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[CONTACT] WANT TO TALK WITH ME THROUGH THE LAYERS OF HELL!?
Posted 9 years ago*cough* Yeah if you want to chat with me just... send me a note and ask for my Discord =w=
I don't necessarily want to post it online for everyone to see... but I'm always open for a nice peaceful chat[CELEBRATION] Happy hatchday 24th
Posted 9 years agoWelp another year on my counter, now I'm 24 =w= Good I feel kinda old... I get older with every year wtf...
Buuut anyway... today gonna have school and then at home I will get my favourite food aaand that's basically it I guess |D[UPDATE] From bad to worse
Posted 9 years agoWell... I think I knida reached rock bottom here, and I think it's still getting deeper as well to Rock Bottom+ or - in this case maybe.
Today... was a bad day... a very bad day to be precise.
Well, nothign too spectacular happened besides one thing that kinda would lead to an extreme downfall for me.
I had a talk with my boss again today, and as I heard that he wanted to talk to me I already feared for the worst, and that was exacly what I got.
He told me that since our last talk 4 weeks ago nothing really changed and I'm still working too slow and I'm not "seeing the work" when I should see little pieces of rubbish laying around or boxes in one corner (when I expect that somebody put them there on purpose, what do I know?) and well, he said if I don't get faster until December 1st, they can't keep me as an apprentice, because I'm just a huge loss on their bill then. Iroincally there are no other complains besides that I should look for a group to join and don't be a solo fighter. I don't even summon players in Dark Souls for boss fights, that should speak for itself.
I'm highly introverted and now he pretty much orders me to get up to the buisness area break room over midday to interact with the other apprentices. And I just want to say how dumb I think that is. I need my break to rest, and get energy from treating customers and such and now I should drain myself further by interacting with people that share as many interests with me as I do with Kim Yong Un... Besides I didn't even know I was allowed up there because my warehouse boss told me I can only go to the sanitary warehouse segment if I have order to do so and not go there after work is done and I thought this counted for the whole facility as well, the hell do I know that they want to form some kind of family there.
I really hate my home town area to be hoenst, it's all so frumpy in terms of mentality, I think even homosexuals get treated better here then introverts, especially if it comes to working. It kinda makes me wanna vomit that I also can't tell that I'm already at my limit kinda. I try to work fast, I'm really trying, but they expect the impossible from me, yes I know it is possible, if you worked there for over 20 years, know the whole place sleeping upside down and inverted in and out and are used to everything from forklift driving to throwing building material around at the perfect angle.
My parents aren't helping either, they creep me out more or less. The whole time they told me to do ANYTHING to get the apprenticeship and to do everything to keep it, don't look up, do what you are told, try the best you are possible and even more, you have to get that thing or you are basically dog food.
And now my mother wants me to speak up, tell my boss that I just can't do it faster yet and that I try like I can in order for him to change his mind? Excuse me? Did I miss something? And my boss kinda seems to want me to speak up or to explain myself or whatever he wants when he stares at me when we have these extremely uncomfortable talks? I mean he looked down right from his bureau and watched what I did, he talked to my coworkers to get information, and I am supposed to say "NAHHH THEY ALL LYIN"? You either nod and agree or you are right the fuck out of there, that's how this works, that's how the world functions and I have never seen it differently with my own eyes.
So basically I will propably be screwed after December and fired, many say I shouldn't say that and don't be pessimistic, but "nothing changed" according to him in 2.5 months and in 2 weeks it's all suddenly supposed to become better? Well yeah, miracles exist elsewhere but not for me.
I will (hopefully) get a last payment and that should be full I hope, then I will have to stop driving my car because I can't pay the yearly insurance of 600€ for it, most likely and... well.. save up.
But I already have a plan... if everything goes right, that is. As soon as I get fired I will get myself a new drawing tablet and start drawing again. And this time there won't be a "but I won't get better" or stuff like that because then my life depends on it and I HAVE to get better, I will then start doing sketch request livestreams and raffles and when I increased enough in skill and propably popularity I will start taking commissions and finance my life from that. It won't be easy and my parents propably will throw rocks in my way because "get a real job" or "try another apprenticeship" blablashit but I doubt that would be of any use, I just don't meet social expectations to be able to do such a thing as "working normally" so I think drawing porn/furry porn for a living is better then nothing, besides, I might even get better at drawing a bit... one can just hope.
So yeah, pretty much rock bottom, I won't get my hopes up, I will try to do my best, but if it doesn't suffice, then I am propably nothing more then a waste of skin, to use bloodborne terms.[UPDATE] Summary
Posted 9 years agoWell to summerize my one week of holiday from work before going to sleep
I went to my friend on Friday because he was not allowed at my house “because it’s complicated” even though we don’t even want so much attention or anything... and then the internet at his place went out for a week...
Yeah we were together and had fun talking and making things up but not having internet sucked extremely and I tried to just do some stuff still, which resulted in me already using up nearly all of my internet for the month on my phone and one connection cable to my headphone broke on the way home.
And I had to re arrange my rooms stuff because my mother didn’t wanted my desk to be directly at the heater.
I got sick on the second day with a strong flu and even infected my friend and we were quite bored the whole week.
I was looking forward to Warframe or World of Warcraft since I had actual free time now but that was quite impossible. Yesterday night was althrouhg the best I had in a long time because we talked until 4 am about his story and characters and locations for it like a monumental poison swamp or a flying sky city with artificial gravity on the upper and lower zone and so on and it was really funny especially with the instant sound buttons and “JOHN CENA”
We had good laughs and fun but I think this is more or less the summary of the positive things besides beeing with him all the time.
And my parents don’t care for shit about it, but fuck it. Towards them I am quite in a bad mood and I don’t think that will change sooner or later.
I also nearly pulverized already nearly all money i have for this month. Sure I still have everything from which I put on Paypal but I’m unsure to what I will do with it. I want some commissions but whenevere I think of them it gets so incredibly much that all that money would just be a drop of water on a hot stone.
I also want a PS4 to play Bloodborne again and a second Desktop for chats while gaming and all, it would be very confinient and I don’t know where to get the money. I luckily bought already everything I wanted for Warframe and WoW at least, I should also play some Heroes of the Storm for the current event.
And finish the storyboard for the second segment of my Oculemna story and maybe write it down.
Also I am quite worried since I kinda had the idea of one.. or two “private” commissions that I don’t want to show publically because... I don’t want anyone to see it but I bet my headset that as soon as I have it I will have a blasting urge to upload and show it and I know nobody with the same interest in that particular thing as me and the other things is something I want to share between me and a friend.
It’s always a thing with me and just doing what I like since a few years and I am not even sure if what I talk, write, upload or do is of any importance or interest to anybody. I often feel like a yeller on the school yard when I write these things and nobody pays the least bit attention to what I say because.... why should anybody listen to what I say or read what I write? I am not of any significance or importance either on here or any other platform.
I have so many ideas and when I talk to friends about them they are well recieved in like 90% of the cases but I don’t think the general people have any interest in it and the thought of that kinda makes me feel emberassed and guilty for even trying.
There is always this thought in the back of my head about “doing what you want.” Yeah many people do that, and many people don’t stand in a positive light due to that. Like that blond asshat of an american president candidate, he does what he wants but everyone hates him. And I don’t really want to be hated for doing what I want... and that’s what I’m afraid of (amongst other things)
And sometimes I even think it would have been better if I didn’t had all these ideas and stories and characters... and to be honest... I don’t think it makes much of a difference after all.
Well I guess that’s enough rambling and mumbling for the day. I have to hit the sheets very soon because I have to get up early again. (It’s also not helping that my parents don’t consider me equal in terms of work before I havn’t worked like 20 years in a row or something... at least that’s what I assume)[BUG] Does anyone experience this as well?
Posted 9 years agoWhen I open a bunch of pictures from my inbox and fav through them they turn to the first picture I've opened immediatly from the fav - is anybody experiencing this as well? I use firefox 8< Not very happy with the bug...[HELP] Some advice please...
Posted 9 years agoDoes anyone know a way to relief anger and the urge to destroy without destryoing property?
I could need that right now...[ARTIST] Check them out! Yarik & Fluffysoka
Posted 9 years agoI need a new journal |D Aaaand also... I want to use it to promote one of my artist friends! Or two!
First we have the very talented and trained 
yarik
He draws amazingly nice very cool and I totally love his art style! And he needs so much more attention <3 Please give him more attention!
Second would be my awesome artist friend 
fluffysoka
She has such a lack of watchers it's horrible ;w; Please give her some attention as well please!
Wanna make an Incy happy? Go and watch them! They are totally worth watching!
yarik
fluffysoka[FFT] The main reason to not commission someone?
Posted 9 years agoFFT means Food for thought btw
Hello!
I was wondering, because I got the thought that, if I commission somebody, I pay, am friendly, they draw it - and later in the ddescription I read that they didn't enjoy drawing it, had huge problems drawing it or it hurt their hand because reasons and... I dunno... it makes me feel uncomfortable and I feel like don't commissioning them anymore because of that... happened to me with a few artists I think... at least I get the feeling from artists descriptions that they enjoyed drawing other stuff and not mine, I see the difference...
What do you think? Would you stop commissioning somebody because they don't like what you want them to draw?
Would you tell them that? Or what do you think about it? Just curious[RANT] Everytime, EVERY FUCKING TIME
Posted 9 years agoEverytime via note on FA
Me: Hello. Somebody suggested I should talk to you.
Other person: Hello. Thanks for contracting. I have this story and some picture, you can look at them in my gallery.
Me: Okay °doesn't find the right things and gets bored and leaves°
Why does nobody on this fucking site knows how to send links? Are you making things artificially difficult by not even giving exposition to what you want to show? It makes me cringe when somebody tells me this. Just provide a fucking link, you want to show something to me, I am not one to pull everything out bit by bit =w=
Rant over
Me: Hello. Somebody suggested I should talk to you.
Other person: Hello. Thanks for contracting. I have this story and some picture, you can look at them in my gallery.
Me: Okay °doesn't find the right things and gets bored and leaves°
Why does nobody on this fucking site knows how to send links? Are you making things artificially difficult by not even giving exposition to what you want to show? It makes me cringe when somebody tells me this. Just provide a fucking link, you want to show something to me, I am not one to pull everything out bit by bit =w=
Rant over
[UPDATE] Feeling... better?
Posted 9 years agoHello everyone.
Incy here again... I took some time off now thinking about all kinds of things and not thinking as well to get some relaxation. What I can say now is that I'm happy to have at least that part of my pent up rage, anger, sadness and all that out of my system. It maks me quite feel lighter in some way.
I have been thinking about art and I think I have changed my view point on art accordingly. I might have seen it the wrong way.
As I can say now I compare art mostly to Dark Souls. Like Dark Souls art by itself is not fun, it's time consuming and frustrating because you barely make any progress at all. You don't move forward and you just seem to fail fail and fail all over again (like in Dark Souls you die, die and die). So I asked myself why do I enjoy Dark Souls but not drawing if that's the case. And I got the answer. Like in Dark Souls, art is not about having fun in the process of drawing, but seeing the finished result (having the boss defeated and earning those sweet souls) and I basically think that's what it's all about. And so I continued thinking, heck, art is easier then Dark Souls, I remember how often I died in Dark Souls, how I beat Artorias, Manus, Kalameet, Reime the Fume Knight, and every other boss in the games as well. And for the most part, I did it alone. (Except Ornstein and Smaugh and the Nameless King, yeah I know I'm a casual fagget) and I won't admit defeat just like that... I have beaten this, and I will not back down from something like art, even though I may hate other artists for beeing so much better, for recieving better comments or having more favourites or more appreciation, I am no fool to hide this, it led me to write this fucking last journal in the first place. So I will not let myself get defeated by art, I will bite through it, I will bash my head against the wall until I am through it, and not sooner.
The last point where I compare Dark Souls with art is, that you are on your own. I don't want to hear any suggestions now, this is a closed case for me. You are on your own. Nobody will help you, nobody will teach you how to do things, you have to bash your head against the wall yourself... over and over and over again. So I will do that... it's not that I'm too proud, but because I don't consider other artists helpful in that matter. (Apologies for my artist watchers and friends, this is nothing personal, besides, I don't even think artist friends will read this most likely.)
Anyway so that's settled.
The last thing I wanted to say is that I recently started reading the now 4 year old or even older story of a friend of mine with Incendramon and Pikunamon as part of the main character cast. I am lazy and hard to excite for anything, especially reading since I am fucking slow with it (really, I am, there is nobody on earth reading slower then me, back when I had it I read Harry Potter 5 for 12 hours straight, I made 200 pages progress, yes THAT SLOW) but I enjoy the story of him extremely and he told me he will continue it after a long hiatus of it now, and I just can't wait. I'm still very excited for it.
So I hope everything is going right for you, because I sure hope it will be for me when my parents are not fucking ruining everything for me.[RANT] Just... everything... (Part 1)
Posted 9 years agoHello Watchers and random passing byers...
It has been soem time since my last journal and upload (which are rather rare to begin with) but that's not the point right now. In all honesty, I have a rather big pile of pent up negativity bugging me, I usually keep it to myself because, it might be depression that makes me think this, but, either it's not worth your time or I'm just exaggerating too much while others have much more "real" problems then me. It's the depression paradox of thinking that what you have is not a depression because a depression is serious and you can't have something serious because most likely somebody will say "Yeah that's not a depression just something similar but harmless, you are exaggerating" so it ends up making you depressed because you don't think you are "worthy" enough of a real depression. This circles back into each other into an infinite loop, so it kinda has been like this for me since... puh I dunno... maybe 3 to 4 years now? I don't really remember when it started.
Oh I want to throw in now, it might be an extremely big wall of text, so you are free to read if you want or do something actually worthy of your time. Now that's out of the way I will continue.
But it kept going like this and all the negativity that came in I just bottled up either because I didn't want to bother anybody, nobody would care or it was just not worth mentioning, I mean there are people with "real" problems out there. Which leads to the creation of this journal which I often wanted to write but up to this point I just quit before starting because I really do believe that it's nothing major even though it keeps bugging me, I think you know what I mean. So it all boils down to literally EVERYTHING that made me depressed, sad, angry, anxious, jealous or what all other negative attributes you can find for it. And I just want to let out some steam with this journal so I can go back to bottling it up for the next few years with less of a problem. One can just take as much, you know. And I am aware that some of my closer friends will also read this~ which was another point why I didn't wanted to write this, since they would read it because they would feel bad for not helping me, I know at least... hmnhm... 3 to 4 people which will propably feel really bad after reading this and this was another reason why I never wrote it, because I don't want them to feel bad, but like I said - o.c.j.t.s.m.y.k. - and I just have to get this off my systems now, maybe I will feel better afterwards, most likely not. So after an introduction that is already longer then most of my journals I ever wrote let's get started, shall we.
First, I want to adress everyone with this. Not people in particular, which I will still do later in the journal, I will point my finger at them and say, "Yes I mean this person with my quote just now" and hopefully not get banned from FA because of it, but if yes, welp, then this might be the last thing I have done on this site then? I know that Furaffinity admins are not very forgiving... I might even post this on Deviantart afterwards, so if it's gone here I don't think Deviantart minds to let me upload it, since they have nothing against art theft either. But with my general statements I mean everybody as a whole, the whole site of Furaffinity, my watch list, my friends, EVERYONE AS A WHOLE, unless I talk about specific individuals, so don't give me a "but I don't" nope but when 1 out of 10 people says yes and the other 9 say no, the average will be still no.
So now that even this is out of the way, I can hopefully finally start with everything that is bugging me, from myself, to everyone else, to humanity, to the fucking internet, my family, EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE. It's like putting everything including me in a bag and letting a boulder run over it, it always hits the right ones, but also the innocent ones, anyway, doesn't matter, don't care, didn't read, topkek rofl lol *cough*
To start with the biggest problem first I will adress my discontent about art, furaffinity, artists and the community. As some of you might have already seen, I don't draw anymore so much, like really. Back when I joined Furaffinity and Deviantart I drew like one picture a day in school, then got home, scanned and uploaded dat shit and I was pretty active. It changed some time afterwards and I think I kinda lost my spark back then. When I look at my old works I see passion. I see love and burning interest for the art I created, to do something I love and have fun with it. But that changed. I lost said passion. I feel like when I draw nowadays that I won't finish anything, I won't do anything, nothing I will do would be good at all. And I literally can see it if I take the comparison. I feel something when I look at my old art and if you would ask me, if I compare back then and now, I don't think I have become better one bit. I still have no style of art, nothing memorable and I don't even dare to touch adult artwork since I think I shouldn't draw porn if it would just look horrible. Nobody wants to see that. So I tried. I really tried to... reignite the spark, to find something worth drawing, something that would fill me with joy and those around me as well... but it never did. There was literally nothing that did that. So I am pretty much done with art for not only the spark reason but for other reasons as well which I will adress later. I will not continue on drawing.
The second thing with art is my motivation, it was always and always will be the exposure I get for what I do, the good words, the adorement for ones work. And this was something I also never got. The only person I remember beeing really, REALLY happy about the art I made for her was Pikuna and I believe her that she was happy about it, she was honest. She loved the little sketches that I made to cheer her up when she had a bad mood, but others... not so much. This is a little backtracking now. I once made a request raffle. Put a journal up with my name and link it in the comments, I will roll the dice and 3 lucky winners will get free art under the condition they would be grateful, comment and upload it to their gallery. I gained 30 watchers from this or something like that and it had the most comments of any journal I have ever done, because who doesn't want free art?
It took me a little time but I finished the raffle prices... and guess what, I never saw them comment, I never saw them upload it, I never got told that it would look good or at least decent, passable, anything. It was a huge bummer that made, along with other events hate raffles. It was the condition, which might have been a bit over the top, I mean, I expect people to comment on art for them, what am I, Satan? But nobody did it... and it got hardly any attention at all... so I put effort in it, to do something nice and what did I got in the end? A little shitload of nothing. But I understood, clearly my art was of minor quality, not shaded which is the heart of every picture, it was rubbish, unworthy of their holy galleries, and they didn't even care one bit. Never had contact with them again I think, don't know if they are still watching me or if they are still alive. But this was a major event where I felt my art was insufficient. Everytime from this day forward it just kept getting worse, I tried to draw gift arts for friends who were in a bad mood, I wanted to make them happy, but expect for Piku, I never got the feeling that it actually did something... well in her cases it did nothing sometimes as well because she had just a mood that was too bad to cure with a lousy sketch, I mean right now you could throw gifts at me with a gattling gun and it wouldn't increase my mood. It might be my mistake for EXPECTING appriciation for something I do, but that's how I am, always have been and always will be most likely. And if I don't that, I could as well play Dota 2 online in low priority, at least there I get yelled at for playing bad, that is some kind of appriciation.
Then there comes the thing with "free art" and art trades. I hate mutual agreements, I began to hate them after I got disappointed many times over with art. And even after 6 years I can't let it go because I still feel bad. I had made two art trades back then with the two artists I adored the most, the two artists I looked up to and who very also partially the very reason I started drawing. I was filled with happiness and glee when they agreed to do art trades with me even considering how bad my art was in contrast to theirs... and then KnifeH left Furaffinity and never did something (well he left commissioners hanging as well, so that's that) even though I contacted him again via note. You know that status "seen at XXX" but you never get an answer? Oh what a great feeling. The other artist I consider a bit more... trustworthy for that matter and I wrote to him again and we agreed and after I finished my part I never saw Shadowill doing his, he might have forgotten or again, it just ended up beeing my fault for beeing so bad in art that they don't even considered doing their parts, understandable, nobody likes getting scammed with trash art~. The last time I got disappointed was a raffle I won by accident and then waited 4 years on the art piece from Mehalena who later left Furaffinity and never made something for me. The problem with that was I am not mad about her not doing her part, but everytime I messaged her, at least 8 times and even letting her consider that she could just drop the matter if she wanted to and tell me, but she never did. She said she would do it and never did. The suffering of this was pretty horrible honestly.
I usually don't go out about buisness but it has been so long now and I am in such a bad mood that I literally do not care anymore. I never saw raffles like a good thing again, I participated but I always felt a deep hatred for those who held it, because I just knew, they would draw it, but not if I would win. I think many have similar experiences and continue, they just might have a thicker skin then me. I am not so light hearted with this. Lying is a serious matter for me... I would jut feel finally at rest if I got an answer, even if they are saying "I won't do it" but that would be okay... because then I could finally stop expecting it...
The next thing is the community, the pressure and the progress of art. First of all, I have 1217 watchers here on furaffinity. I don't consider it a high number, I don't think I am popular and I don't think anything I do will increase that. I remember back in 2009, I might sound like a old geezer all the time~, when I uploaded something I had like 5 different people commenting on the picture and it got steadily more. But that decreased. With increased quality of commissions or artwork I uploaded, the comments and the interest got fewer and lower. At itmes like this I get 30 - 40 favourites on a picutre I upload... in comparison to the 1200 people watching me it is nothing, and maybe 1 comment if I'm lucky. 2 if it's Fema and she is nude. I try to deliver quality commissions and the interest just shrinks... which is also something where I ask myself, why bother at all. I don't deliver what people want to see. Across all accounts. Maybe there is just more better accounts now and I just don't deliver what people ask for to see. It makes me also feeling rather depressed to just upload something or commission something for somebody else and it gets zero appreciation, neither from the person I do it for or from everybody else. FA wants porn, I deliver porn, but no still nothing changed. It is just an overwhelming feeling of worthlessness to just get ignored by everyone. Besides, I don't get much of a feeling from favourites. You just look at the picture in the thumbnail, click on it, click on Add to favourites and then you close it again... it seems that uploading artwork is just a bother now instead of something to look forward to. But I might be at fault again for expecting a feeling from accomplishment over the internet from people I don't even know or have never seen... but I don't have any real life friends as well, all people I have I know from the internet because I can trust them, I would never trust a real person this way, I was always disappointed in them beeing as fake as it could possibly get. Also the progress and pressure of art and artists getting better constantly, you see the improvement in others, how everyone likes what they do, how appreciated their art is and you just keep losing more and more. I am jealous. I say it with all honesty, I am jealous at all artists who actually found a drawing style, who actually can draw, who learned it, who can do something, I am honestly jealous for what they can do and what I will never be able to achieve. I don't want any of you to give me the Shia LeBouf with a "JUST DO IT" nope, I won't take any of that.
Back when I started in the community, I found so many awesome artists and I was so impressed by them. They drew interesting stuff, they were interesting. They expressed themselves in their art and they made others happy with it. I think this the main reason people want to be friends with artists. They literally show how they are with their art. And you get interested to know more about the art and the artist themselves because of this. You want to know them to make contact with this amazing person you found and want to know... at least that's what I think... reality looks alot more grim than this. Many just want good free art from them and it happened enough time that artists get disrespected and just trampled on by others who don't think their work is as worthy of existing as other work, like working on a job rather then freelancing making money. They close themselves off from people who just want to know them because of art~ because they got hurt by them often enough. But there is not only that, there is also artists that are... or feel... elevated... I am talking about arrogance here... those who think that they are better then others, who can't draw or who don't have the talent they have... to be honest... they also don't care... why would a popular artist... somebody with at least 100.000 pageviews and 5000 watchers or be it 500.000 pageviews and 10.000 watchers... why should they care about people who are not artists or are bad at art? Why should they care about anything and anybody other then who they can sell commissions to? I am pretty sure that at this point literally one percent is only continuing to read because I bored most of the readers to death by now. Artists make a living from their patreons and commissions. From their paywalls and persona websites and bundles where they sell their art. No I don't really think they care, what should interest them about people with like 10.000 pageviews or not even 1.000? It's the same with the big youtuber, they surely get just spammed with mails or notifications, messages, contacts and everything else, why should they care about lowlife without interent value? And yes, I consider myself to be such a lowlife, too. Why should anybody important care for what I upload, write or do? Nobody does, I'm pretty sure of it. And they have all right to not care... why should you care to look after the gravel you walk on? Did you ever stop and talk to the gravel under your shoes and say how nice you find their shape? I highly doubt it.
Another thing is the development where art goes honestly... patreon here... patreon there... and all those pesky YCH auctions and adoptables... I dispise them. YCH that go for literally 1000$ with four slots paying 250$? Completely reasonable... It shouldn't by my matter to what people spent their money on... but you could get 5 50$ commissions for this one spot... or 2 125$ commissions for christs sake... but it might just be me... I never had any liking for auctions, you bid on something that somebody might as well just take out of your hand in the last second because he had 5$ more in his pocket... I can't see why anybody would like this concept... and they are famous... you see them everywhere, I have no doubt that I would make like I DUNNO 50$ if I would just draw a YCH auction and people would bet on it... even considering how bad my own art is... but I will never because I dispise them. It is just laziness of the commissioners to just go with that instead of thinking about it themselves of a pose for a picture... adoptables are the same for me only with characters, I am not selling character slaves for other peoples amusement... I dispise it as well... and I think many will hate me for this opinion.
Talking about hatred would be the next point. It is natural that those who attract many followers get some bad ones along the way... and some malicious ones cause have problems for the person. Which is another point I am afraid of. I am kinda glad to not be famous at all, or I would have haters around me, trolls and everything else, people would steal my characters and identity and pretend to be me or my characters, which I would not want. But why do this to a person nobody knows or cares about? It won't have any effect because like I said, nobody would recognize it. And hearing about artists problems with customers or just people and their art, I am not sure if I would want these problems anyway... would the exposure be worth all this trouble? If I listen to many artists I highly doubt it. And I might even think they would trade in their drawing ability and popularity for something smaller... to not get seen by anybody, to avoid all the drama and everything.
So all of this builds up to my decision to quit drawing. I am not good, I will not improve. People don't care what I do or what I commission anyway, appreciation is nothing, others will just abuse it, even popular artists will, take the money and leave... besides... art takes time and effort... I can't draw and take care of my friends at the same time... because I had it with at least... 4 people now that they hated it when I didn't wrote to them and didn't gave them enough affection. And with a guilty mood I won't be able to create anything anyway. I can understand them... so aside from work I have to do for my parents now I can't take care of friends, relaxing and drawing at once... besides nobody believes in my art anyway, so it's not even a waste to quit. Nobody will miss it anyway. Kudos to you for reading this far, you are either a close friend or a patient reader with most likely nothing better to do then listening to somebodys ranting, my apologies. Also yes, I have also a habit of not even trying anymore when I get told that nobody is believing anyway... I never said I had self-esteem either...
So I think that is all there is to my art related rant... I could rant more about everything else, from gaming to real life issues and my character, which could be again this long but I am kinda exhausted from typing all this... took me at least 1 or 2 hours now... and I think I gave a deep view into my rather negative mind.
I also think that comments are more important then favourites... in the comment it shows who cares to write something related to the picture or journals... but I think this will be again a journal with like... I dunno... maybe 1 or 2 comments... and in all honesty I also think it would barely matter if I were to abandon the art community completely. Nobody cares about me, my art, my characters or anything I would create anyway. (Yeah I talk about everyone here, you know, not particular persons with "I don't" but the majority...)
And I forgot to say... I always wanted to be such a person or commissioner or artist who excites people and makes them interested in what he uploads but I never managed to do so. I also think that on this site you either need to be female or gay to have success. Those who aren't are most likely a minority.
So this is it for this rant... unbelievable but I kinda feel better after this, I think now it's easier for me to bottle things up again, thanks for listening @ nobody.[INFO] Another Obligatory Where to fuck with me Journal
Posted 9 years ago*Another obligatory Journal about the site beeing a big security furry leak*
*Another obligatory rant that this site will be going down sooner or later*
*Another obligatory statement that this will not happen though*
*Another obligatory statement about everything never changing*
*Another obligatory link list of places where to find me*
INCtastic on Deviantart
INCtastic on Weasyl
INCtastic on Inkbunny
INCtastic on Sofurry
INCtastic on FurryNetwork
INCtastic on Nabyn
INCtastic on Tumblr
INCtastic on Twitter
*Another obligatory statement about the activitiy of those sites ranging from active to dead to don't know*
*Another obligatory statement about liking FurryNetworks Design*
Any questions? Your obligatory after FA breakdown journal, eat here or take away?
You can now proceed to ignore this journal and everything coming from me, thanks.[Q&A] Not feeling well...
Posted 9 years agoHello everyone... I am feeling quite bored and down and I'm not in the mood to do anything.
So I want to make a little Q&A or something. Just ask questions about anything. My characters, my interests, what I've been doing recently, what I have been watching or playing recently or whatever... or just say hi and talk a little...[HELP] In desperate need of money!
Posted 9 years agoBecause my money is rather limited and I am at Pikus place and we want to buy groceries and theatre tickets for some movies we would require a bit financial support. Pikuna is doing coloring commissions and collab commissions, please check her out for some awesome colorations! Her prices are reasonable and her quality is extremely good!
>>> 
<<<
LINK TO HER JOURNAL
>>> <<<
Pwease? ;w;
[INFO] Rest in Peace, our beloved cat
Posted 9 years agoOne week ago my mother had to bring our cat to the vet for the final injection. Because I was at Pikus place I didn't knew until I asked her how he was doing. She talked with me about this before I left three weeks ago because after he was diagnosed with diabetus he became increasingly difficult.
And his health and looks went downwards from that point on. So it was for the better, she told me that back then and I as well see it.
Yet it was still hard to get through it after she called me this morning and telling me it happened. Before I left I spend some hours caressing his fur and hugging him close to show him how much he meant to me because I knew it could be the last time I see and care for him. And luckily I did.
I am glad I have nothing to regret. He was old, 13 years it was, he has gotten slow and jumping was painful for hm now. It was also the first time he went to the vet without making a scene (he was always very aggressive when he had to get in and out of the box) and was peaceful. He got a sleep injection so he would feel nothing and while they slept they gave him the heart stopper one. I know it needed to be done and he had a fulfilling life, 13 good years of getting attention, getting fed 3 to 5 times per day (he was very hungry) and sleeping where ever he liked. I know all that... and yet still after I heard it I cried... for some time while Piku was holding me... there might just be some things you can never be prepared for.
Yet, afterwards I felt better and I am not gloomy about it anymore... I think I got it out of my system... and in honor I will give him an homage in one of my works and I already have the perfect idea... but so much for later...
Merlin, you were a good cat and a great companion, a hungry one, that's for sure, but you were a full member of our family and home. We will miss you, but we will also remember you. Rest in peace my dear friend, you've earned it.
And thanks everybody for reading to this point. In reading this you gave your part of getting to know a great pet, whose memory will live on.
Salutations everyone.[RANDOMRANT] Furaffinity in 2050
Posted 9 years agoYou sit in your floating chair, your interactive computer activates automatically. The browser opens directly. You log in to Furaffinity. Design is still the same. Only in 16k HD now. While everything loads you count Fenders single fur hairs that you can see... you stop at 216 as everything is loaded now.
The inbox says: 20S 18J 44P 2C 1F 1N - less P then usual but you don't bat an eye.
The submissions are 90% YCH bases and reminders, you feel reminded to the old ebay, 5% are Patreon artworks with a big watermark in the middle. You think you can make out a furry head at the top and a lizard head at the bottom, the remaining 5% are Second life Screenshot reference commissions for some amount of money.
You go through the journals. Several are again the usual reminder and changes to ones Patreon channel. Somebody moves their account. The last one reopened his patreon after beeing away for 1 year in vacation. 20 people already got all the rewards you would have liked to spend you money on. The journal is 5 minutes only. You yawn.
Another journal covers up the recent events of the fights from Patreon artists against image boards. e621 was taken down 2040. Rule34 became 4chan with even more cancer. deviantart is not used anymore, bots are stealing art automatically now.
You give a big sigh and go to the interesting part of FA. 44P, as you open it a long colorful list of Patreon updates expands in front of you. Since Furaffinity cooperated with patreon it was much easier following everyone via one site... Three raffles with 2 people participating and you didn't win. Seven new artpacks are coming out covering all the racial needs one could have. Canine, Feline, Sheep, Insectoids, Birds, Fish and a little ppack for humans. You sigh again. Luckily no dragons. They stopped beeing for Hipsters in the 2040s. You yawn again. Several new pictures with big watermarks on them and a sign "Please support my patreon to view my content". You think about it, then you say to yourself that 50$ on 5 Patreons are already enough money spent. You remember when the minimum patreon amount was 1$. You see them now by 30$. You think Inflation is a bitch. The last thing you read is about an old art pack getting deleted from the whole internet by the artist if one hasn't purchased it yet and put on external drive.
You check the comments. One new shout and one comment. You check the shout. "OMG, check this out. LINK" You click the link. Somebody 3D animated something quick of a cat sitting in a rollercoaster while playing the flute. It's a 10 seconds loop. The graphics of this "quick thing" makes the old blizzard entertainment cinematics look like pixel pushing in comparison. You close the tab. The sender of the shout was AD151351. You sigh and delete the shout. Your shout box is empty.
The comment is on one of your commissions from a time where commissions still existed. You click it. "Wow this is a great artwork. It reminds me of the style of ARTIST. Here check out his FA. LINK" You click the link... it leads to a patreon page directly at the banking department. You sigh and close the tab again.
Before you check the note you quickly go to steam. Half-Life 3 delayed. Reasoning, Gabens ghost haunts the company.
You go quickly back to Furaffinity. You view the note. It seems to be the same guy as in the shout. As you compare their user names via memory history pictures you proof that to be false. He is AD151352. you sigh again and read the note anyway. "Remember when FA was good and lead by Dragoneer and not Microsoft? If you do then please check out this other site somebody created. LINK." The name of the link was hardcorefurrypornhub2.0 ... you decide not to click.
You close Furaffinity again. "Same procedere as every day." You say silently and decide to go back on playing the 26th addon of World of Warcraft. It's called The one and true real return of the remains of the true legion reborn." The titles stopped beeing interesting a while ago.
(Please taken with a grain of salt and only for amusement, not foreshadowing... if you'll excuse me, I go and get myself breakfast.)[UPDATE] I got Discord! And Chit Chat
Posted 9 years agoWelp here I am again, made an account on Discord to join a group chat of some friends. My friends list there is pretty empty, if you want to try and add me, go ahead, the name's INCodiac.
On another note, how is everyone doing? Feeling alright? Playing games good?
For me it's Warframe since... a month or a bit more? Kinda addicted but maaaaan the game's fun[TALKING] Past year and coming year
Posted 10 years agoWell... I havn't been very active this year honestly and I'm slowing down more and more as it seems. I still see the Techies update journal from mid 2014 in my history which proves the point, I went rather quiet and unuploady if it comes to art. I can't really find the mood to do much on it honestly, either I feel guilty for not drawing something on high priority like a trade part or a gift for an important person to me which leaves me completely unwilling to draw anything aside from the thought that it a) won't matter much because it will not get any appreciation in the first place because it's just bad art with no shading - and b) I'm not that good and I am not improving at all, at least that's how I feel about it. I know it seems somehow that I got better but if I look at past works from the beginning of when I started drawing, then I don't see the things that I saw back then in my artworks... I have lost something along the way and I don't think I can ever recover from that - it might be some harsh words, but after ... 5 to 6 years trying to get it back to the point where I said "Yes I completely enjoyed doing that" and it never worked out.
Also I have a rather long queue of things that I still would recieve, be it commission or raffle things and I never got anything which is already going on for years and I know I won't see them anytime in the future anymore, which frustrates me alot... there would be more to show but it just won't get finished and I am not partially good enough to do it myself to my satisfaction.
So now that art is out of the way, I have to say that 2015 was nearly completely... unfulfilling, no job, no income, spent nearly all I had stored of money and I am back at the beginning. Not to mention that in my surroundings things aren't working out as I would hope they would do... decently okay. They are pretty bad to say that.
I am still happy with Piku, Arcy is still my bro in law, and dear Skully is still the shoulder I could let out all my frustration about anything that I couldn't tell Arcy or Piku for whatever reason or I didn't want to. The three are the best. Also Soka and Yarik, they are very great friends as well, they listen, Soka is fun to be around and aside from the shit she has going on in her life she is still so optimistic... I adore that. Yarik is also a person I could rely on anytime. He is patient, he listens very VERY well and I count his opinion to be very high. And my dear friend Bosco as well, it has been much fun.
Althrough it's not always easy with many people I try my best and honestly... I don't feel that I'm nearly enough of a friend to make up what I would owe them all... and in honesty as well, I think my mood went downhill over the years, frustration and depression pulls at you and while I don't have them so much anymore I still give in to them rather easily... which I don't like to show.
Yes I have been quiet, yes I have been inactive and I don't really think that will change alot, the only things I will draw will most likely be birthday gifts for others or something but that's about it. As long as it makes somebody happy it is enough for me.
I could go on about this for hours I thin without getting to the point.
Do I have some New Years resolution? No. I don't, if I don't have I will not be disappointed in the end when I don't fulfill them next year.
Do I hope things get better? Yes totally. But I will have to see how this turns out.
And without focusing on me anymore, which I did enough just now, I wish everybody a great and good start in 2016, have it well, have it good to come, and make the best out of it, I am proud of you. I still have to wait for it an hour and some minutes so it will still take a while here. Anyway, stay frosty everyone.
Incy out.[BIRTHDAY] How it has been
Posted 10 years agoSo today... or better yesterday (the 14th) was my birthday. It was nothing extremely spectacular, got some good wishes.
50 Bucks fro my girlfriends parents and alot of fun in WoW and Saints Row with my brothy Arcy.
Also I got two lovely pictures, one from Snowfyre and one from Piku which she colored ^w^
We wanted to go out bowling and having chinese food but the bowling center was reserved for that day for "special people" so it was impossible, and I didn't wanted to go out alone for food anymore. So we ordered some food.
I will celebrate later on with my parents and Piku when we are at my place, and maybe will go tomorrow or Wednesday to Bowling with her |D
I need some movement for my body actually |D wohoo...
It was a nice day I enjoyed X3 I hope everyone had also a nice day[THOUGHTS] Undertale Art and fanfiction
Posted 10 years agoAfter finishing Undertale (which is one of my most favourite games ever now) I was thinking about doing an artwork for it together with a story
But I started to have doubts because it would include fan-insertion which is generally hated among all fandoms as far I know... so I have doubts to do it in the first place...
I'm feeling very unsure about this honestly...[UPDATE] I noticed something funny
Posted 10 years agoI went through my scraps and saw my old voice meme uploads... I clicked through them and holy cow they have so many comments xD and so much positive about my voice... I couldn't even remember how much xD nothing much else, just noticed and foudn it amusing xD[DOTA 2 TI] Congratulation to EG!
Posted 10 years agoI was glad to watch some of the highlights of this years Dota 2 Internationals, the third Finals match was amazing and the suspense was there until the very end, both EG and CDEC fought hard but I'm glad EG won over them :3 It was an amazing match and I will remember it for a long time![UPDATE] Heyo!
Posted 10 years agoHello everyone! I have been quite quiet in recent times, not much to upload not much to write either |D
Still looking for an education with little results.
But I'm currenctly working on two rather big projects. The first would be an own Tabletop game. Since some months I got pretty interested in one and I decided to recreate one of my stories as a tabletop game, I hope I can finish this up good, because it would give a good perspective on this world.
I also thought about making every major story of mine into something later on. For example my main Oculemna story with Incendramon becoming a webcomic/manga style black white comic or my second cyber-punk-story becoming a full colored comic. Something along these lines, it would be interesting I think.
The second thing I'm kinda "working" on is an RPG maker horror game, I have no real experience with the program yet, let alone pixel art which was always a mystery for me, but I have the will to bring it on because I talked a lot with Pikuna and some other friends about the story and they all think it's a good idea.
I won't do much art in the next time aside from portrait icons for the tabletop game (I will use Roll20, a tabletop page with awesome possibilities, so I need visuals) and that will definatly take a while to wrap up.
On a side note I'm recently very much into Terraria and Heroes of the Storm. I'm playing with Arcy and Pikuna very much and I just love the game, because there you can say "I will do something big" and you will eventually succeed, I always had that problem in Minecraft that I never felt that I have done something, so Terraria is a good alternative. Also HotS is quite an interesting game. I really think it's a good alternative for Dota or LoL, especially if you want a game where not everybody on your team is going like "I am carry now" because that's nearly not possible there, so I have much fun with Arcy and the bots - Also Piku joins in from time to time X3
So that's all about it for now :3 What are you up to? Any thoughts on what I do? Anything you wanna share? I like to read comments on my journals, so don't be shy ^w^[QUESTION] How did you choose your name?
Posted 10 years agoI'm curious, how and why did you chose the username or nickname that you currently have - I mean most of you don't make an account or call yourself with your real names on the internet, right?
So my question is, how did you find your username or your nickname
For me it first was Flamedramon1992 because I liked flamedramon and was born 1992, so that was basically it, later Pikuna helped me getting my recent name because she said just having a flamedramon would be a bit boring and I agreed to her back then, so we looked around a little and found the latin word "incendere" for well "firing" or "light ablaze" which I liked very much, also I always loved the short form "Inc" from all the companies I saw, I dunno, I just found it sounded cool so I chose Incendramon for my character and Incendra for myself, later I switched to something more unique with INCtastic, INCodiac or INCogamiX for my accounts because I thought it sounded good :3
So what's your username story and how satisfied are you with it? :3[NOT A JOKE] My April Fools...
Posted 10 years agoI honestly wouldn't even know what to do besides rickrolling... I honestly don't like it much, it's kinda ughs... especially when it's mean spirited, but it's so ughs... also I'm too lazy to think of something creative for April Pool's Day.... okay let's make a pool day out of it =P
Potato Egg