Urgh, well after a long couple of days in a almost an apathetic state, my pack finally cheered me up. Sadly I burned a hole in the grass which, I wont tell my mother about.... or i'll probably get beat for sure. I'll fix it tonight or something somehow. :/

I love my pack. And that is no way for an alpha to behave. :/
Gosh I'm stupid sometimes.

Well. I never thought I'd get this low. People say I don't have problems. Maybe i'm a coward for not facing them. for tuning and running. Maybe I'm stupid for saying too much on the internet. Maybe I'm just looking for attention, maybe i'm looking for help. Maybe I dont want help. Maybe I just want to wallow and drown in my misery. Maybe in my mind its ok for me to hurt myself physically because I cant even beging to comprehend these emotions rationally without running off to try to kill myself. Lets see. What would be better? If I died? because I can do that. OR do you want me to stay around. Call me emo, call me an attention whore, call me a looser, call me pathetic. Its life or death for me right now, and to be honest, I really dont care what side i'm on right now.