FA+
Shop
Endoscope 2 and General Life Update
Posted 2 weeks agoIt was not as nice. I just got back and I'm stained from tears and covered in tape and gauze.
Like always, I get a dismissive person trying to insert the IV. She misses it twice and refuses to listen to me when I suggest other areas. She refuses to get the light saying 'she can't see well'. So yea. I was stuck getting stabbed by someone who couldn't see well.
Second person comes in and jabs it into the back of my hand and it hurts way more than I was expecting. I voice this. She tells me it's unfortunately a part of the process so I deal.
I'm finally wheeled into the room and the doctor decides to change his answer about what was wrong with me. On my first one he told me I had a lot of inflammation but this time he decides to say I had an ulcer. I even pointed that out to him but all he did was shrug and turn away. Then the worst part came where they tried to sedate me. It caused me so much pain I had to beg them to stop because they were like everyone else and just thought if they kept doing it, it'd somehow magically correct itself.
The fluid was struggling to inject and it hurt like a bitch- even stinging and burning. So yet another pin was added to my cushion looking for another spot to insert the IV.
I don't think the sedation worked well in general. I was conscious for the whole thing once again and they had to keep talking me down and calming me because I was struggling to keep still. I was gagging but thankfully didn't puke. After all is said and done I'm told everything looks good, like the ulcer is all healed up and that I will be booked for a follow up in another 2 months or so. Then they tell me to put my long sleeved shirt back on with 2 IV's still dangling from me, and they refuse to remove them until after. Okay. Sore hand gets more beat up and owie and the second IV is covered by my sleeve that won't roll up because it's a fitted shirt and not a loose one. Just pulling off the tape hurt my hand so bad, and at the end of it, she jabs her thumb into it to 'stop the bleeding' and wonders why I'm crying and says I should have communicated it was hurting this much from the beginning, because it shouldn't be hurting THAT badly...
I didn't get to enjoy that relaxation. Everyone else took their time chatting and taking ten minutes to prep ONE needle while my arm was cinched and waiting. I'm happy I no longer have signs of ulcers- I've noticed my stomach isn't in as much pain anymore, but I still do experience issues with burping/excessive bloating and pain/panic attacks when I sleep at night. I want to celebrate this small victory but now I'm pretty sure my pancreas is failing. My blood sugars are higher than normal, even if I haven't eaten in 24 hours. No doctor wants to send me in for an allergy test or even consider switching brands. I've already called the manufacturer and got a replacement but the new boxes aren't any better. It doesn't smell the same as the older ones I've had. It smells weaker/watered down but how do I go and prove that? No one will listen to me and it took me bitching at 3 different people to get taken seriously. They were trying to brush me off and tell me to go talk to my pharmacy about it when they have NO control over that shit. I was told to go in and get some bloodwork done but the bitch didn't send me the paperwork in the mail like I'd asked. I made sure there was no way they could mistake my english for anything else. 'I NEED THIS SENT TO ME IN THE MAIL TO MY ADDRESS THROUGH CANADA POST'. But somehow, she misheard all of that, and my second clarification as 'SEND IT TO ME BY E-MAIL'. I'm still waiting for it though because canada post can't deliver shit properly anymore. I'm so tired of dealing with this shit... Just figuring out what's going on with my insulin has taken over a month to resolve now.
I'm probably going to make a blog one day on how much easier it is to apply for MAID.
Like always, I get a dismissive person trying to insert the IV. She misses it twice and refuses to listen to me when I suggest other areas. She refuses to get the light saying 'she can't see well'. So yea. I was stuck getting stabbed by someone who couldn't see well.
Second person comes in and jabs it into the back of my hand and it hurts way more than I was expecting. I voice this. She tells me it's unfortunately a part of the process so I deal.
I'm finally wheeled into the room and the doctor decides to change his answer about what was wrong with me. On my first one he told me I had a lot of inflammation but this time he decides to say I had an ulcer. I even pointed that out to him but all he did was shrug and turn away. Then the worst part came where they tried to sedate me. It caused me so much pain I had to beg them to stop because they were like everyone else and just thought if they kept doing it, it'd somehow magically correct itself.
The fluid was struggling to inject and it hurt like a bitch- even stinging and burning. So yet another pin was added to my cushion looking for another spot to insert the IV.
I don't think the sedation worked well in general. I was conscious for the whole thing once again and they had to keep talking me down and calming me because I was struggling to keep still. I was gagging but thankfully didn't puke. After all is said and done I'm told everything looks good, like the ulcer is all healed up and that I will be booked for a follow up in another 2 months or so. Then they tell me to put my long sleeved shirt back on with 2 IV's still dangling from me, and they refuse to remove them until after. Okay. Sore hand gets more beat up and owie and the second IV is covered by my sleeve that won't roll up because it's a fitted shirt and not a loose one. Just pulling off the tape hurt my hand so bad, and at the end of it, she jabs her thumb into it to 'stop the bleeding' and wonders why I'm crying and says I should have communicated it was hurting this much from the beginning, because it shouldn't be hurting THAT badly...
I didn't get to enjoy that relaxation. Everyone else took their time chatting and taking ten minutes to prep ONE needle while my arm was cinched and waiting. I'm happy I no longer have signs of ulcers- I've noticed my stomach isn't in as much pain anymore, but I still do experience issues with burping/excessive bloating and pain/panic attacks when I sleep at night. I want to celebrate this small victory but now I'm pretty sure my pancreas is failing. My blood sugars are higher than normal, even if I haven't eaten in 24 hours. No doctor wants to send me in for an allergy test or even consider switching brands. I've already called the manufacturer and got a replacement but the new boxes aren't any better. It doesn't smell the same as the older ones I've had. It smells weaker/watered down but how do I go and prove that? No one will listen to me and it took me bitching at 3 different people to get taken seriously. They were trying to brush me off and tell me to go talk to my pharmacy about it when they have NO control over that shit. I was told to go in and get some bloodwork done but the bitch didn't send me the paperwork in the mail like I'd asked. I made sure there was no way they could mistake my english for anything else. 'I NEED THIS SENT TO ME IN THE MAIL TO MY ADDRESS THROUGH CANADA POST'. But somehow, she misheard all of that, and my second clarification as 'SEND IT TO ME BY E-MAIL'. I'm still waiting for it though because canada post can't deliver shit properly anymore. I'm so tired of dealing with this shit... Just figuring out what's going on with my insulin has taken over a month to resolve now.
I'm probably going to make a blog one day on how much easier it is to apply for MAID.
My First Endoscope
Posted 3 months agoI was stressing the night of and got no sleep. Then I get a nurse who magically pops in an IV without pain or even a pinch. I was more worried about the sedation process, if it would disorient me and how it would feel. The only thing actually experienced was that smell of saline from when they first insert the IV. Then I closed my eyes because I was nervous and when I looked around the room I felt dizzy and closed them again. It was like someone dimmed the light in the room but I was still conscious. There was no actual sensation or disorientation/grogginess like I get from a Nyquil. I don't know what the sedation was called but it was SO relaxing I wish I could be sedated every time I need to sleep.
Before all this medical stuff started happening my blood pressure used to be really healthy (80/60 kinda healthy) and that's where it put me back. All my stress was gone. The saddest part was feeling all of that stress come back as I sobered up. Dare I say it was better than the Big O because you didn't have to exert yourself to get there and it made me just as loopy.
I was not lucky enough to sleep during the process though. I made the mistake of opening my eyes and saw the doctor indifferently shoving the scope down. I remember the nurses telling me to take it easy but the asshole was blocking my airway periodically. I had issues with gas in my stomach so I was burping through the entire process. I remember being so self conscious of the slobber running down my face I tried to wipe away at it as subtly as possible. I made noises every step of the way.
There are some things I couldn't get answered. Unfortunately with my situation, and the lack of Doctors in Canada, I have to deal with a roulette of NP's who are just trying to make the best referrals that they can. Turns out they referred me to a surgeon who can't explain any of my quirks I've developed but he was 'kind enough' to just make sure there wasn't anything that could be immediately wrong. All I was diagnosed with was inflammation and I already knew that just from living with it. The doctor tried to accuse me of swallowing air because of the way that I eat but this is a recent development and I've lost my ability to burp automatically. I have to consciously squeeze my abdomen muscles and even push down on my stomach at times to get rid of it. I am quite literally swallowing air as I lie in bed to sleep (no food involved) and since I'm poor/don't have food, I eat maybe once a day. I'm also wondering if inflammation is really the only issue here because sometimes when I eat, it sends my body into a state of pain/shock. I feel intense throbbing, my body shakes from the weird pain sensation and it can be triggered from plain, mashed potatoes. No seasoning, no sauce, nothing.
So some reassurance in some ways, but plenty of questions left unanswered. I have no idea who the proper doctor would be to see in my case, so back to the drawing board on that.
Before all this medical stuff started happening my blood pressure used to be really healthy (80/60 kinda healthy) and that's where it put me back. All my stress was gone. The saddest part was feeling all of that stress come back as I sobered up. Dare I say it was better than the Big O because you didn't have to exert yourself to get there and it made me just as loopy.
I was not lucky enough to sleep during the process though. I made the mistake of opening my eyes and saw the doctor indifferently shoving the scope down. I remember the nurses telling me to take it easy but the asshole was blocking my airway periodically. I had issues with gas in my stomach so I was burping through the entire process. I remember being so self conscious of the slobber running down my face I tried to wipe away at it as subtly as possible. I made noises every step of the way.
There are some things I couldn't get answered. Unfortunately with my situation, and the lack of Doctors in Canada, I have to deal with a roulette of NP's who are just trying to make the best referrals that they can. Turns out they referred me to a surgeon who can't explain any of my quirks I've developed but he was 'kind enough' to just make sure there wasn't anything that could be immediately wrong. All I was diagnosed with was inflammation and I already knew that just from living with it. The doctor tried to accuse me of swallowing air because of the way that I eat but this is a recent development and I've lost my ability to burp automatically. I have to consciously squeeze my abdomen muscles and even push down on my stomach at times to get rid of it. I am quite literally swallowing air as I lie in bed to sleep (no food involved) and since I'm poor/don't have food, I eat maybe once a day. I'm also wondering if inflammation is really the only issue here because sometimes when I eat, it sends my body into a state of pain/shock. I feel intense throbbing, my body shakes from the weird pain sensation and it can be triggered from plain, mashed potatoes. No seasoning, no sauce, nothing.
So some reassurance in some ways, but plenty of questions left unanswered. I have no idea who the proper doctor would be to see in my case, so back to the drawing board on that.
Resources and Recommendations
Posted 3 months agohttps://www.youtube.com/@dequitem
A great resource for medieval armor in action. Some educational videos.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/_0e758B4V-s
Archer Pole Dancer with vast knowledge on archery, its many postures and designs, debunking, and other stunts with bigger weapons.
https://www.youtube.com/@the_hooded_man_
Educational videos about different medieval weapons, learning the names of all the different pieces and garments, lifestyles, etc.
https://ko-fi.com/raikairan
Brushes for Sai, Clip and Procreate
Animation Software
https://esotericsoftware.com/
You've probably seen lots of NSFW flash animations on here that were made with this... or maybe SFW splash animations from videogames? I didn't save it but years ago I rigged a picture of Nidoking with an idle breathing animation in just 2-3 hours of learning the software. It can be as simple or as complicated as you like. I admit I'm stumped when it comes to learning the newer updates and features though, but it's pretty nice. Ignore the obvious mistakes. https://youtu.be/jV1iwJPLH8w
Wacom Tablets
Argue what you will about their usage of AI stock images, or their prices, but WACOM was the only reliable brand for a lefty in the 2010s. Other brands have taken years just to adapt left-handed usage. Other brands might not be compatible with all software's, or may require manual setup. Wacom has a variety of tablets that meet different needs (like not having useless buttons under my hands). They don't require batteries and are up to date with pretty much any art software our there. Do your research!
Paint Tool Sai 2
In the day and age where you had Photoshop or Sai, I choose Sai. It's a bit more complicated to set up in some ways and looks very outdated, but it has the simplest interface for creating art. In Clip or photoshop you usually have stacks of menus. With Sai it's color-brushes-canvas. Adjust as needed. There are pros and cons to each of course, but Sai has been the most reliable and consistent. For things like clip I've encountered so many issues (completely missing features despite having the latest version) that have no resolution and since the primary language isn't english, you're limited on how much help you can get from online communities. There's also a matter of cost, where Sai is a one-time payment that I think is around 30$ USD, and Clip can be a few hundred. Do your research!
A great resource for medieval armor in action. Some educational videos.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/_0e758B4V-s
Archer Pole Dancer with vast knowledge on archery, its many postures and designs, debunking, and other stunts with bigger weapons.
https://www.youtube.com/@the_hooded_man_
Educational videos about different medieval weapons, learning the names of all the different pieces and garments, lifestyles, etc.
https://ko-fi.com/raikairan
Brushes for Sai, Clip and Procreate
Animation Software
https://esotericsoftware.com/
You've probably seen lots of NSFW flash animations on here that were made with this... or maybe SFW splash animations from videogames? I didn't save it but years ago I rigged a picture of Nidoking with an idle breathing animation in just 2-3 hours of learning the software. It can be as simple or as complicated as you like. I admit I'm stumped when it comes to learning the newer updates and features though, but it's pretty nice. Ignore the obvious mistakes. https://youtu.be/jV1iwJPLH8w
Wacom Tablets
Argue what you will about their usage of AI stock images, or their prices, but WACOM was the only reliable brand for a lefty in the 2010s. Other brands have taken years just to adapt left-handed usage. Other brands might not be compatible with all software's, or may require manual setup. Wacom has a variety of tablets that meet different needs (like not having useless buttons under my hands). They don't require batteries and are up to date with pretty much any art software our there. Do your research!
Paint Tool Sai 2
In the day and age where you had Photoshop or Sai, I choose Sai. It's a bit more complicated to set up in some ways and looks very outdated, but it has the simplest interface for creating art. In Clip or photoshop you usually have stacks of menus. With Sai it's color-brushes-canvas. Adjust as needed. There are pros and cons to each of course, but Sai has been the most reliable and consistent. For things like clip I've encountered so many issues (completely missing features despite having the latest version) that have no resolution and since the primary language isn't english, you're limited on how much help you can get from online communities. There's also a matter of cost, where Sai is a one-time payment that I think is around 30$ USD, and Clip can be a few hundred. Do your research!
About This Page
Posted 3 months agoFinal Decision: Origins is a medieval, epic fantasy adventure that will establish the world (and its lore) for future installments. It also plays into the 'Origins' of mythological creatures we read about today. Action, adventure, magic, mystery, a touch of politics, brutality of men and monsters on top of a slow-burn romance. This project is under heavy construction, meaning you will likely never see anything other than drafts, concepts and sketches for years to come. Feel free to fave and forget. Maybe you'll come back to a nice surprise.
Objective: Though there will be some gritty scenes and much adversity, my intention isn't to glorify violence or SA, but the topics do come up as characters overcome and heal from it. While violence/gore may be present (undead, combat, PTSD, transformations, flashbacks, etc) I will never illustrate or write explicit non-consensual material.
I'm still experimenting and developing my style. I'm a self-taught artist and writer so I try to juggle these skills to make up for my lack of details. It's hard to say if it'll be a novel, a comic or a mix like an adult picture book. Whatever financial support I can gather will be going towards the development of my series, such as commissioning other artists for polished logos/decals or furthering my education.
About Me:
My style flip flops between Manga-esque and semi-realistic digital painting.
I use a Cintiq 16 tablet and Paint Tool Sai 2. The most I can use Clip Studio for is their comic tools and occasionally placing objects to figure out the perspective on a scene.
I am now legally classified as disabled and these health issues can cause a lot of problems that make it impossible to be creative some days. Still getting tested for other things. Since I cannot consistently commit to a time schedule I do not plan to paywall my content with the exception of NSFW (as per Patreons rules).
Objective: Though there will be some gritty scenes and much adversity, my intention isn't to glorify violence or SA, but the topics do come up as characters overcome and heal from it. While violence/gore may be present (undead, combat, PTSD, transformations, flashbacks, etc) I will never illustrate or write explicit non-consensual material.
I'm still experimenting and developing my style. I'm a self-taught artist and writer so I try to juggle these skills to make up for my lack of details. It's hard to say if it'll be a novel, a comic or a mix like an adult picture book. Whatever financial support I can gather will be going towards the development of my series, such as commissioning other artists for polished logos/decals or furthering my education.
About Me:
My style flip flops between Manga-esque and semi-realistic digital painting.
I use a Cintiq 16 tablet and Paint Tool Sai 2. The most I can use Clip Studio for is their comic tools and occasionally placing objects to figure out the perspective on a scene.
I am now legally classified as disabled and these health issues can cause a lot of problems that make it impossible to be creative some days. Still getting tested for other things. Since I cannot consistently commit to a time schedule I do not plan to paywall my content with the exception of NSFW (as per Patreons rules).
