* reposted from Tumblr *

Earlier today ( March 22, 2012 ) I posted a little question that can be found here “Am I really all people say I am?” I also posted it in other locations for those that don’t have Tumblr to reply. As of midnight I got a total of 4 responses from people, some that have known me for a short time and others for years now. The responses that they gave can be summed up as “Yes, you are.”

It actually has moved me to the point of tearing up, because there are times when I don’t feel that I am worth such words and there are others better suited for it. To actually see me as such does make me feel embarrassed but also glad at the same time. I won’t put what they said, and no this isn’t some kind of ego stroking… I do wonder if I am all the things that people have said that I am and the best way to judge is by friends and what others think of you. I’ve always considered myself as just a normal average guy, and I still do, nothing will change that. But knowing that others see me like how others have said they saw me, and their own words are very heartwarming and humbling. So, thank you all that have responded.

Don’t be shy to reply to this… I really want to know.

For a long time and now in recent days I have been called many things and I truly wonder if I am all these things. When my grandmother died my father said that he wouldn’t had been able to make it if not for me, that I was “a rock”. While everyone else was falling to pieces, I was there and I was able to keep things together. In private however I fell apart, and there was one person that was there for me to comfort me. It’s just one of the things that has been said about me in the past.

More recently, over the past week, I have been called “Noble”, “Honorable”, “Courageous”, “Patient”, “Determined”, “Inspirational” and “Great”. But am I really all of those things? Honestly there are days that I really don’t feel like that… I just feel like myself, a normal guy. I look at myself in the mirror and I just see the same guy that has been looking back at me for years now, be it a bit older and tired then what I remember… but still the same guy. Am I really all these things that people say that I am? When people say these things to me I blush. Yes, I admit it does feel good a bit to be called that… but really do I deserve to be called such things? I do feel there are others more worthy of such titles, that have done more then I have ever done.

I have been doing a lot of things lately, and have tried to keep everyone in the loop on things so that they won't be worried or overly concerned. Time for a little update on things and I'll try and section things off for easier reading.

Commissions
I have been working on commissions as much as I can with all that is going on, often only a few hours a night after I get everyone to bed and taken care of. This has slowed down my production, as you all might have noticed from the progress that I have/haven't made on my list. I aim to get at least one or two done by the end of the month since I am starting to get back into the swing of things once more. The additional 7 slots that are open shall remain open for the time being. I am very sorry for the amount of time that it has taken me to get things done, and thank you all for your understanding.

Family Health
There have been some developments with my family health wise that has been the cause for a number of things being put on hold, including commission work. My Mom had an operation to kill off two large tumors that had developed on her liver, and the operation did work, but it caused a number of other problems that the doctors had not expected. While the two largest tumors are now dead, so is a portion of her liver and there are still a cluster of smaller tumors left on the other half of her working liver. These tumors were caused by some kind of chemical exposure that the doctors are not sure of, making it a mystery to them. These tumors are a form of cancer, and thus far there is no cure for the type that my Mom has. She is under going chemo therapy as well as on medication for pain, but often those aren't enough as she's often in so much pain she can hardly move. Then there is the exhaustion that goes along with being in pain and her body fighting back against all that has happened.

I spend much of the day looking after her and helping out around the house, while my Dad does shift work. Often I am up till about 3 in the morning now looking after my mom, since she gets up about 1 or 2 in the morning with stomach or kidney pains. After getting her taken care of and back into bed about 3, I usually end up getting to bed as well.

That's about all the updates on things for now. Sorry that I haven't been around much for those that I chat with online, or hang out with.

Late last week I posted a blog about a fan of my old comic that I have also been helping with their comic on. The power to her place has been shut down and her family owes $1,800 some dollars just to have the power turned back on. They had been using an installment plan and been paying off their bills, but the power company decided they had enough and demanded payment right there that day... with no way to pay the power was shut off.

The neighbor that was helping them also has now stopped supplying them emergency power in order to power their fridge and freezer, as well as any other heating element in their home. The other family members that were in the home have had to move out, there were several children in the house that are not living in a small apartment with their mother and trying to avoid an abusive ex-husband that has been stalking them, and has been trying to get custody of the kids. This includes a recent call notifying Child Services of the power being shut off.

I know that there are a great deal of people out there that may not have enough money, but if you can spare anything then please do donate to this family. In order to help them, I will do sketches for anyone that has donated $5 or more. So please, follow the link below for more information and on how you can donate.

Thank you all for your time.

http://insanity-unlimited.deviantar.....ower-288537779

There are some good days and bad days with things, and yesterday was a rough one at the start. I won't go into details, but I will say that will be going to another appointment on Wednesday for both my parents and pick up some medication for them.

Those that have been following these journals will know that my Mom had an operation to remove/kill tumors that have been causing her trouble. There have been some complications in that and the chemo therapy that have done a number on her. My Dad, he's a 22 year retired Army Vet and has had a number of injuries over the years that he has been in service. There are days that he can't get around that well, but he tries to manage. So I have been trying to take care of them both. Saturday, if they are feeling up to it, my sister and her husband will be taking the folks to a local pro-wrestling event. Should give me some time to work on commissions and artwork. I could say that I am sorry for not getting things done, but that doesn't cover it. I have been working, knocking out large chucks of work in the few hours I have in the day to myself. I'll get the commissions done before March is out if I can.

Someone who has been a fan of my old comic, as well as a friend whom I have helped out on with their own comic is in need of some help. Last week the power company came to collect on a bill totaling close to $1,700 and shut off the power to their place. Now, there is more then one person living with her; her mother, cousins, and their kids ( ranging from ages 3 - 13yrs old ) are all living under one roof. A neighbor of theirs has allowed them to run their fridge and freezer off their electricity, but come Tuesday that line of power will be cut off and they will be on their own. If you feel that you can offer any help, please follow the link below for more information. Thank you.

http://insanity-unlimited.deviantar.....ower-288537779

I have been open for commissions for a long time, and it is taking a great deal of time to get them done that I had not planned on. But I still have some slots open for things as well as information as to the pricing on another journal, with the link going to it listed on top of this entry.

I also have a number of Megaman items that I am selling that I have collected over the years. I will put a link to the page at the end of this paragraph for those that are interested. These are older models and such that I have collected over time from going to conventions and such, and since I have had them in storage for so long and with no place to put them I decided to sell them to those that have the space and the time to enjoy them. I have had a number of people contact me about things that I have for sale, and am holding some items till I hear back from them. I am willing to work with others towards selling the items, since I know there are people that don't trust Paypal and such. So if you are interested in anything that I am selling you can send me a note on here and I'll reply when I can. http://coreartnstuff.tumblr.com/pos.....man-sale-items

For a bit of good news, my mom's health is continuing to improve. I was able to get her out of the house and went shopping with her, and she was able to walk around the store with no problem. While this might not sound like a bit deal to people, it is. The last time that I took her to the store to do some shopping she was exhausted from just walking from the truck to the store and had to use one of the motorized shopping carts to get around. Being able to walk and move on her own without being exhausted is a big step after the surgery that she has had, and the chemo treatments she is undergoing. Hopefully she shall continue to show signs of improvement and keep getting better.

My mom is doing a bit better now since they were able to figure out what was wrong and diagnose her. Because of all the signs that she was having was something serious that was a possible result of the surgery we had her rushed to the hospital. I have been trying to keep a close eye on her now, and she is improving day by day, but there are some days where she just doesn't feel up to doing much due to pain. The cancer treatment has taken a great deal of energy out of her as well as caused a number of other things that didn't really expect to happen, and some that we did.

Right now she is recovering but is depressed as well because she can't get around and do things, and on top of that her hair is falling out due to the chemo treatments. Have had her out of the house to go shopping, which just getting her out seems to cheer her up a bit more along with just sitting and watching movies with her. She still can't walk that far without having to take a rest, which limits how far we can go but she is getting a bit further each time now and regaining some more of her strength. Getting her to eat a bit more as well, which is helping things. She has lost a little over 10lbs since the surgery a little over a month a go now.

She was set to go in on the 21st for another surgery to hit the other lobe of her liver where there are a cluster of tumors, but we have called it off due to her still not having recovered from the last surgery. I am not sure if we are going to set up a new date or abandon the surgery route all together since it has had such an effect on her. I think the doctors are a bit surprised that she has not recovered more, but then again my Mom has been a different and unusual case for the. Each doctors visit that I go in with her on it is like watching an episode of House M.D. as the doctors and nurses and techs all look over her file in puzzlement trying to figure out how and what to do. Waiting for calls from doctors now on what is going to happen next so can get more things set up. As it stands right now, all can do is just take things day by day.

Spent most of the evening at the ER with my parents. My mom had surgery about 3 weeks ago and tonight she was feeling in terrible shape, so much so that called an ambulance to take her to the closest hospital where she was examined and kept for a while to get things back to normal levels. They ran a number of tests as fast as they could and couldn't find much. They released her from the ER a little after midnight and took her home after giving her a large dose of meds to help keep things regulated. Tomorrow she will be seeing her doctor and then will have more tests done as well as find out more information.

I am still working on commissions that I have taken, slowly but surely getting them to the point of being complete. Lately I have been taking care of my mom since she had surgery last month and is undergoing chemo therapy. It has been leaving her drained of energy and in need of attention, especially since had a scare earlier this week where she fainted and collapsed. Looking after her is taking up time that I would use to work on things, but I see it as a good trade off since while I have been paid for commission work I hold family to be more important than business. I will get the commissions done, since I have been working on them when I can find some time to do so, usually getting to bed about 3 - 4AM after doing so, then getting back up at 7 or 8AM in order to help my mom.

In order to get a bit more income I have been selling off my Mega Man/Rockman collection of toys and other items, including an old cosplay that I made years ago. Almost everything that I am selling right now can be found here ( http://coreartnstuff.tumblr.com/pos.....man-sale-items ) for those that are interested. Money does go towards paying bills and such, which helps to keep things going. I also have some other things that I am planning on selling that are outside of the Mega Man/Rockman fandom, so I'll make another listing when I get that done.

Now, I haven't gotten any complaints yet from those that have commissioned me and I am thankful for that. Most of the complaints that I have been getting are from myself since I feel like a horses back side for not delivering on the deadlines that I set for myself. I do feel terrible for not getting things done as promised when promised. I shall work harder to get things done, much of the commissions are nearly done with so I am hoping to get them done before the end of the month.

First I want to wish everyone a happy new year. Those that talk to me online know that this year, like the last, was a rough one for me and my family with a great deal of changes that took place in a short amount of time. That being said, I know that I am not the only one that has had things happen to them, which is why I am wishing that everyone has a better year this year.

I've already taken steps to try and improve how I do things, and worked out some plans of action that I am even now working on. This includes the commissions that I have been slowly working on. I have not spent any of the money for the commissions that I have gotten, and the reason for this is that it didn't feel right to do so since I had not yet fully completed the work. Some of the work has been a struggle since I will lose inspiration or the drive to do the work while drawing, or I will be working on it and it just doesn't look right to me... and then I start over. I have actually lost count of how many times I have started over on a commission in an effort to try and get things right. I am very sorry to have made people wait for so very long.

I had hoped to get things done before the start of the new year, instead it looks like the commissions will be the first things that I complete this year. I still have a great deal on my plate concerning my personal life, but I'll start each day working to put things right by everyone.

Well, there comes a time in everyone's life when they need to cut back on things or to get rid of items that they have collected over the years. This time has come to me once more. I am currently organizing a number of things that I plan to sell; taking photos, researching pricing, insuring have all parts and accessories... that sort of thing. I already have been doing some research and studies to see if people would be interested, and so far I have had a few messages and questions as to how much I would like for things. Below I'll list a few of the things that I am going to be selling, trust me, it is a long list so a short one for your viewing is okay for now I think. you all can fire a note to me if you are interested in purchasing some things, or for more information.

Items Selling

* Rockman.EXE ( Megaman NT Warrior ) plushies
* Megaman NT Warrior board game
* Rockman X4 Ultimate Armour X
* Jazwares Megaman
* Jazwares Megaman X
* Jazwares Zero
* Jazwares Vile
* Lego Star Wars Classics models
* Vol. 1 - 4 Berserk manga
* Netto Hikari ( Lan Hikari ) cosplay
* Vol. 1 - 4 Megaman NT Warrior manga.

I want to thank everyone for allowing me time to deal with things here. I have been working on commissions as well as other things. I shall try to get things done before the end of the month, but I shall be going out of town soon in order to take care of some things with my grandmothers estate. More then likely I won't have access to a computer for long, and won't be able to get much drawing done.

Well, the new alternator for my car arrives tomorrow so I know what I shall be doing this weekend. Installing the new part on my car and then testing it out to make sure things are working right. Shall be nice to have my car up and running once more.

Job searching is still continuing, and I have a few leads on some jobs in the area that I am hopeful for. Still haven't heard anything back from the jobs that I applied for, so I'm going to assume that they put my resume and application in the circular filing bin ( trash can ).

Once more I am taking off a bit more then I can chew I think. I remember a time when I could get things done in about a day or two, like website designs. Now it is taking me forever and a day to get things done. This list I am putting up is a short list of projects that I am working on, and they are not in any real order. Trust me, there are a lot more projects, those are just the ones off the top of my head.

* Website redesign
* Robot design for contest
* Robot design/build for self
* Commission 1
* Commission 2
* Commission 3
* Comic 1
* Comic 2
* Comic 3
* Comic 4
* Comic 5
* Car Repairs
* G.U.M.P.
* Transformers Prime Episode Talk
* "Hard Points" filming
* Weight loss

Once again I have to thank you all. Not much else I can say other then that.

Still in rough shape over all that has happened, but I'm working on things. I am very sorry to keep all those waiting for commissions waiting so long. If you want I will give you a full refund, I just hope that you can accept my apology. Just send me a note on here and I'll get you your refund as soon as I can.

Today, my beloved friend and companion for 18 years has died. He was the best cat anyone could hope for, and he shall be missed. May he rest in peace.

Commissions

Still open for commissions of all types that I have listed in my commission link. I am making progress with the commissions that I have, so I should have more slots opening up before the end of the month. I am considering opening myself up to some other types of commissions as well since I have been getting my skills up in various things. One of the things I am considering is doing sprite commissions once more, something I haven't done in a while but have a lot of fun doing.

News

Apartment is now free of crickets. The one that was driving me nuts because it was in the wall made its way out and I was able to capture it. Tossed the guy out into the yard so that it might live a happier life with its friends. Have been going around looking at some furniture for the place, but most of what I am finding doesn't look all that good and doesn't look like it would hold up for very long. Right now kind of looks a bit spartan in here, but hopefully I can fix that soon.

*edit*
In Bear news, he was doing better with his fluid shots, but now things are taking a turn. I'm not sure how much time he has left, but I shall try to make him as happy and comfortable as I can. Taking him to the vet Friday, and shall get him looked over to see where go from here. He's hardly been eating or drinking, and when he does try he lets out a cry the likes of which I have never heard him do before. I am hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst.
*/edit*

Mom is doing good, and passed exams that she needed to take for surgery that she is going to have to get rid of the cancer tumors on her liver. She opted for the surgery since the medication she was on were making her miserable, and very nearly killed her several months ago. She's still working with the doctors as to when the surgery is going to be, but so far things are going alright.

My car is in need of work once again. The alternator went up in it so it is un-driveable right now, and it also has a fuel leak and the power steering is going up. Hopefully can find parts needed for the 92' Sable and can get it repaired. Right now it is sitting in the garage being the home of a small jumping spider...

I don't know why this is happening, but lately I have been having a great deal of trouble getting online and staying connected. Signal strength to the wireless router keeps dropping to nothing or only half-strength, and sometimes it says there are no wireless networks available. It makes getting work done frustrating as well as nearly impossible to hold a conversation with anyone. Even as I am typing this my connection is dropping in and out.

Tried several computers in here and the same thing is going on, but the wireless router is saying that it is fine. I'm not sure what exactly is going on but I think it might warrant some further investigation. I also keep getting a notice that "Owner.PC" is offline... I am seriously confused by all this.

Best bet of getting a hold of me might be with the note systems, email, or if you know my number to text or call me.

( Total times lost connection while writing this 15!!!!! )

*Edit*

Think I have resolved the issue. There were some loose cables connecting the modem and router. Must have been one of the cats that knocked them loose. :/

Just as the subject title says. There is a cricket in my wall, and it is chirping up a storm in there. I'm not sure how exactly it got in there, or how I am going to get it out. I just hope that it comes out on its own and I can capture it, then toss it outside where it can be with its friends and not in here waking me up by chirping in my bedroom.

Spent many hours at the local medical center with my mom today as she was given a series of tests to make sure her heart is in good shape for surgery that she has coming up. They had the results just about instantly, and all things check out great for her and shall be back in for more tests in a few months then surgery.

In other news, I am working on the commissions that I have and whittling the list down enough that I can still accept more commissions, in addition to the multiple projects that I have going on. Commission information is in the header, so you all should be able to find it fairly easily, and as always if you have questions don't be shy to send me a note and I shall answer as soon as I can.

As for other projects that I have going, I have been teaching myself how to do some 3D modeling and texture work, but I have not reached a level where I can honestly offer my services to others and be paid to do so. I've also been working on a little booklet of pictures, which I may post little previews of on here to see if anyone would be interested in it. I still have to figure out a good pricing for it, so I may pick the brains of some fellow artists that are more experienced then I am in such things. I need to dig up my analysis booklet so that I can make a chart of all the projects that I have and keep track of what days I have worked, hopefully it will help me keep on track as well.

Well it has been one heck of a week with all that has been happening around here. Earthquake, hurricane, and other various stuff. I am keeping my head above water so far and have been making progress on many fronts. This week is going to be another busy one as I take care of my cat as well as take my mom to the hospital for more tests before she can have surgery. Going to be an interesting year, I can feel it.

Survived another year and gained a great deal of experiences this time around. Glad to still be around and able to work. Hopefully things shall go better this new year and I will be able to get the goals that I have long had set before me accomplished.

Got back from the vets office a little while ago with Bear. Woke up this morning to find him in distress and got an appointment for him at 6:30. Vet suggested that we bring him in for fluids twice a week now and that we increase the amount of food he gets. Meaning that he will get a breakfast, lunch and dinner of wet can food to eat instead of just breakfast and dinner. Good news is that he is still eating and drinking, which most cats with all his health problems usually stop doing according to the vet. Bear has lost a lot of weight however, and it is troubling to see him so skinny now. I'm use to having my big ol' 13 pound kitty that cuddles up to me at night to sleep, now he is just under 8 pounds.

Spent all day looking after Bear, so didn't get any work done on things. He's resting comfortably right now on my bed, pumped full of fluids. Going to try and get some work done and shall be checking on him throughout the night. When he was first diagnosed as a diabetic the vets said he had two years left, it's been nine years since then. Diabetic, a two inch non-operable tumor, cataracts and kidney disease. One tough kitty.