Today has been one of those difficult ones... Ive kept telling myself Im ok, I can handle things on my own I done it before and I will again. But Im finding that my fuse is alot shorter personally I think Im pissed off being on my own now and have to stop telling myself Im ok when in reality im far from it.

I found this poem my uncle wookie sent to me, a reminder that everything and everyone ceases to be sometime but its good to reflect on the positive. He said this poem reminded him of me and him and now I can see why.

Saying Good-bye


The most beautiful sight that I have ever seen,
Is of a little old man on his foreign machine;
He was sitting in line waiting to pay,
At the entrance of a campground on a hot summer day;

His bike was all dirty and covered with grime,
You could tell he had been riding a very long time;
I told him he could camp anywhere that he liked,
He just stood there for minute and looked at his bike;

He pushed his bike up under a tree,
Sitting for a moment just looking at me;
He looked to me like he was saying goodbye,
I wanted to know the who, where and why;

He pulled out a tarp, bungies and bag,
Then wiped down his bike with a greasy old rag;
He placed his bag real close to his bike,
Laid down and went to sleep for the night;

I saw him downtown early the next day,
He looked so sad, so lonely, so far away;
I walked up to him and asked if he was all right,
He told me he had never seen such a sight;

The women riding so tough on their bikes,
In skimpy little shorts, or pants so tight;
The men looked the same so full of pride,
Standing and protecting their radical rides;

Some forty-nine years ago, he said, we started a ride,
My brothers, my sisters, my wife and I;
From Michigan lakes to Dakota hills,
On our Harley machines, those wonderful wheels;

We never thought it would come to this,
A sight that I knew, I couldn’t miss;
You see little lady, this is my last time,
I just came to tell a very old friend goodbye;

Young lady I have lived a very, very long life,
I have lost all my friends and even my wife;
My daughter and my son are both gone too,
I have done all the things I have wanted to do;

As I said, I am, just here to say goodbye,
To a very old friend before I die;
Pappy and I are all that are left,
I just cannot keep traveling, every year out west;

I had to tell this wonderful man goodbye,
I did not want him to see the tears in my eyes;
I saw Pappy later on that afternoon,
I had a feeling he would also be leaving soon;

Back at the campground, later that night,
Under the tree was someone else’s bike;
When we got home I heard Pappy died,
I hope my friend got to say his goodbyes;

Sometimes times I see him deep in my dreams,
That little old man on his foreign machine.

Author Unknown.

I really should try some sleeping tablets so I stop thinking about these debate topics >.<

Mates without rates, friends with benefits, bonk buddies etc etc... Not really something I'd persue as I feel sex is something intimate with 2 people who love each other so on so forth, but one of my best friends ( not a furry but another biker buddy) says its not as bad as it sounds and that he is currently in an "agreement" with a good friend to well... If the mood arises have a good hump n cuddle. Tbh fair play if that makes him happy he respects my caution on the matter and i respect his openess.

Question/s

• Whats the pros ( and cons ) of this arrangement is it not a worry you're just an easy rumpy pumpy option?
• Surely isnt it dangerous as sex can complicate and stirr up emotions?

Im just curious as I have 2 friends who opt for this choice, Im monogamous myself and reserve that kinda stuff and closeness ONLY to someone im committed to and whose committe to me, but what the incentive in this?

Like to point out Im not saying its right or wrong its cool whatever makes people happy :3

Been awake since 3... Goody -_-

Though as the hours went by I was thinking to myself. I felt I already knew the answer to this but will be interesting to see different opinions.

Can you be friends with someone when neither of you trusts the other?

Im of opinion ANY relationship is built on trust, without it you have nothing...

What do you guys think?

Can o' worms time.

Having discussion with a friend about cheating/ messing about when you already have a partner and in a CLOSED relationship...

Would you class having sexual RPing with someone else when you already with a partner as cheating?

I say yes bc of the following
• You have a partner why mess about if your not happy do kindest thing and split up
• Its a betrayal of trust

That said thats just my opinion so im not saying its right or wrong


What do you guys think?

Been nominated for the Ukfurs award Most Entertaining Silent suiter!!!!!

Thank you so so much everyone who nominated me and who vote for me x x x
This has made my week and really cheered me knowing some people sincerely think so much of me ^w^

ALL | ABOUT | ME
____________________________________________________________________________

- Name: Fruitloop
- Single or taken: Taken and kept by
- Sex: Female.
- Birthday : October 26th 1987
- Hair colour: Brown
- Eye colour: Light brown its been called honey before ;3
- Height: 5"3
- Are you straight/bisexual/gay?: I like my meat n 2 veg
____________________________________________________________________________

S P E C I F I C S
____________________________________________________________________________

- What do you do for work: Mortician
- What are you listening to right now?: Meatloaf – Bat out of hell
- Who is the last person that called you?: My Uncle Scruff
- How many friends do you have? – Dunno maybe 40 rough guess
____________________________________________________________________________

F A V O R I T E S
____________________________________________________________________________

- Animal: Bats
- Colour: Purple / Black / Orange
- Drink: Bubblegum rockstar energy drink / Grape Koolaid

- Element: Fire
- Food: Jamaican jerky steak
- Game: Sonic the hedgehog & Tetris
- Movie: Spirited away
- Song: ZZTop Gimmie all your lovin
- Subjects in school: Science, DT woodwork & DT metalwork
- T.V : Don’t have one I have my radio =)
____________________________________________________________________________

H A V E | Y O U | E V E R
____________________________________________________________________________

- Given anyone a bath?: Yes
- Smoked?: Yep but that started when I was married now I’m getting divorced I don’t anymore
- Bungee jumped?: Nope
- Made yourself throw up?: Nope I had being sick its painful >.<
- Skinny dipped?: Ooooh yes
- Ever been in love?: Yes, DON’T GET MARRIED PEOPLE LISTEN TO ME IT’S A TRAAAPP
- Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: Nope
- Pictured your crush naked?: Yep
- Actually seen your crush naked?: -blush- maaayybbe
- Cried when someone died?: Yes.
- Lied: Yes but never about my feelings for someone
- Fallen for your best friend?: Nope.
- Used someone?: Nope been used too many times I’m not a cunt like that
- Done something you regret?: Yep…biggest one was saying I DO!
____________________________________________________________________________

C U R R E N T
____________________________________________________________________________

- Clothes: Dark blue scrubs otherwise camo trousers and a black biker hoody when In civvy clothes

- Desktop picture: My motorbike
- CD in player: Meatloaf golden collection
- DVD in player: Jerry Springer opera
____________________________________________________________________________

L A S T | P E R S O N
____________________________________________________________________________

- You touched: Does my chinchilla count?
- Hugged: Chinchilla again
- You kissed: Chinchilla again ( he’s a lucky guy lol )
- You IMed:
- Talk to online:
- You sexed it up with: No one I’m not into RPing ever since my ex had an affair doing that its low and degrading to me
___________________________________________________________________________

A R E | Y O U
___________________________________________________________________________

- Understanding?: Yeah
- Open-minded?: Yeah
- Arrogant?: Nope I hate arrogance though I can be v v stubborn
- Insecure?: At times
- Random?: Hell yeah!
- Hungry?: My appetite fluctuates

- Smart?: No I’m thick as a pile of guano
- Moody?: If blobweek comes and you see me with something blunt or sharp… hide!!
- Organized?:In my own wee way lol

- Shy?: I am until I feel I can trust someone
- Difficult?: No unless I’m provoked
- Bored easily?: Not usually unless it involves RPG or mass video gaming then I just switch off
- Entertained easily?: Yes! Esp shiny things lol
- Obsessed?: Yeah with my bikes hehe
- Lazy?: I’m allowed to considering what I do and shifts I work
- Angry?: No not really unless someone’s being a twat to me then I openly voice my opinion to tell them to get fucked lol
- Happy?: Yeah, surrounding myself with positive people and great trustworthy friends helps ;)
- Hyper?: When it comes to grape vodka yes XD
- Trusting?: I’m was too trusting so now I’m a bit harder and people have to earn the right to my trust now.
___________________________________________________________________________

R A N D O M
___________________________________________________________________________

- In the morning I: Get on my bike and commute to work
- What is Love?: The warm feeling of security, a nice cuddle and being treated and treating the OH as an equal. Respecting each other and making time for one another. Not expecting the other to give up what they love just for your own needs.

I gave up too much for the wrong person before >.<
- I dream about: Becoming a fully qualified Anatomical Pathology Technician and a well known well paid custom airbrush artist / custom paint sprayer
___________________________________________________________________________

W H O
___________________________________________________________________________

- Makes you laugh the most: My Uncle Scruff
- Makes you smile: &
- Gives you a funny feeling when you see him/her: because I know we will be up to no good lol
___________________________________________________________________________

D O | Y O U | E V E R
___________________________________________________________________________

- Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to IM you?: Nope bc I have to go to bed early

- Wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: Nope I’ve been with and married a dick why would I want one?
- Wish you were younger?: No I’m happy with my ripe old age of 26 XD
- Cry because someone said something to you?: Yeah though usually it’s a result of someone I trusted turning on me and using something personal as a weapon.
___________________________________________________________________________

N U M B E R
___________________________________________________________________________

- Of times I have had my heart broken?: 3
- Of CD's I own: 12

- Of scars on my body: 8 I had A LOT of ovarian cystectomy operations, my appendix removed, my implant replaced 3 times and a lymph node removed for testing.
- Of bones: 4, both arms my little finger and my thumb.
- Tattoos: A complete back piece and 8 on the front of my body
- Piercings: both nips, my belly and tongue

Something look forward to this year is CF, after Monday being awful its a welcome treat.

So at CF Im planning a wee shindig and having spoken to the CF events team and working together it all seems to be melding together nicely.

Once all the details and fine tuning has been done I'll make the announcement :3

Following the day from hell and the news and have been so supportive of me its lovely to know I have two of the softest and most caring guys there for me.

There is a huge battle on my hands not only physically but mentally too but with draggy n wolfy there for encouragement , support and cuddles its a fight I wont be on my own.

I may not be able to ride as long or as much as I want to but I have an awesome partner willing to help however he can and a friend whose on tap for fluffysnugs!

Long live life, love and hugs x x

So after what was a hard day as I had recieved some mixed and life changing news but the bad scale was sonething I had hoped to avoid I found a blank CD in my computer bits and being me and thought my day couldnt get worse I popped it in.

Big mistake.. It was a disk I had burnt of all the messages,logs,chats, etc etc of my ex husbands affair. Stupidly I read through all of it, looking at the dates the first being 2nd sept 2011. 2 days after my dad died.

So yeah I reallyed screwed myself over but that wasnt the end of my "great "ideas after the harshness of the affair ( and seeing his mistress messages to him
about how awful I was ) understandably I was a wee bit upset. I therefore decided Ill tidy my bedroom... Nope again big mistake as I was unpacking my stuff frommy huntingdon move I found old love notes, art and a valetines day card.

Feeling that I was getting nowhere or having any luck i boxed all that away tearfully and found my wee batbook on the side. Seeing the wee romantic messages in that did it for me and I decided to retire to sleep but rather than sleep in my bedroom I didnt want to be on my own so I slept on the sofa in front room. Lil Z seemingly knew I was upset didnt make a sound all night and even offered himself for chinrubs and a quick cuddle.

Today Im just hoping for a better day.

Apparantly I've been nominated in some catagories for the Uk fur awards... Dunno why because Im not that well known or anything.

If its true thanks guys it was nice of you and if its just a rumour for a laugh then thats also cool as Im more about the bike shows and rallies im going to this year ;3

Had prob one of the worst arguements in my life last night, Im normally passive but I got so wound up for the first time in years my anger blew to over boiling point.

Words are awful weapons especially with the wrong combination and using my past against me.

Still feeling shaky from it today, even riding the bike was hard as Im a ball of raw nerves atm.

So yeah feeling I should lie low for a while, I took one hell of a battering last night and I hate fights I always come worse off bc Im too soft and good natured for my own good.

Sighs

Now xmas a done and dusted now -throws helmet tree in cupboard for next 12 months- guess the focus now is new year.

is working ny eve and ny day same as me so we will bounce back texts no doubt wishing each other a happy new year.

Due to being on call NY eve and day drinking is out of the question so I'll be celebrating the new year the first w/e of jan as im not on call then ^_^ better late than never.

Well plans in the making or already made has 2014 looking brighter than 2013. Dint get me wrong 2013 has been full of good memories but the last 2 months has put into question those plus some events Id rather try to forget!

Im looking forward to CFz as it will be an extra special occasion for me and Draggy so we are both looking forward to our first con together and may it be the first of many <3

Later in 2014 if all goes well I will be going to iceland to see the Aurora, it was something I had to planned to do for years and next year will be when I do it!

Of course doing my full bike test is on the agenda aswell but that will be in the spring/summer! I bet Babby and Mynka will look better without L plates on them lol

Before I forget and you get bored reading this heres a wee message to some special people:

Sweetheart since meeting each other we became such close friends. Even though at first I was a beat up stutterbox you helped me through so much. When I was in hospital you kept in contact making sure I was ok, when I came off Mynka you talked to me to keep my mind off my leg injury and the cold.
Your softy soppy messages brightened up my days and when you came down to see me you helped me overcome my grief from Uncle Wookies funeral. I know you think im perfect, though I know Im not.
You dispelled the insecurities put into my head I was broken, unlovable, unsavable and not worth the time or effort. I wont lie I do miss you terribly when we are apart but knowing whats in store for us CFz and beyond Im comforted that we are always with each other in our hearts x

- You by far have been my strongest form
of comfort and support. Your kind words and caring nature have always soften the blows I was dealt with this year. Thank you sweetheart x x

Dude through everything you have been by my side and even helped me get back on the road. You even went as far as helping say goodbye to my Uncle staying with me at the chapel of rest so I wasnt left alone and looked after me at the GPO rally seeing to that I was having a good time. You are part of my biker family and Im grateful for that x x

Hun your just cool for being you and an sympathetic ear when I needed it. It was awesome seeing you and going to Edingborough. Looking forward to seeing you and Terror in the new year some time!

What can I say you MADE my birthday in the states! I do miss your biig cuddly belly and plaiting your beard XD Thanks for making my 26th awesome!

I wish you all the best for the new year. Sorry 2013 wasnt a happier year for you but I hope you find happiness again. We cant undo whats been said and done or the hurt we put each other through but Im glad we could call a truce because my failing health has no energy for any more fights. Thanks for the good times and sorry for the bad.

•I can take a careless person knocking me off Babby leaving me for dead,
•I can take being used while recovering from a head injury,
•I can take being ditched on my Dads anniversay
•I can take my name being dragged through the dirt
•I can take I failed at my marriage and being blamed by both ex's it was all my fault
•I can take a pathetic jealously over who I went with to say goodbye to Uncle Wookie at the chapel of rest
•I can take having to have an adopted family take me as one of their own in because I had no one
•I can handle being told Im a waste of time and will never amount to anything

What I can not take in are items very very precious to me that I gifted to someone in a lot of trust and good faith to be discarded as "meaningless metal" knowing their emotional importance to me.

I am beyond words and tears nothing can explain or even start to describe what I am feeling.
I am so glad my father isnt around to see me because seeing me in so much pain broke his heart, Im glad Uncle Wookie is at peace because knowing I was hurt made him worry about me.

I can forgive so much but I forget nothing!!

Thankies guys for the xmas messages twas awesome and to the select few thank you for the congrats Im a VERY happy flappy battt hehe

#^w^# - blushie bat

As we enter the holiday season.. It is important to remember that not everyone is surrounded by large wonderful families.
Some of us have problems during the holidays and sometimes overcome with great sadness when we remember loved ones who are no longer with us. And many people have no one to spend these times with and therefore are besieged by lonliness and sad memories.
We all need caring, loving thoughts time to time and especially at this time of year where some of us have probably had a very difficult year that others.

No body is immune to sadness, loss or struggles but we can change how these are dealt with by showing love, compassion, trust and friensdship.

If there is anything I could ask is that you look after yourselves and each other. Support one another and be there so no one has to face their tears alone.

Loopy

Got my holiday booked in April to see and spend some quality time together and also visiting while Im up there ^w^

Theres also my rallies and bike shows in the spring / summer wahaayyy

Moreover theres a new con only started next year Ill be going to and not only is it next to my birthday its also running my theme!!

The draggy has really been super caring loking after and tending to me, tho we are seperated by hundreds of miles ( and who knows come next year be in diff countries if Scotland bc independant ) we both still feel we are there by each other, our relationship getting stronger as time passes.

Its so nice to have complete trust, compassion, care and to know that what we feel and have is true. Our foundations are strongly rooted and our love blossuming like a beautiful sakura tree <3 <3

This time last year I found out the extent of my husbands affair, this year tonight I found out that I lived a similar lie and under false feelings which I was naive enough to believe and fall for again.

Yes well at least tonight the truth has been admitted which I had long long suspected and its been gut wrenching to find I was right all this time.

Ok so history has repeated itself and it is a de ja vu of my marriage but I have better things and better people to focus my time on now.

I wont lie Im extremely disappointed and very very hurt at the extent the lies went on but least now I know I can hold my head high and not fear looking anyone in the eye because of it.

My trust was toyed and abused and now its gone its now not worth a fart in a mine to even give a second thought to it.

Far from failing Ive suceeded, Ive won, despite living a lie when I had the bike accident and all the other times tragedy fell onto me, Im still the one with a strong family, supportive friends and a loyal partner.

Curling up crying isnt an option but carrying on doing what I do best showing everyone I may have been majorly screwed over but I wont give up on being happy bc of someone else's mistake.

MLH&R to my family,friends & Draggy x

Myself and have decided to become a couple. We had such a wonderful weekend together and like tree trunks and Pig in adventure time we confessed our feelings for each other #^u^#

Needless to say we are both delighted and very happy to have found each other after having such a hard time of it recently.

Im still on good terms with we remain good friends which I hope may continue henceforth.

Now just a matter of getting Don to a bike rally next year hehe <3 <3 <3

Yup thanks to waiting in 5 degrees for 2 hours for recovery on Weds with a temperature of 37.6 today think its fair to say caught a chill -_-

Wondered why everything looked hazey and the light hurt my eyes when I woke up.

Got a bollocking off for getting up and deciding to tinker with Mynka lol

Woke up from a good sleep temp down to 35.7 so felt better and fancied some air.

Off I hobble to my garage and make the awful discovery that the bodging cunts at dealer where bought her tapped the front spark plug to take different from rear!

So managed to replace the OEM plug with another of its type but after a frantic search at halfords couldnt get the rouge one :(

Will call wilco car masters in morning and hope they have the DR6 HS I need =\

But on good note tho it killed my leg riding her she not cut out again and purrs along plus with bit if polish n wax she's pretty.

Mynka is beautiful but has issues... Just like Pazuzu XD

On the way to work Mynka's engine cut out licking up the rear wheel nearly throwing me off into the road.

I managed to correct her by using my knee as a springboard in the riaf to put myself upright and roll her to a stop.

Recovery was called and the police stopped by to check I was ok and advised me to get my leg checked out.

2 hrs later the recovery guy turns up and recognised me from when he recovered me on Rampant so had catch up. He saw I looked shaken up and by this point the adrenalin has worn off and the swelling and pain kicked in so after we dropped madam off he took me to A&E.

Thankfully my bike gear took brunt of my impact but badly pulled my hip and leg muscles. Nothing broken but been told not to put weight on the leg for few days advised use crutches in that time to allow swelling go down.

Spoke to work and since Im on call this w/e Im going in on Friday but getting a luft in so not risking riding just after getting my leg better.

kept in constant contact with me ( he finished his shift by time when mishap happened ) until I was safe in knowledge I was being rescued :3 He kept me calm abd reassured so the shock and nerves didnt take over.

So now Im at home with a bruised ego and very sore n tender. Tbh it could have been a hell of alot worse i dont seem to have much luck with life love and bikes >M<

Really peeved ! First the new USB plug for my phone charger doesnt work anymore and now Mynka wouldnt start up and her engine warning light came on! Getting lift into work by one of the consultants <.<

Whhyy me?

Its cost me a bomb getting Babby her new rear tyre sorted then her cam chain adjuster goes "feck it" so shes not ridable due to camchain rattling like bearing in a dildo and now Mynka playing up AFTER she gets her fresh MOT & tax!!

-sighs- now at work on me todd needing a nice warm hug :(

Caught in A14 jam E bound due to accident so got to work wee bit late but it wasn't as cold today ^_^

Gonna be expensive month Babby rear tyre got tread cracks so that needs to be sorted ( her MOT due in Dec ) then Mynka needs her MOT and rear wheel bearings replaced >_<

Hmm might be Hussar could pimp me out lol, Win lottery or become a sugar babe to a minted sugar daddy.

Thankfully Gardener & White look after me so I may escape embarassment ( tho I point blank refuse to ride in topless for free MOT i might make Paul pass out from laughing so much lol )

I knew the jetlag and lack of sleep would bugger me up slightly though Ive slept fir couple hours my head feels funny.

Think the thought of me being back at the flat on my own again got to me very upset and in tears a bit... Im too soft and sociable for my own good >_<;

Had a nice batty birthday had lits of hugs ( despite some lack of tact and someone allowing me to be terrified by a demonic cliwn which nearly ruined my birthday but thankfully lots if my buds were around to huggle brushie and look after me) but really its been a cool con made some new friends whom i hope to stay in contact with :3

Special thanks to whose been checking ive been ok and giving me his highland hugs on tap <3

Furfright though has taken its toll on Loopys suit her wings are not in a good way think its time to retire the bodysuit :(

RIP wingwrap huggy suit -salute-

Visited alot of cool places!

NYC was awesome!
Catskill mountains wow amazing veiws and was really cool making my own open fire and chillin in the wilderness with no one and nothing to piss me off.

Though Im trying to have a nice time the weight of my Uncle Wookie's funeral is heavy on my mind and also the stress that Im going to have to endour an MAJOR insecurity and quite frankly very home hitting situation which has kinda soured things for me !:(

GUESS WHOSE GOT THEIR LICENCE BACK??!!

After so much sadness recently this really has brightened up my day!!

Much love hugs and respect to you all

BABY IM BAAAAAAACK!!!