Howdy all

Life sure has a way of taking over & then before you know it yrs have flown by.

So whats new? Well after over 4 yrs of physical rehab although Im not how I used to be Im as darn close as I can be!

Ultimatly the accident has left me with reduced function of my left arm & hand & I ended up needing my left foot plated after another accident, so on a whole despite needing a stick to walk Im doing pretty ok!

Days of riding on 2 wheels were over but I have adapted to riding on 3 which is still taking getting used to.

Im not hugely as involved in the furry community these days due to my job & recovery but a handful of peeps in the furry community still keep in contact which is nice.

Ironclad & I are still together, he had to step up to being my carer which was a hard adjustment for a few yrs but as I am gaining more independence we’re both starting to find ourselves again.

Naturally he's wary of me riding again & is as ever the calmer more rational one while Im still the wee gobshite lol

To my followers who are still here I hope you’re keeping well & safe

You all take care & look after yourselves

Batty x

Dang its really been ages since I was on here last!

A lot has happened, I moved to the south of the country for a job ( turned out to be utter BS & I ended up leaving! ). I left the NHS totally & started a new career in emergency contact speciality.

Its not been all laughs, I found ( & am still finding ) it hard to adapt down here, to say Im homesick is an understatement but until my debts are paid off or Im able to get a transfer with work Im kinda stuck here =/

In may a driver didnt look & hit me whilst I was on a roundabout on my way home after a shift, resulting in me now having Brachial Plexus Palsy in my Left arm, in short I have lost the use of my Left arm, only my little, ring & middle finger work now on my left hand.

So now I have lost the ability to ride, I can no longer do my job ( but they are looking at options of medical redeployment if possible ) & I need help with basic things like personal care, cooking, getting dressed... you get the picture!

Insurances are still battling it out & my case will be going to magistrate court as the driver denies all liability / responsibilty ( because I reeeally decided to throw myself of a motorbike & fubar my life eh? )

Thankfully there was a witness who supports my statement & the off duty police officer who came to the scene supports my statement & also was able to give info about where me & my bike was found.

Due to not being able to use my L arm I have been advised to voluntarily surrender my licence until I am able to ride again, bitter thing is the driver is continuing to drive as an uber driver having a normal life while Im having to be referred to nerve specialists to figure out what to do with me.

sooo yeah, im still alive, still batty but one winged atm

Make sure whether you ride or drive, stay safe & always give way at roundabouts!!!

🌟🦇🌈
This is an important lesson to remember when you're having a bad day, a bad month, or a bad year...

Things will change: you won't feel this way forever.
🤬->🙂
And anyway, sometimes the hardest lessons to learn are the ones your soul needs most 💐🌈

I believe you can't feel real joy unless you've felt heartache. You can't have a sense of victory unless you know what it means to fail.
💔->❤️

Every diamond started off as a lump of coal. Sometimes we need to recognise we are diamonds in the rough. And lifes experiences are what polishes us to shine! 🌑->💎

Not all who wander are lost.

Sometimes life is too hard to be alone and sometimes life is too good to be alone.

Sorry not been active on here.
Life threw me a few curve balls but I'm getting there.
Met my partner last year & he's been a big support being a carer & helping me get back on my feet.
Sadly had to give up riding the big bikes & spraying until Im given all clear.
Otherwise Im ok.

Look after yourselves & each other

Batty x 🦇

The problem when you are seen to be a strong, capable & self-confident person is that more often than not, people think that you don't really need things like comfort, reassurance, loyalty and guidance.

People are more likely to look at you and say, "She doesn't need this", "She doesn't need that", "She's already all of this and all of that".

But then the truth is that most probably, you are a strong, capable, self-confident person because you built yourself brick-by-brick into that person; because you HAD to BECOME that person; because you had determination enough to make yourself into the image that you knew you needed to become.

At the heart of many strong, confident people, is a heart most longing of the things that most others simply take for granted.

Everyone has unseen battles they are fighting, difficulties to overcome & wounds that take time to heal.

Be kind & mindful when you can, as sometimes what we see is not what it seems.

As always, mind how you go & take care of yourselves.

Fruitloop 🦇

After what has been a poor start to the year I am happy to announce that I have been accepted to join the fleet of Blood Bikers.

I know it wont be easy, the training will be intense but I feel in myself that it is the right thing to do & that I will enjoy it!

Alot of people say they respect for me doing it but I'm just doing what comes naturally to me...
Riding bikes & wanting to help others because I care 💜 🦇

Didnt update here

Me & Badger split up shortly after new year

Operation is on 30th March

Had a bereavement due to suicide recently too

Relocated alot of painful art as it was just causing me pain.

Dont know if I'll be the same person again

I feel dead inside

Had some pretty rough news a few days ago, another operation is on the horizon & I'm absolutly gutted.



Not only that but with a heavy heart Im now dealing with another relationship breaking down.


Dont know a date for surgery yet so I am in limbo until I meet with my Dr next Monday.


Feeling numb & empty now 😞

As I lay curled up on my sofa like a bat burrito feeling like death has driven a train over me, thanks to sugars being spiked all day , I ponder to myself about what new year resolutions should I partake..

1. Curb my temper ( helps if i have less contact with dumbasses though to be fair )

2. Get myself back into finishing customising Cutie to how I wanted her to be ( just because Im small & overlooked doesn't mean my bike should be... though 600cc isn't that small )

3. Worry less about things beyond my control or what & how people think of me

4. Drink less & eat better... yep 6 months worth of lectures is sinking in

5. Do more bike shows, get out more & enjoy myself

6. Visit more places & visit loved ones more

Thats about it. I will now resume my bat ball state, cursing my messed up body while trying to ascertain some comfortableness

Take care of yourselves & each other
Happy 2017 all xx

If someone makes you their priority, don't treat them as an option

Thats called being a douche

Batty says...dont be a douche, be a dude 👍🏻

Made another flap around the sun- hit 29 today.

Sadly got to work but will try enjoy the day best I can, thanks to those who have sent me Happy Birthday I really appriciate it xx ❤️

Stormin the Castle marked my first rally in the north, was v v wet but still fun & got a free tshirt for entering Cutie into the bike show 😊

Feral was here for 2 weeks which was nice & came to rally with me. Hes back in his cave & now back to usual minimal contact as we get on with our lives apart again. Its unlikely we'll really be anything but LDR partners but time will tell tbh Im quiet happy with my wee bungalow & wee batty living space 💜

Got few jobs to do bike wise to keep me busy plus will be visiting me just before I go to Furcation to hang out & early birthday celebration as Ill be working & on my todd on the day.

Things been ok generally & starting to get back to some normality

The Operation went well & scans with histo reports today confirmed I am in clear & remission!

The relief I can not word but I can finally focus getting life back to some form of normality!

Firstly like to wish & all the best in their relationship! :)

Though some people already know from facebook / twitter that Feral the Badger ( FA is needing wee bit work as hes still new to it all ) asked me out to which I accepted 💜

Taking things slow & just enjoying an equally bantery biker partner ( though we take turns being the responsible adult! Lol )

Only JUST getting back on bikes after few weeks recovering & being banned from riding!
Im getting stronger each day & hopefully by september Ill be nearer my normal batty self ^w^

After long & hard considerations me & Don have split up.
Purposely kept this under wraps for a wee bit as I didn't want drama for either of us or give stirrers a chance to get stuck in.
Things have changed a lot & I felt that it was best time to part ways.

We will remain good friends as we do still care & love each other.

With any break up there will be 2 sides, There are none to choose as we are still close but not partners & are parting ways amicably.

Its been a long time coming but got all my paperwork through & legally Im a free woman!

Can finally start the process getting my maiden name back on everything & frame the certificate & hang it up somewhete I can see it prominatly so I look at it & remind myself I worked hard for where I am now.

Feel so much better & a weight off my shoulders Im finally free of the man of many years of misery.

Now got to plan divorce parties XD

I'd like to take this chance to clear up something that has been stirred & spread about me

I have not been sleeping around with Don, Feral or Pankat

This was a v sick & nasty accusation made simply bc of paranoia & jealousy.

Feral & I are bikers & sprayers. We dabble in mechanics & enjoy similar banter & humour

Pankat is a valued close friend & fellow lover of rugby & he is just a massive softy bear.

Dondrakore & I are still close & happily lead independent lives BUT that does not mean we don't love or care about each other!

Whatever you may have heard about me is untrue & concocted out of spite purely to hurt me & them.

Yes I have cancer & have an operation towards end of next month to hopefully put me on a path of recovery.
I have had this ongoing battle for years but purposely kept it off social media as I didn't want any sympathy, make anyone worried or upset and that is still the case!

Please do not message me sad or anything I have some wonderful friends supporting me through it & yes some days are harder than others but thats life!

I know all to well how precious life is & the here & now so if you know this now hopefully you understand my reasons for how & why I'm like as I am

It was me that Jax was posting about on Wednesday on facebook & Im not going to hide away about it anymore.

She stuck up for me bc she knew I couldn't defend myself in the overwhelming grief I had at the time, she has been a rock through this alongside the few friends who also knew what was going on.

Things are getting better & since taking measures to stop those responsible contacting/spying on me again I feel I can move on from it & focus on getting through the next 5 weeks & what I'm hoping from bottom of my heart a road to recovery & remission.

Now go off & enjoy the rest of the weekend bc thats what Im going to do!

MLH& R to you all xx 💜

One of the hardest things to do in life is letting go of something you felt was real. Work & social wise in past recent months have just been one disappointment after another.

I've been accused of some awful things such as using people & sleeping around being the worst of them.
Its hard to heal when someone you cared about deeply has turned their back on you after years of happiness & support given.

Life goes on despite the hurt & cruel blows I've dealt with.

Those who feel nothing by causing pain to others must be very lonely & sad people themselves. Perhapes bc they are void of happiness themselves they see fit to destroy others to feel better about themselves, who knows.

I may never get an apology, they'll never see the tears shed, they might never feel any remorse for what they did but even though its been damaged & ripped apart I still have a heart that in time will recover & every new day will be a step towards getting better.

I have a pretty major op coming up so despite wanting to hide away, curl up & cry I have to make preperations for that & what Im going to do self care wise after Im discharged.

It'll be a long road & wont be easy but all I can do is pick myself up, pick up the pieces & go on.
Though I want to, I cant give up, no matter how hurt I have been or am.

Though Battered Bruised & Broken, Batty will get there in the eventually

All my biker buds on here stay safe & shiny side up as the better weather draws upon us :)

I'll be going to Confuzzled Thurs-Tues with & <3
As requested I'll be there with Cutie as again this year she will be in the motorfurs in all her glorious purpleness lol

If you see/recognise me feel free to say hi or chat I dont bite! I'll prob be taking it easy booze & suiting wise as it doesnt take much to Hypo these so CFz is going to be a fun chilled & catch up con with my pals ^,^

Also if you want wing hugs just ask too Bats like to cuddle <3

Work is going great Im doing full time hours which has been valuable in getting my experience up! Im mainly reconstructing heads & removing brains to help out the technicians free up time & ease the work load.

Now only to impress the head pathologist enough to make me a trainee APT! ( oooh Senpaaaaiiiii lol )

This is only my opinion so Im not after people to think im right as its only my thoughts & views. I have held me tongue alot but I feel now I want peeps to understand why the below irks me

1. Not working towards making your own life better- the lazy, bone idol, just want babies & stay on benefits work dodgers REALLY do my head in.

I was brought up that in order to achieve what YOU want in YOUR life YOU have to work towards making it HAPPEN. Never in a million years will I EVER find it acceptable to think its ok to live on benefits ( NB IF you are medically unable to physically or have psycological preventions thats different this is more aimed at fit healthy able people who CAN work ) let alone considering having a BABY while not having ANY initiative to make a better life for them-self OR the kid!
Sorry why should those who DO work pay for those who spread their legs, accept any baby gravy to sprogg out a kid they prob cant take care of considering they accept everyone else to do everything for them.
Its unfair on kid & those who work jobs because they want to get somewhere in life.

It angers me I tried for YEARS to get into my chosen career yet Im looked less favourable than some oik whose happy to sponge off others!

2. Proper bike gear - PET PEEVE, if you cut corners will do you NO favours to your body.
Yes bike gear IS pricey & theres a damn good reason why! INTERNAL ORGANS have no price! Its expensive bc its keeps whats meant to be inside there!!

I have many friends who all wear range of gear, now I respect their decision & they respect mine.
Esp when it comes to half face helmets- by all means wear them, just pick up your own jaw bone or glue your face back together when you hit the road & miss tarmac gives you a nice gritty rough kiss!

Wear trainers on a bike? Great going how much time will be wasted on pinning your ankle back together bc you couldn't be bothered to better protect yourself!

My bike gear was NOT cheap but neither are my limbs, organs & life! On more than one occasion that gear saved me from serious harm & im still here riding thanks to that!

-End Vent-

Bottom line your life is yours to work at to improve dont expect others to do OR keep doing it for you!
Also if you take shortcuts on your own wellbeing then you only have yourself to blame in long run when you get hurt!

So not put up a proper journal in a while so here goes

Work:
Durham Constabulary ear marked me to train in their forensics division upon my placement as a trainee anatomical pathology technician (APT). This of course would make me estatic was it not for the fact that the high aboves though are aware of this & know they wont foot the bill putting me through uni are dragging their heels.
So Im in limbo atm until Im formally appointed a trainee APT.

House:
I had hoped this was the most secure thing going for me but the best laid plans can go array. Turns out upon an inspection of the garage theres strong possibility it could be condemned as A garage leans too much to the left & B the crack from the driveway leading to the garage has the inspector wanting a second opinion. I put my heart into wanting to buy the place but if the garage is condemned I'll be forced to move somewhere where the bikes will be safe from potential hazard. Unless me & the landlord can come up with a compremise then I dont feel confident in buying the place.

Bikes:
Cutie has her LED indys fitted ( yup had to dust off my v basic electrics knowledge & discovered a huge part of her wiring loom was bodged so I rewired that ) & her new sprocket nut has done trick with clunky gear changing. The other bikes are all ok but sadly Trike has yet to be put back on road as financially I havent been able to.

Legal:
Divorce is being handled by Ex's mother now (shes willing to pay for it as Ive not had the money to ) as apparantly he's suffering depression still knowing legally we're still married ( funny how when he was sticking his cock into another woman that depression I had discovering his lie wasnt factored hmm )
Anyways its simple 2 yr seperation no claims on assets etc. The Decree Nisci should be with me in 2-3 weeks which will be great & huge step forward for me closing that sorry ass mistake in my life.

People:
This is where things have been hard, since I moved 3 friends in Milton Keynes have died, 2 in Peterborough & 1 in Northampton. It has been soul destroying knowing I couldnt be there to say goodbye & to this day though those concerned dont hold it against me & were very understanding I still feel I was a shit friend for not being there.
Besides those who passed away I feel I've lost alot of the friends I used to have when I lived in the South. Despite efforts to try keep communications going it was clear that I wasnt worth investing the time into so had to walk away.
Loosing friends by death is sad, loosing friends by choice is tragic.

This was not helped early this morning at 4am I recieved a call confirming someone I felt was family was gone. From day 1 he was the one I felt most guilty I left behind & now Im paying the price for that.

Health:
Well I been diagnosed with Moderate Hypoglyceamia so having to monitor & maintain my sugars which are affected by certain foods & triggers. There was question about my licence being possibly revoked but the DVLA are happy I pose no risk with the condition upon the doctors reports. Other than the very few who know more indepth about my other health stuff theres not much else I csn say other than Im tiring out quicker & having to force myself to slow down & take it easy had been very hard to adjust to considering I used to be capable of so much much more only 2-3 years ago.

Life up North:
Its cold, had fun riding in snow but its damn lonely. Guess I can only make best of my situation now. Learned alot of tough lessons & still pushing myself in the hope things will get better.
All I can do now is accept the pain of those I've lost, grieve for those gone & care for those still around.

Thats about it

MLH&R

Loopy

This loner is kicking
I cannot be helped
Aside from few loved ones
I just tend to myself

I just want to ride
Hang out on my own
Clicking off miles
Calling the road my home

Im growing calloused again
Listening to the call
What is right for me
Isn't right for all

Got to have some space
Some room to move around
Theres so much going on in this old head
I wont stop looking till it’s found

Sometimes I want to scream
Other times I want cry
Trying to work out what makes me happy
Hoping its before the day that I die

Some assume Im an outcast
Because I ride alone, my own way
Packing all my needs for a break
Starting my adventure that very day

Whether its in search of a view
A path or a trail
Maybe try to see a bird
With a yellowish tail

Dressed all in leather
With my gear and my boots
Taking a breather at the side of the road
In in my black bike suit

I've loaded my camera
And set out to see
What nature has given
The beauty of things

This Bad Ass Biker
Not saying a word
Enjoying the fun times had
Finding peace in myself listening to the birds

My love for adventure
To seek out & explore
Was rarely felt with others
So now I ride alone again once more

There is one love
Who I carry in my heart
The wind wipes away my tears
From the pain of being apart

I ride to numb my sadness
To ignore my hurt & sorrow
It's how I force myself to go on
Having faith for a better tomorrow

-Loopy-

Ok so you're feeling pretty crappy & stuffs on top of you right? Just consider these wee things below;

Money worries - there are ways to manage & try to cope. Dont feel afraid to ask for help bc friends & family wont want you suffering in silence.

Weight/looks worries - look in the mirror...see that person staring back? You ARE amazing talented cute besutiful gifted & great at what you do & who you are. Nothing will change unless you are strong enough to take those few steps. Even if youre not ask someone to hold your hand & guide so youre not alone!

Work/jobless - YOU posses a skill that shines through, be confident in what you can do! Whatever skills you have, flaunt them, build them up , study or even consider a career change if you like a challenge! You are NOT useless & you WILL succeed!

Health - No one has the perfect body or worlds best immune system but dont self diagnose or fear the unknown. Ask for help seek guidence from a health proffesional or a friend. Talk about what worried you get it off your chest you WILL feel better for it!

I have seen some people really devalue themselves when they shouldnt, live yourself a bit more, we are all guilty of not doing that.

Its hurtful to see SOME individuals make others feel awful just because they are feeling that way!

Remember LIFE ISNT FAIR, nobody said it always be easy or happy but YOU are LOVED, people CARE & you got to be STRONG to get up & move on.

People have asked me how do I cope having cancer/chemo /operations & getting on witj life on my own in a place where I dont have any friends? I reply with this, giving up is not an option & YES ive had very VERY shitty days where I do want to give up & no go on, but what keeps me going is the perspective judt bc Im alone & struggling doesnt mean others have to!

If I can help at least ONE person feel better/ make situation better than that day was not a failure & hence IM not a failure.

Yes there are times I want to curl up & not want to talk or feel a bother to buds or peepz BUT that I realised is so much more damaging to myself! Ive had to drop my pride & try to trust people more & I tell you its not been easy!

Bottom line is - I dont try make life any harder for myself & if I can pass on ANYTHING its live youre life that makes you happiest & dont make it more difficult for yourself!

I dont want sympathy or any bollox this journal is to PURELY help THOSE who are struggling - youre not alone, youre amazing & things WILL get better xx

Loopy

I would love to stick some people in a bike rally so they got an insight how friends act towards and treat each other! I cant stand the fairweather/ only bothering when they want something or cant be arsed attitude that some peeps adopt, why bother saying your a friend if your going to act like that? >.<

But that said least at rallies its a lovely chance to catch up and be with close ones, guess i see them as family reunions hehe

Cant wait for the season to start though, looking forward being with my kin again! woot woot woot ^w^

Well I got Mynka booked in for her respray im really looking forward to seeing how that turns out!!

Also when paintjob is done got a friend who going to take pics of Rebel with her new mate ( will be debuted at CF ).

Going to get glossy prints of photos taken of Fruitloop and Dondrakore / Rebel and new mate and put them up in the flat :3
It saves staring at blank walls when Im home hehe