aware that my eyes will always be on You as You face Your own challenges and daily activities.
I need Your approval and reassurance
I need to know when You approve of me or what I've done and to know I belong to You even if I fall short of my goals. I sometimes confuse approval with disapproval when You do not provide positive reinforcement when You are pleased by my actions. I will constantly be seeking Your approval when I'm unsure of myself and may need to rely deeply on Your support and reassurance when I'm confused about a situation or apprehensive about a new challenge.
I need to be able to express myself
I have a need to express both good and bad things to You but it may be difficult for me to put the negative things into words. I fear Your rejection and hate disappointing You, so I may need a little space and time to voice all the things I need to say. You can help me by reassuring me that my feelings are valid, even if they aren't something You find pleasure in hearing. There may be times when I'm upset or angry with You but without freedom to express those feelings, there can be only festering resentment or misunderstanding. Guide me in ways that I can learn to speak my heart without breaking it or Yours.
I need to learn from my mistakes
I need to experience things that may be painful in order to learn successfully. I know Your protective nature will struggle with allowing me to be hurt but I need to learn the consequences of what I've done and to experience the feelings that go along with making mistakes. I will need Your comfort once I've faced my failure, but will sometimes feel unworthy of asking or unable to voice my disappointment in failing. Allow me to sort out my feelings before wiping away my tears.
I need forgiveness when I fail You
Nothing hurts me more than to know I've failed or displeased You, and I need to be forgiven once I've made amends. It is very hard for me to forgive myself for a wrong-doing and I may need Your help in getting beyond the feelings of remorse I am carrying. I may even need to be punished, if my wrong-doing was traumatic enough, in order to feel closure and accept forgiveness. I depend on You to make that determination for me and need Your help in making an atonement that is acceptable to You.
I need to feel I contribute
I have a deep-set need to give and must have outlets for this need. My basic nature is to give of myself and You will be the primary recipient of my gifts. Allow me to contribute to our relationship and our life together. To do less will leave me unfulfilled and unneeded, a fate worse than death for me. Provide me with ways to contribute things to others, also. I may need to give of myself to those I hold dear but You will always receive the best I have to offer.
I need to enjoy successes
Without experiencing and enjoying my successes, I may give up my fight to be all You desire for me. Allow me the pleasure of savoring the taste of victory when I overcome an obstacle or if You find pride in my attempts. All of my successes belong to You and I need to share their rewards with You. I don't expect You to spoil me with grand displays for little victories, but when I've reached beyond the limits of my past attempts, please don't deny me the sweet feelings of knowing I've achieved a goal You've set.
I need to share with You
Sharing with You is a compelling need and one of the cornerstones of my submissive nature. This includes the emotional and spiritual aspects of my being as well as the physical body I inhabit. It may be difficult for me to give You access to the deeper levels of my emotions and feelings, but those are the things I need to share the most. I'll depend on You to direct me in ways I can achieve total openness with You. I also need to share in the things You are. Trust me enough to share in Your fears, failures and struggles. I'll never see You as weak or incapable because You have shown confidence in me by giving part of Yourself in trust.
I need to feel loved, respected, and protected in Your ownership
No matter how well I've done or how miserably I've failed, I need to know I'm still loved and protected by You. Nothing will prevent me from trying new things like fear of losing Your respect and love. By the reverse, nothing will encourage me to expand my limits and grow to be all I am capable of being more than knowing You will be there to protect me from harm and will love me even if I fall short of the target. I need to be loved and to love You in return. I can't survive without it.
foxchu the lovely person that they are, sent this over my way. At first I thought "No way am I going to read all that" But then I read what she had to say about it, and well, I read every word, and now I am posting it here for all of you to read as well. l feel as though we can all learn something; take something away from this that will help all Dominants and Submissives in many ways, no matter the dynamic of that relationship.I will leave you all to reading, and I look forwards to your comments.
-
BDog14157The Submissive's Owner's Manual: I want vs. I need
written by: Jade Richardson, 1997 (may she rest in peace)
We often confuse these two things: I WANT and I NEED. Although they may seem to be the same at first glance, there is a huge difference in the two. We want a lot of things in life; money, new cars, a beautiful home, success, and hot fudge sundaes, just to name a few. But how many of them do we really need? Very often the things we want are not always things that are the best for us and are usually self-indulgent wishes that change as fast as the top ten hits on VH1. "Needs" are a different situation. They are the fundamentals we require to remain mentally and physically healthy and allow us to grow spiritually and emotionally. I may really want a hot fudge sundae but survive quite well without it. But, I cannot thrive without my basic needs being met.
We've had many encounters with unhappy submissives who bemoan the fact their Dominant does not give them what they need. As we listen to the list of complaints, we sometimes find a lot of "wants" mixed in with a few valid "needs" in the charges against their Dominant. Sorting them out isn't always easy for either the submissive or Dominant in a relationship. Each person is unique and comes with their own special requirements. Without a doubt, this is one area that requires communication skills and time before either party can confidently determine what they want or need from the other. The Submissive Owner's Manual may help you to understand some of the complexities of the Dominant/submissive relationship.
Submissive Owner's Manual
I need to feel safe
Before I can begin to open my submissive nature to You, I need to feel safe and have reason to trust You. To let down my walls and give You control of my will may take time and testing before I feel safe enough to permit either of us to go beyond the initial stages of our relationship. Even after I've given myself to You fully, I need to be reminded I am safe with You. I may like to feel the thrill and excitement of fear and the unknown, but I need to be sure no matter how You stimulate those emotions during an intense scene or situation, I will remain safe in Your care.
I need to know You accept me for all I am
I will be many things to You as our relationship grows and I need to know You accept me as a person during each transition along the way. I need to know You accept me as a friend, lover, companion, and Your submissive but also accept me as parent, child, employee, community member or other roles I fill in my obligations to family or society.
I need to have clearly defined limits
I need to know exactly what You expect of me and know that You also understand my limits. In some ways I am like a child that needs a fence around my play area so I know how far I can go and feel secure inside those limits. I need You to reinforce those fences by correcting me when I try to climb them without Your approval.
I need You to be consistent
I need to know You mean what You say and that today's rules will apply to tomorrow's behavior. Nothing confuses me more than giving me mixed signals by allowing me to break rules that You've given me. From time to time I may test You to see if You are capable of accepting control of my life by consistently bringing me back to the path You've chosen for me. It's not done to try Your patience, but is my way of finding reassurance You are paying attention to my progress. Very often it's not done consciously and I promise I'll not use it as a method for provoking Your negative responses.
I need to expand my limits
I need to grow and to be challenged. Left on my own, I'll become bored or stagnate within the boundaries I accepted in the beginning. I need to be pushed, but never shoved, to go beyond the places I've been. I may drag my feet and pout at times, or sit down and refuse to move because I'm unsure and need Your guidance in overcoming my obstacles. I depend on You for strength and encouragement to get beyond them.
I need You to teach me
I need to learn, and it is You who are my teacher. My mind is hungry for new things and learning helps me to become all that I can be. This may require You to continue to learn new things in order to keep me challenged. Together we can grow to the fullness of the gifts we have and deepen the diversity we share.
I need goals
Part of my make-up as a submissive makes me very goal-oriented. I need them to measure my progress and need You to provide them for me. Take time to explain those goals in ways I can comprehend Your plans concerning my growth as Your submissive. Without Your direction, I quickly become lost so I'll look to You frequently to provide a purpose and aim as I continue in my development as a submissive.
I need to be corrected
I need You to correct me when I make mistakes. Without Your correction, I will develop bad habits that can be very difficult to break and do great damage to our relationship and to us as individuals. Without Your correction, I may never know I've made a mistake. Allowing me to continue unchecked will only cause me to fail both of us in the end. I admire firmness in Your correction and feel secure in knowing that You will never be afraid to take steps needed in keeping me focused on the goals You've set for me.
I need You to be my role-model
I look up to You and try to follow in Your footsteps. If You fail to live up to a standard, I will follow You into failure, often without You noticing until it is too late. I learn quickly by the examples You provide for me and often base my reactions and behaviors on my observations of You in similar situations. I will blindly pattern myself in Your image, so be aware that my eyes will always be on You as You face Your own challenges and daily activities.
I need Your approval and reassurance
I need to know when You approve of me or what I've done and to know I belong to You even if I fall short of my goals. I sometimes confuse approval with disapproval when You do not provide positive reinforcement when You are pleased by my actions. I will constantly be seeking Your approval when I'm unsure of myself and may need to rely deeply on Your support and reassurance when I'm confused about a situation or apprehensive about a new challenge.
I need to be able to express myself
I have a need to express both good and bad things to You but it may be difficult for me to put the negative things into words. I fear Your rejection and hate disappointing You, so I may need a little space and time to voice all the things I need to say. You can help me by reassuring me that my feelings are valid, even if they aren't something You find pleasure in hearing. There may be times when I'm upset or angry with You but without freedom to express those feelings, there can be only festering resentment or misunderstanding. Guide me in ways that I can learn to speak my heart without breaking it or Yours.
I need to learn from my mistakes
I need to experience things that may be painful in order to learn successfully. I know Your protective nature will struggle with allowing me to be hurt but I need to learn the consequences of what I've done and to experience the feelings that go along with making mistakes. I will need Your comfort once I've faced my failure, but will sometimes feel unworthy of asking or unable to voice my disappointment in failing. Allow me to sort out my feelings before wiping away my tears.
I need forgiveness when I fail You
Nothing hurts me more than to know I've failed or displeased You, and I need to be forgiven once I've made amends. It is very hard for me to forgive myself for a wrong-doing and I may need Your help in getting beyond the feelings of remorse I am carrying. I may even need to be punished, if my wrong-doing was traumatic enough, in order to feel closure and accept forgiveness. I depend on You to make that determination for me and need Your help in making an atonement that is acceptable to You.
I need to feel I contribute
I have a deep-set need to give and must have outlets for this need. My basic nature is to give of myself and You will be the primary recipient of my gifts. Allow me to contribute to our relationship and our life together. To do less will leave me unfulfilled and unneeded, a fate worse than death for me. Provide me with ways to contribute things to others, also. I may need to give of myself to those I hold dear but You will always receive the best I have to offer.
I need to enjoy successes
Without experiencing and enjoying my successes, I may give up my fight to be all You desire for me. Allow me the pleasure of savoring the taste of victory when I overcome an obstacle or if You find pride in my attempts. All of my successes belong to You and I need to share their rewards with You. I don't expect You to spoil me with grand displays for little victories, but when I've reached beyond the limits of my past attempts, please don't deny me the sweet feelings of knowing I've achieved a goal You've set.
I need to share with You
Sharing with You is a compelling need and one of the cornerstones of my submissive nature. This includes the emotional and spiritual aspects of my being as well as the physical body I inhabit. It may be difficult for me to give You access to the deeper levels of my emotions and feelings, but those are the things I need to share the most. I'll depend on You to direct me in ways I can achieve total openness with You. I also need to share in the things You are. Trust me enough to share in Your fears, failures and struggles. I'll never see You as weak or incapable because You have shown confidence in me by giving part of Yourself in trust.
I need to feel loved, respected, and protected in Your ownership
No matter how well I've done or how miserably I've failed, I need to know I'm still loved and protected by You. Nothing will prevent me from trying new things like fear of losing Your respect and love. By the reverse, nothing will encourage me to expand my limits and grow to be all I am capable of being more than knowing You will be there to protect me from harm and will love me even if I fall short of the target. I need to be loved and to love You in return. I can't survive without it.
Updates!
Posted 9 years agoFirstly! I would like to thank everyone for their feedback to my last journal and everything from there has been taking into account and will help influence future content! I have also become adept at reading paragraphs on my phone as well!
This journal of course could have been posted a few days ago but just got onto my computer again after a while so lets get into it!
Firstly! Due to popular demand (based on the 4 people who provided input) Feature journals will now be a thing here as well! Though here we will try to focus mainly on people wishing to form a more casual/romantic relationship with their owner/pet rather than a kink or sexual/domination thing. As per the Mission Statement on the front page. I will be working to create a new general form for these to give guidelines to those wishing to be featured, of course none of the guidelines are strict and those wishing to be featured will of course have the ability to freely change what goes in the journal however they like.
Polls may also be a thing pending good ones to poll people on. They may not happen right away but they are a possibility in the future
Thank you all for taking the time to read this journal and I will do my best to keep you all updated on future events!!
Your new Admin,
~ BDog14157
This journal of course could have been posted a few days ago but just got onto my computer again after a while so lets get into it!
Firstly! Due to popular demand (based on the 4 people who provided input) Feature journals will now be a thing here as well! Though here we will try to focus mainly on people wishing to form a more casual/romantic relationship with their owner/pet rather than a kink or sexual/domination thing. As per the Mission Statement on the front page. I will be working to create a new general form for these to give guidelines to those wishing to be featured, of course none of the guidelines are strict and those wishing to be featured will of course have the ability to freely change what goes in the journal however they like.
Polls may also be a thing pending good ones to poll people on. They may not happen right away but they are a possibility in the future
Thank you all for taking the time to read this journal and I will do my best to keep you all updated on future events!!
Your new Admin,
~
BDog14157We're Back Baby!!!
Posted 9 years agoHey all! BDog14157 here! Some of you may recognize me from the 
groups, I will also now be an Admin for this group! It has been sitting idle far too long and it is time to revive this! I am hoping that through some hard work, dedication, and most importantly! Involvement from you guys! Yes, you! to make this page great! Community involvement from you all is very important to make this successful! I only have so many ideas, and can only say so much! And that is where you guys come in! The more comments on journals the more will be posted!
So for now here is what I ask of you! What do you guys want to see from this page? Do you want Master/Slave Feature journals like I do on the other pages? BDSM quizzes? (Ill probably do this anyways), Community fave devices? polls? You name it! I am here to provide.
Thanks for tuning in and expect many good things to come!!
BDog14157 here! Some of you may recognize me from the 
groups, I will also now be an Admin for this group! It has been sitting idle far too long and it is time to revive this! I am hoping that through some hard work, dedication, and most importantly! Involvement from you guys! Yes, you! to make this page great! Community involvement from you all is very important to make this successful! I only have so many ideas, and can only say so much! And that is where you guys come in! The more comments on journals the more will be posted! So for now here is what I ask of you! What do you guys want to see from this page? Do you want Master/Slave Feature journals like I do on the other pages? BDSM quizzes? (Ill probably do this anyways), Community fave devices? polls? You name it! I am here to provide.
Thanks for tuning in and expect many good things to come!!
Hello again!
Posted 12 years agoLong time no see :) 
fleabeast here, back to running the group. How has everyone been?
fleabeast here, back to running the group. How has everyone been?Hello new watchers!
Posted 12 years agoI see a whole bunch of new people joined over the holidays. Welcome! I hope you enjoy your stay.
If you are looking for a master or pet, we have a journal where you can post what you're looking for: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2986848/
You can also post shouts, just keep in mind that those get pushed off the front page after a while, as new shouts come in.
And a reminder to everyone, old or new: we're always looking for new discussion topics, so if you have any ideas, give us a shout, note, or reply to this journal, whatever works for you ;)
If you are looking for a master or pet, we have a journal where you can post what you're looking for: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2986848/
You can also post shouts, just keep in mind that those get pushed off the front page after a while, as new shouts come in.
And a reminder to everyone, old or new: we're always looking for new discussion topics, so if you have any ideas, give us a shout, note, or reply to this journal, whatever works for you ;)
Holidays?
Posted 12 years ago
What are everyone's plans for the holidays?
Spending time with family?
Visiting relatives?
Don't celebrate any holidays?
Doing anything else interesting?
It's been too quite here for too long, let's get some conversations going! :)
DISCUSSION: Being on both ends of the leash
Posted 13 years agoHello everyone! 
catwithpen here.
I'd like to get some discussions going, but it can be hard to think of topics sometimes, so if you have ideas, we have a suggestions journal.
.
For today, I looked through the previous suggestions, and there was one that hasn't been covered yet; the perks of being on both ends of the leash.
Are any of you both pet and owner? If yes, what are your experiences with that? What are the pros and cons? If you've never been on both ends of the leash, would you like to be? Why or why not?
.
catwithpen here.I'd like to get some discussions going, but it can be hard to think of topics sometimes, so if you have ideas, we have a suggestions journal.
.
For today, I looked through the previous suggestions, and there was one that hasn't been covered yet; the perks of being on both ends of the leash.
Are any of you both pet and owner? If yes, what are your experiences with that? What are the pros and cons? If you've never been on both ends of the leash, would you like to be? Why or why not?
.
Would anyone be interested in help running this group?
Posted 13 years agoWe are, honestly, out of ideas for what to do with this group! i also am bad about updating. would anyone be inerested in taking over?
We ARE accepting art and literature submissions!
Posted 13 years agoSo feel free to submit! via note or shout :3
and don't forget we do have a meet 'n' greet page here!
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3421045/
and don't forget we do have a meet 'n' greet page here!
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3421045/
Meet yourself an owner/pet here!
Posted 13 years agotaken from 
purplecollarclub
Recently I had received lots of notes from pets asking for new masters, so here is the spotlight for them.
this journal will help you to see whos wanting a master or a new pet ;3
the rules are simple:
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
(if you are a pet):
~leave a comment with what kind of master you want, and which kind of relation you are looking for (internet/rl)
~check other comments for masters looking for pets too
~be patient and wait to see whos interested.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
(if you are a master):
~Leave a comment letting know what kind of pet you want
~check other's coments to see if there are some pets in need
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Remember to be patient, this journal will be up for a good while, I hope to be helpful for those who needs some bit of fun =]
purplecollarclubRecently I had received lots of notes from pets asking for new masters, so here is the spotlight for them.
this journal will help you to see whos wanting a master or a new pet ;3
the rules are simple:
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
(if you are a pet):
~leave a comment with what kind of master you want, and which kind of relation you are looking for (internet/rl)
~check other comments for masters looking for pets too
~be patient and wait to see whos interested.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
(if you are a master):
~Leave a comment letting know what kind of pet you want
~check other's coments to see if there are some pets in need
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Remember to be patient, this journal will be up for a good while, I hope to be helpful for those who needs some bit of fun =]
Much apologies here! All watchers please read!
Posted 13 years ago fleabeast here! i apologize about the dead page lately, but i've, more or less, been at a loss for what to talk to you all about. i don't want to see this group die, though! i'd like some more suggestions on topics? what do you think we could make ongoing topics, also? do you all have suggestions on what we could do to help this group thrive? i'm finding it hard to engage in conversation on an individual basis but i would love to try more!DISCUSSION: Your importance of having a physical 'bond'
Posted 13 years agoHello all! 
here. Figured I'd start up another discussion since it's been a few weeks.
So, what I mean by the title is, how important is it for you to have some kind of physical reminder of being leashed or some kind of physical bond to your master? Is it essential that you have your collar? Do you only wear it on occasion? Or does a collar mean nothing to you? What are your masters views, if applicable? Discuss~
here. Figured I'd start up another discussion since it's been a few weeks. So, what I mean by the title is, how important is it for you to have some kind of physical reminder of being leashed or some kind of physical bond to your master? Is it essential that you have your collar? Do you only wear it on occasion? Or does a collar mean nothing to you? What are your masters views, if applicable? Discuss~
Preference in leash/collar?
Posted 13 years agoHello again! fleabeast here! It's been a while, so i thought maybe we'd bring up another discussion!
Preference in leash/collar. What sorts of collars or leashes do you like? it can be about intricacies, materials, whatever you like. do you like a tag, or no?
fleabeast here! It's been a while, so i thought maybe we'd bring up another discussion!Preference in leash/collar. What sorts of collars or leashes do you like? it can be about intricacies, materials, whatever you like. do you like a tag, or no?
DISCUSSION: Identifying an unhealthy M/p relationship
Posted 13 years agoHello all! Ixxy here, I hope you've all had a good holiday season :)
So, stemming off of the previous journal that FleaBeast has made, we're going to start another discussion. This time our topic is:
What is a healthy Master/pet relationship, how to identify an unhealthy one, how to avoid getting stuck in one, and what to do about it if you do.
We all know that M/p relationships can differ greatly from person to person, and I'm going to try and cover this for every kind. This would be a great thing to read for new people to this whole sort of thing, or if you are thinking of getting into it. So, let's begin!
So what is a healthy M/p relationship? Whether you're in it casually or for the whole shebang, it is important to have a healthy, happy relationship with your Master. What's the sense of being in it if you're not enjoying yourself? Both people should be happy, safe and content. Granted if you just got collared by a new Master, things will be a little odd as you're probably just getting to know them. This is perfectly fine and it happens in every day life. But if you start to feel uncomfortable and you would rather not go any further, end it immediately. There is no sense torturing yourself like that for the satisfaction of another person. Just because you're a pet and the notion is that you're less significant than your Master doesn't mean you need to stick with it and suffer. This kind of thing is a little more important if you have a Master in real life, as your physical safety is a very important factor, especially when starting a new relationship with a stranger. You never know what kind of weirdos can be lurking behind a friendly facade. If you sense something fishy, get out now.
---Now I understand some people like being controlled and sacrificing any and all power to another person, and that is okay if that's what you're into. You can still have a totally happy and wonderful relationship with your Master even if they control every little thing that you do. But remember, you can still set the rules. There is no contract that says once you are collared, you are owned by them forever. All it takes is one little push over the line and you can end it right then and there. Use your intuition to differentiate between it being a "Let's talk this over" situation or an "I need to leave now" one. Always remember, a pet/sub has just as much power as their Master when it comes to things like this.
"How can I tell if I'm in a bad relationship with my Master?" My simplest answer is; If you actually have to sit down and think if your relationship with your Master is a healthy one, it probably isn't. You don't have to be cowering in a corner or fearing for your life and safety to realize the connection between you two is bad. If you feel that your Master is verbally abusive, physically abusive, too controlling, overprotective, jealous, or you just feel uncomfortable around them, then now is the time to consider what you're into. Sometimes these things can be talked out with them, and that's when you need to use your common sense and consider if it is worth talking about it, or if it better for you to just leave. By all means, sit down and have a conversation about the rules again, there may have been some mis-communication. But like I said, if you've got a bad feeling about it, you're probably right.
---Some M/p relationships can contain some attributes of a Dom/sub relationship. Some people like being kicked down a few notches and degraded; sometimes even physically. As long as it is something you enjoy and have agreed to, knock your socks off, but remember, the same rules apply as they did up there.
To avoid getting in a bad relationship with a Master, don't jump right into it. Talk to them for a while, learn what they like and what they're looking for. Talk about non leash related things to see what kind of person they are in general. If they've proved themselves worthy, then go ahead and give it a try. If anything strikes you as odd, then pass. You can always find another one who will be better suited for you.
If you have already started things off and you realize that you just got collared by a complete nutjob, then end it right then and there before it progresses too far. If things go well, they will get the hint and let you go. If you're being pursued by someone who is jealous and overprotective and will not leave you alone even when you stated your feelings about it, then seek assistance. If you met them on FA, talk to an admin and block them. If you met online, block them from your lists/messengers/friends. If you met them in person and you really feel you are in danger, call your local authority. There will be something you can do to get away from someone like that no matter where you are. You will always posess the power to do it.
Remember, your best bet for avoiding getting into a bad M/p relationship is your own intuition. If you feel anything is fishy, move on and keep looking. Being collared can be a great experience and you can meet some amazing people, but it only takes one person to take it too far. Keep your wits about you, and be safe. Happy leashing~
Discussion/page suggestions? Toss your ideas here!
Posted 13 years agoHello everyone! Happy 2012 and i hope you all had a nice holiday season!
I'm making this journal because i've been a little short of ideas for discussions. I was wondering if you, the watchers, have anything you would like us to have a discussion about? Are there things you'd like to talk about? throw me some ideas and we'll start working on them!
I'm making this journal because i've been a little short of ideas for discussions. I was wondering if you, the watchers, have anything you would like us to have a discussion about? Are there things you'd like to talk about? throw me some ideas and we'll start working on them!
Find yourself a master or a pet here! :D
Posted 13 years agoHi all! I hope you guys are having a good day/night wherever you may be~
So I've noticed that many of our watchers do not have a master/pet and are looking for one. Well, I figured I would set up a journal as an advertisement for those who would like to find one! As always, remember what this group stands for, so keep the murrypurry to yourselves via notes if things go down that path.
Remember, you must be open to having people note you/contact you about being their master/pet if you comment here. Also, don't feel bad if you are denied by someone. This is just a chance for people to be advertised at their will, it's not a guarantee.
So without further ado, here is what you should comment with:
Either "LOOKING FOR A MASTER" or "LOOKING FOR A PET" or something along those lines at the top so people can easily identify what you're in search of.
Your name.
Your species.
Your age.
More specifically what you're looking for: (For example, 'looking for a very casual, friendly, non-romantic owner/pet bond.' or 'Looking for a serious master and a possible mate')
Those things are optional, you can put what you want, really. But you can follow that guideline if you wish. I'll keep this updated so you can see a list of people ^^
Marius, 21, Wolf. "I am the kind of person that enjoys being told what to do, and lead around. It allows me to relax and be myself without having to plan anything. The master i would prefer would be one who is willing to lead, and enjoy being able to relax aswell. I do not mind RP's, and i do have other characters i dont mind acting out. Past that i wanna see where things go. "
Age 27. "I want one that is in his 30s+. I want my master to treat me like a female, if he wants more info he can note me. "
Meriadoc, Age 19, Golden Retriever. "I´m bi, but I would prefer a guy. I would love a serious relationship, but it´s not necessary. I want someone who is confident and commanding, but still kind. I would also like someone who lives somewhere near where I usually am (either Des Moines, IA or Chicago, IL areas), because I am not really into an internet only relationship."
Zane Holiday; Tiger Wolf hybrid. Age 23. Looking for a female pet. "Looking for something serious/possible mate, friendly. Someone that will listen to what I have to say but not be afraid to offer something either. Also if things are going to be in person please live close to Georgia, and if not there at least in the United States"
So I've noticed that many of our watchers do not have a master/pet and are looking for one. Well, I figured I would set up a journal as an advertisement for those who would like to find one! As always, remember what this group stands for, so keep the murrypurry to yourselves via notes if things go down that path.
Remember, you must be open to having people note you/contact you about being their master/pet if you comment here. Also, don't feel bad if you are denied by someone. This is just a chance for people to be advertised at their will, it's not a guarantee.
So without further ado, here is what you should comment with:
Either "LOOKING FOR A MASTER" or "LOOKING FOR A PET" or something along those lines at the top so people can easily identify what you're in search of.
Your name.
Your species.
Your age.
More specifically what you're looking for: (For example, 'looking for a very casual, friendly, non-romantic owner/pet bond.' or 'Looking for a serious master and a possible mate')
Those things are optional, you can put what you want, really. But you can follow that guideline if you wish. I'll keep this updated so you can see a list of people ^^
LOOKING FOR MASTERS
Marius, 21, Wolf. "I am the kind of person that enjoys being told what to do, and lead around. It allows me to relax and be myself without having to plan anything. The master i would prefer would be one who is willing to lead, and enjoy being able to relax aswell. I do not mind RP's, and i do have other characters i dont mind acting out. Past that i wanna see where things go. "
Age 27. "I want one that is in his 30s+. I want my master to treat me like a female, if he wants more info he can note me. "
Meriadoc, Age 19, Golden Retriever. "I´m bi, but I would prefer a guy. I would love a serious relationship, but it´s not necessary. I want someone who is confident and commanding, but still kind. I would also like someone who lives somewhere near where I usually am (either Des Moines, IA or Chicago, IL areas), because I am not really into an internet only relationship."LOOKING FOR PETS
Zane Holiday; Tiger Wolf hybrid. Age 23. Looking for a female pet. "Looking for something serious/possible mate, friendly. Someone that will listen to what I have to say but not be afraid to offer something either. Also if things are going to be in person please live close to Georgia, and if not there at least in the United States"DISCUSSION: The story behind your collar/leash
Posted 14 years agoHello all you fellow collared fuzzbutts! So I figured in a little bit of my off-time, I'll start up another discussion.
So, how many of you have collars and/or leashes? Did you get it from your master, a friend, or did you buy it yourself? Is there a significant story behind how or why you got your collar?
Discuss! :3
DISCUSSION! Walks in public!
Posted 14 years agoHello fellow leashed furs!, fleabeast here with a discussion idea. Leashes in public, do you do that? If so, what kind of reactions have you gotten?
fleabeast here with a discussion idea. Leashes in public, do you do that? If so, what kind of reactions have you gotten?Welcome to Leashed! [Please read upon joining!]
Posted 14 years agoHello all!
here. I'm just going to go over a few things about this group and what to expect, so sit tight :3First off, this group was created by
with the intention of it being a nice place for pets/masters/owners/etc who are into the more loving, caring, and clean side of ownership to go. You are more than welcome to join if you are sexually involved with your 'other', but please keep in mind what this group is about. You may feel more comfortable at Purple Collar Club, Slaves of FA or Masters of FA if that is what you're into.You're free to shout 'advertisements' that you're looking for a pet or master, but remember, keep it clean! We will often post journals as well listing off some furs who are looking to get a pet or a master, so keep a lookout for those if you're interested!
If you want us to submit a drawing of yours that is related to the group, feel free to post a link! We will be more than glad to feature your submissions! :)
We are still working on getting things up and running, but there may be more to do around here once we get a good amount of watchers. Maybe contests, raffles, who knows! I'd like this to be not just an icon to put on your page, but a community!
I hope you all enjoy your stay, and thanks for watching! Feel free to spread the word to your other leashed friends! :)
