Does anybody think that there will be any good things that are yet to happen in this world? Or is it all in the past now? I'm struggling deeply right now because I feel like my life plateaued last summer and that it's all going to be pain and misery until it ends. My greatest fear is that I'm going to die with regret, and it's really looking like that's what's going to happen to me now...
Basically, I'd like to know if anybody thinks that there's any reason to live for yourself anymore...

I'm not quite sure how to describe this in a way that makes sense to somebody who's not polyamorous, but I now have a secondary lover, . She's a yiffy femboi fox, just like me!
But, yeah, don't worry friendos, will always be my one and only true love and we still plan to get married as soon as COVID decides to cut us a break.
So, uh... This is my current relationship status:
Fiance/Husband:
GF:
Fandom Daddy:

Okay! So I found an artist. She is  solaris91 . She has given me 6 character slots. I hope that's enough...
Anyway, I have the first slot, and I think that  nihles has the second one. The other four are up for grabs, and it's going to be first come, first serve.
Oh, and you'll need a PayPal in order to be a part of this, too. Each slot costs $15.

Slot 1:
Slot 2:
Slot 3:
Slot 4:
Slot 5:
Slot 6:

 nihles and I were talking a day ago or so, and I came up with the idea of getting a group commission where a bunch of furs are in a 1920's speakeasy. And uh... Having most of the flapper girls being fembois. And she really liked that idea. UwU
Anyway, uh... If anyone's interested in A, recommending an artist to ask or B, wanting to participate in this, please let me know.

Society is fucked. With a combination of the Coronavirus and the looming 2nd Great Depression, who the hell even knows how many years will pass before things go back to anything resembling "normal", if ever?
I WANTED to go to a fur con with back in November. But due to the arguments I had with my mother leading up to Antrhocon back in July, she banned me from going. Same with trying to fly out to Philadelphia in January. Also singlehandedly torpedoed by her. And it's looking like those were the absolute LAST chances I had for a very, very long time to do anything fun with my fiance.
So, I'm hurt badly. I feel utterly sick to my stomach right now. I want to tell her how fucking badly she hurt me, but I can't even do that. Until I can leave this house, I'm going to have to likely pretend that I'm okay and that I harbor no hard feelings when in actuality, I'll probably never, EVER be able to forgive her for doing this to me. But, it's hurting me further by having to pretend to be nice to her.... I don't know what to do. She has to know that she stole something from me that'll never be able to be recovered...

Changing gears slightly, I just wanted to let everybody know that me saying that I wanted to leave the US a month ago wasn't hyperbole. I STILL want to leave ASAP since Donald Trump is guaranteed to get a second term, causing the legal system to be turned into a weapon against people like me thanks to fascist Christians. Only problem is, thanks to the Coronavirus, the entire country might as well be surrounded by the Berlin Wall right now. That and Ash doesn't want to do that anymore....
But, I *did* mean what I said a month ago.

One more thing, as you can all imagine, my depression is at the worst it's ever been, since it's quite obvious that we're living in an dystopian hellscape now, with a dark and blood-stained future to boot.
I care deeply about literally everybody who I call a friend, but if I haven't talked to you in a long time, it doesn't mean I don't like you anymore. Socialization has been that much more difficult for me lately.... It's almost as difficult as exercising for me these days...

Oh my god, I totally fell behind on sending thank you shouts for faves you guys give me and I don't know how to catch up...
Just know that if I never say anything to you, it doesn't mean that I'm unappreciative. I GREATLY appreciate any faves that I get, especially if it's stuff that I wrote....

Tomorrow marks 3 years since I've joined the furry fandom, and man have I come such a long way...
While I still wouldn't consider myself to be an expert greymuzzle, I'm no novice, either. I'd.... Consider myself to be a journeyman furry, perhaps just shy of being an expert. Like uh.... Level 68 out of 100? Hehe.
Shout out to my three besties,  faunathekitten ,  open_mind1 and  sooty_brassworth , standing loyally by me since '17, as well as my fiance  beatle9 ! I can't believe we've finally gotten engaged! OwO
Special shoutouts also go to  theloonerking also  conorhyena for helping make 2019 a better year for me. There WOULD be a third mention here, but I had a falling out with said person a day ago or so.... And that really fucking blows...
In any case, even though the world is burning to the ground around me, I hope to god that I can at least make my personal life better this year.

Oh, and one more thing, even if I never send out "thank you" messages to faves I get, it doesn't mean I don't appreciate the support y'all give to me....

Finally!!! Some good news for once!!! and I are officially going to get married!!! Seriously. We are.
Now uh, the reasoning is a bit more pragmatic than love for love's sake. America STILL doesn't have universal healthcare, and since Bernie Sanders was fucked out of the nomination, it's looking like free healthcare is off the table for another 4 years. So, his reasoning was that we get married and he put me on his employer's healthcare plan.
However.....
I've wanted to get engaged for quite some time now. I forget how long, but it was well before this hellish year even began. I was waiting for the time to be right for him, and now he's ready.
But, lol, this was the most sudden and impromptu engagement of all time! XD
But, thanks to Coronavirus, we're probably gonna be Mickey Mousing things for a while. Not the most ideal of situations, but there's nothing you can do about it.
But, hey! It's official now!
Should it be Jamie Cinder? Or Ash Foxworthy?

So,  beatle9 have lost what little hope we had in the US due to Super Tuesday and decided that it'll be for the best for us to get out of there while we still can. But... This is a massive undertaking, and I don't even know where to start... I'd appreciate any and all help.

I'm at the end of my rope. My family is fucking tyrannical about not letting me travel to go see my boyfriend,  beatle9 . EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I. ASK. THEM. They always go "Make him come up Massachusetts instead". ALWAYS.
I wouldn't have had to say anything about this, but last moth, Ash got into a car accident that he was found at fault with, and he's on the hook for $2000 for repairs to his car.
Since I'm an unemployed lout that only gets a little spending money per month, I can't help him come up to see me. I REALLY didn't want to fucking have to do this, but I'm out of options. I'm not waiting until summer; which will have been an ENTIRE YEAR since the last time I've seen him, to see my love again. So, I have no choice but to beg for money like a fucking mooch.
I hope that I don't sound abrasive or ungrateful or anything, but I really feel dirty for having to ask strangers for money, especially if it's not for an "emergency"... But, I just don't know what else to do... I'm just sick of my life being stolen away by my family, who still thinks I'm 13 years old...

I've been meaning to do this for well over a year, but I NEED a NSFW ref of my sona. Specifically in the area between the legs, if you know what I mean. Does anybody know who I can talk to?

As you all probably already know, I'm having severe conflicts with my family. I'm 23 years old and at the time of this journal, less than 6 months away from my 24th birthday. Yet, I still live in the same house that I grew up in with my mother, 2 sisters and single brother. And none of them see me as the adult that I truly am. Granted, some of it is my fault. My autism does make me less of a capable of an adult as most other people my age, and I have done a rather piss-poor job of helping with chores and such around the house. But, that doesn't mean that I deserve to be treated like I"m 10 years younger than I really am.
I want to move out and go live with my boyfriend and likely future husband,  beatle9 as soon as I can. But, my mother and siblings wants to keep me here until August at the earliest. One, because they don't think that I can live without my mother yet. And worse, two, because they can't afford the mortgage without me. The second one is especially bad, because they are resorting to some pretty vile tricks to try and make me stay. They are saying that I AM responsible for paying for the house's mortgage by virtue of being the homeowner's son and nothing else. They are saying that without me, they'll end up on the streets and that our three cats will have to be put down. They are saying, essentially, that I'm an uncaring brute if I'd even consider upping and leaving before they want me to.
But, the second half of 2019 was a miserable slog for me... My family actively blocked any and all attempts for me to try and meet with Ash again... And I cannot waste another year of my life waiting again... This is why I fell into such a deep depression... Because I felt like I was no longer the master of my own destiny...
Being a card-carrying leftist, I do understand how important it is to help others out... But, I have nothing left to give... I'm utterly miserable without Ash, and because of my desire to fight to see him, I've wound up alienating my family to the point where I'm essentially a stranger to them. This situation simply isn't sustainable. Either I leave, or I'm destined to end up in the hospital. I don't see how else this can end. I really, REALLY hate the thought of being responsible for my family getting evicted, but I really don't know what else to do. I don't know if I can handle spending the next 8, 9, or even 10 months of my life living in a house where everybody just wants me gone anyway, but want me there so I can pay for this damned house.
So, yeah. I'm starting the year off with an incredibly difficult situation, and I have no idea what the best thing to do is, going forward. As I said, I feel like the only good option is to get out, but I don't know how to make it happen... I'm not a brave person at all, so I don't know if I can really handle doing something that they'd take as being stabbed in the back. Worse, I'm also paranoid that they'd try to get the legal system involved to keep me home/get me back, using my Aspergers' and poor mental health as a justification to have guardianship over myself revoked. So, there's that.
So, please... I need advice... I'd greatly appreciate anything at this point.

So, 2019 is officially over now and it was the biggest waste of a year I've ever experienced in my entire life, except for that one week in the beginning of July, as well as a couple of days in December. Seriously, I only took one baby step at AnthroCon, and then my family threw up a fucking barrier, and I've been stuck in a deep depression ever since I came home. I'm broken, I'm angry, I'm depressed and I'm lovesick. It's miserable, and my family just refuses to release me from captivity because they think I'm not ready to be an adult despite being closer to 24 years old than 23. I know that I'll essentially be hitting the ground running if I get my way, but I don't see any other tenable alternative. I cannot languish for another 6+ months in this miserable little house while I do bugger all. I'm done wasting my life. I haven't done anything meaningful in 2018 and 2019, and that HAS to change ASAP now that a new year has started.
Sorry for the rant. I had a particularly rough day. I haven't felt this desperate since I was locked in that psychological war with my principal in my junior year of high school, and that's saying a lot....
In any case, I just hope that 2020 will be a better year than 2019. Well... At least for me, personally, because I'm still losing sleep over the Presidential Election coming up in 10 months.

Just asking for some pointers here. I'm wondering if there are any FA groups dedicated to crossdressing. I uh... Really like that, and I'd like to see if there were any groups dedicated to that.
I'm also wondering if there's a group for nonbinary furs.
Any help would be appreciated.

I'm utterly crippled right now due to my depression. I've been withdrawn from most of my friends and have barely been doing anything of note in a very long time. My anxiety is utterly trying to destroy me right now... And I don't know if I can' handle it anymore. So, yeah, I'm sorry that I haven't been talking to many people lately, but right now, even staying awake is a chore...
I wish that things would get better, but right now, I'm feeling rather doubtful... I need to move out of my childhood home, but I don't know how... But, my life will just keep on getting worse and worse until I can finally be freed...

Yeah, I know that that's a direct rehash of my previous journal, but everything's still true. This is why I'm withdrawn and seemingly uninterested in everything at the moment.

Gotta get Ash a present. Does anybody know where I can get something cute and good for about $20?

This is getting dire. I need to do something to reunite with my boyfriend  beatle9 before I'm crushed under the weight of my depression, but I don't know where to start. I want to move out of my house very badly, but I don't know how to make it happen... Does anybody have ANY ideas?

I'm utterly crippled right now due to my depression. I've been withdrawn from most of my friends and have barely been doing anything of note in a very long time. My anxiety is utterly trying to destroy me right now... And I don't know if I can' handle it anymore. So, yeah, I'm sorry that I haven't been talking to many people lately, but right now, even staying awake is a chore...
I wish that things would get better, but right now, I'm feeling rather doubtful... I need to move out of my childhood home, but I don't know how... But, my life will just keep on getting worse and worse until I can finally be freed...

A quick little vent... My anxiety is eating me alive right now, and there's nothing I can do to let it all out. I currently have no therapist, I don't want to wear out my boyfriend, and my usual go-to person,  open_mind1 has run into some severe marital issues and is unavailable. So, I'm basically stuck with some pretty horrible problems right now, and there's nothing I can do to release this pain... This really sucks....

Basically, uh, this is a cry for help. If you think you can help me with my stupid problems, please let me know. I need help desperately right now...

This might sound vague, but one of the most vexing, and frankly terrifying, recurring anxieties I've been having over the last 2 months is the thought "You're just FORCING Yourself To Be This Way!". And that can apply to basically anything, whether it's my pseudo-gay pansexuality, my love for my boyfriend  beatle9 or even my love for the furry fandom. And, I don't know what to do about this though. These things are core tenets of my life, and it'd be unimaginable if any of those things were to go away... And what sucks is that I used to be 100% sure about EVERYTHING... And now I'm struggling to not let my anxiety overpower me and just throw in the towel with said aspects.... What should I do?

I don't want to have an excessive amount of people that I follow here on FA, so I've been going through and removing artists from my follower list. Please don't be offended if I removed you... It's nothing personal at all, I swear...
And in the case of the artist  silvixen , I'm really sorry for following you twice and then unfollowing you. My anxiety is putting me through some strange shit right now, and I'm not doing this to you because I'm a jerk or a troll or something... I really like your art, but my anxiety just isn't allowing me to follow you right now due to reasons that I can't really get into.

There's this person whom I consider myself to be an ally with. He was one of my comrades in arms during the failed attempt to stop the EU from adopting Article 17(13) of the Digital Single Market Directive, and shares a lot of my views in regards to censorship and prudishness. However, I'm finding out that this person has a ton of negative notoriety within the furry fandom, and since this fandom is literally my entire life, I don't want to jeopardize my reputation and sully my good name by openly associating with this person. And, when I say "notoriety", I'm not talking about some petty little thing; this person has advocated for illegal behavior in the past, and I'm finding out that a lot of other furries know this. I feel really bad for doing this, and I feel like I'm breaking a few of my own principals by making this proclamation, but I can't associate with you anymore. I just hope that you don't hate me for making this proclamation. You're free to tell me to piss off after saying this, but I just hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me for making this decision, because some of the things you said about me in the past really meant a lot to me... Just know that I'll always do what I can to keep up the good fight against censorship and prudishness, even if we don't really talk anymore.

I don't know how anybody is realistically supposed to help me out, but I have no idea when I'll get to meet up with  beatle9 again, and it's breaking my fucking heart... I've been in a deepening depression ever since August, and now it's utterly unbearable. The fact that I could be waiting upwards of 6 months to see him again is just unbearable...
I just feel so trapped and so helpless, and I'm barely functional now.... I can't sustain myself with this gloomy status quo for any longer...

Okay, I'm a colossal moron. Not only do I not know how to obscure my latest submission with custom thumbnail to those who won't want to see it, I just remembered that all 256 of my watchers will have been greeted with a rather disgusting and grotesque image from me in their notifications.
I just wanted to say, if I was responsible for ANY of my watchers losing their lunch, I'm so sorry... I didn't really think things through with this thing... Please don't unfollow me because of this... Really, the last thing that I wanted to do was to expose literally all of my friends to that... I hope that I can be forgiven and that you won't think of me any differently for experimenting with that thing...

Uh, I don't know what to do. I got a new commission that I really like that displays a really divisive fetish that I'm not into per se, but have been curious towards. For some reason, uploading a custom thumbnail isn't working, so everybody can see what the picture is without clicking it. Is there anything I can do to fix that? Because, uh, I don't feel comfortable with everybody knowing that I'm into that. And, for now, the picture lies in my scraps...
And, if you saw that pic, please don't kink shame me...