sorry for the sudden stop in posting. If you have not figured it out yet, i am always getting hurt, sick and other issues. That's what it is like being the runt of a litter i suppose :/ i have been on medical leave for the past two (maybe three) weeks now and have been feeling like a deflated Bouyak. i am just starting to feel better and not throw up all the time which is nice! Art should be coming back here in the next couple of weeks (hopefully) so stay tuned! i will be finishing rolling out the fox day doodles even though they are late so if you did not get one yet then do not worry, i did not forget about you <3 Sorry for making this post so late. i wanted to do it sooner but did not have the energy/ mental capacity to do so. And to those who i may have been annoying on Discord... i don't think that will stop >//< i will be a little less annoying now though... maybe. Ⓘﻌ<

Also, dose anyone know anything about repairing droids? specifically ones made with Demidgie tech/programming? Mine has been on the fritz lately and i have not had time to speak with Yuka about it. i think some fluid got into one of its cams and fried its wiring because the camera is just not responding. The ports all sticky too but i do not know if that is natural from lubrication. Any suggestions or help would be nice. Its a custom build bio-operating droid but the parts are just hobbled together pieces from other bots and devices. If i could fix it solo then that would be cool but if there is no fix then i can take it to Yuka some other day when gates are operational again. If none of that made sense then you can ignore it but if anyone has advice that would be nice! Thank you ^^


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🦊🦊🦊ᴛʜᴇ ɪɴᴠᴀꜱɪᴏɴ🦊🦊🦊📌-⌈Rolling out art⌋ ➽ ▇▇▇▇▇ 78%

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Sorry that this gave you a notification. Whish i could turn them off for these o~O

Read before continuing on

Note: content on my page may be changing in the future. Expect darker themes, Gore, heavy topics and content not suitable for all audiences. This type of content WILL be labeled accordingly via mature or adult ratings so if you wish to not view them but still wish to view my less intense art moving forward then i highly suggest adjusting the "Enable Adult Artwork" setting to "General" which can be located in your "Account settings". If you wish to Un-watch me then i understand completely and will not be upset. Promise <:)


With that said, the rest of this journal will contain darker themes so if you wish to avoid that, leave now. Thank you and have a good day/night.

Warning: the following journal may contain content not suitable for most audiences. Viewer discretion is advised.

Contains: Depressing/heavy topics, Venting of frustration, foul language, discussion of suicide. You have been warned.


Hello there, i hope you are doing well. i have never done something like this before so hopefully nothing bad comes of this. Like anyone is going to read this anyways. i am slipping and slipping bad which will impact how i run this page going forward. i usually try to keep my art some what safe and fun but... my art is not that. It is supposed to have emotion. Suppose to have feelings and show others... things. Feeling i have intentionally not been putting into my work, things that i have not been showing out of fear. But for a good while now, i have been falling apart which will definitely be shown in my work moving forward. As a final warning, please leave now if you do not want to hear some really heavy stuff. i will say... the only thing so far that has been true about me is my appreciation for you all. Being able to chat slightly unfiltered to others has been... refreshing. And eye opening too. Okay, final warning.

For years i have been trying to keep myself together. i approach things out of logic, out of reason and planning. i calculate, plan, learn and scheme. And out of all the information i have gathered, out of all the facts, run throughs, actions, all the times i set those plans and schemes into action, all the backup plans i make and the back ups for those back ups, out of all the preparing and bracing i do to try and make my pitiful existence that is an insult to life itself work, out of all the times those plans and back up plans fail due to my incompetence or inability to even do the most basic things possible, i have came to the absolute, pinpoint conclusion that what ever i do i will NEVER ever ever be able to live my dreams. All i want is to live a quiet, private, peaceful life where i can make stories, animate, make music, take care of Beasts and animals and grow plants. i want to live in a lovely small cottage in the woods with a lovely spouse. All i want is to take a bath somewhere i feel safe. i have been told that all of that is possible. That if i work hard and do my best that i will obtain all of that. That if i stop being lazy and start trying my best then i will get all of that. The thing is i have been trying. i have sacrificed so much, worked so many hours, put up with the most mind draining things ever yet it is not enough. Because i am just that awful. If trying my absolute best is not enough then what is the point? The thing is, it makes sense. i am such a absolutely fucking scourge to this existence that one of the suitable punishments is for me to never ever be in reach of my dream. To be locked as a tool to be used for others survival. Not a useful tool though. no. i am as good as scissors with no blade. i am a candle with no wick. A tool left to collect dust and to be mocked. i fucking hate myself so much. No matter what, all things lead to me failing. i am loosing it. i just really REALLY want to kill myself so damn badly and some times i think the only reason i have not succeeded before is because there is this strange happening that if i just wait a bit longer something magical is going to happen and i will finally have a chance to just run. As dumb as it sounds, this site gave me a bit of that but i also feel it made things worse. i have met so many people that consider me their friend and it just... sucks. It sucks that now i will have more people to disappoint, more people to hurt, more people that will feel pain when i disappear. And it is all my fault. Fehler is such a perfect name for me. It is like they knew since birth i was an error. i can go on but it's like... who cares? The whole reason i am making this is to set a marker of my sanity for the future. i hope this dose not get me in trouble. It shouldn't but... who knows. i might just delete this after a day anyways. Hopefully i can disable comments on this thing. Please promise me that you will not express your sorrows or worries to me on this post. i do not deserve them. However i am thankful for them. Reading them will just make my future decisions more challenging. My head hurts so badly. i am so tired. Tired of being a object. i just want to sleep and never wake up. But there is still a few things i need to do before that. A few things before i bleed. Sorry if this was a tough one to read. i am just losing it is all. It hurts so badly. i dunno what else to do. Guess i will scheme some more. Not that there is much more scheming to do. If any staff members see this and want to take it down, then know that i am sorry. Please do not delete my page, i still have no clue what i am doing and this is the only place i have for some resemblance of creative freedom. This whole thing has been a wreck and is all over the place. Oof... what a rough first journal. Hopefully i can look back on this in the future and cringe or say how silly i was but i do not think that will happen. Okay... see y'all around. i may have no hope but you all defiantly do. Yes... you do. i have done the scheming after all Ⓘﻌ<

♬Your eyes are the windows to your soul♩
♩But what dose that mean when you have no eyes?♬

i am going mad~ XD