So, for a few nights I'm staying by myself at my dad's vacation house out in the middle of nowhere....my dad and my stepmom will be along in a few days.



For the most part, it's gone fine. However, this evening, I went out for a drive and didn't get back to the house until 9:30 at night.


First off, I keep my headlights on so I can see my way to get to the door. But, as I get back to my car, I've noticed that about 40 mosquitoes had flown into it! I quickly close the door with myself inside to keep any more from coming in, and I see that there are tons more on the outside!

I finally manage to use some bug repellant in my car to kill the ones on the inside (which still sucked, since the mosquitoes were still flying around while I was inside), but at least I took care of them. So, I then get out, close the car door quickly, and made my way to the house, intent on planning to kill all of the ones on my car later.


But then what? I find out the power is out in the house! So here I am in this creepy old house alone in the dark!


Thankfully, I had my ipod which I could use as a light, but on my phone's battery had completely run out, so I couldn't even use my phone. But, I managed to find a flashlight, and then I lit some candles. But that made the house look even creepier!


Luckily, I managed to make it up to my room to find my teddy bear to keep me company and make me feel safe. Then....after about an hour, I was just about ready to go to sleep, and the power came back on! So here I am, all safe and sound now!



But it was quite a scary night for me!

Just saw this song by the Lonely Island. First verse is kinda funny.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TkXHKJ7bJMA

Not really, because it's very silly, but kind of funny.


Apparently Huggies has recently released an app that works with this little clip thing that parents can attach to their baby's diaper. The clip thing supposedly has a "humidity sensor" that sends a tweet to the parents' cell phone when the baby wets the diaper.



I know a lot of you babyfurs would be sending tons of tweets to your mates...hee hee.



http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/busines.....hange-diapers/

So today I heard someone talk about being "pampered" and it reminded me of this old comedy video/song about a guy wanting his wife to put him in diapers. It's pretty cool and the part with the policeman at 2:31 always makes me laugh.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqUsdUFUvsM



But it also go me thinking about the word "pamper" and how it's funny how that word has been around for a really long time, way before it had anything to do with diapers. And yet for me, whenever I hear it I still think of diapers, since I knew what a Pampers diaper was before I knew that the word pamper meant to spoil someone.


So it always makes me wonder if the average person does the same. When you hear about the idea of someone being pampered, I wonder how often other people picture someone having a diaper put on them.


It reminds me of an old Simpsons episode where Lisa and Bart are on a plane and get upgraded to first class, and Lisa excitedly tells Bart "They're going to pamper us!" Bart gasps, and Lisa goes "Not literally..." I always found that funny because it plays on the idea that the average person thinks of pampering having to do with diapering.





So just some weird diaper tidbits that were on my mind.

Check it out, Gem's doing an awesome new raffle!


http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4576397/

 TyTy found this really cool looking package of Gummy Bears:



http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10225832/


It looks just like me! Sunglasses and skateboard and everything!



Just missing a diaper, that's all.

In case you haven't seen it, the latest trend seems to be this one:


Basically just comment and tell me what you honestly think of me, and in return, I'll tell you what I honestly think of you.



Don't worry if it takes me a while to respond...it might even take me as long as 24 hours. But I will make strong efforts to respond to everyone! Some FA members I don't know too well, so I may not have tons to say...but I'll try my best!


Also, for those who's journals I've already commented on....you don't have to post here too if you don't want, since we've already had our fun little exchange.

I just watched The Fox and the Hound again, and that movie just makes me love fopsen. There are so many adorable and sad fops moments in that movie, and it always makes me want to reach in and give Todd a hug.


So instead, I just want to offer hugs to all of the fopsen on FA! I love you, fopsen!

It's Valentines Day....and I've yet to see one babyfur drawing/pic/commission with a babyfur character dressed up as Cupid in a diaper!


Maybe I just I haven't seen any yet and they've been around...I haven't been looking too hard.


But it's such a great opportunity to show off diapers! I still remember when I was younger I always got a kick out of seeing Valentine's Day cartoons of characters dressed up as Cupid wearing a diaper.

So ever since Christmas I've gone on a major art binge, getting commissions left and right. With so many awesome artists on FA, many of whom have extremely good prices, I just haven't been able to resist or contain myself.

So I came to the realization that I've pretty much turned into an art whore.


Now, I guess that's not really a bad thing...but I do feel the need to express a few things about it.


Sometimes I actually feel kind of guilty getting so many commissions and posting them. I know money's tight right now for so many people, and I always hope I don't come across as "Look at all of this art I have, nyah nyah."


I actually just "officially" became a furry and joined FA last June, so I'm still in a stage where getting commissions is really fun and exciting. It's kind of hard to explain exactly why getting commissions of furry animals doing baby things makes me feel so incredibly good....and I have gotten a whole lot of commissions. But for me, it's just something that makes me happy....just like buying a video game or a book or a movie or anything else.

And really, since last summer, there actually hasn't been a whole lot of "fun stuff" that I've felt like spending my money on. I don't go out to see movies because I just watch them on Netflix, I still have tons of old video games I play instead of feeling like buying new ones....really, I feel like art is the most fun thing I have to spend my money on.


Still....I know with so many people struggling, it may seem very frivolous for me to get so many commissions, and I always hope it never makes others feel bad.


And I know it may come across like I'm obsessed with the fandom, but I don't really view myself like that....this is something I really enjoy, but it's definitely not the center of my life. But getting art is something I really do love a lot.



I think what keeps me from feeling guilty is....I remind myself that it's not like I'm throwing my money away. My money goes to artists rather than big corporations, and I know it helps those arists out and makes them happy. Besides, it's a win-win...they get money, they get to draw art that they hopefully enjoy drawing, and I get art that I completely love and makes me so happy.


But a lot of the art I get is also pretty cheap. I usually try to find artists that I think do great work for low prices. I think that's partly why I get so addicted to it. I hate acting like $10 doesn't mean anything to me...but it's such a small price for an awesome drawing that I'll have forever. I can spend ten bucks on a meal one day and never remember it again for the rest of my life. But the commissions that artists do for me are special and meaningful, and I love having a collection of pieces.




So yeah...I know it's crazy that I've become such an art whore, and I do feel bad about the potential of making it seem like I'm rubbing it in people's faces... but it's just something that makes me happy.

This is the first time I'm pimped any artists, but lately I've been getting a lot of commissions and I felt like throwing out a few names of some of the artists I've gotten commissions from recently. All of three of them have really good prices and are always looking for commissions.

I know money's tight nowadays and people often don't have much to spend on commissions. But that's why I think these three are great...I'm very happy with my commissions from them, and they hardly cost anything!


 Shyanne has a unique style and draws cute little cartoony cub characters. Only $2 for a sketch! Two dollars! You can't beat that. That's like...the same as a soda pop. So come on....give up a soda for one day and get a lifelong cute cub sketch instead! And, only $4 for lineart, and only $6 for a flat color commission. Six dollars! That's like a subway footlong! They're not even 12 inches, you know...isn't a colored cute cub better than an 11 inch sub?!



 Rogeykun also draws really cute and creative drawings. Only $3 for a sketch! Three dollars! And only $8 for a colored sketch! 8 dollars is almost enough to buy you a pizza! I mean, come on, I know pizza is awesome...but all it does is make you fat and so you won't be able to fit in your diapers any more. Wouldn't you rather have Rogeykun draw you a really big poofy diaper that will fit your chracter no matter what? That's what he did for me! Besides, Rogeykun is too hard on himself about his drawings....I think they're awesome!




Finally,  komodo45 just recently started taking commissions. Only $10 for a colored sketch! And only $2 more for a background. So for only $12 I got a diapered cubbed out version of me including a bed, a teddy bear, a bottle of baby powder, a baby bottle, a pacifier, a block, a set of rings, a window and a nightlight! Not to mention a door opening showing my cubby self being caught. For $12!!! That's only like...the cost of a movie nowadays! Just stay home and watch a movie and get a really awesome sketch from komodo instead! He's up for drawing lots of stuff.




Again, I'm not trying to tell people what to do...it's your money, money's tight these days, and yes, there are tons and tons of artists on FA. But these three give you about the best bargain you could ask for! I really really strongly recommend them!

I usually am not very vocal about gay rights, but this song/video, which is a cover of one by a more popular artist, just makes me feel really good. So I just felt like sharing.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3eW1aBIpfg

So today when I was having lunch with some co-workers, somehow the topic of adult pajamas came up, and a few of them said that they knew people who had onesies for themselves.


At first I did a small doubletake, so I asked them what they meant. What they described was one-piece pajamas for adults, either with feet or not. I, of course, acted like this was all a completely new thing to me.


But on the inside, I was like "No!" Apparently now many companies who make adult pajamas are referring to adult footed sleepers/footie pajamas or just one piece adult pajamas with no feet connections as "onesies".


http://www.funzee.com/


Even Jumpin' Jammers refers to their footie pajamas as onesies in some places:

http://www.jumpinjammerz.com/



It makes me want to scream out "No no no people! Get your terms right! Onesies are one piece bodysuits with no leg coverings that makes diaper changes easier! Those other things are footed sleepers/footie pajamas! Come on now!"


Of course, I know that anyone who's not AB/babyfur or who doesn't know a lot about babies wouldn't know about any of that, so I don't say anything about the matter. Not that anyone would listen to me anyway.



In all seriousness, no, I don't care at all about people using the word onesie to describe footed pajamas....I just though the whole thing was kind of interesting, especially now because it will be more common to hear about adults wearing onesies. :)

So last night I had a really interesting dream that was definitely related to my cubbiness.



Basically, I dreamed that I died. But when I died, instead of my life flashing before my eyes, it was like my life suddenly reversed, and I could see all of hte experiences in my life go by extremely quickly, all in the span of a few seconds, and going backwards.


So, when it stopped, I was suddenly really small, and I was one year old! In addition, even though I couldn't see myself, I was with some other babies, and they were all baby furry animals too! It reminded me more of the Muppet Babies than anything else.

So after we goofed around and played around for a bit, suddenly my mom showed up.


We had a conversation and she asked me "So how are you enjoying your first re-iteration?" Basically, she explained to me that when people die, they keep their adult mind, but they go back to the beginning of their lives and go through their exact same life all over again...except their mind stays as an adult the entire time. She explained me to me that she had been through many of these iterations, but that this was the first time she had seen me go through my first one.


So it was pretty cool and I was excited to be able to do baby/cubby things for a long time!


There was one other really interesting and somewhat freaky aspect to it...I asked her why I was 1 year old instead of a newborn/infant, and she said that she had never told me in my life but...that before I turned one, I got a really bad respiratory disease that almost killed me, and she was afraid I would die as a baby. So, for my "re-iteration", I would always skip that part of my life since it was so painful.


But it was crazy because in my dream it made me feel like I had almost never existed since I had almost died before I even turned one year old!


Even though that's not true IRL, it was kind of a crazy feeling to believe it in a dream.



So anyway...that was just an interesting dream I felt like sharing!

So I heard someone today say that in the United States, today is National Bring Your Teddy Bear to Work Day! I looked it up on Google, and there seems to be some disagreement on exactly what date it's supposed to be...some say today, some say the 11th or 12th.


Either way, yay! Suffice to say, I did not bring my teddy to work today. But I like how there's a silly little day like that, and I gave my teddy some extra hugs today!

http://www.theatlanticwire.com/nati.....ctivity/57467/


Yay!

Alrighty, so even though I haven't decided anything for sure, I've been thinking that I'd like to a make a few changes to my character's fur patterns to make him stand out a bit more. I've already talked to a few people and gotten some ideas, but I figure the more people I hear from the more likely I'll find something that I feel fits just right.



So first off, one thing I think I've just about decided on for sure is that I'm gonna change his paws to be black. They'll still have the tan fingers and toes, but the rest of the hands and feet will be black instead of brown. I really like that because it will look even more like he's wearing gloves, and I think it will look really cool.



However, where I'm stuck is that I'm not quite sure what I want to do with the face/head. I want to change it up a bit, but not drastically. I like the idea of adding in some black, but I'm not quite sure. I'd be open to some other color potentially, but I don't want it to look too weird, and I'm also afraid that another shade of brown will be too hard to recognize/see clearly.


A few people have mentioned the idea of changing the ears (or just one ear) to black, and that's something I'm considering. Part of me thinks it might look a little too...mouse-y...but it could work.


I think part of the problem is that since the sunglasses are a big part of what I want in sketches, I'm having trouble figuring out a way to tweak the eyes/muzzle area that would look good.



So if anyone has any kind of input (especially if you have some sort of picture to offer...I'm horrible at visualizing things based on descriptions), then I would like to hear it. I want to take my time to mull around a lot of ideas before I actually get any new commissions for it, so any input is appreciated!

I imagine all babyfurs feel this in some form or fashion in their lives, but I feel like it's a huge issue in my own life. What I mean is the issue of mentally balancing out "regular" life and babyfur life.



I've always been big on the mindset of not letting my babyfurness dominate my life. The only people who know about me being a babyfur are people that I've met online, and frankly, I don't think anyone in my regular life would be able to understand it in the slightest.


But I still love and value all of the people in my life. Even though I so deeply long to be able to connect with them on such a huge part of my life, I long ago resigned to the fact that I wouldn't be able to. But I never want that to keep me from having great relationships with them; I enjoy my friends and family so much and they're such a huge part of my life.


But on the other hand, there are just times when I feel so incredibly lonely when I'm with other people and I just can't get anyone to relate to this whole side of me. I have a natural desire to retreat and be by myself.



I most notably felt this very strongly this past weekend when I went to the wedding of an old friend. He's an amazing friend and so is his wife, and I had a really awesome time at the wedding. I enjoyed talking with and joking around with a lot of people.

But at the same time, quite often I felt out of place. Even though I'm 29, I felt like my interests were all very childish. The things that I love the most...the things that make me happiest...were all things that most people would probably view as pretty childish. Not even the whole babyfur thing...but just things like the movies I like, food I like, etc. It was so boring to talk about work/careers, or to hear people talking about sex and drinking. I just felt kind of out of place...like other people were happily connecting about these things, and I was alone.



I think what's frustrating too is the sexual aspect of it all....other people can enjoy talking about sex all they want like it's a "cool" thing, but for me, everything is centered about being a babyfur...which is not something I can talk about at all.



So I think I was just thinking about how thankful I am to have a place like FA where I can kind of escape and relate to other people. It's nice to come to a place where my interests feel natural and where others feel the same as I do.




To me, that's when I'm happiest in life...when I can find that perfect balance between loving and connecting with my RL friends and family but at the same time feeling cozy and warm and happy about being a babyfur. And I don't think that second part is possible without something like FA.

Since today's my birthday, I kind of felt like reflecting on some of my cubby type thoughts, and I figured I might as well type them out and share them with all of the wonderful furries on FA (even those that don't quite get the whole babyfur thing).


The thing is, I've known I'm AB/DL ever since I was a young kid. I never knew why, but I always got a distinct joy out of the idea of wearing diapers and feeling like a baby. But I always knew that this was incredibly weird, and of course, like anyone, I also knew this fell into a fantasy realm...the idea of my parents or anyone else actually treating me like a baby was incredibly humiliating and just plain weird/awkward. Of course, the humiliation aspect of it was enjoyable in its own regard...but in a real life setting, the discomfort (and the aftermath) always made it unenjoyable in my mind, even apart from the extreme impracticality of the whole thing.


So I was left enjoying my fantasies, as well as enjoying any cartoon or TV skits in which characters were babied. But I don't think I truly identified the furry aspect of it all automatically as a kid. The only clue was that I absolutely adored the Care Bears Movie 2, and I always fantasized about being one of the baby Care Bears and being taken care of like a baby (particularly the diaper change idea). It made me feel so at peace and just so happy deep down inside, which is why I continued to watch the movie up until I was about 7 years old. At that point, it became apparent that other kids thought I would be "too old" to watch this kind of movie, so out of embarrassment I forced myself not to watch it again and to "grow up".


Fast forward to when I was about 15 (1998) when through the magic of the internet, I found out that I wasn't a total freak, and that there were plenty of other people out there that were AB/DLs. I was filled with a sense of total peace, and when I became old enough to drive, I was finally able to buy some diapers and baby stuff and enjoy all of it.


But I also ran across Proxima Centauri's site and learned more about the idea of furries and babyfurs. I don't think I truly felt like I was a furry then....but I noticed how picturing furries as babies made it so much more enjoyable to fantasize about. The whole thing seemed to be so much more cuddly and so much easier to separate from real life. I highly enjoyed looking at all of the art, going to KarisPlayground, and reading all of the babyfur stories, particularly those by Kit Fox.


But I don't know if I ever felt like I truly was a furry myself...I just enjoyed all of the babyfur art and stories even more than the regular AB/DL ones.

I think a lot of it is because I don't find human babies to be cute at all...to be honest, they really get on my nerves, and to this day I still feel really uncomfortable around them. I think there's a certain jealousy I feel too, I guess...when I see people fawning over them, I feel a huge sense of irritation. I think it's largely because I don't find them to be cute (and that I actually find them irritating), so I don't get why other people think they're so great...but I also think there's a certain jealous feeling I get because I get so much joy about of being babied.

I know this isn't true for every babyfur...I know there are plenty who love human (or is that hyoo-mon? ) babies IRL. But for me, I think it creates a huge irritation, especially because I have such a strong desire to be babied....but not by the people in the situation!


I think that's a large reason why I've finally moved into the idea of being a babyfur. I went to AB/DL sites for a long time, and I greatly enjoyed them and posting on the forums...but eventually it just seemed like the same things were being said again and again. I wrote a lot of AB/DL stories, but I got out of the habit.


So after going to Anthrocon these past two years (largely led by a babyfur friend that I had met on the AB/DL sites), I've really embraced the idea of not just being an AB, but actually getting my own fursona and diving in to the whole realm of being a babyfur. And I really like it because it makes me feel so much cuter (and cooler) than being just a regular AB. Instead of being an awkward adult dressed like a baby, I can now be whoever I want....there's no limitation to the perfect balance of cuteness and coolness that I desire so strongly. It makes me feel like everything is exactly right in my world.


And on my birthday, that's the way that I like feeling. I like the feeling of being completely adored and coddled over in a cute way (unlike real babies), as a cub that I myself find to be very cute. But I also like having a "cool" and easygoing personality that is appealing as well.

And I think the idea of being a bear is very natural for me. I always found the Care Bears to be cute and cuddly as a kid, and even as an AB I loved teddy bears the most. It's just a natural fit for me.



So anyway....for anyone who bothered to read this, that's my story and where I'm coming from. Hopefully I'll be able to save up some more money this summer and get some sketches from some of the awesome artists on FA, since I spent so much of my money this year at Anthrocon getting my badges.


Peace,

-Digitz