Why do I push away every single person I care about, its all I seem to do, I have fucked everything up, and lost everyone... I dont think I can keep living this life anymore, whats the point... People dont need someone like me in their lives and all I do is hurt the people around me, im just a monster...

So I downloaded the champions on-line game as its free to play, and I must admit I am really enjoying it and managed to create my fursona on it.

Here is a picture http://postimage.org/image/4al047yvf/

Its the closest I could get it with the free stuff, if anyone plays the game or fancies joining me give me a shout my character name is Commander Tane Shepard

Well this Sunday I turn 24 D: man I'm old!!!

I am going to be getting a mass effect photo cake done but I'm wondering which picture to use, if anyone finds any good pictures feel free to post them on here and I will have a look at them.

Commander Tane Shepard

I'm sorry for that last journal post, this is happening too much, I'm just sick of feeling like this.

I hate myself for becoming like this...

I really need to sort this out once and for all.

Just curious ( if there is anyone left who still likes me) what people see in me because all i see is a pathetic excuse for a life who is going nowhere and ruins every relationship he manages to get and pushes everyone away...

So today I have completed my animal management course and come out with the highest possible grade, distinction star distinction star.

I am really happy with myself, I have really enjoyed the course and worked really hard for it, I may also be doing a teaching course next year which will let me teach the animal management course and others.

Things seem to be finally going right for me.

So I played the Mass Effect 3 Extended Cut and I thought it was great, it gave me closure and now I can go back to playing it knowing that it has a better outcome.

However since my fursona is based off commander Shepard I'm having trouble deciding what I want the fate of my fursona to be, so here are the two options I cant decide between, if you can post a reply with your opinion on which choice I should choose I would greatly appreciate it, and I will probably end up getting my good friend  Keblin to draw it.

Control Ending

I like this ending as it shows Shepard sacrificing himself and becomes a powerful force which carries on protecting the innocent and helps to rebuild everything, however being in control of the reapers will the power eventually change what he once stood for and with Shepard technically being around, it kinds of takes away the emotional value of the sacrifice

Synthesis Ending

This was my first option before and after the extended cut, as I wanted everything to work out, I like the idea of everything being combined to stop the conflicts and everyone will live in peace, however I don't like the idea of changing life itself even though this evolution is eventually going to happen it just didn't seem right, but I do like the whole sacrifice for a greater good feel.


Let me know what you think guys and I take your suggestions into account as I'm struggling which one would suit my fursona Commander Tane Shepard ^_^

So the extended cut comes out today to hopefully give the game more of an ending and closure, and yeyyy I get to be in work today! >_>

Ah well at least I have something to look forward too when I get home, I really hope this new DLC gives us the closure we need, I haven't played mass effect 3 more than once (I know shocker right!?)

But the reason for this is because I knew they would be doing something with the ending, so to me I couldn't enjoy the game after I completed it because it didn't feel finished, so hopefully this DLC fixes that and I can go back to playing Mass Effect on a regular basis.

But with the ending the way it is I just couldn't bring myself to play it again or the other 2 games any more because everything I had achieved seemed pointless, which is bad when I am such a massive fan of the games.

So fingers crossed and lets see what happens!

Lately and for a long time I have always worried about what people think of me and if people like me, I manage to push people away and annoy them with how clingy I can be, but it needs to stop.

Life is too short to be waking up everyday and wondering if I am accepted by people or if they still like me, I have let it get into a vicious circle of getting upset then believing people are better off without me then making posts about it then feeling bad about the post etc. etc.

Right now I have come to realise that even though I have had a rough time growing up and there has been a lot of bad times in my life I need to be thankful that I am alive that I am healthy, that I have a good bunch of friends and that I have shelter, things could be a lot worse and it is unfair for me to complain when there is people in this world worse off.

So no more! I need to stop letting my depression rule my life and let me rule it because I only get one shot and its already had enough of my time, I'm not saying I'm going to suddenly be OK, because unfortunately depression can stay with you for a long time but I'm going to get my head down and fight through it as hard as I can.

I'm Commander Tane Shepard and Commander Shepard does not give up on impossible odds!

I need to just enjoy my life, meet a nice fur and be in a relationship and be there for my friends, because me being like this is not helping my friends.

I am sorry that all these years people have known me I have been a pain with my depression, but for you guys who are still around, it shows how much you care for me and I will not take that friendship for granted any more.

Thank-you for reading

I really cant see any other way out of this, I try and try and try to get better but I'm still pushing friends and people I love away, I'm hated and its best I just disappear before I hurt any more people...

The only way people seem to care about me is when I write journals like this and then they go back to not bothering with me.

I don't know who my friends and enemies are any more

Someone help me .....please

And I want everyone to be honest with me I wont hold it against you. Am I a bad person? Because I feel like ive fucked up every relationship and friendship and been nothing but a nuisance within the fandom, just feels like I am loosing everyone now... If so I suppose I deserve it

http://oi45.tinypic.com/vxl0z4.jpg

Deckard cain your so mean saying I have no friends :(

So who else has got diablo 3? feel free to add me by...

Adding my email: dracorex21[at]hotmail.com

Adding my battletag: TaneShepard#2519

^_^

I have nearly finished completing my level 3 diploma in animal management, I worked up my points today for all my assignments and to come out with a distinction star grade I will need 1060 points, I have one more assignment to do and once I complete it then it will bring my points total up to 1080.

I'm really pleased with myself, I have worked really hard for this and enjoyed every minute of it, I was even called into the head of animal cares office the other day and was told I was one of the best students they have ever had and she will gladly give me a glowing reference.

Its just nice to have some good news for a change.

I have created a character on the deathwing server alliance side if anyone would like to join me?

My character name is TaneShepard

Oh look another depressing post, well that's just me altogether isn't it?

I'm sick of feeling like this and writing these posts and I'm sick of fucking up every single relationship I get..

But mostly I'm sick of being a burden to my friends, its no wonder I'm hated in every social group I become apart off, but being hated in the fandom, it hurts more because being a furry is who I am.

I'm trying my hardest to get help by seeing councillors but nothing seems to be working, or maybe its just me, maybe I'm just a horrible person I don't know any more

I just want it to stop...

How many people like me as a friend, or how many people just think im a nuisance and should disappear from the fandom?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-Irv9R_fz4

XD

Kill 30 frogalogadoodles

Bonus: Kill super duper frogalogadoodle queen

report back to generic quest giver guy


( I was bored )

I feel like everyone is better off without me, maybe i should just dissapear, all i seemto do is fuck everything up, no one needs someone like me in their life, im just pathetic... I really cant handle feeling like this anymore... I want it to stop...

I have a Facebook account, and I saw some pages like garrus tali etc, I liked the pages and realised there were people role-playing as the characters from mass effect, so I thought I would join in the fun, but obviously commander shepard was taken, so I decided to be different and make a page on one of the coolest characters in the game.


The space hamster!!! http://www.facebook.com/hamsterspace

Its just for fun and I have got a few likes I noticed there are some unique characters created so I think I may create Commander Tane Shepard on there but this gave me an idea on doing the same kind of thing but with furrys, people create a page on their fursona and add each other ^^

I'm not actually too sure if it has been done, but if it hasn't its definitely an idea

I used to be so strong willed, not giving a fuck and looking out for other people,
now years later i start to feel upset most of the time, I cant relax in public because i feel like everyone is watching and judging me, i cant get close to anyone without fucking everything up, it feels like my friends are abandoning me, im surroundedby people but i feel alone, i just feel so numb and dead inside... I dont know why anyone wants to bother with me...

A big thanks to all the people who have supported me over the recent events, its good to know i have people who care about me, having people make posts like that about me does not help my depression. So its good to know. People care ^_^

Remember my previous post about the fandom turning into a place with nasty people?

Exhibit A http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3277962/



And those who may of seen on one of my submissions

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7592073

This guy needs to get a life...

Why am I part of the fandom again, it was to get away from judgemental people and meet people like me right?

The furry fandom has become a place of people who think they are better than everyone else, if your not ''popular'' your not worth the effort, and if your ''popular'' you are revered as some sort of celebrity.

No, that is not what the fandom stands for, the fandom is a place for furry s to meet other furs, make friends find love, share interests most of the people who know they are a furry found a place where they belong because they have always felt different from other people.

But now its all about who has more friends who has the best fursuit who draws the best, I have seen so many of my old fur friends driven out of the fandom by people who think they are better than anyone else, its not about that at all, each furry is unique and there is no one who is better than the other, there are so many furs who fight with each other. why? I thought the idea was to get away from all that and find a place to fit in and make friends, not make more enemies, so I will say this...

I don't care...

1. If you can only draw a squiggle on a piece of paper or can draw a work of art.

2. Have the most expensive fursuit or a dinky little home made tail

3. how well known you are or if you don't have a single fur friend

The fact is your a furry and you are unique and no one has the right to take what makes you a furry away from you or tell you otherwise.

This fandom used to stand for something, its getting harder each day to see if it still means something...

I'm Finding A Way
I'm Working It Out
The Fate Of The Galaxy
What Do I Do Now

I'm Paving The Way
I'm Making Things Right
Can't Believe In The Truth
Wear N7 With Pride

Good song, go have a listen ^_^ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=76BA.....eature=related