and I are now officially a married couple!!!

So, uh... and I's marriage process will be complete as of tomorrow. OwO

My soon-to-be husband, turns 27 today! Please give him birthday kisses!!!

I feel like I've been robbed. Ever since my all-time high in the early days of the fandom back in the year 2017, I feel like things have come just short of completely falling apart. I can't really enjoy a ton of things these days due to increasing fascism in my home country, the US. And the COVID-19 pandemic has taken a huge toll on literally everyone and everything I've cared about. There won't be any furry conventions for years at this point and most of my friends are too depressed to be an enjoyable presence. Heck, even I'm too depressed to be an enjoyable presence and I've pretty much completely withdrawn and have turned so inward, I'm just short of being the person I was back in 2016. I don't know how to get things back on track... But, I really do, because I feel especially robbed that I was kept at home last year while I still had a chance to live a normal life... Just know that even if I've stopped talking to you, it doesn't mean I've stopped caring...

When you start any RPG, things always start off scarce. You're pushed into the world not knowing how to do a damned thing and usually with not a single coin to your character's name and hardly any possessions either. If anybody's ever played The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, I feel like I've finally escaped the Imperial City sewers and now have free rein to do as I wish, but I'm a level 1 character who has no idea what he's doing.
As you all know, I finally moved out and I live with now. But, things are going to be rough for a while. I sacrificed my cushy suburban life and have to start from pretty much nothing. I do think that it'll be worth it and given time, things will be vastly superior to how things used to be, but, please wish me luck.

24 hours from now, I will be en route to Logan Airport so I can finally move out and go live with . I'm really happy that I'll finally get to see him again, but I just wish that circumstances didn't force me to move out just to see him again. Remember, I basically did nothing since returning from Antrhocon last July. And, hell, the process of moving and jumping headlong into adulthood has been scaring the bejeezus out of me. But, you know, I have a feeling that all of this anxiety will melt away once I meet up with Ash at the airport in San Antonio. And man is it surreal to have the day I've been waiting for for such a long time finally happen.
Wish me luck, everyone!

was talking to me earlier today, and he was talking about getting a swimsuit commission featuring me and a few friends. Being the schemer that I was, I thought of perhaps going big or going home, and I came up with a potential idea of me, Ash, Sooty, Eric and 8 other male furries being featured in a 12 month swimsuit calendar for 2021. This idea is currently in its embryonic stage and I don't have much of the details fleshed out yet, but if you're potentially interested in having your male sona featured in a gay swimsuit calendar, leave a comment. :3

So, came up with a group commission idea that I'd like to help spread around, since I think I have more followers than him. I believe his idea is going to be a stripper joint, having two performers or so and the rest being patrons, plus a bartender. I believe he wants to do this, like with my previous idea.
Anyway, if you're interested, please leave a comment. :3

For a while now, I've been wanting to get a cute pic where Nihles and I are 80's mall girls. Do you know who I could ask to do that?

I want to get a pinup of my fiance, in full twink or femboi mode. Or perhaps a series of images of him as a twink or femboi. Does anybody know who I could commission?

Also, uh, I'm sorry that I had no chance to thank for faves and watches this month... I was in the hospital for the first week, and I accidentally nuked 'em all after I got out... But as always, I do greatly appreciate them. Really.

I'm finally home after that 8 day long nightmare at the hospital... I hope to god nothing like that ever happens again! Don't worry about me... I'm safe now.

Anyway, I'm closing the slots to the Cherryton commission. I think I gave people enough time to join the commission... If you see this and have expressed interest, please comment below. The slots were...

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.

I'll be noting the artist as soon as this journal is posted, and hopefully we can get things rolling from there!

The commission is on hold probably for another week...
On Thursday, I wound up in the hospital due to self harming, and my state's laws won't let me go home until I get 72 hours of TREATMENT, which hasn't even started yet due to severe shortage of psych ward beds. I've been rotting in the ER since Thursday evening, and I have NO IDEA when I'll leave this room...
I hope to be home by Thursday or Friday, but I've kinda lost faith that anything is going to happen anytime soon... I don't trust the people who have custody over me right now to not hold onto me for longer than I have to be...

7 out of the 10 slots have been claimed. If you still want in, you still have plenty of time to join in....

Okay, here we go! I apologize for the glut of journals lately, but I'm finally officially commissioning  Irhileth to do the Cherryton commission, and she told me that I could have 8 to 10 slots. I'd rather keep it at 8, but if there are enough people to do 10, that's fine.
In order to be a part of this, you'll need two things.
1: A PayPal account
2: $23.40 to cover the cost of the slot
And as you know, this is going to going to be an adult-themed commission where we're all in Cherryton Academy uniforms (From the Beastars anime). And you're not required to wear the male uniform if you're male or female version if you're female. It's up to you what you want to wear.
Without further ado...

Slot 1:
Slot 2: (Might be subject to change. I didn't get an official commitment)
Slot 3:
Slot 4:
Slot 5:
Slot 6: (Expressed interest. Didn't get an official commitment yet)
Slot 7: (Expressed interest. Didn't get an official commitment yet)
Slot 8: OPEN
Slot 9: OPEN
Slot 10: OPEN

As I said yesterday, I'd like to do another group commission with me and a group of furs doing "adult" things wearing the Cherryton Academy (from Beastars) uniforms. I'm trying to get to do this, as she did something similar for me and a group of friends last autumn and she's a generally good artist with reasonable prices. I don't know how many slots are going to be available just yet, as I need to hear back from her, but if you're interested in being a part of this, please leave a comment.
The only definites so far are me and . and might be interested, but I'm not sure if they're going through with it just yet.
Anyway, I think these group commissions are always a ton of fun to do, and I hope this can work!

I might have money to do some of the other things, but after seeing some of 's gallery, I think I went with the 4th idea, which would be a more vanilla-y commission with a totally dolled-up femboi Jamie.
I decided that Jamie is gonna be in a schoolgirl uniform while participating in NSFW action. Heh heh...
I also decided I'd like Lucy to be in this too, and honestly, I kinda like the idea of this being a group commission, like with the Speakeasy commission I did a while ago.
If you're interested in maybe participating in this, leave a comment. :3

NEW UPDATE: I think I think it'd be really cool if we were all students of the Cherryton Academy from Beastars. UwU
What do you all think?

I might have money to do some of the other things, but after seeing some of 's gallery, I think I went with the 4th idea, which would be a more vanilla-y commission with a totally dolled-up femboi Jamie.
I decided that Jamie is gonna be in a schoolgirl uniform while participating in NSFW action. Heh heh...
I also decided I'd like Lucy to be in this too, and honestly, I kinda like the idea of this being a group commission, like with the Speakeasy commission I did a while ago.
If you're interested in maybe participating in this, leave a comment. :3

I have a few ideas for a July commission, but I'm having trouble deciding what I should do.

Idea 1: Jamie gets knitted into one of those woolly zentai suits by one of my lovers or friends. I'm the most partial to that one, but I'm worried that it might be too much of the same. It may be a single image or a comic.
Idea 2: A multi-layer encasement sequence involving lots of tape and other things that I wanted Silver Atlas to do around Christmas time. I totally forgot about it 'til recently, but the idea looked too good to not make real.
Idea 3: This one's a bit more gnarly and might venture into horror or snuff territory. Jamie gets fully encased by a swarm of insects and when they disperse, there's nothing left. Or maybe if I want to go the extra mile, maybe a skull or a skull + a pile of bones.
Idea 4: Something more vanilla. Jamie is supposed to be a femboi, and I barely have any art of Jamie just posing wearing nothing but girly thigh-highs and makeup.

Anyway, what do you all think? What should I try to get? As I said, I think I'm the most partial to the first one, but I'm concerned that that idea is a bit stale. What do you think the best idea is?

The consensus is growing that the lives we're all living today is going to be the status quo for years to come, or maybe permanently.
I can't do this. I can't live the rest of my life living as a recluse.
As you all know by now, I WANTED to go to a fur con with back in November and in February. But because my mother is a bipolar control freak and worrywart, all of those plans fell through and I decided to just give up and keep my head down until I moved out.
But those were the last two chances I had for a very long time, or perhaps ever, to go out and make happy memories out in the world... I'm just really terrified right now that the rest of my live will merely be some degree of survival instead of living.
Maybe if I did more things in 2018 and 2019, I wouldn't be feeling this way, but the fact that those two years are what I'm going to know for the next many years and potentially the rest of my life is just breaking me.
And normally this wouldn't be *that* bad, but there's also a really strong chance that the internet is going to be destroyed very soon because politicians in my country are deciding that websites should be liable for everything everybody posts, which would make anything that's not a read-only internet utterly impossible. Don't believe me? Look up "CDA 230" or "Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act" on Google. And that's on top of stupid things that the EU did, like Article 17, whose effects are going to take a sledgehammer to things any day now.
I know that I'm going to be moving out soon and moving in with Ash, but I dunno, I'm just unable to think clearly and rationally right now... Nothing is really helping me get through the panic and despair right now...

So, I turn 24 today. Not much more to say, but god, I hope things will begin to get better now...

I haven't really changed my fursona's design too much since I had his design frozen on July 1st, 2017. Since I'm a fickle lad who likes to keep things fresh, I was wondering if there should be some new touches added or changes made to Jamie's design to keep things fresh and fun. Especially because Ash had a few changes made to his character recently, in this pic: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36834421/
Anyway, if you all have some ideas, lemme know.

Finally! Some good news for the first time in years! Not only has the Supreme Court ruled that LGBT people have guaranteed job protection in all 50 states, a freaking Trump appointee, Neil Gorsuch, ruled in my community's favor! It turned out to be a 6-3 decision, which was an even more decisive victory than Obergefell v. Hodges (the same-sex marriage decision) was! How about that!
Today was a red-letter day for the LGBT community, something I was so convinced we'd never see again! If you're LGBT, I hope you're having a wonderful night celebrating this stunning and amazing victory; it's very important to take any wins we can get!

This is basically a copy-paste of something I said on Twitter. But, I feel like I couldn't say it any better than this. This is why I've been so depressed and so withdrawn lately:

"Maybe I'm being a bit premature about things here, but feelings are feelings. And I'm going to be blunt about something: I feel like my shot at living a good and secure life in my home, the US, is gone. And I feel like neither outcome of the upcoming election will change that. I've hit literally the worst burnout in my entire life as a result of this feeling. I've only really been able to talk to my two mates and hardly anybody else... I've been barely able to get out of bed lately. As bad as things have gotten, I feel like the future is even more dark. No matter who wins the 2020 election, I feel like the LGBT community, and pretty much everybody I care about, is screwed. All because of the fascist judges that have been appointed since 2017.
It's too f*cking late to stop this country from devolving into a brutal, vicious hellhole that has social darwinism as its governmental policy. Unless we pull of a miracle with the ongoing protests, America is going to wind up like Hungary or Brazil within the next 5 years. The only difference is how much are we going to lose. Will people like me end up with a Jim Crow style America under Biden? Or an de facto genocide under a second Trump term? Either option means that I'm going to have to find a new home if I hope to remain out... And that's not including all of the people I care so much about. Even if I can rescue myself and Ash and Nihles, what about those who can't get out? I don't even want to THINK about that...
But nobody believes me.
I'm an alarmist to them.
I'm just that "Chicken Little" who always makes outrageous predictions.
But, nobody is f*cking paying attention. Nobody has been paying attention to the true damage that has been done, and the worst effects are yet to come.
But, that's neither here nor there.
I have to get out this country if I hope to live anything resembling a normal life. And I have no idea how to make it happen, since none of my closest friends are taking this threat seriously.
I don't know what to do anymore. And I'm burnt-out."

Maybe it's a bit gauche for me to be talking about this in light of what's going on, but, I had to finally let these feelings out. This is something that has been building for a long, long time.

You all know what I'm talking about. Turn on your news channel of choice.
Society is too caustic for me right now. It's utterly wearing me down, yet it's consuming all of my time.
As a leftist and an anti-authoritarian, I'm obligated to spread the word on the utterly horrifying abuses of power that's being carried out in my ravaged homeland, the US, right now. While it's helping spread the word and helping to finally shatter some illusions this country has towards law enforcement, I ultimately don't know what good it'll do. I have no idea how this conflict is going to end. And based on the way the power structure is lashing out like a cornered animal right now, I have a feeling that it's not going to end well.
I hope that I'm wrong, but I don't know, man... America is in short supply of good men in power. Everybody is a coward, a sycophant or actively carrying out the abuse.
So, if anyone's wondering why I've sort of disappeared, this is why. I still appreciate all of the faves and comments I get for artwork I post, but I'm just not able to get around to sending out my usual thank-yous for them....
Just know that I still care about all of my furry friends... Foxxo is just being run ragged right now.

isn't doing so hot right now. He hit massive burnout right now because he feels like he's putting in a ton of work into his art with hardly anything to show for it. I'm not really one or promoting people, but I'd greatly appreciate it if any of you were to fave and/or comment on his art. Please?

All the way back in January, way before the world was set on fire, I hired a person to draw Jamie wearing a knitted gimp suit, and after getting a few awesome-looking WIP's, she disappeared and I haven't seen her since like the first day of February.
It's not that it's taking this long. I"m actually used to waiting like 6 months for some commissions to be finished... It's that she's been GONE for almost 5 months without a trace. I was talking to her on FAF, which actually lists the last time the person appeared online.
So.... I'm asking for a favor. Normally, I would've just bitten the bullet and let this goal, but the WIP was too awesome for me to not try and get this finished. Would anybody be willing to complete it for me? Or does anybody know who'd be willing to finish it for me?