Would anybody know who could do a Deathclaw adopt, if that adopt were modified to look half-deathclaw and half-wolf, with a bit of fur and hair?

... Getting older sucks.

I've had a couple of people criticize me for writing pieces that often involve Kajex (my fursona) as opposed to more original pieces. I have three things to respond with, depending on the severity of the criticism:

1. It's not my fault if I'm commissioned to write more about my characters. The customer gets what the customer pays for. I even bring it up to them, saying that they don't -have- to involve my characters, that it feels a little unusual to be paid to write pieces that involve them, yet they still do.

2. Kajex is my go-to for when I don't have another character to really use. It's as much a handle as it is an OC, but not something I necessarily aspire to or see myself as. Call it a self-insert, if you want, but if I put anyone else in I doubt they would generate the same effect.

3. Go fuck yourself. No, seriously. Go fuck yourself. Buy a Thor and give yourself the Vlad Tepes treatment. Because if you had the talent and self-confidence to write what you wanted, and it wasn't being sold for anything but pennies, you'd inject your own ass into the fiction. Don't pretend that you wouldn't, because that's a fucking lie.

This year has been half a bitch to get through.


I feel envious at times. It's kind of fucked up, but... it seems like anytime I get a rhythm in doing something, I get shown up by someone in my family who picks it up and goes in hard with it. First it was drawing. That didn't go anywhere. But then it was writing. I feel like all my talent and motivation just got sapped away the moment someone else started getting into it. And I know it's not because I'm being looked up to. It's likely my imagination, but... it still hurts.

Artist I followed started... "writing." And started getting a hell of a lot more views than I ever will. I don't really even know what I'm doing right or wrong. All I know is that even when I'm able to focus and put energy into writing, putting actual love and meager talent into it, I barely make a ripple. I put up 10 chapters of a Guild Wars/Final Fantasy Tactics crossover I'd been working on. It just... isn't getting the attention I'd hoped.


Streaming feels dead these days. I don't know how to change things up; I'm barely able to engage with what few viewers show up. I constantly get the distinct feeling that I'm shunted into the background. And I feel like that's where I'm always going to end up. I don't know where any of my passion has gone.

Thinking of having discord voice chat open when I'm streaming, just to generate some conversation -- non-political conversation. Friend of mine pointed out it seemed I was more engaging, happier, when I did it last time. Will also make an effort to have more multiplayer nights, maybe on Fridays and Saturdays.


As far as commissions...

... I'm so fucking sorry.

I had a breakdown last week. That and stomach issues were part of the reason I cancelled a couple of streaming sessions. I made the horrible mistake of saving some of the drafts I was working on for alot of commissions on SoFurry at the beginning of the summer -- before it went down. I've been waiting over half a year for the site to go back up, only to find out recently that private submissions and drafts will not be transferred to the new site.

... Meaning I'll have to start several of those commissions from scratch. Please bear with me. I'm trying my best.


On the side of friends, I thankfully have two or three who reach out to let me know what's going on. Everyone else... I don't know where they've gone. Sometimes... I get the feeling that I'm a terrible friend. That maybe I get too uncomfortable to be around. I sometimes get acidic over small things, but other times I feel like I'm being gaslit, like others are trying to convince me that I'm in the wrong. I mean... for fuck's sake, I had someone tell me they thought I was in a cult because I raised concerns after some racist prick used a racist slur at me; in addition to having political disagreements with their views. I've had to limit who I speak to, now; to the point where I've suggested that a mutual friend probably shouldn't talk to me in private any longer so as not to damage their relationship with the one who accused me of being in a cult. Though as several friends (or people who I think are friends, at least) know, I almost never let their political differences dictate whether I can be friends with them.

... But I still wonder all the same. It's lonely enough not knowing what to say that might set someone off; it's worse when I'm so fucking afraid to even engage because I don't know who is a friend and who isn't.


There are things I want to talk to other people about, things that have been on my mind. Stuff I need to get off my chest. And I'm afraid to do it. Because I feel like it's only gonna matter to me. Bringing it up to the people it's pertinent to, I get the feeling that I'm the only one who gives a damn about it; and if I do manage to work up the nerve to talk to them, it'll come off as making a big deal about something that never mattered to them. There's a friend I took a break from for a few months, and there are things that I resent not saying because I didn't want to damage any part of our friendship. Now I'm wondering if I should have said something because time and perspective has me wondering if excuses were being made, or if I would be able to talk it out in my own defense.


... So yeah. That's my checkpoint. Not that great.

This week hasn't been great. Hell, if I'm being honest, these last two months haven't been great.

I'm beginning to feel the isolation. I don't feel like I have anymore drive to do anything these days. I stare at blank screens, trying to image something -- anything -- that I could write. It's just not coming to me.

A little more than a week ago, a guy called me a "fucking s*** (slur towards latinos)" and to "watch your back, because 45/47 is coming to deport your ass." It was jarring, but not the first time I'd encountered it. Got on my discord channel (yes, I have a discord channel) and onto my salt mines sub-channel (meant for venting without attacking others). Said that it sucks to live in a world where someone could say that to me.

A week later, Charlie Kirk was shot. Someone on my discord saw it and went off on me like I was the one who pulled the trigger, called me delusional because they hadn't experienced the same thing. An argument broke out, and it resulted in said someone claiming that I was in a cult. Someone who claimed they "had feelings" for me (see last journal post for my thoughts on what I think about that).

I'm not a member of MAGA. Opposite, in fact -- I think they go way too far. I'm agnostic-atheist, so I don't believe in the typical higher power of creation that most people do. I hold very little as sacred. I have no idols, nor do I take any one perspective as dogma or doctrine. I don't tell people their feelings don't matter; fact is, I've told people I've disagreed with politically that their feelings do matter, even if their position might be based on a flawed perspective. I do not demand loyalty nor do I owe any loyalty to any but friends.

And since this "someone" was a person I considered a friend, I'm worried that I might have fewer friends than I suspected.

I considered just walking away and letting things lie after it happened. But I'm tired of bottling things up. I'm tired of being too afraid to speak my mind. I'm tired of being upset, sad, and having to hide all the bullshit that's bothering me when I interact with people or when I'm streaming. I'm tired of answering "how are you doing" with the worst thing I'm able to say about how I'm feeling: "could be better/I'm hanging in there."

Because I'm not hanging in there. I'm hurting. I'm sick of pretending I'm not hurting. It's bad enough that I don't even know who I can talk to about this, how to distinguish between a real friend and someone who merely pretends to be my friend. Best I can to is post it here just to get some of it out of my system. But it's even worse when I've been long past that point where I don't even love myself anymore. I'm having days where I feel forgotten and quiet.

Streaming feels like the only outlet where I can get positive interactions with people (minus the fact that I have to stow my feelings away to perform on even a mediocre level). So... when people pop in and say hi, only to leave a few minutes later, I usually don't hold it against them. I'm glad enough they remembered me for even a few seconds once or twice a week. And I mean it when I thank them for dropping by.

... I just... wish I knew who the real ones are.

I'm trying to be a decent person. If I've failed in any way, maybe through rudeness or ignorance, I want to get this out of the way first: I'm sorry for falling short, revealing the jackass I can sometimes be.

I don't have much going for me. I can write decently, and people enjoy it. Enough folks who at least want to pay me to write things for them. I don't have the best work ethic, often due to depression or a rough sleeping schedule. I can stream, but I don't think I'm particularly interesting or talkative, and while I sometimes lament having a low viewer count, I can understand why some folks stick me in the background, or altogether just step away.

This... is how I feel about myself. It's not great.

...

So don't tell me you love me. I don't even love myself. Don't get comfortable with me within days just because I'm too damn scared to say no, too much of a fucking bleeding heart to reject someone firmly. Because I've said "thank you, but no" before in the past, and I still get someone horned up or what, making the first move and ... "revealing" their feelings to me like they're genuine.

... Thank you. But no. Take a fucking hint.

I'm not in the right headspace for a relationship. That's why I value the few friends I have right now.

I hate that I'm even posting this. I want friends. But I can't be more than that. I'm sorry.

What am I even saying "I'm sorry" for? Why do I have to apologize for this?

 HIVE is doing a birthday art raffle at the link below! Follow and read the rules if you want a chance to win a full-color NSFW pic!

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/58328810/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/58328810/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/58328810/

https://x.com/AlienIsolation/status.....05291322200488

Sequel announced.

It has been 3 weeks since Guild Wars 2: Janthir Wilds released, and I think I'm ready to share my thoughts on the newest expansion for the Guild Wars series. This will also be accompanied by a quick review of Secrets of the Obscure, the previous expansion, which I think is necessary given that both of these expansions have a similar release schedule. Rather than add the whole of the expansion in one go, the developers have opted for a multi-chapter seasonal release, where the expansion is divided into several parts and added to the game every few months.

This differs from the first three Guild Wars 2 expansions (Heart of Thorns, Path of Fire, and End of Dragons), but in some ways it's also similar to the Living World seasons, which were added as compelling filler content between each of the major expansion releases. While it strays from the typical MMO expansion releases in this way, I think there are some neat benefits to releasing the expansions this way -- when it's done right. Secrets of the Obscure didn't quite hit the mark, but I'm happy to say that the first part of Janthir Wilds has been fairly solid.

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!!!

So... onto the review!

SotO's story review:

People had alot of negative things to say about this. You get to the first area and things are explained to you at a rapid but well-balanced pace, but once the second part of the story was released it went from 0-to-80 without strapping down the luggage on the roof. Everything happens too fast, there's barely any time to really absorb all the information you're hit with. Callbacks to the first Guild Wars series were great and all, and I love that Felicia Day returned as the voice of Zojja, but... Zojja is the only one you really have any connection to, and you don't spend nearly enough time with her. The overarching narrative and setting are fine, but the Commander's place in everything is, at best, rushed and chaotic. You get to meet a handful of neat characters and there's the chance that the interactions you share will lead to fruitful relationships that will last for ye--

Nope. They're dead, now. This was the biggest issue I had. You meet several interesting characters that you either don't get to interact much with, or die shortly after meeting them. There's meant to be a heavy impact to their demise, and the other characters do fine in expressing their shock and sorrow, but... you don't even know enough about them to really care. Hell, one of the characters you meet in one instance ends up dying in the very next story step. The conflict between the Astral Ward and Kryptis is interesting, but you don't really get a sense of the stakes because everything happens too quickly for you to really reflect on it. This is -not- a great place to be when you're telling what amounts to a demonic-based political war drama, with several key characters making baffling decisions because the story needed to go in a specific direction. By the end of it, I was literally asking my Twitch stream chat "... what the fuck just happened?"

Janthir Wilds story review:

Oh, but it's already getting good!!!! ^_______^

Mind you, this is just the first part of the story, but it's far more grounded and relatable than the arcane political conflict of the previous expansion. The Bearkin are wonderful people to interact with, and there is a hefty amount of dialogue between characters, which is -exactly- what the story needs. Context needs to be laid out to give characters depth and reason for the things they say and do, and in that vein Janthir Wilds did a superb job. For once, you actually give a damn about what's going on, especially because the Commander's continued presence and aid actually culminates in a relationship with the tribe, to the point of even being offered a home. Not just a home instance like in the racial cities (though it comes with those benefits too), but an actual home that you can build yourself.

The story manages to reintroduce elements of the White Mantle into the story without forcing them into the forefront, and that's fine because their history ties in with the new antagonistic force, the Titans. There is a bit of politics at play in the beginning, which is also good because it's about time the world had shut up and sit down to hash out solutions to their problems, and yet it never becomes too bothersome or boring, nor is it pushed farther than it needs to be. You are the ambassador, after all, and your ambassador duties are to fight the enemy and protect everyone.

SOTO mechanics and additions:

Secrets of the Obscure provides players with an alternative way to unlock the Skyscale mount that does not require Living World Season 4, and a separate mastery line from the original Skyscale mastery. This is pretty neat since it means if you already have the Skyscale unlocked, you'll have an upgraded one by the time you're done, and now it can even shoot fireballs from the air. This helps with some of the new event types that require the player to destroy floating turrets, but ultimately this isn't used to it's fullest extent.

The biggest upside to the expansion, however, is the Weaponmaster Training and Expanded Weapon Proficiency. Originally, professions only had a limited number of weapons at their disposal, and other weapon proficiencies could be unlocked with Elite Specializations, provided by each of the first three expansions; but this was limited in that you could only use the unlocked weapon if you have the Elite Specialization equipped in your traitline. With Weaponmaster Training, however, that limitation is lifted. Now a Scrapper character (which could only use a hammer in addition to their base weapons) can use a one-handed sword or a mace as well. Expanded Weapon proficiency does some similar, by adding one new weapon for each base profession to use, like a support-based staff for the Warrior, dual pistols for Guardians, a main-hand axe for thieves, and so on. Not all of these weapons are great, but even the worst will fill some niche, and some of them (like the Ranger's dual maces) are arguably overpowered in what they offer. These are great additions to the game, and I would recommend the expansion just for these elements alone (and the Skyscale unlock for those who need it).

The other mastery lines are about opening the region's treasure chests, opening higher-tier rifts (which can grant better rewards, but can't be done alone), crafting the new Obsidian Armor (which looks neat but isn't necessary), and getting access to other systems that, frankly, boil down to a huge amount of grinding. It's not all bad, but it's certainly not interesting. Opening rifts gets boring, and the rewards you get cost quite a lot. I still have yet to unlock all the masteries because most are too out-of-reach or tiresome to get.

Janthir Wilds mechanics and additions:

There are three major additions, plus a fourth that I want to bring up because of how important it is.

The first is the Warclaw mastery, which improves the Warclaw mount in PvE vastly. Warclaw could originally only be unlocked by doing a short series of quests in World vs World, and that mount could be used in PvE, but it was slow and cumbersome -- outclassed by even the basic Raptor mount. Janthir Wilds revamped the Warclaw mount (in PvE only) by boosting it's base speed so it's actually faster than the raptor (though the raptor's long jump still beats it), nullifies fall damage, has a double/triple jump as its movement option, can provide single-target crowd control with a harpoon, can damage enemies with its dodges, and even allow the rider to attack with a throwing spear. The short version is that Warclaw is considered one of the best mounts in the game, if not the best overall for land-based movement. Excellent job with this addition.

The second addition is the Spear proficiency, which is added as the first unlock in the Lowlands mastery line. Originally the spear was an aquatic-only weapon for certain classes, but now every class can earn access to spear combat on land. Depending on class these weapons can be hard hitters at range, melee-focused, or even a combination of the two. I think some extra tweaking needs to be done to make some spear options more viable (the Ranger spear could use a minor bump in damage), and equipping the weapon is annoying because double-clicking it in your inventory will force it into your aquatic slot instead of your terrestrial slot; but overall, the spear is an excellent addition to the game for many classes.

The third addition is the Homestead, which is unlocked during the course of the story. The Homestead offers all the conveniences of the player's home instance (unlocked chests and farming nodes will appear there), but the player can also create and build in the world space to suit their desires, like adding fountains, trees, furniture, defensive structures, and so on. This requires an unlocked crafting option and materials to create objects, and it will put a dent in your materials, but even now there is a robust amount of customization for those looking to spruce up the place, with more on the way. The homestead even comes with a mount stable showing all of your currently-equipped mounts, several fishing spots, a dock for your skiff, and can even serve as an offline hub for your characters, which will gain a temporary experience bonus for resting in the area for several hours -- they'll even appear to other characters that visit the homestead, and can be placed in other areas.

The fourth addition is, to me, the most important: Renown tiers.

Since release, Guild Wars 2 was touted as a game where your decisions and interactions were important -- it was your world, where your action (or inaction) could cause parts of the world to change. In reality, this wasn't fully fleshed out. Character creation decisions didn't have much effect on the overall story beyond the first few chapters, and while you had the ability to go down three different paths, the end result was pretty much the same. Player decision in this context is less a question of "what's going to happen in the end?" and more a question of "which quests will I choose to get to the end?" Renown Hearts (the games main quest system) lacked any real depth, though they are a refreshing change from the "go to location and bring back X amount of body part" trope that most MMOs still cling to today, largely because those Renown Hearts often have one of several ways of being completed -- so you still get to choose, at least.

But the downside of this system is that... there's no lasting impact. Not really. You complete a Renown Heart, get a get coins and karma for your trouble, and you leave with a "thank you" note. Even in later expansions with repeatable Renown Hearts, you basically fill it out, get a reward, and that's it.

Janthir Wilds changes this, finally, with the Renown Heart tier achievement. When entering Lowland Janthir, the Bearkin will be skeptical of your abilities, even doubting. Completing Renown Hearts will get you the usual reward, but as you go up in tiers, their ambient dialogue will change to reflect how long they've known you and how reliable you've become. A Bearkin smith will initially scoff at your shoddy work, but by the end they will admit pride in the player's skill and commitment to helping out; a stablehand at a warclaw ranch will teach you the ropes of handling their Journeykin (warclaw mounts), and by the end they will comment on how their critters begin to get excited when they sense you approaching the ranch. And even when you've finished the tiers, you get repeatable achievement points from doing them over and over.

This is what the system should have had from the beginning. Now it feels like there's an actual effect to rendering aid to people who need you, and a solid incentive to return to the area and help out even more. It's a system that I hope they go back and implement for earlier parts of the game (though I doubt it), and dearly hope they expand on this system with further updates and expansions.

"Why are you mad? You claim to be a Star Wars fan! You should be happy that you're getting more Star Wars! Shut up and be happy that you're getting more of the thing you claim to love!"

If I said that to DC fans who hate Teen Titans Go -- if I said that to Star Trek fans who hate Star Trek: Nemesis -- if I said that to WoW fans who hate the decaying storyline: I would be eviscerated.

Fans aren't fans because they love everything about the thing they're a fan of; they're fans because they're passionate about it. Passion can encompass enjoyment, but it can also be a part of dislike. You can be a fan of steak, but if someone dry-aged it in pig shit you have no obligation to settle for eating it just because it's still technically a steak.

If you're a fan, you don't need to settle for mid or bad. And you shouldn't be attacked for voicing your dislike of it.

I would be remiss not to say something about the passing of this site's owner, Dragoneer. His death comes as a shock, and while I did not agree with alot of the things he did or said, his impact on the community can't and shouldn't be denied or downplayed. I think it's honest to say that FA has been a cornerstone of the furry community, it's passions and its creativity; and if nothing else, providing a space for it to flourish is one of the greatest things he's ever done.

I think what gets to me the most is how someone who was so beloved and respected by many was essentially shafted by the one thing that plagues the U.S. -- the inability for even the financially-secure to have access to reasonably-affordable healthcare. It's painful to see that some of his final communications to his friends and followers was the impending sense of doom and helplessness caused by the exorbitant costs of just getting a prognosis for the sickness that seems to have finally taken his life. I can imagine few things more terrifying that knowing something is wrong, yet being unable to do anything about it even as you instinctively realize your own mortality is coming to an end. No matter how I felt about him as a person, he deserved better -- we all deserve better than to be jerked around and squeezed dry of finances just to be kept in even half-decent health.

I can tell the future of this site is uncertain. All I can hope is that it will persist long enough to grieve and recover from this loss. Farewell, Dragoneer.

Well... one year older. Gonna try to get some fun stuff done today, because Twitch screwed me over. :P They're not invited to my party. They get no cake.

Are smutty images of Asura and Vulpera no longer allowed on FurAffinity, because of some dumb fucking argument about them being too childlike? Or did that bullshit get walked back on?

"The glib literalism with which it applies cinematic narrative to video games’ abstractions can’t hold a candle to the wrenching pathos and self-discovery of a night on the track with real-life loved ones and Mario in his original medium." ~Eli Friedberg, The Film Stage.

...

It's a fucking kids movie about Mario. What the fuck were you hoping this would be, Citizen Kane?

The earth spins and I am a year older again. Ah well... can't be sour about it all the time. :3

Anybody ever feel like you're just not... moving?

I have so many games I could stream, so many commissions I need to complete, so many shows/programs/movies/books I could consume - but I just feel no drive. And I don't know why.

New rules are being implemented with P*****, thanks to that group of assholes who harrass people and websites in order to purge the interbutts of all porn.



Effective September 19th, 2022:

If you integrate or reference P***** services on your website, we are clarifying that P***** may use automated technologies (e.g., website crawling) to assess your website to ensure compliance with the user agreement and to combat fraud.



I've been told that this is effectively them telling their userbase that they will be using automation to see if the links or references that connected people to [the service] ended up coming from adult websites, allowing them to more effectively ban [the service] users and punish them for using the service to commission adult works (the "compliance with the user agreement" part). As to the extent of how they'll track this information down, I can't get a solid answer, but it could be anything from backtracking where a user came from (clicking a P***** link), or checking the memo line for clues. Apparently, it's risky to even -mention- [the service's] name on these websites.


Fuck these people. I wish they'd put their other foot in the grave already.



But anyway, this isn't going to stop me from using the service - yet. Moving forward, I'll need to change a couple of things, but it shouldn't be too back.



1. I will be willing to discuss commissions on this website, but it would be more effective and safer to discuss them on another platform like Discord, or through e-mail. That way, when the time comes to post an invoice, it'll be on a platform [the service] won't recognize as an adult website.



2. Don't post anything in the memo line, period. Not even something innocuous. It's better to be safe about it.

I love following talented artists, and I'm happy to have gotten commissions from  barrin84 twice in the past. He has hit some troubles recently that can be read on his journal in the link below:

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10291912/

Please consider commissioning him, he does superb work and he's one of the nicest artists I've interacted with! ^_^ Or even better, consider donating to him directly!

I took a test, and I'm pregnant!

... Oh wait. Wrong test. I tested positive for COVID. :P

Time to quarantine!

Whenever I'm stressed or sad, I put on some headphones and listen to this- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=srZdDAJbHfc&t=2875s

I'm using a new Twitter handle for Twitch announcements! Anyone who wants notifications to when I'm streaming can follow me at https://twitter.com/SteelWolfAwoo!

The old account will be used for smut. X3

Sometimes I really wonder if it's reasonable to be afraid of being comfortable about the things I like. If that doesn't make sense, I guess an easier way to say it is... I think I care too much about what people think about me.

... I wish I could find it in myself to do it. A tattered sense of self-confidence will do that.

I think I know why, though.

I've no intention of giving out my full name, but I will reveal what others close to me have called me- Ace. As a Latino you sometimes run the risk of your family giving you several names, sometimes because your parents want to name you after both of your grandfathers. I lucked out because the first three letters of all three names (one first name, two middle names) spelled out "Ace" and the nurse writing the information was smart enough to point it out to them.

This is relevant. Stick with me.

There is a perspective that parents these days are too accommodating of their children's needs and will say things like "you can do anything you want," or some variation of reaching for your dreams. I don't think I ever had any real aspirations, just moments of daydreaming where I'd imagine what it'd be like to be anybody else. I was constantly reminded that I could be the best at anything I wanted to be, that the name "Ace" was supposed to reflect that I could be great at everything I wanted to be.

... But I'm not. Nobody is.

The backlash of being told you're special and that you can grasp the stars because it's within your reach is that when you realize just how far you've fallen utterly short of the mark, the pain of the fall is that much worse. When you're given that bullshit test in high school that's supposed to tell you what you should aspire to be, a reflection of your current skill and direction, you don't think much of it. 10 years later you're sitting there wondering why you're a goddamn courier for an insurance company when you were told you should have gotten into fashion school; and sometimes, in wondering, you begin to feel that your only mark on the world is to be a failure.

Can you rise above it? Sure. Many people have. But not everyone is going to be known by millions- I'm lucky enough to be known by at least one hundred people, if only as a name on the internet. You can only hope that you will be remembered fondly by the people who are your friends and family, and put as much focus into them as you can. I mean -real- friends- not the thousands of facebook acquaintances that were never spoken to at any point.

... I didn't know that, years ago. So when I felt the sting of failure repeatedly, I started being afraid of being what I ​wanted​ instead of just being happy that I... ​was​. It wasn't helped by the fact I was put into sports, took up the violin, had a private poem I wrote be sent to a publisher for them to make money off of on the promise that I'd be entered into some bullshit contest where a given piece would be read in the White House (fucking really, Dad? I was 13 and even ​then​ I knew it was bullshit); at best, I was mediocre and just lucky enough to be on the winning team- but it never felt like a success.

I think there's a point where, after failing to live up to somebody else's expectations, you just... give up. And when you try to work for yourself, succeed for yourself and just be happy with yourself, you end up starting to measure that success by other people's reactions.

You stop doing it for yourself- or worse, you begin to do it for anybody ​but​ yourself.

Because ​you suck​.

Nobody wants ​you​. ​You​ are a loser, a failure. Nobody likes ​you​. They only like what they think ​you​ are, even if it's not the real you. ​You​ can't even fake it half the time, ​you​ are so fucking awkward. Anything ​you​ can do, everyone else can do better, has done it first, and gets more appreciation for doing it. Nobody wants to know the weird shit ​you​ are into- that's what got ​you​ into this mess in the first place. Nobody wants to know what ​you​ think- ​you​ are not qualified to give an opinion because ​you​ are incompetent. If ​you​ keep your fucking mouth shut, maybe ​you​ can at least lead a quiet life in the shadows where nobody can see ​you​, being at least comfortable in being nobody important.

...

It can be so hard to see your self-worth, when that's what you think of yourself.

I don't want anyone to worry about what I'm writing. I'm not feeling this way ​now​. I'm only writing what was holding me back ​then​, and what's still holding me back a little. Slowly, I think I'm getting better- I'm starting to see my self-worth a little more. Maybe someday I'll learn to appreciate being myself and not caring what anyone thinks.

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/40960664/

Be sure to follow, enter, and spread the word!

TRanger on Inkbunny is open for single-character pinups for $20-25, go check it out!

Most recent example: https://inkbunny.net/s/2354388

I spent 10 hours getting my room organized, moving pieces of furniture, basically creating a neat little stream setup with an extra table. But it wiped me out because I went a night without sleep.

I need tonight so that I can get some proper rest. x.x I will resume streaming tomorrow night.