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Just an update on the last few weeks
Posted 5 days agoHi again! It's still early in the month for a check-in journal but I'm in the mood to talk into the void I guess, so just a quick update on me I guess
Things have slowed down in my love life, there doesn't seem to be many people like me in my city so I'm only connecting with people who live too far away to meet which is a little disappointing, but I have been joining more servers on discord and meeting friends on there which has been fun 😊
I've also been considering cosplay for Halloween & a ren fair this year, if I end up doing that and enjoying it & I like how the costume turns out maybe I can share it here? I'm sure there are people who are curious what I look like & now there's a possibility you may find out lol
Things have slowed down in my love life, there doesn't seem to be many people like me in my city so I'm only connecting with people who live too far away to meet which is a little disappointing, but I have been joining more servers on discord and meeting friends on there which has been fun 😊
I've also been considering cosplay for Halloween & a ren fair this year, if I end up doing that and enjoying it & I like how the costume turns out maybe I can share it here? I'm sure there are people who are curious what I look like & now there's a possibility you may find out lol
Slow month for an outlander (check-in #4)
Posted 3 weeks agoHi again! I had a hard time thinking of something to write about this time, because it's been a mostly uneventful month. it's been a little shaky since I've lost access to my therapist indefinitely but overall I've been fine.
First off: after going on a lot of dates and not connecting with anyone, I decided maybe I would try dating other women; and that's how I discovered that I might be a lesbian, I feel a lot more like myself when I'm being affectionate or... Intimate, with other women and it's nice to finally be meeting people and not trying to force anything.
Most recently, within the past week or so, the elder scrolls series has been a big part of my life:
I read the oblivion fan comic "prequel," I relate a lot to the main character's self-esteem issues, repeated failures, and spiraling into self abuse, & it feels good to see her slowly get further and happier in the story; if you like TES, particularly oblivion, I recommend reading it.
I've also been playing Morrowind lately because I've heard it's really good despite being so old; it's been strangely comforting & while it isn't as engaging as some other games I play, succeeding in the game is more satisfying. It's so slow paced it feels more grounded and gives me more down time to just focus on the ambience without overthinking; & as silly as it sounds, the fact that your character is completely talentless in the beginning and you need to put in real time to learn to do even basic things like attack an enemy reminds me that nobody starts good at anything, which is something I really struggle with. I doubt it'll be one of my favorite games, but it's a very slow & almost scenic which is something I like a lot in games(some of my favorite games are LiS and the Stanley parable, those are totally different types of games though lol).
I guess the worst thing that's happened this month is when I told my mom in confidence that I'm a lesbian, she told everybody in my family who is mostly homophobic. But I don't really talk to them aside from getting help with medical insurance, and I'm getting my own insurance soon, so in the end it doesn't affect me too badly.
I think that's everything of note that's happened in my life lately, will post another update in a month!
First off: after going on a lot of dates and not connecting with anyone, I decided maybe I would try dating other women; and that's how I discovered that I might be a lesbian, I feel a lot more like myself when I'm being affectionate or... Intimate, with other women and it's nice to finally be meeting people and not trying to force anything.
Most recently, within the past week or so, the elder scrolls series has been a big part of my life:
I read the oblivion fan comic "prequel," I relate a lot to the main character's self-esteem issues, repeated failures, and spiraling into self abuse, & it feels good to see her slowly get further and happier in the story; if you like TES, particularly oblivion, I recommend reading it.
I've also been playing Morrowind lately because I've heard it's really good despite being so old; it's been strangely comforting & while it isn't as engaging as some other games I play, succeeding in the game is more satisfying. It's so slow paced it feels more grounded and gives me more down time to just focus on the ambience without overthinking; & as silly as it sounds, the fact that your character is completely talentless in the beginning and you need to put in real time to learn to do even basic things like attack an enemy reminds me that nobody starts good at anything, which is something I really struggle with. I doubt it'll be one of my favorite games, but it's a very slow & almost scenic which is something I like a lot in games(some of my favorite games are LiS and the Stanley parable, those are totally different types of games though lol).
I guess the worst thing that's happened this month is when I told my mom in confidence that I'm a lesbian, she told everybody in my family who is mostly homophobic. But I don't really talk to them aside from getting help with medical insurance, and I'm getting my own insurance soon, so in the end it doesn't affect me too badly.
I think that's everything of note that's happened in my life lately, will post another update in a month!
Stress, & more of the same (check-in #3)
Posted 2 months agoHello again!
Before I start talking, please tell me: are these monthly update posts something people enjoy reading? I like interacting with mutuals and people who follow me, but it would be a little strange & pointless to keep making these if nobody cares, since the whole idea is to talk with & get to know the people who follow me. So please comment and tell me: should I bother making more journals like this?
Now onto the updates:
This past month has been up & down, I've had good and bad & while none of it has been major i like sharing here so far.
First, the bad:
I feel like everything I do is on a strict deadline, I'm incredibly stressed out all the time & often sad because of how many people close to me are struggling, it feels like the positive things in my life are just stolen from the people I love. I've started dating for the first time since 2019, & I may end up moving by the end of the year depending on how things go with the person I've been seeing, and I'm very much not ready or wanting to do that even if my current living situation causes a lot of stress...
I've been starting to have recurring nightmares, they happen in sets of 4 or 5 in a single night, I rarely remember them but the mental distress they cause leaves me completely shaken for days after. I'm running on fumes & struggling to make time to explore what kind of person I'm supposed to be; I hit the ground running earlier this year with my decision to become a new person entirely, but I've hit so many walls in the past few weeks that it becomes very hard to keep pushing forward. I keep trying of course, & I know that mistakes are part of the process, but it's still very hard.
And now the good!
I've always been shy & quiet, partially because of my mental struggles & partially because it's just my personality; I never really experimented with fashion or makeup or showing the world who I really am. I've always tried to blend into the background, I always wore bland clothes, bland haircuts, never voicing my own thoughts, & I'm fed up with essentially living as a ghost who will be forgotten the minute I'm gone; I want people to acknowledge me, and see me and love me.
I'm trying to finally show my personality openly & I've been having lots of fun doing it! I'm looking at clothes I never would've dreamed of trying just a year or two ago, & meeting new people and trying new things, and once I manage to find out what I really want to do & eventually turn my blind stumbling into real forward movement, I hope I can finally stop just existing & become someone real! I may finally make new social media accounts after leaving mine dead for years, so I can interact more with others
I think that's everything I need to say this month, I will check in again in August!
Before I start talking, please tell me: are these monthly update posts something people enjoy reading? I like interacting with mutuals and people who follow me, but it would be a little strange & pointless to keep making these if nobody cares, since the whole idea is to talk with & get to know the people who follow me. So please comment and tell me: should I bother making more journals like this?
Now onto the updates:
This past month has been up & down, I've had good and bad & while none of it has been major i like sharing here so far.
First, the bad:
I feel like everything I do is on a strict deadline, I'm incredibly stressed out all the time & often sad because of how many people close to me are struggling, it feels like the positive things in my life are just stolen from the people I love. I've started dating for the first time since 2019, & I may end up moving by the end of the year depending on how things go with the person I've been seeing, and I'm very much not ready or wanting to do that even if my current living situation causes a lot of stress...
I've been starting to have recurring nightmares, they happen in sets of 4 or 5 in a single night, I rarely remember them but the mental distress they cause leaves me completely shaken for days after. I'm running on fumes & struggling to make time to explore what kind of person I'm supposed to be; I hit the ground running earlier this year with my decision to become a new person entirely, but I've hit so many walls in the past few weeks that it becomes very hard to keep pushing forward. I keep trying of course, & I know that mistakes are part of the process, but it's still very hard.
And now the good!
I've always been shy & quiet, partially because of my mental struggles & partially because it's just my personality; I never really experimented with fashion or makeup or showing the world who I really am. I've always tried to blend into the background, I always wore bland clothes, bland haircuts, never voicing my own thoughts, & I'm fed up with essentially living as a ghost who will be forgotten the minute I'm gone; I want people to acknowledge me, and see me and love me.
I'm trying to finally show my personality openly & I've been having lots of fun doing it! I'm looking at clothes I never would've dreamed of trying just a year or two ago, & meeting new people and trying new things, and once I manage to find out what I really want to do & eventually turn my blind stumbling into real forward movement, I hope I can finally stop just existing & become someone real! I may finally make new social media accounts after leaving mine dead for years, so I can interact more with others
I think that's everything I need to say this month, I will check in again in August!
Picking up the pieces (check-in #2)
Posted 3 months agoHi again! Time for my June 2025 check-in
I have been reflecting a lot on my life & my past lately. I went through high school during the mid-late 2010s but I don't remember the majority of that time. A series of awful things happened to me around 2015-16 & i think it broke me completely, to a point where I honestly can't remember most of my teens; here & there I do remember something & sometimes that memory remains, sometimes it doesn't, but generally when I try to remember things from 2015-2018 a lot of it is just a blurry hazy mess that I can't make sense of.
The past couple months as I've been working towards a healthier state of mind, I've started unraveling and piecing together those missing years. The memories themselves are still unsalvageable, I'm unsure if I will ever remember what exactly happened during those years beyond just vague, foggy emotions and whatever secondhand accounts my family & acquaintances can give me, but I'm slowly figuring out the kind of person I was, or at least who I was supposed to be before the trauma stopped all my momentum; it feels refreshing, like I have a second chance to do what I was meant to do 10 years ago, & while at this point I feel like I've become entirely disconnected and incapable of doing the things I enjoyed prior to this, it gives me an opportunity to experiment a little & find something new that brings me joy.
I'm a little bit scared of what's to come, and I'm just stumbling in the dark right now, but for a few minutes every couple weeks I feel myself take a step forward & it's incredibly encouraging
I think that's everything I need to say this month, I will check in again in July!
I have been reflecting a lot on my life & my past lately. I went through high school during the mid-late 2010s but I don't remember the majority of that time. A series of awful things happened to me around 2015-16 & i think it broke me completely, to a point where I honestly can't remember most of my teens; here & there I do remember something & sometimes that memory remains, sometimes it doesn't, but generally when I try to remember things from 2015-2018 a lot of it is just a blurry hazy mess that I can't make sense of.
The past couple months as I've been working towards a healthier state of mind, I've started unraveling and piecing together those missing years. The memories themselves are still unsalvageable, I'm unsure if I will ever remember what exactly happened during those years beyond just vague, foggy emotions and whatever secondhand accounts my family & acquaintances can give me, but I'm slowly figuring out the kind of person I was, or at least who I was supposed to be before the trauma stopped all my momentum; it feels refreshing, like I have a second chance to do what I was meant to do 10 years ago, & while at this point I feel like I've become entirely disconnected and incapable of doing the things I enjoyed prior to this, it gives me an opportunity to experiment a little & find something new that brings me joy.
I'm a little bit scared of what's to come, and I'm just stumbling in the dark right now, but for a few minutes every couple weeks I feel myself take a step forward & it's incredibly encouraging
I think that's everything I need to say this month, I will check in again in July!
Looking for male partner for m/f noncon art
Posted 3 months agoFemale character is here: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/50137412/
Comment if interested! Canine characters preferred but all welcome
Comment if interested! Canine characters preferred but all welcome
Introduction to me (check-in #1)
Posted 3 months agoSo I'm trying something new: I think I want to try to make a monthly check in journal just to chat/yell into the void, I think letting my followers know me as more than "the green furry porn cat" will be nice.
For this first update journal I'm officially introducing myself, just to give people a better idea of who the person behind the canstacat account is.
So hi! I won't give my real legal name(although some older followers & people I'm in regular contact with already know it lol), you can just call me junie for the time being until my new fursona's refsheet is finished. I'm 26 years old, & I've always wanted to do something creative for a living & I hope I can eventually make that dream a reality. I went to college for nursing from 2017-19, & art school from 2019-2020, ultimately I failed both. I did take Japanese classes & had a nice time learning a second language even if it isn't the one I initially planned on learning(the class I wanted was full)
I've had mental health issues for most of my life, I finally started getting treatment for it last year & it's making a HUGE impact on my life, I have a real smile on my face for the first time in probably 16+ years and it's wonderful!
As some og followers probably already know, I'm transgender (they/them and she/her pronouns are both okay) & asexual, I rarely bring it up since it's not very relevant to the content on this account but it's almost pride month so I figured, why not officially come out 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈
Lastly, if you're interested at all in chatting you're welcome to talk to me on these monthly update journals,I welcome it! I'm outgoing & enjoy talking with people on here, most of you are very nice.
Also a reminder that I just started learning how to make music, you can listen to me at
catcoma
I think that more or less wraps up my check in, I'm looking forward to doing this again!
For this first update journal I'm officially introducing myself, just to give people a better idea of who the person behind the canstacat account is.
So hi! I won't give my real legal name(although some older followers & people I'm in regular contact with already know it lol), you can just call me junie for the time being until my new fursona's refsheet is finished. I'm 26 years old, & I've always wanted to do something creative for a living & I hope I can eventually make that dream a reality. I went to college for nursing from 2017-19, & art school from 2019-2020, ultimately I failed both. I did take Japanese classes & had a nice time learning a second language even if it isn't the one I initially planned on learning(the class I wanted was full)
I've had mental health issues for most of my life, I finally started getting treatment for it last year & it's making a HUGE impact on my life, I have a real smile on my face for the first time in probably 16+ years and it's wonderful!
As some og followers probably already know, I'm transgender (they/them and she/her pronouns are both okay) & asexual, I rarely bring it up since it's not very relevant to the content on this account but it's almost pride month so I figured, why not officially come out 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈
Lastly, if you're interested at all in chatting you're welcome to talk to me on these monthly update journals,I welcome it! I'm outgoing & enjoy talking with people on here, most of you are very nice.
Also a reminder that I just started learning how to make music, you can listen to me at
catcomaI think that more or less wraps up my check in, I'm looking forward to doing this again!
It's hard sometimes
Posted 3 months agoI generally avoid posting my personal thoughts on here but I don't rly have anywhere else where I can talk about my issues with this level of anonymity & I find that fact comforting.
There are a lot of things I want; I want to make music, I want to write stories, I want to try and enjoy creating again after having that simple joy in creating something beat out of me, but it's hard sometimes; I see others who have been practicing hobbies since childhood, and I see people 5, 6, 7, even 10 years younger than me doing such amazing things and can't help but feel like I missed my chance.
I'm almost 26 and I know that's still young, but all this time I've almost never developed any real passion for anything, I didn't start doing my first hobby until i was 15 because I just. Felt no satisfaction in anything, for most of my life nothing ever brought me joy so I felt no reason to try until I found that one hobby, the one little light that's already faded. Now that I'm doing therapy and taking medication I've gotten much better and for once I feel things but it's also clear now that I've wasted the 25 years I've been alive just rotting away and all I seem to be able to do is flounder and hope to find something that brings me a sense of fulfillment, even my single hobby that I started 10 years ago feels empty now.
I want to make music, I want to write stories, I want to try and enjoy creating again
There are a lot of things I want; I want to make music, I want to write stories, I want to try and enjoy creating again after having that simple joy in creating something beat out of me, but it's hard sometimes; I see others who have been practicing hobbies since childhood, and I see people 5, 6, 7, even 10 years younger than me doing such amazing things and can't help but feel like I missed my chance.
I'm almost 26 and I know that's still young, but all this time I've almost never developed any real passion for anything, I didn't start doing my first hobby until i was 15 because I just. Felt no satisfaction in anything, for most of my life nothing ever brought me joy so I felt no reason to try until I found that one hobby, the one little light that's already faded. Now that I'm doing therapy and taking medication I've gotten much better and for once I feel things but it's also clear now that I've wasted the 25 years I've been alive just rotting away and all I seem to be able to do is flounder and hope to find something that brings me a sense of fulfillment, even my single hobby that I started 10 years ago feels empty now.
I want to make music, I want to write stories, I want to try and enjoy creating again
Reuploading/uploading old comms
Posted 4 months agoI'll be reposting some old commissions I got but either removed or never uploaded for one reason or another, so sorry if I spam anybodys notifications <3
Valentine's day, asexuality, and being alone
Posted 7 months agoIt's Valentine's day and I hope everyone is having a great day with loved ones & significant others!! ❤️
I don't have anyone special to me I can celebrate with, & this isn't a cry for attention, I just want to talk and think out loud
In a vacuum I don't care that I'm alone & single today, I'm aroace and I like spending holidays like this with my friends. But everyone else I'm close to has someone special; a spouse or partner or some other kind of significant other, so I'm all by myself this year
A relationship like that is something I'll never be able to experience because of my sexuality/orientation, because any attempt anyone makes to approach with affection just irritates me, because I can't even make new friends due to trauma and trust issues, and the distress and frustration and sadness all comes to the surface on romantic holidays and anniversaries and engagements
I have tried, I've dated and tried to be romantic towards others but it isn't a feeling I'm able to comprehend, it just becomes frustrating at best. Sex is even worse, I know I commission a lot of porn on here but in real life I don't have sex drive, and it just becomes a stressor when people come on to me or try to do dirty talk
I'm proud of my asexuality, but it does get lonely on days like today and on other romantic occasions where everyone else is spending time with significant others
I'll end this by saying please let your ace friends know they are appreciated and loved 💞 and enjoy the rest of the day
I don't have anyone special to me I can celebrate with, & this isn't a cry for attention, I just want to talk and think out loud
In a vacuum I don't care that I'm alone & single today, I'm aroace and I like spending holidays like this with my friends. But everyone else I'm close to has someone special; a spouse or partner or some other kind of significant other, so I'm all by myself this year
A relationship like that is something I'll never be able to experience because of my sexuality/orientation, because any attempt anyone makes to approach with affection just irritates me, because I can't even make new friends due to trauma and trust issues, and the distress and frustration and sadness all comes to the surface on romantic holidays and anniversaries and engagements
I have tried, I've dated and tried to be romantic towards others but it isn't a feeling I'm able to comprehend, it just becomes frustrating at best. Sex is even worse, I know I commission a lot of porn on here but in real life I don't have sex drive, and it just becomes a stressor when people come on to me or try to do dirty talk
I'm proud of my asexuality, but it does get lonely on days like today and on other romantic occasions where everyone else is spending time with significant others
I'll end this by saying please let your ace friends know they are appreciated and loved 💞 and enjoy the rest of the day
Website soon?
Posted 7 months agoEver since I was little I've had an interest in photography, I've been taking many photos since high school(both on film and digital). I'm planning on making my own website and selling prints of my photos soon, if anyone here would be interested should I share the link?
Do you want to get art with me?
Posted 7 months agoMaking this journal for people to comment on if they're interested in getting art with my characters in the future, if I plan on commissioning art & want/need another character I will pick a comment here and send a note asking if they're interested. So if you want to get art with me please comment here! Also I encourage listing artists to commission, as well as any kinks you have (an f list account if you have one, mine is in my bio on my profile) to help me better choose who to ask for a piece with depending on what I want to commission & which artist I want to buy from
Need input
Posted 9 months agoWhich of my characters should be my account's "mascot?" It has always been my fursona Junie, but I made the decision recently to disown her as my fursona for personal reasons, she isn't going anywhere & will still have a lot of art commissioned of her, but doesn't represent who I am anymore.
Now that I have no fursona my page has no main mascot, so I want input from users: which of my characters fits this account best? Should it stay as Junie or change to another character?
My characters:
Junie (cat): https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery...../1403042/Junie
Sunshine (wolf): https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery.....03043/Sunshine
Larus (cat): https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery...../1403044/Larus
Now that I have no fursona my page has no main mascot, so I want input from users: which of my characters fits this account best? Should it stay as Junie or change to another character?
My characters:
Junie (cat): https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery...../1403042/Junie
Sunshine (wolf): https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery.....03043/Sunshine
Larus (cat): https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery...../1403044/Larus
Emergency: help this person pay bills!
Posted a year agoLosing dragoneer
Posted a year agoWishing dragoneer's loved ones well & sending condolences, sadly I'm unsure of what exactly I can post about him since I know so little about him, but I felt like I should say something at least considering the effect he's had on so so many people including myself and everyone else on this site, I hope he is at peace & that his final moments were happy ones. Rest in peace dragoneer
Raffle by leoria
Posted a year agoRaffle
Posted a year ago
xanrel_nightglow
ONGIF-list
Posted a year agoI added my f-list to my profile! I'll also link it here: https://www.f-list.net/c/junie%20-%20cansta
If you are interested in splitting a commission with me you can check the f-list to see if we share kinks or interests, then discuss from there <3
If you are interested in splitting a commission with me you can check the f-list to see if we share kinks or interests, then discuss from there <3
My discord/before messaging me (READ PLEASE)
Posted 2 years agoI want to make a journal addressing getting messages, it's easier to list things in a journal than put it all on my profile.
(Edit 8-8-24: people have started trying to contact me for casual conversation only to quickly shift it to try and talk me into commissioning them, I believe it's usually AI "artists" as well, please be wary of random users suddenly messaging you asking how you came up with your character. So from now on I will not be responding to notes unless we've already spoken before or if I've already commissioned you & am receiving wips or payment info. If you want to contact me COMMENT ON MY PAGE OR ONE OF MY POSTS)
1. Please don't send a vague message like "hi," I don't know you or how to respond to that so make it clear why you want to talk
2. I am not going to carry a conversation, if I want to make small talk or start a discussion I will message one of my friends and not someone I barely know. Do not message me with "how is your day," "what are you doing right now," etc., I will not respond
3. PLEASE DON'T MESSAGE ME ASKING ME TO COMMISSION YOU! I commission artists that I find myself & will reach out for a commission if I want to. Pressuring me to commission you will result in a block
4. I don't like to RP, ESPECIALLY when it's erotic/NSFW, please please don't contact me to RP/no "hugs you/nuzzles you" type messages. I'm not my characters, I'm asexual & messages making sexual/romantic advances make me uncomfortable. Don't send sexual messages unless it's involved in a commission I'm getting with/from you (Also DO NOT ASK ME FOR NUDES/VIDEO/ETC!! I hate being on camera in general & when strangers try to push me to expose myself on camera/record sexual audio, it makes me VERY uncomfortable)
5. I'm open to conversation(IF you have a topic in mind or a question to ask,) but talk in comments on one of my posts first. If you want to talk about my character designs & inspirations I welcome that IF I KNOW YOU ALREADY
I may add to this in the future, for now these are the biggest issues I've faced when receiving messages, I'm a friendly person so as long as you don't plan on doing anything I've mentioned here, I'm happy to reply
Comment on this journal & i will note you my discord username, IF you actually have something to discuss with me
(Edit 8-8-24: people have started trying to contact me for casual conversation only to quickly shift it to try and talk me into commissioning them, I believe it's usually AI "artists" as well, please be wary of random users suddenly messaging you asking how you came up with your character. So from now on I will not be responding to notes unless we've already spoken before or if I've already commissioned you & am receiving wips or payment info. If you want to contact me COMMENT ON MY PAGE OR ONE OF MY POSTS)
1. Please don't send a vague message like "hi," I don't know you or how to respond to that so make it clear why you want to talk
2. I am not going to carry a conversation, if I want to make small talk or start a discussion I will message one of my friends and not someone I barely know. Do not message me with "how is your day," "what are you doing right now," etc., I will not respond
3. PLEASE DON'T MESSAGE ME ASKING ME TO COMMISSION YOU! I commission artists that I find myself & will reach out for a commission if I want to. Pressuring me to commission you will result in a block
4. I don't like to RP, ESPECIALLY when it's erotic/NSFW, please please don't contact me to RP/no "hugs you/nuzzles you" type messages. I'm not my characters, I'm asexual & messages making sexual/romantic advances make me uncomfortable. Don't send sexual messages unless it's involved in a commission I'm getting with/from you (Also DO NOT ASK ME FOR NUDES/VIDEO/ETC!! I hate being on camera in general & when strangers try to push me to expose myself on camera/record sexual audio, it makes me VERY uncomfortable)
5. I'm open to conversation(IF you have a topic in mind or a question to ask,) but talk in comments on one of my posts first. If you want to talk about my character designs & inspirations I welcome that IF I KNOW YOU ALREADY
I may add to this in the future, for now these are the biggest issues I've faced when receiving messages, I'm a friendly person so as long as you don't plan on doing anything I've mentioned here, I'm happy to reply
Comment on this journal & i will note you my discord username, IF you actually have something to discuss with me
