I am still alive, in case you're wondering.

Most likely, nobody was wondering.

Been busy.

With stuff.

Mostly theater.

Actually pretty much always theater.

Theater is life.

... seems to be the catwalk above a stage.

I have to go up there for my job. More recently, I have to go up there and sit for 30 minutes waiting for my cue to drop a feather on the actors, even longer during rehearsals when things are constantly stopping and re-starting.

I've written some poetry while I'm up there, as well as (attempted) a few sketches.

It's like being perched atop the fourth wall.

Stolen from  werewolfeguardian. It looked like fun :3

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Name (Hawkochen)
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H - Freaking hot
A - French kisser
W - Makes people laugh
K - Crazy
O - Different
C - Will kick your ass
H - Freaking hot
E - Crazy as hell
N - Cool person

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Species (Fennec Fox)
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F - Loves it hard
O - Different
X - Never lets people tell you what to do

The Name Changing Alphabet!!
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A = French Kisser
B = Good Kisser
C = Will kick your ass
D = Very very easy for people to like you
E = Crazy as hell
F = Loves it hard
G = Can kick your ass
H = Freaking hot
I = Everyone's best friend
J = Hot
K = Crazy
L = Beautiful eyes
M = Very good kisser
N = Cool person
O = Different
P = The best at all sports
Q = An animal lover
R = Beautiful/handsome
S = Damn sexy
T = Easy to fall in love with
U = Will make you laugh till your sides burst
V = Most amazing kisser EVAR!
W = Makes people laugh
X = Never lets people tell you what to do
Y = Can be funny and dumb at the same time
Z = Loved by everyone

Sexual orientation and gender identity.

Please stop confusing the two.

I admit, it is confusing, especially with all the jokes that like to be said about being a "lesbian trapped in a man's body". These jokes are made so often that people seem to be unable to grasp the idea that this is, in fact, possible. You can be both transgender and homosexual, transgender and bisexual, nullgender and homosexual, etc.

On that note ... I am bigender. I feel both male and female, some days more male, some days more female.

I am also homosexual.

Now here's where it gets confusing. To say I am only attracted to those of the same sex is a bit of an oxymoron ... I am attracted to both men and women. However, the thought of heterosexual intercourse actually disgusts me in some ways. In order to be in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, that person would have to treat me in almost every way, shape, form, and most especially in our bedroom life, as if I were of the same sex. Since I've yet to meet someone that open-minded, I'm not going to change my ways. I'm proud of being bigender and I'm proud of being gay and I dream of a world where your sex and gender don't matter so long as you love the person you're with.

Bottom line ... Gender is in your mind. Sex is in your pants. Both determine who you're attracted to, but sex determines who you're comfortable with.

tl;dr: Don't tell me what my sexual orientation is.

Hawk's steps for going to bed:

1. Look at clock. Realize it is getting late. Think of what you should do before going to bed.

2. Decide to do some last-minute file-moving. Realize the file moving will take a while because computers are slow. Remember you have anime on your computer.

3. Begin watching anime. Get totally sucked into the plot and keep watching more episodes.

4. Look at time, realize it's way late. Decide to go to bed after the episode is finished.

5. Realize you can restore down the media player and totally read comics in another window WHILE watching anime. Completely forget about how late it is.

6. Think about your homework. Figure you can do it tomorrow. Wonder how coherent you will be tomorrow. Realize time again.

7. Stop anime, close media player, and bookmark where you were in the comic.

8. CHECK FACEBOOK! Realize you can't think of any status updates and that all your friends have lives and aren't sending updates.

9. CHECK GAIAONLINE! Realize all your RP buddies also have lives and aren't online.

10. CHECK FURAFFINITY! Realize that you already know about all your notifications. Be too lazy to delete them.

11. CHECK FURSPACE! Remember that nobody uses Furspace anymore.

12. Try to remember what you were supposed to do. Decide to watch My Little Pony instead.

13. Realize you don't know what's going on even though you have the episodes memorized. Finally register how tired you are. Contemplate taking a shower but decide to put it off until morning. Actually begin changing into pajamas.

14. Get back on computer and look for porn. Discover that you're not really in the mood and are just looking at the pretty colors.

15. Stare at the ceiling instead of turning off the computer.

16. Hear a noise outside. Get scared because you live in the basement and your window is level with the ground so it could totally be a serial killer or maybe a rabid badger or one of those things with the shell with the spike that always raped Mario in the ass in those underground levels on Super Mario World because you couldn't quite get the fact that you can't kill them by jumping on them.

17. Wonder about the cramp in your hand. Blame it on the arthritis that runs in your family or too much typing or too much masturbating or all three.

18. Get paranoid about the noise again. Close the window. Open the window again because it's summer and it gets really fucking hot in the room.

19. Play with your necklace. Listen to the happy jingling sound.

20. CHECK FACEBOOK! Post a funny picture so that everyone will be all like "lol". Realize that it will probably be buried by other people's updates by morning. Become depressed because nobody will see the picture and think you're cool because you can post on Facebook. Finally decide to turn off computer.

My latest play closed this weekend. I'd like to say that the saddest part of a play closing is saying good-bye to your fellow actors, but in reality, it isn't easy to lose contact with them. Especially now, in the day and age of Facebook. And lord knows some of my closest friends are the ones I've met in theater. In reality, the saddest part of closing a play is the realization that the character is never going to truly live in you again. Yes, you can still revive them, perhaps when playing in improv game or perhaps if you just feel like being in-character sometime, but the cast you were just with will not be in the same place and on the same stage ever again. You will never truly experience being your character again.

Perhaps the title of this journal is a little ironic simply because my character actually did die during the course of the play, but nonetheless, I would like to give tribute to her before she is sent to the graveyard alongside Kate and Schoolhoue Rock Live Extra.

Lady Clairmont was a rich, eccentric, elderly widow of two children: Clive and Veronica. I won't sugar-coat it: she was a bitch. On her son's birthday, she gave him acorns from the tree in front of her house. She didn't collect them herself, she had him do it. And just to make sure he didn't get too spoiled, she had him donate them to charity. Veronica, her daughter, was a tad more spoiled. However, this may be because she was the child of an affair and Lady Clairmont very obviously married for money to begin with. After the death of her husband, Lady Clairmont released some of her despair and stress by having a fling with her butler, Adrian. Nine months later, Veronica was born, and quickly grew into a spoiled young woman who trained horses as a hobby. Aside from her money and sexual escapades, Lady Clairmont was also the owner of the Bengal Diamond, the only 300-karat red diamond in the world. She got it from an Indian Raja in exchange for saving his life. But in the words of Michael Ende: "That is another story and will be told anther day."

R.I.P., Lady Clairemont. I will not miss falling off the stage during your death scene, but I will miss you.