Unfortunately, I don't know how to draw. However, I'm relatively good at writing; I've had years of practice. So, I've been getting to thinking.... Would anybody be willing to hire me to write something for them? Just a thought....

I learned a few important lessons yesterday. One, that not everybody in the furry fandom is accepting and tolerant of who you are (although that's definitely the exception, and not the rule). Two, the expression, "time heals all wounds" proves to be true, more or less. And, third, and most importantly, that I'm able to count on my furry friends in my time of need. Shortly after yesterday's incident, I asked a bunch of my friends for help, and they all contributed to helping me feel better to what happened. Special thanks to  feralfrenzy who helped me learn about the proper way to deal with those who are not-so-nice. Another special thanks goes out to  rubbervixen, who took the time to read the long, rambly message I sent to her and replied quite eloquently to it. My third special thanks goes out to  msgrandpabacon who allowed me to vent to her about my raw emotion. Lastly, a thank-you goes out to the users  zeofawx,  faunathekitten  kezi_avdiivka and  yakamaru who offered their sympathy to me. Thank you all so much. Thank you all for having my back in this jungle known as the internet. :3

Wow... Today was a craptastic day for me. I had my first argument with another fur today. In a nutshell, I didn't tell the user that I was a transgender female IRL right off the bat when I only tell people this on a need-to-know basis, and he turned around and accused me of being a swindler who "tricked him into thinking that I was female". So, not only do I feel hurt for getting backlash about my gender identity, the fact that I "tricked" him has eroded a lot of my confidence in interacting in the furry community as Jamie instead of the IRL me, because I might "trick" somebody else again in the future. So, yeah.

UPDATE: I'm one lucky gal today! A little while after that whole debacle, one of that fellow's friends started trying to justify his transphobic feelings towards me and told me that I should tell everybody that I meet that there's technically a man, not a woman by my keyboard. God, how I am cross. Transgender 101: We don't give away the gender on our birth certificate unless it's a need-to-know sort of thing.

I'm feeling sorta up today. I've been finding good luck, more or less, with finding people willing to draw my requests, even if they're sorta... Unusual. So, I've been thinking.... There are many more fantasies I've been having in addition to the more common ones (Well... what usually appears for people with my "preferences"). And, now, I'm feeling like I have the chance to take them out of my head and make them real! :D
Oh. And there's also a few SFW things I'd like to have drawn in the future as well. I'm a huge Pokemon fanatic, so I thought it'd be cool if a drawing of my OC could be made where she's wearing the clothes of one of the female player characters from one of the games. And probably, also, more generic drawings of her wearing her as well. But, yeah! Feeling really good about this! :0

A friend of my friend, Fauna, has graciously offered to illustrate "Le Palais De Plaisance" for me a little while ago. For, a price, of course, and a pretty reasonable one, too. While I'm sure that I have enough cash for this, there's another potential problem that will probably arise. I still live with my mum, and I don't drive. And, in order to do an online transaction of money, I'd have to ask her for a PayPal card, and she'll inevitably ask why I need it. Here's the problem with my answer of: "Somebody on the web offered to do a commission for me.": My mum doesn't trust people online as far as she can throw them, and tbh, I sorta understand her position, since her bank accounts were hacked and money was stolen back in 2004. Therefore, I'm worried that she'll think that I'm trying to pay a swindler. So, does anybody have advice to nip this dilemma in the bud before it happens? I'd appreciate it.

Last night, I posted my second RP between me and Fauna The Kitten, and it has already gotten just shy of 300 views. And, it hasn't been up for a full 24 hours yet! For all of those who decided to take the time to read my story, thank you. Seriously. I cannot thank all of you enough, since writing is one of the more underappreciated arts here on FA. However, I am a little jealous that this transformation story got far more views in a shorter period of time than my encasement stories, but I guess that's what happens when your "preferences" are off the beaten track. But, still. 300 views in a single day... Wow...

Things have been slower for me recently... I guess that this happens from time to time, but it's been making me feel rather glum. Contact with my friends has slowed to a trickle, and I'm worried that that's eroding my enthusiasm towards the furry fandom, especially how I've been occupying myself in other ways while waiting for replies and stuff. I hope that things pick up soon...

There's a lot of different stuff that I'd like to cover, so today's journal will be a themeless entry covering a bunch of different points I'd like to hit. Anyway...

1: In case you fellas don't already know, my OC is in a relationship with another user! Her name, Fauna the Kitten! So, so happy about that! <3

2: Last night, the user, MegaEmailman wrote a story, on my request, called "Jamie's Mummification." The story's content should be quite obvious... If anyone's interested (Well... Especially my "mentors", Zeo and Vikki), please check it out, I guess...

3: My anxiety has been pretty cruel to me lately. It's made an issue with just about every single part of my identity, even things that I've known about myself for practically my entire life, like my love for encasement. If anyone has any tips, please let me know!

4: Just a little question I've been thinking about: A little while ago, I told Vikki that I wrote a story that I thought that she might be interested in, but was posted before she started following me. So, basically, I'm worried that I might've violated some sort of custom by essentially advertising.

Anyway...

So, last night, I discussed the possibility of converting my OC from a garden-variety female to a herm female. And, after thinking it over, I decided that that's the best choice to make, for various reasons. Anyway, although, by definition, makes my OC non-binary, I'd still prefer for her to be referred to with she/her pronouns. Despite having THAT certain aspect of the male sex, I still view her as female. Just, with a little "abnormality" that is able to be kept under wraps most of the time. And... I sort of find it funny, and ironic that my OC has a unisex name: Jamie. So, let me reiterate this important change one last time:

- My OC, Jamie Foxworthy is now a female herm
- However, she is still to be referred to as female and she/her pronouns are to still be used
- And, technically, this aspect only really applies to NSFW scenarios, for obvious reasons.

Anyway, I'm actually glad that I had this epiphany. Glad to see that my OC isn't totally static. :3

A big idea just popped into my head. After doing an RP with a well-endowed Panda, I started to think: Should my OC actually be a herm? I absolutely love the female form, way more so than the male shape. With one glaring exception... So, I've been wondering if I should change *that* about my character, since not only do I prefer *that* over *the other thing*, I could actually feasibly do it with the mere change of a label. No having to start fresh with the artwork or anything. Anyway... If anyone happens to see this, could you give me your two cents? I'd appreciate some insight on this.

I casually mentioned yesterday that I've been having a ton of anxiety recently. Well... That's sort of an understatement. I've been having a ton of pseudo-panic attacks recently, and it's not fun at all... The most frequent target has been various pieces of my identity, like my fursona, for instance. And, that's a worse thing to make an issue about than anything else, since personal confidence is something that only comes from inside; nobody but yourself can make you feel better about that. Anyway, I just don't know what to do about it. It's been pretty bad recently, and I just want out of it somehow...

I've been very anxious lately. So, instead of venting about yet another issue I'm suffering through, I thought that I'd talk about something a little more lighthearted for a change. Anyway... I've always found it interested that female foxes are referred to as "vixens", a word also used to describe attractive or voluptuous women. Same thing with the word, "foxy". I think it's interesting, and frankly kinda cool that foxes, at least linguistically, are associated with attractiveness. I'm so glad that I'm a vixen... :)
If anyone's curious, by the way, today's issue now goes to the type of fox my OC is...

Wow... Today was a particularly fun day. Not! Aiyiyi... Literally all of my friends today were MIA or nearly MIA. So, I've spent most of today, really putting myself out there, responding to a ton of different posts and stuff, and that STILL isn't doing the trick. I know, slow days are bound to happen... But, still. On the internet? Really....? :/
So, I've decided to go all-out with my effort. So, for better or for worse, I've decided to comment on a bunch of my likes, hoping it can create, or otherwise strengthen connections of mine.

Here's something that I've been wanting for a while now: NSFW art of my character, and perhaps of her GF, too. Problem is... I don't have the faintest idea of how to get the artwork I want... Does anybody know the easiest way to find a person willing to draw what I want?

You know, I don't think I've ever met such a group of people that are as kind and encouraging as those here in the furry fandom. I'm serious. Two nights ago, I was freaked out that my vulpine OC was cliche, and I took to journaling and the FA Forums to vent my concerns, and a bunch of fellow furs came to my rescue, reassuring me that "Originality" didn't matter as much as your own happiness and other important stuff. Thanks fellas! You really helped this fox out! ^ ^

Yeah, I complain a lot. But, I'm a very anxious girl, and journaling helps get my anxious thoughts out of my head. Plus, posting my furry-related worries to a community hub, it opens up the opportunity for more experienced furs to help me out. Anyway... I had a pseudo-panic-attack last night... Why? Because I contemplated changing my OC? Why? Because I got worried that having a vulpine OC was too cliche/passe. And, that would be a legitimate worry, since canines are, by far, the most popular species in the furry fandom. So, basically, I'm asking, is having a vulpine OC vanilla?

Despite the way I present myself, I'm usually too nervous to actually "surf" the web, so to speak. I tend to usually only use sites that I've heard of through word of mouth, especially when it comes to NSFW content, since I had a major virus scare before when trying that. But, I'm also curious, and that can create problems. Anyway, a little while ago, I heard of a site called "BondoFox", which has content which caters to furs who have my particular interests. So, last night, I finally decided to check it out on my cell, expecting it to be an average NSFW site where you have to create an account to use it. But, instead, my phone brings up this absolutely terrifying warning in legalese (a language which causes me great anxiety) that if I lie about my age or violate the other rules, that I would be charged with perjury! So, even though I'm turning 21 in a few months and I doubted that I'd violate the other terms of use, I naturally had to back away, since seeing legalese makes me feel like I'm going to automatically do something wrong somehow. And, I'm STILL anxious about this, even though I tried this last night! Aiyiyi... Funny thing, though, even though my personal mantra is "Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained", that credo has a tendency to backfire when surfing the web. Go figure!

A few nights ago, OakenheelTheWolf and I, plus a few other users started on a collab-story involving my OC and her GF, Alex McCann, called "Corrupted Souls". It originally start off as something of a joke, but it got serious, and awesome, really quickly. The prologue is done, and I have to say, it looks really nice! I am interested and eager to see where this goes! :D

By the way, if anyone's interested, here's some concept art that Oakenheel drew:
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/23185322/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/23192590/

Oh, boy... The beat goes on. So, a few minutes before I went to bed last night, I regained my ability to reply on the FA Forums. I talked a little with the user Jay Husky, who's an expert of the site, and he told me that I might've triggered an anti-spam bug because I posted too much in a short window of time. Okay. But, when I logged in a few minutes ago, the first time in about 10 hours, I was locked out again! Aiyiyi... Can't catch a break, can I?

So, anxiety wise, I've already had a crummy enough day, hence my previous journal entry. But, now something has happened that has thrown me into full-blown panic mode. For some reason, on the FA Forums, I have completely lost my ability to reply to threads, due to some sort of reply restriction that I can't seem to find anywhere. So, I've been using any and all outlets to try to figure out what happened to my account and how it can be remedied. I hope that I didn't get in trouble or something...

In yesterday's journal, I mentioned how I came to adopt Jamie Foxworthy as my fursona, while casually mentioning how I have anxiety that things are going to change again. Being an indecisive person who also suffers from anxiety and OCD, that's a valid concern of mine. So, as it currently stands, both my favorite animal and my fursona is the red fox. I've gone to great lengths to establish my presence in the furry fandom as a vixen, and all of my character artworks are of Jamie. I don't think I've ever loved an animal as much as a fox, and I don't think I've ever loved any fursona as much as Jamie. Which is why, although it might sound a little strange to most people, I'm terrified of changing my mind. So, as I said yesterday, long live Jamie! (I hope...)

You know, it's sorta interesting how I came to adopt Jamie Foxworthy as my OC. Like most of my other discovery stories, this one, once again, goes back to "Archeologis Vixen". As you probably know, I wrote the story "Hieroglyphs" to give the character a life and a character. But, once I gained direct knowledge of who drew "Archeologis Vixen", I felt obliged to deviate my story further from rcanheta's comic. So, I ended up embarking on a brand-new writing project, and I redesigned the protagonist with a few of my own personal touches. It was in that moment that I formally adopted that ill-fated vixen as my fursona. It was now the end of 3 months worth of fursona exploration. I'm so glad (well, actually I hope) that I finally found a fursona that I'm going to stick with. Long live my OC!

I've been wondering about something. A few years ago, I started a writing project, explaining how my Argonian PC, Sky-Song wound up in the game. Uhm... I spent 2 years working on it, but I've never really been able to finish it, thanks to my indecisiveness. Anyway, I'm curious if this could be something I could submit here to FA one day, once I finish Hieroglyphs: The Tale of Jamie Foxworthy. My only concern is that I wrote the story as a round-robin narrative, and out of the 5 main characters, two of them were human. So... I'm not too sure if those chapters would really be able to be submitted.

Ok, so I'm worried that the prologue to Hieroglyphs: The Tale of Jamie Foxworthy, might give away too much about the story's end. It does confirm that 1: my character dies. 2: that my character was mummified, towards the present, in an Egyptian pyramid. 3: That the hieroglyphs on the wall is hers. And, to be honest, I'm sorta worried that the story's title might give away too much. As always, is this a legit problem, or am I just being a worrywart?

Yesterday was a bit of a red letter day for me. Not only did my commissions of Jamie finally come in, I also found a gal online who drew a simple profile of my OC for free. I submitted them, but, I've got no clue of how to choose keywords for SFW artwork... Anyone got any tips?