Hello, everyone. Sorry to have gone silent and vanished on everyone. I was…I still am in a pretty rough cycle through life. I’ve been wanting to try and make a post sooner about all this and build a game plan, but every time I feel like I’ve got a footing, something is pulled out from under me. And BOY was this year a bad one to try and plan that.
So, I’ve been stuck in a cycle of debt the last few years and finally decided to break through that by finding proper employment again. I wanted to be able to have the standing to finally be able to come in and be able to sort out refunds for those I owe. After so long of this and paired with a lot of drama from a family that expects the world but offers no support, I just wanted to be in a spot wash my plate clean and return to at least finding the process of creating fun again. My goal was to wait until my birthday on March 16th of 2020 and oh so finally make a return to the public, accepting wrath and disappointment because hey, that’s my home life anyway. Annnnd then Covid struck. I found myself out of work, and then BACK to work but now 6 days a week and barely any time to do anything else. And all the while without reliable transportation, and costs to get back and forth eating 40-50% of my income, too. I eventually got myself a moped, and having never actually tried one, took to practicing. Only to take a fall on a turn and break my humerus in two… This was just the tail end of this August. Unsure on how long a road to recovery I have, but my dominant arm is now mostly out of commission for any serious use.
And honestly? I’m just at wit’s end. There’s just only so much you can take before the constant tumbling down wears you out and makes you just want to give up on everything. I’ve sat with endless guilt with the work I owe eating away at my soul, knowing it’s always one step forward and five back. On top of that as well, losing my room and thus rendering most of my primary ways to distract myself means I’ve spent the last nearly two months with little to keep my negative thoughts in check. I’ve talked to several friends lately about how I find myself increasingly drawn to just ending it all and only ever being stopped by my fear of actually dying. I came into my “success” wanting nothing more than to just make some folk happy with my little corner of the internet and I can’t even say I’ve been able to do that anymore. I can’t even say I fully LIKE being here anymore, either. Lord knows I’ve been struggling lately with how frustrating things like vore are for me to even enjoy now. But I don’t want to try and milk a pity party. I don’t want to bog people down with sob stories.
I’m here to officially apologize for being a disappointment to the people who have come to me. I’m sorry I’m not in a position to immediately pay everyone back, but I will make good in due time when possible to start arranging refunds. My medical bills are making that impossible for the time being but I will begin to prioritize sorting that out to those who are tired of me. I should have long since thrown in the towel. I never should have been willing to keep thinking I could make this all work. My love-hate relationship with the kinks I’ve made my name in aside, I never, EVER intended to wind up a disappointment here. I have such a hard time finding my place to enjoy, but I have honestly still loved getting to make people happy even as just a smut peddler and I sincerely want to still hold on to being able to do just that, but the time has honestly come to accept that I cannot. None of this is acceptable. None of you deserved this disappointment.
If I could ask for just a bit more time to at least get financially stable enough to refund all of your who are done with me, I would appreciate it even if I don’t think I deserve even that. I’ll try my best to make this right, even if all it means is that I can sit in my corner and no longer be a disappointment to anyone again. I’m so sorry. Thank you for reading. If you want to have a direct line to me, I’ll be happy to give my Discord or whatever from here on to hear your grievances or whatever you feel like venting at me for how badly I’ve dropped this…

Alright, let's try this again now that most hurricane scares are well and truly over and I'm back to schedule.

Florence was a bit of a wild ride here. Nothing truly bad happened in my area, but that might have been the most dangerous one I've experienced in my life that I can recall. We were on the edge of a lot of flooding, with massive paranoia over the river since my house is a mile away from the range of the evac zone. I guess that lead to a lot of panic in me, as like I said, never really experienced things that clearly bad. Even Matthew from last year didn't trigger this level of alarm. And it didn't help that I...was frankly not prepared to go that long without being able to go out for food and such. Anyway

Things are all recovered and nothing happened beyond that panic, at least for my home. We did get a little crowded with sheltering family from the area that was evacuated, which did kinda hamper me, but everything's passed, and so back to work.

Sorry if I scared anyone who was aware of my position in the hurricane, haha. I didn't mean to completely disappear but I guess that really did have me too panicked to do a lot I should have been.

Hello all. Finally in a position of regularity where I think I can safely return to frequently updating at least this after so much time in utter silence.

I've taken the steps with the health department to get medication regularly for my blood pressure and recently discovered diabetes. A lot of stress from that, but having most everything handled, I can at least rest easier on that front. Though I still need to implement some lifestyle changes there, too. I've also managed to get my sleep under control. I can safely link any bouts of intense sleep to depression or stress now, and have been somewhat decent at regulating my sleep pattern for a consistent schedule outside of days where I can actively point to a massive bout of depression or anxiety as the root problem. I mean, I'm usually good lately at fighting it, but sometimes I can feel when I'm so worked up I just...want to curl up and forget I exist for a while. Good to at least know the cause there, haha...

Art wise, I've pushed through the art block this has caused for the most part, and shall be attempting, from today on, to schedule myself better and get all of you who are patient enough to still be with me here taken care of. If I can afford to upgrade the memory here on this lappy of mine, I may even attempt to get into art streams to help catch up more on a certain day of the week. There's...still some logistics there to work out and such, but we'll see if I can think of a way to do it. Lord knows I need the practice in having an audience.

Due to how things have shifted over time, I'll know try and post regularly on Mondays with blogs, possibly even work on an upload backlog in due time as well. But for now, little I can do but roll up my sleeves and try to hammer away. Thanks all for reading, and thank you all for your patience once more!

Hey all. Writing in to update everyone. Over the weekend I was admitted into the hospital after realizing that half of my face was effectively not moving. I felt no numbness and aside from a bit of watering and discomfort in that eye, hadn't noticed at all until a look in the mirror. When I went in, it was made a priority to make sure I wasn't suffering or had had a stroke without realizing, and my high blood pressure had them admit me rather than release me to return home. Had no signal so hard to update folks while in.

During this, they did rule out anything such as stroke, labeling the problem as simply a case of Bell's Palsy, but did discover I am diabetic on top of my high blood pressure, so I've been put on medication for those issues. It's a lot to take in, but as I've never once particularly felt bad and seemed mostly asymptomatic to either condition, there's no real feeling of a need to recover from feeling bad, but it has been hell on my mentality. On the bright side, my cholesterol was fine and the nurse's said the diabetes was caught in an early stage that makes it completely possible to manage without me requiring, say, insulin shots.

So, I'll try and get myself back to my attempt to catch up without too much delay, but just wanted to inform everyone of what had happened.

So, this year opened up with a ton of nonsense that seemed hellbent on keeping me fucked. How 'bout that?

Our plumbing was borked for a good few months, and I was constantly on call to try and fix it despite in no way being qualified to know what to do. I'd end up being kept without sleep sometimes just to be an assistant to someone else attempting to work on it, even, because my family seems aware that they will never help out or even remotely understand an explanation of what's going on, so come wake me up as I'm just laying down to try and sleep. Logic. We finally got it solved, though. Turns out it was an issue on the city's line, meaning we wasted time and money trying to deal with it on our side of the line. The pipe had busted under the road, so the city repaired that finally once we were able to prove it. (Speaking of stupid, why the hell is it on the customer to find out it's the cities problem? Just do some freaking maintenance checks. We were without regular use of our toilets, washing machine, and shower for months and it all could have been avoided if they just thought to regularly check their lines around homes!)

After that, our house's power went to shit. At first, it was just the power company not sending the correct voltage, disabling half the rooms in the house (shocker, of the bedrooms, only MINE was affected). After that, it was found that we had a faulty receptacle, which...was also shutting off power to those exact same areas. Woo. We installed a new circuit board, leading to more time where I was kept awake past 24 hours on more than one occasion to serve as an assistant in something I literally have no clue about. Had to fix that later, too, as for some reason, one of the breakers was being overloaded to the point of smoking despite how little was connected to it. Can't remember what the issue was found to be there, but we got it fixed too.

But, now these issues are done with and I'm neither feeling sick, being constantly kept awake, or to an extent even being remembered (I mean, I guess take the good with the bad, I don't get bothered but family barely remembers I exist, hm...) so now I'm working to get myself in gear and back on a regular schedule. I'll try and get myself back to weekly updates even if I've nothing to show/post, but I'll be aiming to get caught up enough to feel like I can post again guilt free. I thank everyone who's been patient with me, and everyone who might not be but have at least tolerated me.

Hello everyone! I'm sorry to have vanished so much in, what, a year now? While I've not exactly ceased all functions, I have mostly failed at maintaining a presence and communicating as I should. I feel like, however, that if I don't make an attempt now, I'll never be in the position I want to be in to start as I'd prefer anew. So, I'll provide some insight to fill everyone in who cares to read.

Life has been basically a string of consistent setbacks that have kept me from fulfilling duties in the timely manner I desperately want to return to. At each lull, I think things will improve, only for something else to strike. While I am recovering my schedule in terms of getting sleep, it has still been a bumpy ride on that path, and outside of even that, I've been ending up having to carry burdens in a household that I am simply not equipped to. This has included spending days attempting home repairs that I haven't the slightest clue in handling, or dealing with more serious issues in this household that has involved the authorities. This has also lead to a brutal cycle of chasing new income to combat being able to continue paying bills, only for that to lead to older orders being backed up more and more.

I'm in no position for this to be a post of recovering and having things squared away. I'll still have to chase and work around what I can while getting those I owe squared away as best I can. I apologize to have so many of you waiting, and I am always stressed to no end over the disappointment. But, if I'm to even begin to build myself back up, I need to at least return to regularly updating you all and keeping communications as open as possible.

To this end, I'm going to try and offer what I can to make amends to orders I have as longstanding and owed, even if all I can do in my position is offer free projects to go along with the backlogged orders. I have had suggestions to open a Patreon, but I cannot bring myself to consider that in good conscious when I have nothing I can think to offer and already owe so much. Over the course of the weekend, I'll be getting to my messages and Notes/PMs that have built up across the various sites, and I'll do my best to offer what I can to those who have been so graciously patient with me.

I will continue to work on what I have and with those who will have me. I will also maintain at least a once a week schedule of updating via Blog/Journal/what have you, and eventually resume uploads even as I work.

Thank you for reading. I hope you're all well, and hope I can still continue even with the disappointment I know I've left. Also, I am happy to give anyone who may which a faster, direct route to me my various messenger/IM addresses if that will allow for a speedier contact. All you'd need is ask.

It's been a while since I've been in the public seat again. I do sincerely apologize to all who took note of this or worried due to not having contact with me, but I'm alive. I'll fill you all in on why I've not been around. You see, I have still struggled with regaining my sleep patterns in a way that really let me function like I should, and I'm not certain it's really fixed yet either, but I'm trying to at least create enough of a stable pattern to not leave me such a mess that I can barely operate. It seems to be working, so I thought to give announcing myself a try again to hopefully rekindle a pattern I once knew.

I will be making updates to the queue next week. I know I owe a lot, and I cannot thank you guys I do owe enough for your patience. The reason I'll wait on updating the online queue until next week is to give myself some time to actually cut down severely on what I do need to finish before I feel completely willing to publicly take on new work. I will eventually be getting to a point again where I can implement my old rule that comic commissions will take up two slots rather than one, as I've waived that for a while now as an unspoken thing.

Also, I will potentially be considering the idea of trying to stream every now and then. I want to build up the courage to do so, though I'm unsure in the level of interest it could manage when I'm currently not weighing in on the idea of stream commissions. I guess lemme know what you guys might think there! I'll also begin the kinda big task of starting to upload again at the start of each of my work weeks, and I probably have quite a lot to flood these galleries with, haha.

Oh, and I guess I'll also be looking into actually making use of my tumblr in the future. It's all new to me, so I'll just have to see what it's like, and actually figure what and all will go there, haha. But, hey, that's updates on me. I hope you all have been alright and I certainly hope I didn't cause a scare or anything with my lack of presence in a year.

Let's hope I can really make a solid return and make some smiles!

Sorry for lack of my own updates. Sleep issues and the like have me off again, so I'm mostly just catching up while I try and set things right. But for now:

http://www.furaffinity.net/user/zeara/ Is in a really rough spot himself, and I'd like to help get a bit of attention out for him. http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7319025/ Check here for details. He's taking as many emergency commissions as he can, including animations. If interested and able, please, drop him a line and/or possibly spread this info around if you can.

Everyone needs help sometime, and maybe there's something you guys are interested in from him.

Ahoy, folks! Good news~ Seems my sleep schedule is holding firm since the last update. I'm getting used to being back on a normal schedule, so hopefully, I can begin a proper blitz. X3 Moving on, I'm also going to be caught up in uploads today. I should likely start uploading personal work now that the commissions are caught up again per week for uploads. So, I may start doing that tomorrow. Not too much left to comment on... I've actually done a lot of off queue work this week, too, haha, so my queue doesn't reflect everything done. |3 Sort of an oversight on my part, I reckon. Anyhoo!

As always, I'm still open for commissions. The slots are slowly freeing back up, so who knows, getting caught up totally should be achievable~ As always, if interested, you can check empty slots left and TOS right on my queue here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4738691/

Hope to hear from ya~

I say this a lot, but, for once, I think I've finally managed to fix my sleep schedule. It's been holding massively steady and I'm really hoping that using the trick of fasting to reset myself really did the job. Been waking up consistently and feeling completely rested, and when I have slept in, it's been only an hour or 2 as opposed to 6 or 7. >_> I'm pretty happy with this so far, and hope it sticks so that I can finally and fully return to a full weekly basis without anywhere near as much need to roll over incomplete ones.

With that, as always, I do still hope to hear from anyone interested in a pic or comic. My TOS and queue are listed here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4738691/ and for now, time for some more pics to go up. Gonna try and make good on this goal to be caught up by the end of the year, dang-nabbit. X3

Ahoy all! You may have noticed my lack of presence last week. While I did get work done, I lost a lot of hoped for progress due to sudden sleep issues. ...and at least one point of just forgetting my alarm wasn't even set in the first place. Oy. But, it's almost 2016. I gotta do better, and make this back to being per week. So, nothing to do but to do it. I guess the plan of action for posting will be to do so as close as I can to waking up, every day until I'm caught up on that front, or back enough to do one post at the beginning of the week.

So, from here on, nothing to do but full steam ahead. I'll keep you all posted on streaming if I situate that soon enough, too. :3

For now, if you're interested in a commission, feel free to drop a line. My TOS and Queue are always visible right here:

Do hope to hear from you, and for now, to start the plan and get today's images posted!

Hey, I'm on time! Sweet, right?

So, I do realize I got well off track on posting like I should with the art I'm currently sitting on. So, I think instead of trying a solid block again, I'll just resume the idea of posting at least three a day until it's all up. XD (And as a note, I post across Eka's Portal, FA, and Inkbunny, and due to different policies across them all, FA and IB tend to see the fewest posts of my batches due to the different rules. Felt the need to address that!)

Onto the other news, as per usual, I'll be opening to slots I have left here to any interested in nabbing one. I'll also do what I can to work up the nerve for public streaming at hours where people could actually tune in. >_>; Per the norm, the TOS and queue should be here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4738691/

So, as many might have noticed, I've not been back on my weekly schedule in ages. But, now that I can see I'm waking up with few genuine lapses back into horrendous oversleeping and misery and my weeks seem to have solidified an overall schedule, I'm going to make a large effort to start better clearing things while continuing with new work. So, for the backlog lists, I'm going to be trying to clear one a week, unless I get the time to do more. I also will start to try and run streams soon, and regularly, to help with catching up. I'll have to figure out more on how to handle public ones for now, but yeah! :3

Today, I'll be trying to just focus on posting, so apologies in advance on blowing up any inboxes. If I finish uploading today, I'll try and get some extra work done before officially beginning tomorrow. If I do catch up, I'll likely try and switch back to opening on Tuesdays, as well. I'll also take a bit each day to make sure my online queue reflects my personal record.

If interested in a slot, do drop a line! My queue and TOS can be found here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4738691/

Hope to hear from you, and here's to the desire to get back to weekly updates!

I feel like that title should be an anime episode title. Or at least said like one. Anyway!

It seems after, what, a year now, that my sleep schedule has finally managed to right itself and let me be up on schedule to get work done. Almost every time I've said this, my schedule almost immediately decided to go "Pffft, the hell with that". But, this was lasted an entire week, with the worst oversleeping I've been doing being about an hour rather than, oh say, six hours. So, I'm doing everything I can to maintain this cycle of sleep and hoping to get myself full on back to clearing my plate every week when it comes to commissions.

With that said, I'll wait until tomorrow to start again with posting, just due to having a slight delay and preferring to simple use the time to start working while I can. X3 I believe I'm full this week, but if you're interested, you're still welcome to approach. As always, my TOS and queue is located right here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4738691/

Take care all, and hopefully this sticks!

...admittedly, I never actually stopped doing work, but with my sleep schedule taking such a bad hit, I've been behind in actually posting on time. So, time to get back around to it and make a public spectacle of myself! Tomorrow, posting the bit of backlog I have will start up, and in the mean time, if you're interested in commissioning me, my TOS and queue can be found here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4738691/ and I fully invite ya to drop a line :3

A bit late in the day, but still, it's Wednesday again, so time for a renewal of slots and an influx of artings!

I feel like I'm getting the hang out it all again. Still gotta figure out my backlogs, which I think I'll be trying to manage at least clearing one a week until they're done. Sleep schedule is sorta working back out like it should be, too. I'm also considering lil' specials and whatnot to play on the idea of having more fun in things. :3 Once I get things to a better place, I'll hopefully be able to start those!

So, as per the usual, you can always check out the TOS and current state of my queue here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4738691/

I'm getting better at making sure it's up to date by checking it every day before I begin work otherwise. So, hope to hear from any of you guys who are interested!

Going to make this a bit brief. Want to post and then get right to work. Late start to the day and all.

Commissions are still opening weekly slots as per usual. I'll likely be doing better at catching up now that I seem to be readjusting to my sleep schedule. Going to trying to work a bit more focused now and make good on my hope to finally get back steady at the wheel here. I kinda liked getting to update a good bit each week.

Commission TOS and prices are here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4738691/ and the queue will be there, and I will start reminding myself to take a few moments before work to check the queue online matches my file. Take care, hope to hear from anyone interested, and have a good week, folks!

So begins another round, and I finally get it up exactly when I planned. ...well, by day. Later in the day than I'd have done so otherwise, but still!

Also, I forgot to update the queue during the last week, at least online. Kinda funny that I've knocked it back down to where it was at the start of the week after taking on a total of 14 rather than my usual 12. X3 So, I guess I'm picking up well enough, even if I still can improve on getting it all cleared each week like I used to.

So, as always, I invite any interested to drop a line if you'd like to commission me. Of course, my info is here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4738691/ even if sometimes I fail to remember that updating my personal file isn't the same as updating the online one. X3 Hope to hear from ya~

So, opening a bit later this week simply due to...generally sleeping through my intended time yesterday. >> Apparently, the little sleep I had gotten the day before really did catch up with me and demand a proper rest. And for the sake of getting some more done, I will post the completed works from the weeks up tomorrow.

For other news, I'm trying to learn while I do commissions and such, especially the sequences/comics. Since I don't have a lot of time to devote to practicing, I'm trying to do what I can with commissions that allow me to test tips and processes I learn about. And I'm teaching myself to zoom back out when drawing them, as overtime I got a bit used to zooming in with sequences and it actually made them a tad bit tougher on me during the clean up. X3 How I got into that is beyond me, but ah well. Learn as you go. I've got a lot of things I can try to improve on as I learn more of Sai...

Anyway, that was just a general lil' tidbit for you guys. As per the norm, if you're interested in a commission, do drop a line. My TOS and all that jazz can be found right here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4738691/ if you need. Hope everyone's doin' good, and certainly don't mind hearing from ya if you're interested!

I suppose this one is a little unnecessary, considering I have but a single slot this week, but still! Schedule is a a schedule, right? |D

Time to see if the idea of streaming a bit can help me maintain the scheduling I want with these slots. I have some plans I'd like to experiment with once I'm good and back to order as I used to be. Little specials and stuff to have some added fun with. X3

I only technically have one opening left for the week, but, you're free to drop a line if interested! As always, you can just give a glance over here http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4738691/ to get an idea of the current line up, TOS, prices, etc. Hope to hear from anyone interested, and have a good one~

Man, I actually got so caught up in trying to get things completed I forgot to update this week. I'll be updating on time this week, still, but wanted a quick post to say I've been working on getting everything done and hopefully, I'll be back to actually clearing everything each week!

Still got a bit to go, but good to have a fire lit under my ass again. Also, I've continued to get used to streaming work. So, if that might interest you guys, let me know, and I can start announcing it on here when I'm streaming work from the queue.

So, time once again to pursue the task of catching up and maintaining my old speeds for commissions. I've found a good method of beating out any issues of distractions, and it's done pretty good the last few days. Of all things, streaming! I've yet to work up a lot of the nerve to post them publicly, but, if there's enough interest, maybe I'll give that a try. It's kinda fun, so if any of you would vote towards me going more public with them, do let me know! It'd be work streams until I'm properly caught up, but still. :3

On another note, I promptly forgot both to update my queue here and to continue posting my completed commissions. So, going back to my three a day plan until good and wrapped up. As per the usual for one of these Commissions Open journals, if you're interested in commissioning me, don't be shy to drop a line. My rates are always right here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4738691/ and provided I haven't derped up, that should have a decent approximation of how my slots for the week look XD

Take care, and hope to hear from you :3

Ahoy! Wanted to go ahead and get things all set up for the week before I got too distracted with the workload today.

First, personal updates. It seems I've managed to get my sleep under control. Of course, every time I comment on how bad it's gotten, it seems to right, and vice versa. >> Dunno how my schedule is so tuned to be a perfect smartass. But, it's been two weeks, as my internal clock seemed perfectly happy to begin setting itself properly after my last update, and with me being used to the hours I seem to be up and go to bed, I can get things all set to begin plowing through again I hope!

So, with that all out of the way, time to really try and get back into this weekly pacing once again. And this time stick to it. As Shia LeBouf has said, I just have to do it! So, from here on, I'm doing my best to get back to the good, productive days of yesteryear. I do have some plans I'd like to implement once I'm caught up to such a degree again, such as streaming and lil' specials. X3 But for now, just gotta get some better leeway on what needs to be done for the time being before I worry about getting those things set up.

For now, if you're interested in a commission, do drop a line! As per the norm, all my commission info can be found right here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4738691/

...oh! And I'll be trying to once again post some of the backlog a bit per day. I tend to have a bad habit of forgetting on the third day or so in a row. >>;

Ahoy all! So, it appears that once again, my sleep schedule is getting wonky and conflicting with my intended work schedules something fierce. So, I figure the only logical thing to do is say "Eff this!" and just start to do without a schedule and try and get what I can done regardless of how my sleep schedule goes. XD I want very much to set myself back up to be weekly, as I royally hate making you guys wait longer than that for something from me. It'll be nice to reign things back in, and that's just what I need to aim for this week, regardless!

So, while there's only two open slots left for this week, feel free to drop a line if you're interested. At worst, if things go as planned, it'll just mean a lil' wait for a clear slot :3 And as always, my queue and TOS are right here: http: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4738691/

Making my usual update, albeit slightly delayed. X3 As summer approaches, I once again realize I am not a person who can live without AC |D;

Anyhoo. Starting tomorrow, I'll begin taking some time to post the store of finished works I've done, and I'll go ahead and open new slots. Also, I would like to point out that while I may not have the best track record for answering them lately, I do read every comment i receive as soon as I notice it. I've tried to answer ones that do need a direct answer. Hope none of you think I'm ignoring you. ^^;

Of course, I'm always happy to hear from you and work with you, so if interested in commissioning me, you can find my queue and TOS right here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4738691/