Lots of new art will be uploaded here the rest of the day so look forward to seeing what's new. That's all, there is a bit more that I haven't prepped yet but will later.

Check this out for maybe free art
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8526799

Just asking to see if anyone knows how to create Minecraft skins? If not could you point me in the direction of someone who could so I could get a skin of Jaeson cause I lost my last skin

Wish I could get more commissions and be able to go to a convention and get airsoft guns >.>

(TLDR: If you don't want to read a vent post just leave now to your perfect little world of butterflies rainbows and happy things, this is a vent journal.)

Work was mind numbing today and left me time to think while running parts that would come out just fine. Sure people would say to stay focused on the task at hand but when the machine is running right and nothing is going wrong its virtually impossible not to let you mind wander. So I got to wandering; whats the point in it all. I work 8 hours a day and drive an hour and some minutes back and forth from my job. I paid not even as much as another in my field somewhere else. I've applied other places and no one even called back for an interview. That's not the main point of my vent though, besides the occasionally mind numbing job its fine to work there. Sure the bosses can be assholes but I only have to deal with them for a few hours at most before I am allowed to do what I know best.

This is a vent about artwork, some people pay hundreds of dollars if not thousands for a picture or pictures. The prices are fine with me really but when it comes to finally getting the piece(s) there are only really a select few I can actually show them to. Most of them all are online and they are fine with the art I get but I want to show them to my loved ones and say "Hey look what I am proud of!" I know that's not possible cause I grew up in a strict roman catholic family. Most of the time my online life is a complete mystery from them. Occasionally I can show them one or two bits of my art but its always 'clean' works. So what's the point in getting mature works and things I am more proud of no one seems to care even the one relative who saw a couple pieces kind of got a sort of 'Wow, I didn't expect that from you...' (not in a good way either) From then on all my works have been private, only a couple coworkers I really trust get a more in depth look at what I have. And most of the time I am simply mute at work. Everyone sees me as the least sexual person at work cause I can't tell of what really goes on, or the kind of artwork I really get. The things I am most proud of, the pieces I get a lot of details put into the works. So what's the point in spending so much and putting so much detail into my stuff if I can only really put it online. Even then people come and look a little and pass on with mostly nothing more of a favorite or a small naughty comment. So why do I get pictures I enjoy why do I care to post them.

Most of the time I feel like I could just vanish and no one would really give a second glance, all my art could vanish and no one would bat an eye at it. So what's the point posting this or art just makes me feel like an attention whore. Why do or spend money on anything I might enjoy instead of just storing it and floating through life like a simple ghost that no one pays attention to. Sure parents and relatives say they care or love me but I've stopped putting any real emotion into it from when I was young and they brushed off a moment of depression like all it would take was a night of sleep. I wish they would see me for what I really am for how I feel; how I see myself how my emotions ebb and flow like a trickling stream. I live away from them now and yet I feel the depression always, I fight it nightly. (I will keep winning) But at times I feel why not just dump my whole gallery all my journals... Just disappear who would even give a fuck about a bi fur who has put so much work into his favorite dragon, his masterpiece of over four years... Sure some would say they care but I feel would they even care really after a couple years who would remember that one 'boring' dragon.

So for now I leave this hear wondering why... Why I feel my faith wavers but then I remember why I have faith because of the things that have happened to me and around me in my life. I will keep my faith and my dragon, I will die with them than ever give them up, they are my closest thing to keeping me sane. I keep wondering why though why does it all matter who really cares about the dragon/human that no one understands or simply says "A good night's sleep will make you feel better." I don't want some money hungry doctor telling me what I already know but I don't want to keep fighting. I don't want meds but I take what I am given.

In closing... Why... Why... Why... What is the point if no one gives a shit.... Ignore me for all I care, I don't want your attention... _{I don't want to be left alone... I'll probably be fine in the morning again...}

A little song to go with it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7lmAc3LKWM

To those who follow me here on Furaffinity. I am NOT leaving here, yet, I don't really plan to. I am just backing myself up on FurryNetwork now instead of weasyl. FN has a great import tool that pulls all your subs and those you are following onto the site so you don't have to do all the hard work.

You can find me here https://beta.furrynetwork.com/jaeson/

I am going to be uploading a bunch of past commissions I have from artists that I have forgotten to upload. There are about eight pieces to be posted so incoming spam. Hopefully not though, please enjoy.

An artist is in need of a couple commissions to make payments since she had fallen on hard times and she needs the help. She does some really good stuff and rather quickly at that from what I have seen tonight so far. Her characters carry emotion and detail. Her commissions are currently open.

The artist  aribear Go check her stuff out and send some money her way.

The artist  Quillu has been really down on their luck lately. They posted a few ych pictures that are open to be bidded on. You should really check out their work and bid on them. Quillu needs the help and sadly my money is tied up right now so I can't bid myself no matter how much I would love to and get more awesome work. Here are the links to the auctions I hope someone can help

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17819208/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17819150/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17819040/

Check this cause I think it would be awesome to see them hit the last stretch goal. https://www.kickstarter.com/project.....mer-rare-vival

You should all go and check out some of  darakane's work throw some money at him and get some great art. He does very well with making scenes and the characters that go in them He works great with you for getting a scene together and getting it all looking just right.

When I see my friends in pain it causes me pain as well. But Its a pain I thrive for, in a strange way I need it. I need to feel it so I can help those who need my help, though I live comfortable emotionally I am a wreck. But then again if I were not I couldn't be a help and understand what others are feeling. Sometimes I wish my pain and craziness would go away but then when it does I feel empty and numb. I know I am hurting myself inside but its my own, and those I am friends with and those I try to help shouldn't have to deal with my pain. I only care that I am helping in some way to make them feel at least a little better, to keep them from hurting themselves in a physical way. I know I can't stop what happens in their mind nor can I really do anything about it but I can try and relieve some of the stress and frustrations they are making themselves feel.

Please don't take this as a journal to get attention, I don't want attention I want to just exist in the background helping as best I can those in need. I want to bring light to those who feel they are in their darkest moment. All I want is for the world to be a little happier to know that there is someone out there that really does care and isn't just saying it cause they should. What I feel is real, that I care is more than just words. I feel pain and sadness for those who feel it. I feel joy and happiness when others feel that way. I guess you could say I live through other people instead of myself.

I don't really know what else to say here but seeing my friends in pain and having a hard time with life it makes me wish I could take their burden for myself so they don't have to deal with it. That's all I got, if you got this far good for you thank you for taking the time to see a bit into my own life. To my friends, don't hide yourself from me for fear of harming me. I can take more than you think, I can deal with pain. I have stared death in the eye on more than one occasion.

Head on over to  silverpetdragon and check out the game he is making. I looks and sounds like its going to be very exciting. I've had the honor to take a few test runs through it and see how it goes. Lets just say it may look like any other basic game but its not. It will have two games apparently one 3d game and a 2d game, he needs some support and probably even some help to with parts of it. But from what I've been told it will be awesome.

Why do artists ignore my desire to throw money at them. I have sent out about three notes within the past week asking to buy art from them, some are open others are not clearly stated that they are either open or not. Two notes seem to have been ignored and the other one got looked at with no answer as of yet. I hope to be able to buy more art or at least figure out what is causing them not to want to reply or bother with me.

I don't have any internet at my place so I am writing this in a spare moment when I got a little bit of internet access to let ya all know I won't be able to connect for a while till I got access again.

Cause why not I'm bored so I got a ask me profile
ask.fm/Jaeson_Nightwalker

After a few years of wondering the internet and seeing how my name affects those who see it I think it is time for a change. I need to put out there that I don't want my name to sound creepy, at the time I thought it sounded cool when I made it now it just sounds creepy. From now on it should be Jaeson Nightwalker, I am not a creep I don't want to sound like one either.

I am looking to boost my gallery some, so I am offering a couple free story slots. These will be one to four pages or more depending on complexity. I don't have a set time frame for how long it will take to get them done. So two slots first come first served, depending on how long it takes to get them done I may move down the list of those who have commented and do something for them too. Please have reference links available in the comment or to be provided on acceptance of the request.

I snapped, today would have been a normal day. Everything was supposed to be just fine and I was going to be happy. Everything turned south though, about half way through the day I lost control of my thoughts. Everything crumbled around me and I started questioning a lot of different things. Most of all I wondered why I kept staying online looking for something that wasn't coming. I try to please everyone and end up never really pleasing myself. I never have time for what I want to do for myself as much as I stay online. No one really contacts me when I am online, sure I appear offline but I repeat over and over that even if I look offline I am probably actually online. I have told everyone at least once or twice my time frame of when I really am not online. No one really seems to listen, or take a few seconds out to say 'hi'. So for the time being starting now there will be radio silence from me. My messngers will be online for the next few days till everyone sees my status and will know what is going on. This is more of a warning so when I don't come online after that time no one will worry (as if anyone does) what happened to me. So though my messengers will be set to DND or away they will be online but I won't be answering. So until further notice I won't be online, feel free to PM, note, message, email, whatever have you I won't be around to answer it. I don't know when I will be coming back but I need some time to myself. I should have followed how Jaeson's background has been since I knew about him, a silent observer never interfering in anyone's life. Only watching and listening, I am not looking for attention. I don't want it all that seems to happen is I look like an attention whore so feel free to ignore me I don't care anymore. Good bye for now maybe I will see you later whoever you are. I will post a back story in the picture I submitted of Jaeson earlier. For those who come from F-List imagine me as any gender you wish me to be.

Edit: May only just be for Roleplaying I need time to myself that is all.

So here it is I will share and hope it helps those who read it.
""

Five Rules for Healthy D/s Relationships
1. We are both real people and we will both make mistakes.

Often the only way to learn is to err. If you do something wrong, admit it. Be prepared to learn from it, accept your punishment, and move proudly forward with the knowledge that you have grown in your submission. If your mistake is the result of direct disobedience, be prepared for a substantial punishment, and take it with dignity. Consider why you disobeyed. Discuss with me whether the mistake was an innocent oversight or part of a larger behavioral pattern. Try not to make the same mistakes twice, in D/s or in the other areas of your life. Be reasonable about whether a particular rule I have set for you is something you can realistically follow. Be aware that some rules are easier for some slaves to follow than others.

Dominants are people too, and we also make mistakes. We break our own rules, we disappoint ourselves, and we disappoint our servants. It is my obligation to acknowledge my mistakes, to apologize for them in an appropriate manner, and to learn from them also. Over the years I have learned from many serious errors: I've said hurtful things to slaves I care about, I have held on to attachments when they weren't ideal for me or for my partners, and I've misplaced my priorities in terms of time/energy/attention. I've learned from my mistakes, yet I will continue to make them, as we all do.

2. Real life comes first.

I hesitate to even use the term “real life”, because for those of us who engage in BDSM in our daily lives, kink IS a huge component of our real lives. To clarify, by real life I mean the other vanilla aspects of our lives that are necessary for our basic functioning and general health. This can mean different things to different people, so the specifics should always be part of your individual negotiation, but there are some basics that apply in most relationships, D/s or otherwise:

*Health. Your physical health always comes first, as does mine. If I am asking you to do something that might damage your health, either directly or indirectly, we need to reassess.

*Family. If you have children, elderly parents, pets, or any other living beings that depend on you for care, you are obligated to provide for their needs before concerning yourself with mine. I can feed, bathe, and clothe myself. Your charges may not be capable of the same.

*Financial stability. I don’t want someone sending me gifts when he can’t buy groceries. If a slave is in financial distress, it is that slave’s responsibility to establish a sustainable budget and be honest with me about his limitations. I’m happy to help and offer guidance, but I can’t give advice if I don’t know there’s a problem.

3. Be transparent about your intentions and your desires.

I am not a mind reader. I can only know what I know. This sounds silly, but it’s actually quite straightforward. I can only know information that I have learned through my own experiences. If you find yourself upset because I haven’t met an expectation you have of me, ask yourself this question: did you ever tell me you had this expectation? If you have a hidden desire you are ashamed to admit, I respect your silence and your privacy, but being upfront about your needs will better help me understand them. The worst thing I can do is say no.

4. There is no universal D/s handbook, and no “One Size Fits All” form of Dominance.

Dog trainers often say that there are no bad dogs, only bad owners. I think the same can be said about the slaves in my training as well. Granted, there are some genuinely awful human beings on this planet (and I believe there are some lousy dogs too) but most failed relationships come down to a lack of clear communication or a poor partner fit. These two areas of failure are often interrelated.

In the BDSM world, we talk a lot about scene negotiation and discussions of risk and consent. As a community, we are experts at metacommunication (loosely defined as “talk about talking”, and the subject of some of my academic work). When I see a prospective slave, they virtually always can discuss their physical limits, their fetish interests, and their erotic fantasies. Finding those forms of compatibility is fairly easy. I consider this to be the left-brained half of BDSM negotiation. What’s more elusive is finding chemistry, comfort, and personality compatibility. These areas make up the more nebulous right-brained component to Dominant-submissive relationships. Often, the right-brain match is overlooked, thus it is often what fails. We like to joke about the “One Twue Way” to enlightenment through BDSM. Obviously there’s no such thing.

5. Have a sense of humor.

A sense of humor is crucial in all aspects of this kinky stuff that we do. Humor goes beyond the occasional humiliation scene, latex wardrobe blowout, or party practical joke. Although many slaves are used to being the target of laughter, some Dominants have a difficult time being the object of a joke. Authenticity and humor are two of the sexiest characteristics a person can possess. The best Dominants I've known are quite comfortable laughing at themselves. Those Dominants are the ones who are willing to be real, and we expect the same realness from our submissive partners.

– TheLadyElizabeth ""

Would you miss me
Would you miss me if I go
Without word without warning
Like TV snow

Here one minute
Gone the next
More free space
Less of a bother

Would you wonder
Would you think where
am I here am I there
Where where where...

Gone like the wind
on a calm afternoon
No one to hear
No one near

Gone Forever
Lost to the wind
Snuffed out like a flame

Sadness prevails within...

Just a little remembering of the past in a unique sort of way. Also not looking for attention just needed to get this out of my head. As always comments appreciated, nothing to be afraid of here...

The happiness you see
Its only a mask for me
It hides the pain within
The sadness and grief

A world of hurt and tears
Caused by one you should trust
A smack of the hand
A jerk of the head

Another scar forms
And I deform
I look the same
I act on kindness

But it is all a mask
For within I have become
A monster,
A demon...

You say its not true
And that its all just talk
But I have learned to hide
To not show what is inside

Will you fear me
Will you care for me
Because of one man
I am who I am

I wish to change
But I accept what I am
Why did he hate me so

I am currently working on a text based video game. The Game is still in its very early stages and currently has no coding built into it. Only one room has been written, yet no interactions have been written. This will feature a very wide variety of races, species, locations, skill sets, NPCs, along with so much more. There will be a complete battle system based mostly in realism, yet there will currently be no magic of any sort in the game. A time period has yet to be chosen though I have a few ideas on what to do for them, one standing out in particular. If you would like to help or contribute in some way please feel free to let me know. If you do help or contribute somehow I will be more than happy to give you credit for what is helped with. If you help with descriptions or places or NPCs please be as descriptive as possible because there will be no graphics in this game other than a plain background that should not detract from the game.

Another little poem I wrote sometime back...

The Monster within
It claws to be free
It wishes to see

So it tears and rips
Snapping bones, breaking ribs
Making itself known

Making me scream
Wanting to cut it
Trying to scrape it

Please me leave me
Free me
Help...

Teetering on the precipice
At the edge of sanity
All the world a blur around me
Voices shout voices whisper
All incoherent to me
They make me rock more
So unsteady seasick
This all makes me wonder
Why am I here
Why do I care
How come I am so emotional
Why do I keep living
Where do I go why do I go
I can't understand myself
I try to look tough

Inside I am soft
I am fragile as a bubble
Where do I belong
Why does no one seem to care
Why do I even care anymore

So many questions
Never enough answers
The mind never satisfied
The wind blows hard
I tip to far

I'm falling its never ending....