At the time of writing this, I'm currently in the registration line for VF 2024! Now that I'm actually here and in line, it's a lot less stressful than I was afraid of it being.

Not sure if anyone watching me is gonna be there, but I hope to see you if you are! I'm wearing a blue hoodie with Kass on the back. Feel free to say hi, but please understand that I've got hearing problems, so be patient with me if I have to ask you to repeat yourself. ^v^;

EDIT: I've returned home for today, but I'm definitely hoping to attend for longer over the next few days. ^v^

happy new year from the west coast!

So... After seeing people talking about going to MFF basically everywhere over the past month-ish, I've decided - fuck it, even if something in the US or out-of-province is outside anything I'm capable of handling right now (anxiety, SPD, etc.), instead of moping at home again, I'm gonna try and make it to Vancoufur in March, come hell or high water.

It's close enough that I think I can manage it. This'll be the first time I've ever gone to a con, so I've got a lot of figuring out and reading up I need to do first, but I also wanted to put the question out there, in case anyone who's watching me here is likely to be attending.

Realistically, I still haven't fully committed to going, but I'd really like to make this happen. Anyone else planning on going? ^v^

yeah so apparently having a birthday go well without something coming up and bringing down my mood is too much to ask for huh
life just has to throw one of those curveballs at me that leaves me feeling totally emotionally drained to the point that the slightest nudge is enough to make me break and start doubting everything again

i'm so fucking sick of this

thanks for all of the birthday wishes, though, i do appreciate them
<3

I wish I could embed images here I'd fill this journal with all the dancing bird gifs I can find

But yeah happy birthday to me~

does anyone else ever feel like they just... can't form meaningful connections with other people
like they're always at arm's length from everyone for one reason or another, even in groups that they're in

i dunno i'm just
really really tired and lonely
tired of feeling like i'm always left out of fun stuff
tired of feeling like i can't actually connect with anyone
tired of feeling like the connections i have made are meaningless when either something happens or when they find someone else
tired of not know how to approach socialization while other people seemingly do it effortlessly
tired of feeling like i'm never going to not be left out for whatever reason (sensory issues, socialization issues, interests/values, whatever)

tired of feeling like i'm the problem all the time
idk
whatever

so i've been hearing about this'un a lot
does anyone know what it's like for artists/writers in terms of content rules, image compression, filesize limits, etc. etc.
i'm curious

...and if it's good i don't suppose anyone has a spare invite? 👀

i'm losing my mind at this latest announcement implicitly saying "yeah minors in vore are okay"

So, uh, yeah. Been seeing a lot of journals from people I watch lately saying they're moving to other sites after this UP 2.7 clarification, and I... can't really say I blame them, considering. There's nothing in my gallery that I would think qualifies as problematic under the new policy - at least, according to common sense rules, but I think this clarification is proof enough that common sense has gone out the window here.

I don't plan on up and leaving FA yet, but I've been setting up profiles in a few other places, and dusting off some old ones - namely, I've been looking at my old Weasyl, SoFurry, and Pillowfort pages that I haven't done anything with in years (if I ever did anything with them in the first place lol), as well as opening up accounts on Itaku and Aethy. I'm also thinking of looking into using Picarto's gallery feature.
EDIT 26-05-2023: I've now added a Cohost link as well!

All of these sites are linked on my linktr.ee page, alongside both my e621 profile and my Twitter account. At this point, though, I'm not sure about using either of those - I don't really have the self-confidence to upload my own stuff to e621 and face the comments there, and I still absolutely loathe Twitter and don't really want to use it.

Having said that, I am considering setting up an art-only Twitter account (if the damn site will let me), and possibly InkBunny.

Look, let me make this clear up-front about IB, m'kay? I don't like cub art either. I don't want to see that stuff if I can help it, and not just because I'm fairly sure it's illegal here in Canada. Explicitly underaged characters in explicit situations just aren't something I want to see, draw, or be associated with. Having said that, as far as I can tell, IB's the second-most popular furry art site after FA (something like >800k users vs. FA's >1.6 million; SF has >400k I think?). I've also seen a few people comment positively on its features compared to FA's (a blacklist! wow!). Also, uh, e621 allows cub too, so it'd be kinda hypocritical of me to write off IB on a content basis when e621 allows it too. I'm an adult who knows how to use a content blacklist; it's more a question of convenience and outreach to me than anything else.

As said, I don't plan on leaving FA just yet. As much as this policy update and staff's handling of it aggravates me, unless something in my gallery ends up being called into question, this place is still the most convenient for me - I know people here, and I'm a bird of habit; while I can't argue that FA's old design is dated in a lot of ways, as someone who grew up with message boards and the like, it's still very comfy to me.

Even if I can't believe there's no blacklist feature in [current year].

nah i'm just kidding i got nothing

I don't know what I can say that hasn't already been said by other people, but, uh, yeah. I can appreciate the intention here, but this approach is just... really not good. It's too vague and open to interpretation and abuse.

like what does "[being] presented as children" or "proportionally/anatomically [representing] a child" even mean
that's just a collection of words you put together

It's long overdue for me to look into setting up an alternate gallery or two, so for what it's worth, I guess - https://linktr.ee/kyuugryphon Good chance I'm going to look into some of these in the near future, particularly SF and Weasyl.

Hooray 2023!!!!! Yeah!

Don't really have much else to say right now, it's 1AM and I should be asleep. My only resolution this year is to try and draw more often, which is my resolution every year that never seems to pan out for some reason.... (It's because I am lazy and can't focus)

But yeah, happy new year!

(Edit: you didn't see anything)

merr chrismas

See title. I've checked Parblo's website, and it says they're not in stock. I've sent an email asking about stock, but just in case - does anyone know where I can either get P03 replacement pen nibs, or know of a good alternative I can pick up off Amazon or something?

Eep, I'm a little late on this. I was trying to think of what to say, and I'm still drawing a blank...!

I'm really flattered people like my art enough to watch me at all, especially considering how infrequently I upload... I know it sounds kinda trite, but really, thank you all. <3

Hopefully I'll have something to upload in the near future, but for now... thanks for sticking around <3

i will draw bondage porn for nitro pepsi

that is all

idk just kinda stream-of-consciousness posting here about something that's bugged me on occasion for a while

so, like... i really don't have much self-confidence, particularly in my art - i feel like it's all too static and i always have trouble with proportions and the like
my social anxiety is also still really, really bad so talking to people is still super hard, especially groups - and i don't really have any that i feel comfortable in at this point, i left the two i had because i couldn't get along with other people there/felt like i was being sidelined but didn't want to cause a fuss, so i usually end up isolating myself anyway apparently
and i don't have a job; the only income i have right now is from disability assistance and i'm very hesitant on spending it because at the moment i can't see myself finding a position where i can sustain myself and be independent/hold a career

this is a really roundabout way of getting to it, but
i... kinda sorta feel pretty crummy sometimes, seeing some people getting a lot of commissions, or gift art or art trades
because i don't have the money, social skills, or self-esteem for any of those and i really don't do well with feeling left out or forgotten

just... kinda lamenting it here, 'cause i really hate how i can be either looking through new uploads or poking my head into streams i sometimes lurk in, see new art of someone's character(s) that i recognize, and just feel my mood drop like a rock
and not because i dislike them or the contents or anything (though i can't say there aren't instances of that, or artists who i don't like taking comms, but i think that just sorta annoys me more than anything else lmao), it's just like - "oh, yeah. other people can do these things."
thinking about it i think it's probably mostly to do with seeing people who are around my age or younger being able to manage stuff like that while i can't

i dunno, maybe that's self-centred of me but i feel kinda crappy about it at the moment
though i think i've also been struggling with dealing with feelings i thought i was over so that probably doesn't help matters, oops lmao

wooooo!!!

ok it's about a week late but whatever
how is it august again already jeez

anyway
this year's been kinda difficult so far, as has this month
but my birthday's on the 28th and i'll be damned if i let things get me down this year
here's to making it a good one 🤘

oh boy! i can't wait to feel unwelcome and severely depressed all month because i'm completely uncomfortable with queer being used as an umbrella term!

i'm really not having a good day today can you tell


EDIT: okay i forgot about disabling comments having a 24-hour cooldown when i made this journal, and i'm still not in a good frame of mind right now

but clarification: self-identifying is cool and if queer is the best fit for you then go for it, i'm not here to tell you that you can't call yourself whatever you want
i just don't like how people use it as an umbrella term for *all* lgbt+ people as a group
it still has all the connotations of a slur to me, and i'm sure i'm not the only one
all it really reaffirms to me is that i don't belong, and as someone who's been suffering from that feeling from most of my life... it sucks

merr chrismas

(working on something really cool here that i'm hoping to put up soon, but it's probably going to be a few hours because i'm not quite done with part of it, keep an eye out though)
EDIT: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/45211619/

Holy hell, I wasn't expecting to see this when I woke up this morning, seeing as it's been forever since I uploaded anything at all (barring that Blazikyuu sketch at the beginning of the month). I'm not sure what to say, except... Thank you all so much! <3

I haven't been doing much drawing at all over the past few months, admittedly - I've mostly been working on a Black Mesa mod, which you can find on the Steam Workshop here. I'm quite proud of what we've accomplished so far with BMS Classic, especially with chapters like On A Rail, We've Got Hostiles, and Surface Tension, so if you've got the game, it'd mean a lot to me if you gave BMSC a try!

Onto more furry-relevant stuff. I ended up binge-watching Ducktales over the past few weeks and have absolutely fallen in love with it, so there's a pretty high chance you'll see fanart of it from me soon. Especially of characters like Graves and Steelbeak, because god dammit I'm weak for big buff bird men.
Also Fenton, because he's adorable and I love him.
I'd also like to do some Pokemon and Zelda stuff at some point again, since bird Pokemon and Rito are always fun.

I also want to do something to thank you folks for sticking around with me, despite all these months of inactivity. Maybe a raffle of some kind, or a bunch of sketches or something. We'll see, once my drawing energy starts to return.

Lastly, All-Nighter. I haven't touched it or Ren'Py in general in quite a while. I know there are a few bugs that need fixing, and I'd like to write up a "100%" guide for it at some point. I'd also like to do more with Ren'Py itself - it's a neat and powerful little engine, and I'd love to just play around with it some more, whether that's for something smutty or something serious. We'll see, I guess!

Thanks again for all the watches, I really appreciate it. Love y'all. <3

What a year, huh? Here's to this year being a better one.

I'd like to make this year a bit more productive as far as art and other things go. We'll see how that goes, I guess!

Love y'all. <3

no i'm not late what are you talking about

I think it would've been in early-to-mid 2017 now - sometime around May, if I recall correctly - that I approached  Mando (Fuze) and asked if he'd let me take a stab at writing the script for the visual novel he'd been working on on-and-off since the beginning of the year. At the time, I didn't imagine it'd be over three years until I'd find myself writing a journal like this!

What started out as just a fun romp for me to exercize my creative writing skills and learn Ren'Py with quickly grew in scope, particularly as I became more and more familiar with Ren'Py and Python in general. A simple species select turned into a full-blown character creator, simple text beeps when characters were talking became sprites with animated blinking and lip flaps, and what was supposed to be a relatively straightforward little game for Halloween ended up taking three and a half years.

Looking back on it now, there are definitely things I would've done differently. More clearly planning out and setting up the branching paths for the second act is a big one - they're probably the single biggest reason for this VN taking as long as it did, especially whenever I'd get back to it after taking a break for a little while. I went over the branches myself earlier this year before release to see if they all worked as intended, and I didn't pick up on any incorrect dialogue or anything, but it wouldn't surprise me if there's still some blips here and there that are wrong. I also probably would try to get a basic placeholder script done first for review, instead of going all-in all at once - thankfully, in this case, there was only one scene that was fully scrapped (and replaced with a much better iteration of the idea), and we were able to keep the CGs for it around as an extra bonus, but it'd still be a way to avoid wasting resources and assets on scenes that don't make the cut in the first place.
Oh, yeah, and less missed deadlines would be a good goal too, lol.

Overall, though? Working on All-Nighter was definitely a fun experience, and I'm very grateful that Fuze let me try my hand at it. It's the first time in a while I've been able to try and bring a decently-sized cast of characters to life, and I'm satisfied with the results (though I think it's pretty apparent that Ren and Clark are my personal favourites of the cast, lol). I've been keeping an eye on the comments here, both on my submission and on Fuze's, and the positive reception it's gotten so far is very meaningful to me. I love writing, and I want to be able to write stories that really speak to people and make them think. I wouldn't have imagined furry erotica would be the place where I got my start, but hey, I'll take it, lol.

I'd certainly like to do more in the realm of visual novels - some ideas kinky, others less so - and seeing the response so far to All-Nighter has served as a pretty big confidence boost. Having said that, I don't know that I'll get to anything like that anytime soon - for now, I'm content just taking some time to decompress a bit.

I want to thank everyone involved so far - Fuze, everyone who helped proofread and bugtest the game (big shout-outs to Wade in particular - your bug-reporting skills have been an absolute godsend), everyone who joined in on the brainstorming sessions in Fuze's stream, and of course everyone who's downloaded and played the game so far. I love all of y'all. <3