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I don't feel like I have a purpose anymore... I don't find joy in anything it seems. Vore no longer does anything for me.

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Hey there. So today is my birthday, I'm 33 years old now. As many of you know, I moved to a new account a while back. I now use  Goddess_Ceres and haven't even logged on here for a while. Sorry to the people who didn't know where I went.

Been thinking if I should come back to this account. The Ceres identity can be... Restrictive sometimes. When I want to post stuff about other characters it doesn't feel like it belongs in my Ceres account.

Let me know what you think.

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Hello lovelies~

So last March I made a new character that I kept secret for the most part. I was feeling kinda odd and made a new account with an all new character to run side by side with my other accounts. What I came up with was an imp-like creature that was mostly inspired by Midna from the Legend of Zelda: Twilight princess. She was mostly intended for Macro/micro vore through either shrinking people of making herself giant. I named her Euvora and made this account for her:

 Euvora

Now, as with many project I start I eventually lost interest and kinda left it by the wayside. I could use her, but my interest in doing so is mild at best. So I thought maybe I could sell her? What do y'all think I should do and would you or anyone you know be interested in buying this character from me?

I made 3 pics of her total and whoever would buy her would get to use all 3 of them. First I made a standard body reference:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/31024259/

Then I made her a logo:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/31023504/

And the third pic is what I used for her profile icon.

Let me know what you think I should do with her^^

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So yesterday I had a really bad episode of depression, with thoughts of suicide and whatnot. Still not sure how I feel today to be honest. For those wondering, yesterday's journal was forcefully removed by FA... So I don't know how replied to it or what they said.

I'm really sorry... I'm just... I don't know.

I don't know what to say, my feelings are confused... I can't really think clearly about this. I know there are people who don't believe my distress... People who mocked me in the past... I fear that they are still doing so, behind my back and its eating me up.

I'm sorry.

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So about a month ago I decided to change my online identity, from that of Kernac to Ceres. I can barely believe its already been a month. Following this I made a new FA account reflecting my new identity and I've mostly been operating on that account, at least on FA. Since I've made the switch I can honestly say my mood has been mostly better, beside the small relapse into depression from time to times. However, this change hasn't been without problems. My productivity when it comes to vore material has certainly taken a hit. I think mostly I wanted to get a few new pics of Ceres on that new FA account before putting anything else there, just to have sort of a base. That's how it started.

So I've tried and tried and tried to draw new pics of Ceres I could post on that account... But I just couldn't do it. Everything I sketched seemed not right, none of it was of the quality that I've been able to achieve in the past... So I've got frustrated and I just kinda gave up and since I wanted to have that in my gallery first, I kinda forbid myself to work on other project... Now, a lot of the initial buzz around my switch has died down and not that many people even talk to me all that much. So I've been frustrated with my lack of ability and in a major art block to top it all off. Now I realized that, 3 months ago, I told myself I would be productive this summer... And now 3 months later, I barely got anything done at all, in fact its been perhaps one of the most creatively barren period I've ever had.

So yeah... I've been frustrated with myself... It seems no matter how much I tried... I just get less and less motivated with time. I get less and less productive, less and less creative... That's why I've been feeling this kinda ominous sadness... This kind of disinterest in everything. I feel like I'm just going downhill no matter how much effort I put in. I've been trying and trying and although I've had little burst of creativity here and there... it seems like those get smaller and farther apart every time. I just don't know what to do, I've been fighting this for years and I always lose... I just feel like no matter what, I'm losing my creativity and my motivation and at some point there will be none left and I'll just be a living potato... Just watching on the sideline without getting involved with anything... Without being a part of the community. This... This is what I've been feeling sad about.

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Heya folks~!

So after my last journal, several people expressed interest in seeing Ceres in a feral form. I'm assuming they mean a feral dragon form, which I'm very interested to draw!

So now what I am asking, what other form would you be interested to see the mother goddess in? I know someone suggested a naga form a while back... What other forms would be appealing?

Don't forget to check out my new account:  Goddess_Ceres

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I am so bored.

There's no good content anywhere anymore. There's no good shows to watch, no good games to play... Nothing good on youtube anymore... Its like the whole world has become a creative wasteland.

There is nothing good... Anywhere.

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I just have this feeling tonight... A feeling of emptiness... Like I'm lost in limbo. There are people I could talk to... But I don't know what I would talk about. I have no games to play... Nothing to watch... Its as if the world was empty and blank... Void of anything interesting.

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Heya folks~

So I've been thinking about a way to interact with my followers on a more regular basis and keep them engaged with me and my content. One idea would be to RP with people... But that option isn't very appealing for me. For one, I really don't have the time or will to RP with that many people...

So one idea I had would be a prey registration program... Basically a thing people could subscribe/register to, a list if you will... From time to time I would drop teasing comments, shouts or notes to people on that list (As Ceres). I just like that kind of stuff~

What do you folks think? Also, do you have any ideas of other stuff that would maybe work better?

Also don't forget to watch/subscribe to my new Ceres account:

 Goddess_Ceres

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Heya folks~

So as many of you know, I've been transitioning to having Ceres be my primary online identity, I've even made a new profile dedicated to it and I've worked on making the profile info be nice and appealing for everyone who watches.

Regarding the later, I'm seeking feedback to see what y'all think about this new profile:

 Goddess_Ceres

Be sure to check it out and tell me what you think~!

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Heya folks.

So in my last journal I talked about my desire, not only to have Ceres be my main fursona/persona, but also that I kinda wanna be identified as her. So after thinking about it a bunch, I've decided to give it a shot.

So, I will try out this transition, I will adopt the identity of Ceres for now, to see how it feels and I'll see later if I make this something permanent.

So I've gone and made a new FA account:  goddessceres

Don't worry, I'm not gonna re-upload all of my stuff to this new account, the way I was planning it was just to have my current stuff stay sitting here and just post my new stuff over there... Or maybe I'll just post my Ceres related stuff there? Tell me how you think I should handle this!

Also, as your beautiful goddess of vore, I would like to have worshipers, slaves and servants which I could display on my profile page~ Or I dunno.

I'm not sure yet what I'll do, but I've been thinking about having slaves, sons and daughters and all that kind of stuff. Also been thinking about making a Discord server to have group RPs or conduct some D&D-like activities. What do y'all think my Darlings?

-Hugs and kisses from the mother goddess~

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So its been a re-occuring thought in my head for a while now... That I would kinda wanna have Ceres as my main fursona/persona. By that I mean, I feel like I'd like to have people address me as her and stuff... Like if she was my main representation online.

I dunno. I don't know much about gender disphoria, so I'm not sure if this is it... Or if I just kinda really connect with Ceres and I just want to be her.

I dunno.

I feel like that could be tough though... Like, it'd be tough to have people picture me as her if my username is still Kernac... But changing it presents some problems. I'm mainly active on Furaffinity and Eka's portal, so I'll just talk about these two. On FA, I would need to make a new account... Which means abandoning this one, which I'm not keen on, and on Aryion... You're not allowed to make another account if I remember correctly.

I dunno, its just a thought that's kinda swirling in my head. Any comments, ideas or suggestions?

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Alrighty, so I have a confession to make... I've never used twitter... At all. Never used it, never signed up, never even looked at it.

But I have heard from someone, that it is a good place to share vore stuff? Like, can you really share adult stuff on there? Isn't it like, family friendly?

If someone could enlighten me, I would very much appreciate it^^ Been searching for another place to post stuff on or just mess around in.

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Heya folks~

So today I've been thinking a lot about how I could solve my loneliness and social isolation problems. What I think I need, is a sturdy group of friend with whom I'll do activities on a weekly basis. So naturally, I've been thinking of making an online D&D (or other tabletop RPGs) group which I could play with every week. I think it would be great to forge bonds and get me some much needed socialization.

And of course, I've been thinking about intergrating vore into it also~ But I've tried in the past and came upon many pitfalls. Maybe it is time for me to re-visit the idea, looking at it with fresh eyes after so long?

Who would possibly be interested in doing something like this with me?

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Hey there folks.

I wanted to apologize for the journals I posted yesterday. I could give excuses as to what lead me to having this outburst, but I think at this point I need to focus less on the "why it happened" and more on the "how I can make it so it doesn't happen again"

To put it mildly, my mood has been very volatile in the last few months. More so than ever before, I've been prone to sudden and violent mood swings. I'm not exactly why that is, its true that a lot of shit has been happening in my life as of late, but I'm not sure that can completely explain why my mood has been so erratic lately.

First, I will try to establish a list of problems in my life that needs to be addressed, than I will try to come up with solutions to try and remedy those problems.

---List of problems:
-General depression.
-Anxiety due to financial instability.
-Social isolation.

---Possible solutions:

-General depression:
I need to set a new appointment with my Psychiatrist. I've been on the same medication for a few years now without any changes. Years ago, he diagnosed me with clinical depression... We also discussed my mood swings and he came to the conclusion that I had Bi-polar tendencies, but I wasn't full-on bi-polar and thus I wasn't really in need of medications for that specific issues. However that was years ago, and my mood swings have gotten more prevalent, more violent and more extreme since, especially in the last couple of months. I think its time I go talk to him again and get him to re-valuate his diagnosis on my bi-polarity. I will also try to see what options are available for a more regular kinda treatment, including therapy and any kinda social programs that are available.

-Anxiety from financial instability:
I think it would be a mistake to try to go back on the job market right away. Before I go looking for a job, I need to me mentally stable at the very least, or else this might end up hurting me more than anything. I should try to seek out social aid programs and maybe food banks for now.

-Social isolation:
Now this one is going to be the toughest. Most of my friends who I used to hang out with have moved pretty far away, making it difficult for us to do stuff together, plus they all have jobs that keeps them pretty busy and they've all made new friends in their respective areas which they get along better with. I think I'm gonna need to make new friends which I can hang out with in my area... Its gonna be hard, especially with my social anxiety. Additionally, I could jazz up my online social life with maybe a discord server or something. Maybe I could set up some kind of social activity or event that I could conduct weekly with a bunch of my online friends so that it would give me some socialization. I need to think about this, this one is going to be the most challenging.

I need to go out to do some stuff, I will try to post more journals later expending on my ideas and trying to see how I could break my social isolation. Of course, any suggestions is welcomed^^

Hopefully, if I work at it hard enough, I can get out of this living nightmare.

-Wish me luck.

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**Edit:**

I'm sorry about this journal, I'm trying to work on a way to curtail these extreme mood swings and self-destructive outburst. More info in my latest journal for more information:

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9184769/

Please by patient with me, and I'm sorry for all the trouble and for everyone I hurt *Hugs you all*

**Edit end**

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For a while now, I've known my time remaining on this earth is limited. Not due to any diseases or anything... It simply is the fruit of my deteriorating mental state. This thing... This demon in my mind... Its gonna get me someday. I know it, I know I only have a few more years to live.

I'm just not gonna be able to fight it off forever... It keeps getting stronger and sooner or later, its gonna get me. I'm fully convinced, within the next few years... I'm going to commit suicide. I don't want to... But I know that's how its gonna end... I just know it.

I just wanna say, when I finally do it... I am sorry to everyone I hurt. I love each and everyone of you deeply... But this thing is just stronger than me. I have to make my peace... At some point, its gonna win over me and I'm gonna end up doing the unthinkable.

I just wish I have had more time. Listen everyone, I'm sorry. I hope you will all remember me positively when it finally comes to it.

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Hey there.

I'm not gonna lie, I've been kinda frustrated recently with the lack of engagement from the viewer. To be perfectly honest, I receive so little feedback on anything I post I barely even know why I even bother anymore. What's been happening? What am I doing wrong? Why does it seem like barely anyone gives a crap about my content anymore?

I dunno, I just feel like I'm so close to give up on everything.

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Alrighty, so today I finally finished re-uploading all my old stuff that I had deleted. Hopefully that won't happen again.

I know this isn't absolutely everything I had, but most of the stuff I left out was pics I didn't much care about anymore.

Also, now since I'm done re-uploading all that stuff, I can finally start uploading some new stuff~! Including commissions I got, gift I received and of course, brand-new original material from me also!

Love each and everyone of you~!

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Hey there Folks.

Feeling mostly better. Will continue to re-upload my old stuff soon. Also trying to think of a good scenario to write a story about. Been thinking about stuff like re-enacting fairy tales with my characters or have Ceres summon or visit some famous characters from fictions and eat them. I've been specifically thinking about Felicia and the darkstalkers characters and the my little pony characters.

Feel free to ask me questions about or to suggest scenarios I might turn into stories^^ Thank you~

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Hey there everyone. I would like to apologize for yesterday's journal.

I'm mostly feeling better now. Yesterday wasn't great. I had some trouble with a real life friend of mine that just made me kinda lose hope in friendship in general. It also reminded me of all the romantic relationships I've gotten in over the years and how they all ended disastrously.

Also, the previous night I barely got any sleep at all. My insomnia is acting up again and making me feel miserable for the last few days. Luckily last night I was indeed able to get a good night of sleep. Also the weather hasn't help, with it being rainy and grey all the time. Its been grey and rainy since the beginning of may, with a few sunny days sprinkled here and there... But they are few and far between... Certainly not the weather we should be having in June.

I've also been reflecting on my romantic life and how all my relationships have ended in disasters. Lately I've just been feeling unwanted on that side, with everyone I was interested in just rejecting me in a more or less cold manner.

So yeah, still trying to see the bright side of things, but its not always easy.

I would like to thank everyone who showed support to me, I am very grateful for each and everyone of you. *Offers hugs*

Stay safe everyone, and keep on being awesome.

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*Edit: I've posted a new journal with updates on my mood and an apology.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9176869/

Thank you*

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Sometimes I wonder... Why even bother... With anything? Sometimes it just feels like, no matter how much you try, it won't even amount to anything. Friends you make will abandon you, people who you fall in love with will betray you... People who you share affection with will exploit you...

There are good people in the world... But why would they be interested in me since I myself am not a good person? Its all pointless, all of it. Everything you cheerish will ultimately wither away, crumble or fade into obscurity. I've been in the tunnel for years, chasing that light, but no matter how much I chase it only seem to get further and further until its so faint I can't even tell if its there anymore.

Why do I bother with anything at all?

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Hey there folks^^ As many of you can tell, I've been feeling quite a bit better in the last couple of days~ Been getting to re-upload my pics in my FA gallery and been feeling motivated to work on a story.

The problem is, I have too many ideas floating around in my head right now X3 I'd like to start with something short and simple for my first come-back story... But I'm just... I can't decide on it. The problem is, all my ideas are way to complex and I can't seem to think of simpler scenarios...

So here I am, asking for suggestions~ Any suggestion is welcomed, although I would like to possibly do something with either Ceres or Tuherat^^ I would also like to be able to support my story with pictures~

Possibly something from the prey's point of view, with lots of teasing, domination and ending in a long digestion sequence and/or the prey being sealed inside the predator's stomach forever~

Suggestions with other preds and other means of vore are also welcomed, thanks in advance^^

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Heya folks.

So for any of you who've been following my situation you know that for the past 3 to 4 weeks I haven't been doing so well. In fact, I'd qualify this month of may as one of the worst month I have lived in my entire life. It was like the perfect storm of bad stuff happening in a short amount of time. I'm not done with it just yet, still got a few things to deal with, but for the most part things are getting better and I'm trying to get back into my normal flow of life.

It hasn't been easy though. I'm trying to think about stuff to write or draw but I've just been feeling so uninspired lately. Its like all creativity has been sucked out of my soul. Maybe if you guys gave me suggestion it would help? I dunno if it would, but never the less, you're all welcomed to post suggestions for things to write a story about or stuff to draw.

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Its almost kinda creepy. It feels like everyone I talk to just kinda vanished for the last few days. People don't answer messages on discord... They don't reply to notes or PMs... Where is everyone?

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Alrighty *Hugs everyone*

Posting another journal because my first one wasn't very happy. Alrighty, so the problems I talked in my previous journals have mostly been dealt with, gonna spend the evening with a friend and hopefully everything will be better^^

I am 32 years old today. You know, many years ago I told myself I would be dead by age 30... But I'm still alive and hopefully I will go one for many years still^^ I love each and everyone of you and I wish you all the best.

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