Yesterday I found out that one of my closest friends, a man who adopted me as his daughter and always insisted that I called him Uncle Wookie had been found at home having passed away in his sleep.

He was my mentor, confidant and truted friend and family. I last saw him when I got back on the bike after my accident when it had been repaired. He told me he was proud I got back on and pleased I took after him therefore its fitting I was his adopted daughter.

Last time I spoke to him was on Monday and we talked about my medical forms had been completed and faxed to DVLA that day and hoping to get licence back ASAP. We talked about anything and everything we were well know to banter and babble for hours non stop, we had planned on me bringing Mynka over to him as she is his bikes little sister in make and model and do some riding together, he wanted to support me getting my licence back and watch me grow and blossom into the biker he knew and loved from before the accident.

He always had faith in me, scared the shit out of my ex hub and offered a sympathetic ear when I found myself alone needing comfort and he would ALWAYS have me laughing at the end because he said I had a wonderful personality and a cute smile.

May he forever shine bright as my guiding star at night and watch over me as I ride and hope to make him proud.

has been looking after and supporting me through this very difficult time for me and will with me as I go to a bike rally this weekend to celebrate the life and memories of the man who was proud to call me his adopted daughter and whom I was proud to call Uncle Wookie


RIP Uncle Wookie AKA papa Chris x x

Ride free, ride far for you'll forever be in my heart where-ever you are x x

Proposed cuts to the National Health Service.

The British Medical Association has weighed in on the new Prime Minister David Cameron's health care proposals.

The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had a sort of a gut feeling about it, but the neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception.

Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.

Pathologists yelled; "Over my dead body!" while the Paediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!"

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.

The Surgeons were fed up with the cuts and decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The ENT specialists didn't swallow it, and just wouldn’t hear of it.

The Pharmacologists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter...."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

The Anaesthetists thought the whole idea was a gas, but the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the arseholes in London.

The distant shores my soles have walked,
The distant faces my eyes have touched.
Of all the thoughts I give each place,
I seek to fill an empty space.
And on I move without a shadow,
Standing beside my own.
I believe unless I travel,
That I’m meant to live life alone.
I’ve planted seeds that never grew,
But hindsight gives courage and strength.
To help one day bring to a flower,
A love that in time has length.
What is a life when there’s no one to share?
So forth I aspire to find,
Some company for This Lonely Biker Poet.
And My shadow that follows behind.....

Maybe we have to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

Don't go for looks, they can deceive.

Don't go for wealth, even that fades away.

Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile.

When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit with relax and comfortable with , never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real.

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything, they just make the most of everything that comes their way.

Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back.

Don't expect love in return, just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't,
be content that it grew in yours....

-LIGHTBULB- Since I should be riding again in Dec and I booked Xmas week off I has cunning plan of doing an Batmas ride that week!

Since I was going to spend it on my own anyways think I'll spread the joy of Batmas to my buddies.. If you been a good furry Battyclaus flaps into your living room and leaves goodies!

Just dont forget to leave out grapes and milky chai tea for her hehe

So yeah Im looking at my route planner and plotting ^,~,^

I've got a few bike bits n bobs I need getting rid of as need the funds ( AKA getting Mynka and stuff finally paid off ) >.<;

•Kawasaki ZL600 swingarm and rear wheel ( there is rusting rot on it but i think a weld patch will sort it out and it could be useful for bike projects )
• 7/8th Handle bars
• Honda CD 185 Alternator
• Go karting or summer Suzuki one peice leathers size 6/8 worn 3 times
• Large brand new and boxed motorcycle helmet ( both ex's never wore it or got into biking so selling it cost me £200 at bulldog bash 2009 and never been used )
• x1 RegRec not sure what its off was bought as spare for Rampant but never used.

Photos supplied upon request

Pm me if you're interested :3

Well after building my hopes up about getting my licence back early I saw my consultant today ( he was sorting out cremation paperwork in my department ) to be told he STILL hasnt received the DVLA medical Q and after today he's off for 3 weeks!

So I spoke to DVLA who told me they needed these forms back urgently so faxed them to me, I contacted cons again to say right I got fax and if he could fill them out but he's actually away from the trust as from 12 noon until 14th October.

With that delay in mind and spoken to DVLA AGAIN who said in light of this I wont be seeing my licence until Decemeber time.

Gutted, thats pretty sums me up as I was looking forward to coming back from NYC and riding again =(

Sorry if this bat has lost her bounce, its just one huge dissappointment that gonna take a while to sink in.

Loopy

Gynecologist..... a motorcycle mechanic?

• A gynecologist was getting sick of his job and decided that he needed a career change. He'd always enjoyed tinkering with motorcycle engines so thought he'd become a motorcycle mechanic.

The good doctor went along to the American Institute of Motorcycling, the best motorcycle mechanics school in the country, and completed the training class. The final exam was to strip a bike engine completely and reassemble it - obviously back into perfect working order. So our gynecologist friend did the test and anxiously awaited the result.

The day he received the results he got quite a surprise, he got 150%! He quickly phoned the instructor and queried the mark. The instructor said, "No, no that's right. First I gave you 50% for stripping down the engine -- a very thorough job. Next I gave you 50% for reassembling it - a fantastic job really.
Then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all through the muffler."

Spoken to DVLA today, my application got through all ok, they have sent my A&E consultant who saw me here a medical Q asking if in his medical opinion Im ok and no longer pose a risk to other road users ( saw him today and he's more than happy to let me know when he gets paperwork then he'll fax it from here so we both know its done then post it too.)

As he was the one who saw my scan results and is happy I dont have any signs or risk factors of "blacking out" he cant see why I cant go back on road. So then I COULD get my licence back in 3 weeks if all goes well! Tho I'm wary of getting my hopes up too much I'm still buzzing ^_^

Throughout your life you will come to understand that there is a role for everyone you meet....Some will test you,..some will love you,...some will use you and some will teach you.

The ones you remember the most are the ones who brought out the very best in you becuase those people are amazing and its those people that will remind you everyday why its all worth it...Guess thats why I like being a biker so much, amazing people who constantly bring out the best in me!

LH&R to all you guys.

Loopy

Been in talks today about about him coming down for wee visit end of nov ( should have licence back then too ! )

Woot FINALLY things are getting there for me ^_^

My buddy iwolf stayed over last night to look after me, he was sweet making tea and with bath making sure i was tucked in all ok in bed. Defo needed the TLC!

Sat afternoon saw Hisstor coming over and we had a chat chill wander in town and popped into sooty's for coffee which was awesome!

THEN 5 minutes ago I receive a message saying this..

" Hi Loopy,
I saw you and Zuki split and needless to say Im not suprised but I really do feel for you. Truth is he's been interested seeing other girls and engaging in sexual role playing with them for the past 3 months maybe longer and now he must finally have what he wants regardless of you or your feelings towards you!

You must be feeling awful right now hun and I know you dont want to hear this but I can only imagine you've been through hell since your bike accident but you need to know why he's dumped you. He will make you feel its all your fault and he's the victim but hunny having seen you and knowing what you are like its him thats got the guilty conscience thats why he's doing this to you.
You're an attractive young lady who is greatly admired and liked in the fandom so please don't feel you're nothing.

Its horrendus what he's done and don't expect him to want you back because he's gone to someone else thats has what he wants. I know previously you were warned of him
but this hopefully has opened up your eyes to what a cold callus man he is! Really its shocked me he'd do this to you but its not only myself that knew what was going on but a few of us did. We really feel for you Fruitloop we really do!

Remember this, it's not your fault and you have seen him for what he really is. What man would want to break up with his partner who had a motorcycle accident only a few months ago and got targeted by trolls because of HIM. Again I am so so sorry you had hear this but you are too good a person to be viciously lied to over and over again.

You have our support Fruitloop! "

So yeah... I think or at least hope this is bull or some sick joke.

Being cheated on twice in a row is something I would struggle to cope with.

Time will tell and everything will vome out in wash if there is ANY truth behind this. So Im probably going to be psychologically unstable for a while so please bear with me while I try to get myself back together -_-;

Loopy

My buds have rallied round and found some bike rallies I can go to in late Nov and Dec time ^,~,^

Got iWolf popping over to visit and chill with and Hisstor is coming over tomorrow for same reasons.

Tho myself and Z are both still very very very hurt upset and devestated from the split its been agreed we can both still be buddies as we still care and want to continue supporting one another.

On a very good note niw with wherls in motion wuth my licence reapplication i can focus being the mad biker Cindy I havent really been ( poor iWolf been exposed to that side of me and I dont think he ever fully recovered lol )

So yeah Monday was awful but today things are seeming more positive and better for me now.

Im just relieved I can start my divorce next year thats the last hidden body I need to bury hehe

Peace out

Flappy Bat Loopy

Comfort food and studio ghibli, im still feeling defeated .

Even saw bikes this eve when I came home and I didnt feel it in me to start them up and ride round garages.

-_-;

Didnt get the job, but of a stinker but ho hum least got another one in basildon on Monday to focus on.

Yeah good session with A last night, discovered alot about me and why I was how Ive been for past few months and with Robin.

That said she suggested a comprimise idea to talk to him about and try in light of this, well was complete waste of time even mentioning it to him as I thought but she seemed to think quitely highly of her perhapes overly enthusiastic idea and I maywell have a conversation with my chinchilla about the history of harley davidsons!

So yeah from that session despite what he thinks I am, tells people or does to me I have calm. So much was answered about me last night it was a real eye opener and Im so relieved Im not this awful person I was told I was and thus started to believe I was.

Thus my biker buddies have all rallied round and gone "Cindy feck 'it, you are so wonderful, so beautiful and loving tge fact you even tried and kept trying and got nothing for it you are worth more than that! You are precious! It's his loss at the end if the day you're living for the moment and given up on wasters because you are are now living for yourself like the Cindy we all know whose barmy living caring loyal and damn right batty thats who we love, if people cant love you for you or be bothered bolloxs to them youre one of us and will always have your family here!"

So yeah thats my phrase -I'm precious and Im gonna hold onto that and no one will be able to take that from me.
Im so greatful for my biker fam and buds for supporting and loving me ^_^

Letting you guys know Zuki and I are taking break / split up. This may come as shocking news but I largely doubt it in my honest opinion.

Im not happy and at 25 i need to live my life and be who I used to be.

How I felt on my Dads anniversary really highlighted to me how unhappy I was with my situation. The weekly fights, the lack of emotion at times and most importantly feeling that i wasnt supported or listened when I needed to be.

Im fully aware one or 2 of you out there have had convos with him about what a poor partner I was for him ( a very well meaning and still wishes to remain anonymous friend informed me and showed me the slatings against me as they felt bad that my name was dragged through the dirt ) I know who you are and so do you all I can say is can I get my certificate and medals in the post please?

But I'm cool and you know why?

Because I am my fathers daughter and can and will adapt to any situation presented to me.

So now least I have more time to focus on my bikes... That'll have to be my silver lining.

Peace out

Loopy

Interveiw went really well i thought very pleased they said will let me know soon

Very nice panel so im feeling good even if i dont get it im still confident in myself

That said there was a toughie... my so called "friend" after a few drinks spurts out that even tho my ex cheated on me, had an online affair and was a douche to me as his wife... He feels sympathy and sorry for him!!

Hard question is how do I overcome the urge to tell them to go fuck themselves if that want to support a cheater?!

Shame such a bitter end to what was a lovely day for me

However 2 years ago today I lost a man who always inspired me to to have the confidence in myself to strive to reach my goals no matter the distance.

Even though I'm 25 i was, I am and always will be his little girl , baby Chase

RIP Daddy

In some need of some serious hugging, which has been lacking today and typically on the day of the year I'd need them the most!!

Had a cool time in Italy ( Rome Napels and tge Vatican ). Granted I was very very tired as it was more a trekking holiday than my usual relaxed hols but had fun nevertheless.

Got my first interveiw on Friday and getting prepped for that!!

Also got another session with A this evening which tbh I am worried about because I dont want to feel as low or vunerable as I was last week >.<

I am though very touched by all the lovely messages I have been getting from my friends as the past 2 weeks have been very hard on me so thanks to those guys looking after me <3

So now im getting started making start on a new chapter in my life :3

Seeing A last night opened up alot more than I thought it would. We got into my deep resentment towards my lack of love emitional support and protection I got from my family most in particular my Mother.

That was something I had been trying to cope and deal with for years being made to feel guilty or not good enough for them moreso her.

Of course I couldnt hold it in with she touched base that when people do thi gs that reflect how she had been to me its a huge trigger, I realised what alot if arguements I was having with Z was really down to something he did that would have been something she did to me so automatically i go on protect myself defense mode.

Sadly last night against A's advice I went home alone. I should have had someone at home with me as it was a very emotional session alit if pain and hurt got brought to service a lot if tears cried ( from us both she was so touched by my experiences and how alone I had been but denied for years ) but I thought I was strong enough to deal with it..... I wasnt though.

Last night I was so vunerable because of the exposure I was on uber guard mode. This lead to me and Robin having an almighty row, ending result ... well lets say he doesnt see me as his battbutt anymore.

So yeah had a session which saw me reflect myself in light of years of emotional neglect and lost my boyfriend as well.

The only gaurantee i have is long as people die I have a job, thats the only one I have and Ill have to deal with

Going to Italy for loong b/h trip and boy Im looking forward to it!

Attending another session with my councillor tonight and im looking forward to it actually! Its a huge relief to be able to talk and FEEL im being listened to aswell.

The first topic we hoping to cover is that I should feel free to talk about my feelings and about work what i do etc etc as those are triggersthat seem to get set off alot as I felt I havent been able to talk about my workday or more importantly about my feelings from the day which has been a problem in itself bc some jobs i do i should talk about how tgey make me feel as its a very psycologically demanding role!

I need to be more vocal rather than keep things like that internally as the frustration grows and thats what used to get me and Zuki fighting was i would TRY to open up to him but felt ignored when he'd interupt or deviate the convo so i felt he thought what I was trying to talk about unimportant.

However just simple as explained by councillor some people are talkers some are listeners and he's more a talker as he finds it easier to talk which isnt bad thing just how some people are.
Just happens Im both ( due to work ) but I should feel I can discuss how I feel without prejudice.

Part of me was angry that at times I couldnt talk to him as a friend, I couldnt behave like a friend because he doesnt act like how my buds are but A ( my councillor ) said he needs to learn more about me and to earn my trust as thats what friends do which is a point.

Hopefully today we will cover some more triggers today as it appears I have a few! Problem bc Ive dealt with things on my own for shy over a decade it will take time to unwrap them all and address them!

Thsnkfully since my last session with A i have felt so much better in myself! My friends and biker fam all noticed a happier person and Im getting / am back to my typical rally self. The only person who hasnt seen it is Z bc for some subconscience reason i feel I cant be like my usual cheeky bubbly biker self as he's more in tge partner bracket, more work is needed to be friends aswell as partners but having my confidence and self esteemed knocked for 10yrs I have to learn to trust him in the same capacity as I do my biker family and friends.

So got some things to think about and work on :)

Also 2 job interveiws for trainee anatomical pathology technician so thats awesome sauce! Grsnted both jobs mean me and Zuki will be further apart but we will see how things pan out ^_^

Think I've found out why I lack confidence in myself!

Because I'm almost constantly doubted in what I know by some guys, esp in anatomy so of course that lowers my self esteem.

But not letting those people ruin confidence or my chances of progressing further in my life or career anymore.

My support comes from those who have FAITH and BELEIF in what I do and what I know.

Im stronger than the doubters give me credit for and going to take great pleasure prooving every single one of them wrong!!

X3

Why should I feel deflated and miserable because of other peoples ignorance anymore?!

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Read em and weep dick splashes Im not your toy anymore!!

After many applications to various hospitals Medway Maritime NHS trust got back to me offering me an interveiw for Trainee APT position ( in english ill be trained up in depth to conduct post mortems and undertake coroners and forensic/home office cases ) so Im v v excited tho nervous!

Its on 30th Aug 10:00 at Darenth valley hosp ( sister hospital ) .

Finally things looking up for me, I had a brill few days and looking forward to more !

Special thanks to everyone whose been there and supported me after such a sad spell I had x x

Had a lovely few days and weekend so glad i have peeps there to perk me up and help me feel better and get on track again. After whats been a week of hell me and Z sat down and discussed alot about the fights and how we could try to improve things.

It was a mutual agreement I go to see someone regarding my emotions from splitting from the ex hub as well as a decade of pain I have harboured from past abuse i experienced and rather than dealing with it i laid everything in a shallow grave. I think once I can get off my chest whats bern paining me sand holding me back aggravating me moreso as time goes on, I can go back to how I used to be. Its the intention of me and Zuki for both our happiness to be preserved and continue building our loving relationship we both want.

This weekend I was able to be my softer character I am and not afraid of being rejected bc Im a soft sod. I didnt need to put up my hard front anymore and I felt so much better being able to be and feel myself again.

Thurs saw me getting to hang with an old friend who got me relaxed and chilled with trip to pub, few games of poole, visit to see bunnies and getting Babby Mynka and Rampant all started running and prepped for storage.

Fri my buddy from thurs came over helped with my Honda 200 getting her started up and running and he bought her so I know the old girl will be well looked after and the extra pennies helped! Also Zuki came down for weekend :)

Sat I went to the zoo with Zukster and did some filming which was uber fun and got to feed some goats hehe X3

Sun was a v chilled day and was able to have a nice relaxing sunday =3

For the first time when Zuki left I didnt feel sad or at a loss with myself, I felt happy in myself as a person that I didnt have a reason to be sad anymore. Zuki saw the person who I used to be come to the surface and was so happy to have this snuggly bubbly happy bat with him!

Glad I can start being myself and not feel ashamed of who or what I am <3

3 days after my discharge from hosp Im still in shitloads of pain damn painkillers taking their sweettime to work!

It'll be while before all the periteneal fluid gets reabsorbed into my system so atm i feel preggers carrying 150ml of fluid in my pelvis and the burst cyst needs time to be reabsorbed too.... Fun >.<

Psycologically Im a mess, Im not coping well with things as well as I should be and the constant feeling of being alone in pain and scared of being hurt again is a heavy burden on my heart.

Which leads me onto my next point. Appears friends or friends of friends have felt the need to start sniffing around as if I have a vacancy sign above my head!

Guys Im very hurt going through a very difficult time attempting my best to try to carry on the last thing I need right now is being pestered bombarded with messages asking me out ( amongst some who were just wanting sex with me.)

I'm not interested in that and have replied on an individual bases to them all very nicely thanks but no thanks.

However among all that I had requests to use Fruitloop or Rebel in porn.

Therefore I will announce it now so I dont keep getting asked again and again,

If you wish to use either of my characters for pornography just give me a heads up Im very open and unless Im very against the context nature of it I usually wont mind at all.

Thinks thats all that needed addressing and I covered everything.

Last message, if you love someone hold them close, treasure them, enjoy the closeness , smile and laugh often, go for walks site bu lakes have picnics but most importantly appriciate the little things they do that make you happy because once you loose that its a heavy void to carry in your heart.

Peace

Loopy

Diagnosis was a massive ruptured L sided ovarian cyst, so explains tge pain and sickness.

Nurse pulled curtain round and asked if everything was ok as I didnt look very good and I just broke down sbout everything, all that gone wrong, how crap im feeling about not riding anymore. I just completly broke down and sobbed my heart out.

She got concerned that I was going to walk home on my own feeling so low and in pain, a american man visiting another patient offered to take me home. He said him and his wife overheard me with nurse and felt it wasnt right to make my own way home being so vunerable. He was v nice and got me home safe and sound.

I unpacked my hosp stay bag, fed the snake cuddled my chinchilla and had a mini bath. Then I saw Zuki's T shirt on my bed, it still smells of him and I been sobbing into it for past hour. I have never felt so alone, sick, in such pain or scared.

The only thing I have of him is a tear stained old t shirt, im so pathetic I really am >.<