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Hey there.

Alrighty, so thanks to the generosity of some very good friends, the crisis has been averted and I once again have money to buy food.

Thank you so much to everyone who showed support today. I'm feeling mostly better right now^^ To be honest, I'm not quite sure what to say in this moment. I'll try to post another journal with more precise thoughts once my mind feels clearer.

*Hugs everyone*

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Yeah, today is my birthday, I'm all alone and I just feel like I wanna die.

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Heya folks.

Alrighty, so today is my birthday... And I don't have any money to eat. I'm gonna spend my birthday alone, as I always do. If you're willing to send me money so that I can have something to eat, please send me a note.

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Heya folks.

So yeah, there might be more trouble for me on the horizon. Let me explain. So as many of you may know, I am currently unemployed and am relying on government support to survive. I'm in no shape to currently seek employment with all the mental difficulties I've been experiencing. I only barely receive enough money for rent and to eat, plus maybe a tiny little bit of excess for other stuff.

So this month has been very rough so far... I've had a lot of problems with my mother, who currently owns the apartment I'm staying in but who needs to sell it because she doesn't have any money left, forcing me to find another place to live... But there's barely anywhere with low enough rent that I could afford whilst still having enough food to eat... Forcing me to apply for government subsidized housing which comes with a waiting list and a lot of paperwork... Plus I'm gonna need to do lots of repairs on the house in order for my mother to be able to sell it. She can't really do that herself with her many physical limitation.... Nor can she hire someone to do it or know anyone else who could help.

So I've been doing a lot of that but then... I had my emotional meltdown that took over a week to get over and that was most likely caused by expired medication... So I've got that to sort out too now... And also I need to renew my health care card which I've been neglecting with all this other shit that's been happening... I was going to do it last week, but then I fell ill.

So I'm still kinda ill, been ill for about a week now... I just have random headaches and moment of very pronounced physical weakness... Which has prevented me to do much of what I need and because my health care card is now expired I can't go to the doctor... Or at least, not without paying several hundreds of dollars which I do not have. Also I basically have no one I can ask for help. All my real life friends live far and have very little time and my mom lives even farther and doesn't have any money. I was hoping I'd get better but after almost a week I'm still feeling very weak and its really hard to go out.

Also since its been really hard to get groceries I've been getting food from a nearby restorant a lot and... I now don't have enough money to eat till the end of the month...

So... Yeah... I'm not sure what to do, its like the perfect storm of bad situation. Also I can't really envision taking commission right now since I can barely focus at all when I'm just not laying down and resting because of sudden physical weakness.

So yeah, that's kind of my situation in a nutshell and I've simplified a lot. Maybe I'll ask for donations at some point but I'm not there yet.

*Offers hugs* I hope everything will be alright, honestly I have no idea how things are gonna turn out. I love all of you and I'll keep you updated on the situation.

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BRING ME YOUR VIRGIN ASSES AND I MAY FORGIVE YOUR TRANSGRESSION~!!!

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So yeah, since apparently it has become fashionable to announce those in advance... I here by announce my birthday to be coming in exactly one week from now. On the 22 of may I will now have completed 32 years on this earth~!

So... Ummm... Prepare your anuses? O.O

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Hey friends *Offers hugs to everyone*

So I'm feeling better for the most part, but still trying to take things slow. I have a lot of stuff to re-upload and I've also started thinking about new project. The thing is, I've got so many stuff to upload now... I'm kinda not sure where to even start. Its a bit awkward.

But anyhow. Still thinking about this whole thing. I wanna thank everyone who's been supporting me *Offers more hugs* I love each and everyone of you, no matter what happens. If ever... Sometimes my mind gets cloudy and I'm not always "myself" No matter what I say in those moments, I love all of you.

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So...

I'm sorry for today's outburst... Also I just looked at the expiration date on my anti-depressant and... They're expired... They gave me expired pills... And I started taking those a day before I deleted my stuff.

Needless to say, I'm gonna look into this further.

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Going off to scout bridges from which I could jump off from.

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Yep...

So, for those who are unaware of what happened with me yesterday... I got into a depressive fit so severe... I kinda went nuts and deleted all of my submission from my gallery. In fact... That's the most depressed I've been pretty much since the first time I deleted my gallery about 5 years ago. I have no idea if its over or if its only just starting. I've been really depressed throughout this and last week. I'm mostly feeling better now but... I did have a similar, although less severe episode earlier today.

I've been seeing a psychiatrist and taking anti-depressant for like 4 years now... And it seemed like it was going fine, but since last year I've noticed I've gradually become more and more depressed. At this point I was only getting routine checks with my Psychiatrist... Might have to change that and see if I've got any options for Therapy.

If you're wondering... How severe it was yesterday... Let me explain to you what was going on in my mind yesterday.

Basically, around the end of the afternoon I started feeling really bad... Like I was in a really rotten mood despite nothing happening to provoke that. I was feeling worthless... angry... self-destructive. At some point it got so bad... I started envisioning my own death within my mind. Like a movie, playing in my head... A series of short scenes depicting all the different ways I could end my life. I didn't wanna think about it, but that's just what came into my mind... Over and over again... I saw myself die in various situation. I tried to think of something else, I really did. I tried clearing my mind... But even when I succeeded for a short period of time, it always came back into my mind... Like a song you can't get out of your head.

Maybe its hard to imagine... But part of my condition is to have obsessive tendencies, its something I've been dealing with my whole life. Its hard to describe... When you have something stuck in your head and you cannot bring yourself to think about something else.

Over and over again... Just thoughts of self-harm continually popping into my mind... Sometimes intercut with memories of my various failures throughout my life. Over and over again, sometimes lasting for hours. Its hard to describe, but at some point you'd just do anything to try and make those thoughts go away, that's when you began showing various self-destructive behavior... Because that's one of the only way I know that will make those thoughts go away.

I dunno man... I'm sorry for what happened... I was just confused and scared.

Obviously there's a real problem here. Maybe the medication no longer works. Maybe I need regular therapy. I will try to see what my options are for that.

Its just that with everything that's been happening with the house and all... Its just a lot of stuff all at once... So I'd like to ask everyone to be patient with me... And I'm sorry if I hurt any of you.

Gonna try to reply to all the comments, but I make no promises.

I love each and everyone of you and I truly appreciate every bit of support you all give me. For you all, I will try to be stronger from now on.

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I'm just not feeling well tonight. I just feel like my friends have abandoned me.

Just deleted all my submissions from my gallery.

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I once thought about suffocating myself with a plastic bag.

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I honestly don't know. I just feel like I wanna go to sleep and never wake up.

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Hey there folks.

I'm sorry I haven't given you any updates on the Tuherat story. The truth is, I've been sinking into a deep depression and haven't been able to rise out of it. I've been completely uninspired for a while now and I just...

I dunno, I just can't do it right now. Feeling like crap. Its like nothing matters anymore.

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It feels like I've got nothing left to even live for. I don't find anything appealing anymore... I have lost all joy in my life. I don't even feel like I even like vore anymore.

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I just feel bored today... No energy. I dunno what to do... What to work on.

Any suggestions?

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I apologize for my last journal, I let my depression get the better of me.

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Its just... I dunno.

I have so much problems right now, it feels like everything is happening all at once. Money trouble, housing trouble, family trouble, friend trouble...

I just... I don't wanna get into all of it right now... But there's just so much happening at once... I'm just so stressed and I just spent 10 minutes crying in my bed. I just don't know... I feel so lost right now... And I can't even post those feeling on Eka's portal by fear of being banned. (That's what happened the first time, I was banned from Eka's portal for making a journal about my suicidal feelings.)

I just don't know... I feel so confused right now.

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Greetings.

So I've decided to go with a mass sacrifice idea for the story I'm gonna write for Tuherat. I decided I'm gonna do this is several rounds, depending on if you want to be digested or entrapped inside the goddess' digestive tract for all eternity. Note that none of this will be canon, so don't worry about losing a character and whatnot.

I think the first round will be dedicated to those who wish to be entrapped inside Tuherat's belly forever. I'm not sure yet if I'm gonna allow people to partake in several rounds or if I'm gonna limit this to one round per person.

Also I have to find a way to make her eating several people not feel too repetitive. I'm also gonna include a description of what all the victims will go through for all of eternity. Still kinda thinking about the logistic of it all, like, should I post a journal for people to sign on or maybe announce it in a pic, like a streaming banner?

Also I think I'm gonna make this first round include micro characters only. I'm gonna reserve same-size for another time or something.

Feel free to share your thoughts, comments, ideas and suggestion down bellow~

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I'm here to ask, would anyone be interested in having their characters being eaten by either Ceres or Tuherat in a semi-illustrated story? I've been thinking about doing something like this for a while, and I keep suggesting it to different people, but no one I've directly suggested it to has shown any interest so far.

Man, I've had a really rough day today, and on top of that I'm feeling a bit worthless from people rejecting my offer of free art and stories.

If you're one of those people, please don't feel bad reading this... I know things are complicated... But it still ends up making me feel a bit undesirable.

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Heya folks.

Just having an unexpected down here. It just feels like I'm losing touch with a lot of people I used to be close to. Stuff has been happening, and it has kept me busy for a little while. It often feels like if you don't talk to someone on a regular basis, they just kind of forget about you and they don't poke you... Or even reply when you try to poke them.

I dunno, just feeling kinda meh and lonely tonight.
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So a little update on my situation beforehand: I have roughly 5 months to find a new place to live, which isn't too bad, but its still stressful. I might as well have to buy a new laptop soon, this one is really starting to feel its age. Might do commissions/ych or just ask for donations at some point in relation to that.

Now let's talk about this Tuherat story!

So I've been planning on making a Tuherat story for a little while now, I have many ideas and I wanted to get your opinions on. My first idea would be to have multiple preys in the story and to ask people to volunteer their OCs or just a representation of themselves for Tuherat to eat. So the options are, I could write a story were Tuherat eats a bunch of furs without any particular focus on them or equal focus on all of them, I could write a story with many furs getting eaten but have a particular focus on one in particular, or I could have a story dedicated to Tuherat eating a single person/fur. Be sure to tell me which one you'd think would be better or which one is more appealing to you.

I would also like to know, if I would write about Tuherat eating you/your character, what vore preference would you like attached to it? So Tuherat can keep people forever inside her belly without digesting them, but she can also digest them regularly, digest their body but release their souls, digest their body and keep their souls imprisoned in her stomach forever, digest their body and soul or just ingest their souls and entrap or digest them. If you were her prey, which option would you prefer?

Also I've got a couple of scenarios in mind I'd like your opinion on. I'd like to have a scenario where Tuherat can interact with every prey at least a little bit before scarfing them down, I would also like to leave some place for some non-vore kinks such as facesitting, smothering, mouthplay and stuff like that. So my scenario ideas are as follow:

-A bunch of people die in a war and are judge and sentenced by Tuherat one after the other.

-A mass sacrifice takes place in honor of Tuherat conquering a new world or something, with her eating lots of people in one sitting.

-Tuherat attacks and conquers a new kingdom/godly domain and eats the guards and royal family one by one.

-Tuherat eats a bunch of gods and godesses from a rival pantheon in some sort of divine war.

-Tuherat incarnates the final boss in an RPG-like world where adventurers try to challenge her and eventually get gobbled up by the hungry hippo.

...And, that's all I got so far. Be sure to tell me what you think about those scenarios and/or to suggest additional scenarios if any comes to you. All ideas and input is appreciated~! Thanks in advance^^

-Kernac.
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Hey there folks.

So I've been mostly absent for over a week now. Lots of things happening all at once, including plumbing problems, money problems and my mother and me clashing a lot, leading to the need for me to find a new place to live shortly.

I had been working on a few story ideas, but had to stop because of all this trouble that's been constantly occupying my time and my mind. I'm back at having some free time, at least for a little while, and I wanted to try to write or draw again... But today I've been trying to motivate myself to work on some stuff... But I just couldn't do it.

Story or pic suggestion are more than welcome, as they can often help motivate me and give me some inspiration for vorish stuff, otherwise I just hope this foul mood I found myself into goes away sooner rather than later.

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So as many of you saw in yesterday's journal, I'm thinking of asking for volunteer preys to put in my stories, instead of having a predator eat one or many invented, random characters. The idea came when I was thinking about Tuherat's story. In my original ideas, Tuherat would capture an immortal king, eat all of his adult children (possibly his wife and other relatives too) before eating him.

I've also had this idea... Basically, to have Tuherat (or any other of my pred characters) eat someone's main fursona/persona. Basically have her eat the personal representation of that user and then maybe I could draw like a sticker or someone for that person to post in their profile that reads something like: "I was eaten by Tuherat." or "Proud to be Tuherat's eternal tummy slave." or something like that. I've been wanting to have people get more personally involved with some of my preds... Like, to have someone who's completely dedicated to one of my predators.

Like... Maybe have a ych, or a raffle or contest of some sort were someone can win a spot to be a particular character's favorite prey/plaything... I'm not sure yet how I would implement that. I just kinda want someone who really like and is dedicated to one of my character and I can make material with them over and over again...

I dunno, still kinda churning the idea in my mind right now, be sure to tell me what you think^^

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So I've been brainstorming ideas for a story involving Tuherat and I've been thinking... Why have her eat some random nobodys when she could be eating some of my watchers?

Like, I could get a list of volunteer that would have their persona/fursona placed into the story filling specific roles. Of course this has drawbacks, like people not having a say about how they get eaten and such.

I'm just throwing ideas, looking for opinions. I haven't slept much last night so my mind is kinda fuzzy X3 Also I gotta go run some errants, will try to post a more coherent journal on that idea a bit later or on a later date.

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