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New Monster Computer
Posted 3 years agoSo, It's been a while since i've done anything on FA other than lurk (life is just so busy ever since i graduated and moved out on my own, that i rarely have time for the things i used to) but i'm fairly successful in what i do, so i decided to splurge on myself a bit and buy a $14.5k custom built computer.
the speccs are as follows:
Intel i9 12900k 16 core processor (overclocked)
NVIDIA Ge0Force RTX 3090 (overclocked)
ASUS ROG Maximus Z690 Extreme Glacial motherboard
64 Gigs G-skill DDR5 Corsair 6000 MHZ memory
1500 Watt Power Supply
4X 10TB SSD Drives
3X 2TV M.2. Drives
ElGato 4k Capture Card
Sound Blaster AE-9 Sound Card
Custom Looping and Water Pump
For those interested, my twitch is: www.twitch.tv/cadcTV
feel free to drop by and check me out!
the speccs are as follows:
Intel i9 12900k 16 core processor (overclocked)
NVIDIA Ge0Force RTX 3090 (overclocked)
ASUS ROG Maximus Z690 Extreme Glacial motherboard
64 Gigs G-skill DDR5 Corsair 6000 MHZ memory
1500 Watt Power Supply
4X 10TB SSD Drives
3X 2TV M.2. Drives
ElGato 4k Capture Card
Sound Blaster AE-9 Sound Card
Custom Looping and Water Pump
For those interested, my twitch is: www.twitch.tv/cadcTV
feel free to drop by and check me out!
I am bound, but free
Posted 5 years agoIt's been almost a year since my last Journal, I'm so sorry that i have been so inactive all these years, but i've been going through so many transitions in my life, that I simply didn't want to waste anyone's time with simple fleeting fluff..
but anyways, I'm still alive and kicking, I've recently become a new mortgage owner (yes, I've got my own home now). A lot falls on my shoulders now that i'm on my own at long last (at age 32).
I've never felt more liberated, even though i basically live the life style of a workaholic at this time, Working 10 to 12 hour shifts and only taking Mondays and Tuesdays off, but I work hard in a focused and a very dedicated effort to change that.
I will be successful, and I will claim my time back... it's just gonna take a few more years of hard work to get there, but I'm not looking anywhere other than up, because i do intend to move up in this difficult world. Look nowhere but up, it's the only way to move on and get through.. it's the only way i've been able to survive.
I truly hope my friend in black and white comes to visit me once more, I always find comfort and reassurance, that at least someone out there cares and takes interest in me ^_^;
but anyways, I'm still alive and kicking, I've recently become a new mortgage owner (yes, I've got my own home now). A lot falls on my shoulders now that i'm on my own at long last (at age 32).
I've never felt more liberated, even though i basically live the life style of a workaholic at this time, Working 10 to 12 hour shifts and only taking Mondays and Tuesdays off, but I work hard in a focused and a very dedicated effort to change that.
I will be successful, and I will claim my time back... it's just gonna take a few more years of hard work to get there, but I'm not looking anywhere other than up, because i do intend to move up in this difficult world. Look nowhere but up, it's the only way to move on and get through.. it's the only way i've been able to survive.
I truly hope my friend in black and white comes to visit me once more, I always find comfort and reassurance, that at least someone out there cares and takes interest in me ^_^;
One to two more significant step towards my future
Posted 6 years agoSo, coming out of getting so much emotional baggage and possibly trauma off my shoulders, come seventh try, I was finally able to pass my Real Estate exam and soon i'll be a fully licensed Real Estate Agent. I'll finally have what my parents would consider "a real job," (even though my current job got me out of a very bad spot because it's a really good job), but regardless, it's real, it's finally happening, and with this taking off soon, i'll finally be moving out of my parent's place.
As it turns out, a good buddy of mine, who i've been a co-worker with for basically 5 years, wants to go half and half on a very upper class house that we will be Co-owning in Joint Tenancy. I'll be the only one living there however, as he lives in Texas, but needs a place to come to when he comes visit his kids (once a month), since His ex has child custody, that's his interest. Essentially, I'll be living in the house on my own, but only owing half of what it normally would.
the house has 4 bed rooms, 3 of which will be available for rent, and a good friend of mine is already on board with the idea (and he actually wants to help me out with the mortgage), and he has two friends that might take the other two rooms, so if it all works out, i'll be pretty set.
My life's goal has been for the longest time to own rental properties and live off of them eventually, and I believe things are coming together to make this goal a reality. This house will be my first step towards my goal, and Real Estate will further facilitate my goals..
I can't wait
As it turns out, a good buddy of mine, who i've been a co-worker with for basically 5 years, wants to go half and half on a very upper class house that we will be Co-owning in Joint Tenancy. I'll be the only one living there however, as he lives in Texas, but needs a place to come to when he comes visit his kids (once a month), since His ex has child custody, that's his interest. Essentially, I'll be living in the house on my own, but only owing half of what it normally would.
the house has 4 bed rooms, 3 of which will be available for rent, and a good friend of mine is already on board with the idea (and he actually wants to help me out with the mortgage), and he has two friends that might take the other two rooms, so if it all works out, i'll be pretty set.
My life's goal has been for the longest time to own rental properties and live off of them eventually, and I believe things are coming together to make this goal a reality. This house will be my first step towards my goal, and Real Estate will further facilitate my goals..
I can't wait
The Demons that Haunt(ed) me
Posted 6 years agoDisclaimer: this will probably be the most controversial Journal i will post. And it relates a lot with the Christian faith, so please, if you feel it might be a topic that may make you uncomfortable or offend you, then please stop reading now and skip this one. If it makes you think i am crazy, so be it, but i know what i experienced was very real.
‐
As many of you know, odd as it may seem, i am of the Christian faith. I believe in Heaven above, and hell below. As very real as i believe God, Jesus, the Holy spirit and the angels to be, so too do i believe Satan, Demons, and Gehenna to be equally as real.
I, like many, am not prone to believe in superstitions, or supernatural things that can't be seen or can't be explained, but being that i've been through some therapy sessions with my family, and i have experienced Demon encounters in the past, i feel it is time to express something i've kept to myself for a long, long time.
When i was very young (possibly when i was 4 years old and living in Mexico) one night, when i was in my bed, in the dark, wide awake, staring at the cloth curtain that covered my window, with a street light shining behind it.
Eventually, i took notice of a shadowy figure flying around, it's shadow being casted by the streetlight on my curtain. It looked like it was a flying butterfly (slow moving, bobbing flight pattern), suddenly, that butterfly morphed into something else, it looked like a ball with a witch hat riding a broom stick. It then started doing some smooth figure 8's across my curtains (A.K.A, the Infinity Symbol).
I watched this figure intently, not really knowing what it was. It did 3 figure 8's before stopping in mid air, it remained suspended motionless in mid air for a bit before the face of a fiery twisted jack o lantern appeared on that ball like area of this strange manifestation before me.
It began laughing (not per say actually audible laughs, but more like laughs i could here in my mind). At this point i was pretty frightened, but when it began flying towards me, that's whenever i scrambled from my bed, screamed in sheer terror as i ran out of my room and into my grand parents bedroom, trembling in fear. (I pretty much woke everyone in the house).
I feel that this demon is (was) the cause of most of my turmoil in life, as though the devil had already marked me for termination. What i am most concerned about was the possible meaning behind that infinity sign..
You might think i dreamed it all, but the truth is, had it been a dream, i would have realized it the moment i gasped opening my eyes, but the problem is that my eyes were already open, i was wide awake, and very much aware of my surroundings. Was it a figment of my imagination at such a young age? Maybe, easy to think, but this wouldn't be the last time i had an encounter with a demon, and the next was roughly when i was age 25.
Fast forward many years later, now living in the USA, having been through a lot of hardships and what i would consider nothing short of hell on earth (if you've read some of my previous dark journals, you would know what i am talking about).
One night, i was very much asleep, sometime in the night, i felt the room temperature drop (sounds cliche, i know, but it really did happen), that moment, my body froze, i was aware something was wrong, but i felt paralyzed, i couldn't move my body, i couldn't breath, and i couldn't open my eyes either. Suddenly, i felt a strange pressure inside my head, as though something was trying to squeeze out of my skull, it felt like a tight balloon squeezing out of my brain (as best as i can describe it). Suddenly, a figure manifested in my mind, it looked like a very strange skull with a partial spinal cord escaping. It gave 3 very robotic, and very dry and tone depth "Haa.. Haa... Haa..." before it's presence left me and immediately i regained all faculties, i gasped for breath, a bit caught off guard by what had just happened..
I can't really say if this was another demon that i had that i didn't know about, or if it was the same one from my youth, that had finally run it's course, and had given up in making me stray from God, i would like to think i conquered my Demon, and hoped that this was not a different demon, and that the one from my youth still haunts me, who knows..
'
I wanted to make this because this seems to be the year of getting a lot of things off my shoulders, and to have an account of this somewhere else, rather than just my mind for the better part of roughly 28 years.
I remember this occurrences like it was yesterday, that's how fresh in my mind they are, i could even draw what these demons looked like if i had some free time to do so.
Oddly, i had some strange occurrences happen as i was typing this periodically while at work. After making a delivery, shut my door and a yellow jacket was stinging and balling up a spider on my car door mirror. Also, i became acutely aware of my surroundings, just as i was when i was much younger. Coincidence? Idk, just had to get all this out there for posterity sakes.
‐
As many of you know, odd as it may seem, i am of the Christian faith. I believe in Heaven above, and hell below. As very real as i believe God, Jesus, the Holy spirit and the angels to be, so too do i believe Satan, Demons, and Gehenna to be equally as real.
I, like many, am not prone to believe in superstitions, or supernatural things that can't be seen or can't be explained, but being that i've been through some therapy sessions with my family, and i have experienced Demon encounters in the past, i feel it is time to express something i've kept to myself for a long, long time.
When i was very young (possibly when i was 4 years old and living in Mexico) one night, when i was in my bed, in the dark, wide awake, staring at the cloth curtain that covered my window, with a street light shining behind it.
Eventually, i took notice of a shadowy figure flying around, it's shadow being casted by the streetlight on my curtain. It looked like it was a flying butterfly (slow moving, bobbing flight pattern), suddenly, that butterfly morphed into something else, it looked like a ball with a witch hat riding a broom stick. It then started doing some smooth figure 8's across my curtains (A.K.A, the Infinity Symbol).
I watched this figure intently, not really knowing what it was. It did 3 figure 8's before stopping in mid air, it remained suspended motionless in mid air for a bit before the face of a fiery twisted jack o lantern appeared on that ball like area of this strange manifestation before me.
It began laughing (not per say actually audible laughs, but more like laughs i could here in my mind). At this point i was pretty frightened, but when it began flying towards me, that's whenever i scrambled from my bed, screamed in sheer terror as i ran out of my room and into my grand parents bedroom, trembling in fear. (I pretty much woke everyone in the house).
I feel that this demon is (was) the cause of most of my turmoil in life, as though the devil had already marked me for termination. What i am most concerned about was the possible meaning behind that infinity sign..
You might think i dreamed it all, but the truth is, had it been a dream, i would have realized it the moment i gasped opening my eyes, but the problem is that my eyes were already open, i was wide awake, and very much aware of my surroundings. Was it a figment of my imagination at such a young age? Maybe, easy to think, but this wouldn't be the last time i had an encounter with a demon, and the next was roughly when i was age 25.
Fast forward many years later, now living in the USA, having been through a lot of hardships and what i would consider nothing short of hell on earth (if you've read some of my previous dark journals, you would know what i am talking about).
One night, i was very much asleep, sometime in the night, i felt the room temperature drop (sounds cliche, i know, but it really did happen), that moment, my body froze, i was aware something was wrong, but i felt paralyzed, i couldn't move my body, i couldn't breath, and i couldn't open my eyes either. Suddenly, i felt a strange pressure inside my head, as though something was trying to squeeze out of my skull, it felt like a tight balloon squeezing out of my brain (as best as i can describe it). Suddenly, a figure manifested in my mind, it looked like a very strange skull with a partial spinal cord escaping. It gave 3 very robotic, and very dry and tone depth "Haa.. Haa... Haa..." before it's presence left me and immediately i regained all faculties, i gasped for breath, a bit caught off guard by what had just happened..
I can't really say if this was another demon that i had that i didn't know about, or if it was the same one from my youth, that had finally run it's course, and had given up in making me stray from God, i would like to think i conquered my Demon, and hoped that this was not a different demon, and that the one from my youth still haunts me, who knows..
'
I wanted to make this because this seems to be the year of getting a lot of things off my shoulders, and to have an account of this somewhere else, rather than just my mind for the better part of roughly 28 years.
I remember this occurrences like it was yesterday, that's how fresh in my mind they are, i could even draw what these demons looked like if i had some free time to do so.
Oddly, i had some strange occurrences happen as i was typing this periodically while at work. After making a delivery, shut my door and a yellow jacket was stinging and balling up a spider on my car door mirror. Also, i became acutely aware of my surroundings, just as i was when i was much younger. Coincidence? Idk, just had to get all this out there for posterity sakes.
So what's going on with me?
Posted 7 years agoit's been a good while since i've done anything on FA, there are many reasons for that.
1) I graduated College, so life got a little busier
2) Had a $6,500 Fraud happen to me while doing some freelance work, on top of $8,500 Credit Card, and $3,500 Student loan debt (not going into details of the Fraud, the fact it happened is embarrassing enough as it is)
3) Switched to a new Job which pays basically triple or more of what i used to earn for far less effort
4) Got to doing Uber when i got rear ended while on the job, and got a $3,000 insurance payout, which enabled me to purchase a brand new 2017 Honda Accord hybrid vehicle, which i was able to finance thanks to my good credit history.
5) Fast forward a year and a half later, I have been able to clear the Fraud debt, as well as my Credit Card debt in Full, and am now well on my way to clearing my Student Loan Debts (Debts i have been carrying for over a Decade).
6) With the Culmination of the Fraud Debt, and my Credit Card Debt, my Credit Score has shot up to the 800+ Range, and i'm moving myself to a very favorable financial position despite all the adversities I've had to overcome.
7) Finally, I'm in the process of obtaining my Real Estate Lisence once I pass my Real Estate Exam, and my future is looking brighter than ever..
I was not ok, but I have done everything in my power to change that. I don't know if i'll find myself with a bit more time on my hands once i get my Real Estate License, but just thought i'd give you guys some info as to what's being going on with me, if anyone happens to stumble upon this Journal of mine ;3
1) I graduated College, so life got a little busier
2) Had a $6,500 Fraud happen to me while doing some freelance work, on top of $8,500 Credit Card, and $3,500 Student loan debt (not going into details of the Fraud, the fact it happened is embarrassing enough as it is)
3) Switched to a new Job which pays basically triple or more of what i used to earn for far less effort
4) Got to doing Uber when i got rear ended while on the job, and got a $3,000 insurance payout, which enabled me to purchase a brand new 2017 Honda Accord hybrid vehicle, which i was able to finance thanks to my good credit history.
5) Fast forward a year and a half later, I have been able to clear the Fraud debt, as well as my Credit Card debt in Full, and am now well on my way to clearing my Student Loan Debts (Debts i have been carrying for over a Decade).
6) With the Culmination of the Fraud Debt, and my Credit Card Debt, my Credit Score has shot up to the 800+ Range, and i'm moving myself to a very favorable financial position despite all the adversities I've had to overcome.
7) Finally, I'm in the process of obtaining my Real Estate Lisence once I pass my Real Estate Exam, and my future is looking brighter than ever..
I was not ok, but I have done everything in my power to change that. I don't know if i'll find myself with a bit more time on my hands once i get my Real Estate License, but just thought i'd give you guys some info as to what's being going on with me, if anyone happens to stumble upon this Journal of mine ;3
Updated specs on my computer
Posted 9 years agoSo, I did upgrade my computer a while back, and I forgot to update the info on it, but I'll do so now :3
Motherboard: ASUS Rampage V Black Edition
Processor: Overclocked Intel Core i7 Extreme -5960X (8 Cores 4.2 - 4.7GHz)
Memory: 32GB - Corsair Dominator Platinum 3100MHz DDR4
Graphics Card: EVGA NVIDIA GeForce GTX Titan Black Superclocked - 6GB GDDR5
Power Supply: Corsair AX1500i Modular Power Supply (1500 Watts)
Liquid Cooling: Custom pump and pipes
Optical Drive: 14X Blue Ray / RW Combo
Solid State Drive: Samsung 840 EVO 1TB SSD
Hard Disk Drive: Western Digital Black 4TB - 7200RPM HDD
Card Reader: Internal 5.25" Bay 6-Slot Card Reader
here's a pic of my rig!
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?.....=3&theater
Motherboard: ASUS Rampage V Black Edition
Processor: Overclocked Intel Core i7 Extreme -5960X (8 Cores 4.2 - 4.7GHz)
Memory: 32GB - Corsair Dominator Platinum 3100MHz DDR4
Graphics Card: EVGA NVIDIA GeForce GTX Titan Black Superclocked - 6GB GDDR5
Power Supply: Corsair AX1500i Modular Power Supply (1500 Watts)
Liquid Cooling: Custom pump and pipes
Optical Drive: 14X Blue Ray / RW Combo
Solid State Drive: Samsung 840 EVO 1TB SSD
Hard Disk Drive: Western Digital Black 4TB - 7200RPM HDD
Card Reader: Internal 5.25" Bay 6-Slot Card Reader
here's a pic of my rig!
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?.....=3&theater
Results from the personality test, I'm a ISFJ apparently
Posted 9 years agohttps://www.16personalities.com/isfj-personality
which does make sense, when I came out of my depression, I went from being full introvert, to somewhere between introvert and extrovert, more towards the introvert side. it also brought up that it's hard for me to say no when it comes to being taken slight advantage of in the line of work, because I am fully devoted to those that give me a chance to work for them, and those who pay me of course. (My freelance profile reviews is a testament of that https://www.freelancer.com/u/CarloDiDonna.html#/ )
it also makes mention that they are reliable and patient, and I am both, Patience is basically my middle name, you could say I have the patience of a saint, or that I'm patient to a fault.
Loyal and hard working... think this is covered.
I am observant, and can empathize with people easier than others
well, in short, there's a lot of truths behind this assessment test, it's got me almost completely pegged...
which does make sense, when I came out of my depression, I went from being full introvert, to somewhere between introvert and extrovert, more towards the introvert side. it also brought up that it's hard for me to say no when it comes to being taken slight advantage of in the line of work, because I am fully devoted to those that give me a chance to work for them, and those who pay me of course. (My freelance profile reviews is a testament of that https://www.freelancer.com/u/CarloDiDonna.html#/ )
it also makes mention that they are reliable and patient, and I am both, Patience is basically my middle name, you could say I have the patience of a saint, or that I'm patient to a fault.
Loyal and hard working... think this is covered.
I am observant, and can empathize with people easier than others
well, in short, there's a lot of truths behind this assessment test, it's got me almost completely pegged...
My results from the BDSM Test
Posted 9 years agoBefore you read the results, all i gotta say is, spare me the pep talk if you find me taking such a test, some how "offensive..." You know who you are :3
ahem... anyways.. I've been seeing this test around, and i've finally seen it enough, I had to take it for myself.
here are the results from my test!
== Results from http://bdsmtest.org/ ==
95% Switch
94% Primal (Hunter)
90% Dominant
89% Master/Mistress
82% Rigger
81% Owner
74% Voyeur
74% Experimentalist
73% Exhibitionist
68% Submissive
63% Brat Tamer
62% Rope Bunny
56% Brat
55% Degrader
52% Vanilla
50% Pet
48% Primal (Prey)
46% Daddy/Mommy
38% Degradee
33% Slave
30% Sadist
24% Girl/Boy
19% Masochist
16% Non-monogamist
7% Ageplayer
See my results online at http://bdsmtest.org/result.php?id=1700670
There you have it, I'm a Dominant Dragon who isn't afraid to give subs some leeway :)
ahem... anyways.. I've been seeing this test around, and i've finally seen it enough, I had to take it for myself.
here are the results from my test!
== Results from http://bdsmtest.org/ ==
95% Switch
94% Primal (Hunter)
90% Dominant
89% Master/Mistress
82% Rigger
81% Owner
74% Voyeur
74% Experimentalist
73% Exhibitionist
68% Submissive
63% Brat Tamer
62% Rope Bunny
56% Brat
55% Degrader
52% Vanilla
50% Pet
48% Primal (Prey)
46% Daddy/Mommy
38% Degradee
33% Slave
30% Sadist
24% Girl/Boy
19% Masochist
16% Non-monogamist
7% Ageplayer
See my results online at http://bdsmtest.org/result.php?id=1700670
There you have it, I'm a Dominant Dragon who isn't afraid to give subs some leeway :)
My search for a special someone continues, I'm not giving up
Posted 9 years agoAs of late, I've been on a real hunt for a mate, someone who is open about things, and with an aura of acceptance.
I thought for certain I had found the one, but unfortunately, It too wasn't meant to be..
My drive to find that special someone grows stronger the closer i get to finding what i'm looking for. As a Black Dragon with a strong resolve, I will not be deterred so easily in this endeavor.
As a Dragon of my word, I will find what i'm looking for.
I thought for certain I had found the one, but unfortunately, It too wasn't meant to be..
My drive to find that special someone grows stronger the closer i get to finding what i'm looking for. As a Black Dragon with a strong resolve, I will not be deterred so easily in this endeavor.
As a Dragon of my word, I will find what i'm looking for.
Zootopia was a definite treat!
Posted 9 years agoSo, I finally got to see it, it was better than what I was expecting!
it was clever, witty, emotional, and the characters were charming..
What mostly impresses me is the quality of the production, Modeling wise, Animation wise, it was probably the best animated film i've seen, period.
Being a Computer Animation Grad, i can definitely appreciate all the effort that went into it, and the amount of people that were involved, jees.. just the animation staff filled more than an entire screen with 4 columns on the credits screen, lol..
it was clever, witty, emotional, and the characters were charming..
What mostly impresses me is the quality of the production, Modeling wise, Animation wise, it was probably the best animated film i've seen, period.
Being a Computer Animation Grad, i can definitely appreciate all the effort that went into it, and the amount of people that were involved, jees.. just the animation staff filled more than an entire screen with 4 columns on the credits screen, lol..
Its been a rocky road.. - a look back at my old journals
Posted 9 years agoSo... I know that i haven't written much, or done much on FA for that matter, other than perhaps lurk about in the dark corners of FA, faving and leaving comments here and there.
I'm a college grad now, and through it all, I feel that the future outlook of my life is finally taking on a brighter shine.. I feel like after a complete decade of utter torment i've crawled out of the bitter darkness and have seen light again for the first time.. (For anyone who's delved deep into my journals, you'll know vividly of what I'm talking about)
things have gotten better for me, much better.. I no longer suffer from deep depression, and actually have something that resembles self esteem. On top of that, I actually feel like I'm in command of my own ship now, and my parents no longer bother me without reason.
Inadvertently, I think my mother finally realized the psychological damage she has caused me, and why she no longer seemed to receive affection from me.. deep down, I know she's sorry, and seems to be working towards fixing her mistakes.
but despite all the mental torture I had to go through, my mind is solid as steel.. and I have promised to myself, that I will never ever fall so hard ever again, and that's a promise I intend to keep. In many ways, these are experiences that have helped me see things clearly from other people's point of view, and can better understand what people are going through.
anyways... I'm 28 now, leading a group of artists towards creating a game to get our names out there (if anyone has interest, note me), but more to the point, I too have been working towards seeking companionship, and breaking this eternal loneliness that has taken hold of my life for so long now..
I've made mention that my cat was the only one to keep me company through my loneliest hours, unfortunately, he is no longer with me, and so, I truly am alone now, but all too glad that he lived long enough to see me through college, like I begged that he would.. I would have been so devastated in the state of mind that my mind used to be in, that I don't think I would have graduated if he hadn't lasted long enough. https://www.facebook.com/carlo.dido.....0416306016325/
So, I've been searching... looking.. for female companionship (and as you know, straight furs have the hardest time finding), but i've recently met
raspberryswirl and have been talking to her over skype. She says she has interest in me, and I fervently hope that she does... but I would like her to look at my old journals (as painful as they may be to read) to understand the scars of my past.. and Understand why I am the way I am..
I hope she will understand..
its been good to finally break the silence once again, I wonder if any will read though ^_^
I'm a college grad now, and through it all, I feel that the future outlook of my life is finally taking on a brighter shine.. I feel like after a complete decade of utter torment i've crawled out of the bitter darkness and have seen light again for the first time.. (For anyone who's delved deep into my journals, you'll know vividly of what I'm talking about)
things have gotten better for me, much better.. I no longer suffer from deep depression, and actually have something that resembles self esteem. On top of that, I actually feel like I'm in command of my own ship now, and my parents no longer bother me without reason.
Inadvertently, I think my mother finally realized the psychological damage she has caused me, and why she no longer seemed to receive affection from me.. deep down, I know she's sorry, and seems to be working towards fixing her mistakes.
but despite all the mental torture I had to go through, my mind is solid as steel.. and I have promised to myself, that I will never ever fall so hard ever again, and that's a promise I intend to keep. In many ways, these are experiences that have helped me see things clearly from other people's point of view, and can better understand what people are going through.
anyways... I'm 28 now, leading a group of artists towards creating a game to get our names out there (if anyone has interest, note me), but more to the point, I too have been working towards seeking companionship, and breaking this eternal loneliness that has taken hold of my life for so long now..
I've made mention that my cat was the only one to keep me company through my loneliest hours, unfortunately, he is no longer with me, and so, I truly am alone now, but all too glad that he lived long enough to see me through college, like I begged that he would.. I would have been so devastated in the state of mind that my mind used to be in, that I don't think I would have graduated if he hadn't lasted long enough. https://www.facebook.com/carlo.dido.....0416306016325/
So, I've been searching... looking.. for female companionship (and as you know, straight furs have the hardest time finding), but i've recently met
raspberryswirl and have been talking to her over skype. She says she has interest in me, and I fervently hope that she does... but I would like her to look at my old journals (as painful as they may be to read) to understand the scars of my past.. and Understand why I am the way I am..I hope she will understand..
its been good to finally break the silence once again, I wonder if any will read though ^_^
My new Computer Specs
Posted 11 years agoSo, I finally decided to go all out on a new build, and I should be getting it within a month or so
Here are the specs:
Motherboard: ASUS Rampage IV Black Edition X79
Processor: Overclocked Intel Core i7 Extreme -4960X (Six Cores 4.2 - 4.7GHz)
Memory: 32GB - Corsair Dominator Platinum 2400MHz DDR3
Graphics Card: EVGA NVIDIA GeForce GTX Titan Black Superclocked - 6GB GDDR5
Power Supply: Corsair AX1500i Modular Power Supply (1500 Watts)
Liquid Cooling: Corsair H80i H2O CPU Cooler
Optical Drive: 14X Blue Ray / RW Combo
Solid State Drive: Samsung 840 EVO 1TB SSD
Hard Disk Drive: Western Digital Black 4TB - 7200RPM HDD
Card Reader: Internal 5.25" Bay 6-Slot Card Reader
I can't wait for this monster to come in :D
Here are the specs:
Motherboard: ASUS Rampage IV Black Edition X79
Processor: Overclocked Intel Core i7 Extreme -4960X (Six Cores 4.2 - 4.7GHz)
Memory: 32GB - Corsair Dominator Platinum 2400MHz DDR3
Graphics Card: EVGA NVIDIA GeForce GTX Titan Black Superclocked - 6GB GDDR5
Power Supply: Corsair AX1500i Modular Power Supply (1500 Watts)
Liquid Cooling: Corsair H80i H2O CPU Cooler
Optical Drive: 14X Blue Ray / RW Combo
Solid State Drive: Samsung 840 EVO 1TB SSD
Hard Disk Drive: Western Digital Black 4TB - 7200RPM HDD
Card Reader: Internal 5.25" Bay 6-Slot Card Reader
I can't wait for this monster to come in :D
Selling My Gaming Computer, anyone Interested?
Posted 11 years agoI'm getting a new gaming computer in a month or so, I'm selling off my current gaming rig, would any of you be interested in it?
build Specs:
CPU: FX 8350 (4 Ghz/ 8 Solid Cores/ AM3+ socket)
Motherboard: Asrock 990 FX Extreme 4
GPU: Two XFX Radeon R9 290X HD Crossfired
RAM: 32 Gigs Gskill RipJaws DDR3 1866 Mhz
HDD: Western Digital Caviar Black 72000 RPM, 2TB
HDD: Western Digital Caviar Black 72000 RPM, 1TB
Power Supply: 950 Watt Silencer MKII
Heat Sink: H60 Corsair Liquid Cooling
Sound Card: Sound Blaster Fatality
Internal Capture Device: Avermedia Live Gamer HD
I'll be keeping the Avermedia Live gamer HD and Sound Card, but It does have Onboard Audio. (I also have the Driver Disk for the Motherboard)
I'm looking to sell it at $1,400
Please message me if Interested! (these pics are old, ignore the old graphic cards inside)
http://s137.photobucket.com/user/ca.....ort=3&o=94
http://s137.photobucket.com/user/ca.....ort=3&o=92
http://s137.photobucket.com/user/ca.....rt=3&o=103
build Specs:
CPU: FX 8350 (4 Ghz/ 8 Solid Cores/ AM3+ socket)
Motherboard: Asrock 990 FX Extreme 4
GPU: Two XFX Radeon R9 290X HD Crossfired
RAM: 32 Gigs Gskill RipJaws DDR3 1866 Mhz
HDD: Western Digital Caviar Black 72000 RPM, 2TB
HDD: Western Digital Caviar Black 72000 RPM, 1TB
Power Supply: 950 Watt Silencer MKII
Heat Sink: H60 Corsair Liquid Cooling
Sound Card: Sound Blaster Fatality
Internal Capture Device: Avermedia Live Gamer HD
I'll be keeping the Avermedia Live gamer HD and Sound Card, but It does have Onboard Audio. (I also have the Driver Disk for the Motherboard)
I'm looking to sell it at $1,400
Please message me if Interested! (these pics are old, ignore the old graphic cards inside)
http://s137.photobucket.com/user/ca.....ort=3&o=94
http://s137.photobucket.com/user/ca.....ort=3&o=92
http://s137.photobucket.com/user/ca.....rt=3&o=103
Big Give Away!
Posted 11 years agohttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84mF7P_0AJc
In order to help stimulate growth within my youtube channel, I have decided to host a Big Give Away worth a total of an estimated $211
The Prizes:
1) a livestream with me in league of legends
2) Fully Lisenced Fraps
3) Fully Lisenced Bandicam
4) Fully Lisenced Dxtory
And one lucky winner will receive an XFX Radeon 7770 HD Core Edition Graphics Card! (Factory Overclocked)
For Details on this Give Away, Please read the video description on my video page!
In order to help stimulate growth within my youtube channel, I have decided to host a Big Give Away worth a total of an estimated $211
The Prizes:
1) a livestream with me in league of legends
2) Fully Lisenced Fraps
3) Fully Lisenced Bandicam
4) Fully Lisenced Dxtory
And one lucky winner will receive an XFX Radeon 7770 HD Core Edition Graphics Card! (Factory Overclocked)
For Details on this Give Away, Please read the video description on my video page!
Dream Journal #8
Posted 11 years agoHad this dream sometime last year. its a little hazy, but I remember most of it because it was quite Vivid.
the setting seemed to be a smooth grassy mountain top over the heavens, the lighting was bright, the colors vibrant, very very surreal.
There was a heavily architectural building that seemed quite old in design, but New as if it was built that very day.
A Hooded man approached this building, inside was a big hourglass, below it a giant clock. This seemed to be the place where the flow of time was kept.
The man took a closer look at the hourglass, and he could see a reflection of the universe within it. the sand inside the hourglass was ending soon. Meaning what I assumed to be the end of time soon approaching.
The Man turned the hour glass, and once the sand began to flow again, the man left.
I have to assume that this man was the keeper of time, and his duty was to reboot time itself so that time would never end.
the setting seemed to be a smooth grassy mountain top over the heavens, the lighting was bright, the colors vibrant, very very surreal.
There was a heavily architectural building that seemed quite old in design, but New as if it was built that very day.
A Hooded man approached this building, inside was a big hourglass, below it a giant clock. This seemed to be the place where the flow of time was kept.
The man took a closer look at the hourglass, and he could see a reflection of the universe within it. the sand inside the hourglass was ending soon. Meaning what I assumed to be the end of time soon approaching.
The Man turned the hour glass, and once the sand began to flow again, the man left.
I have to assume that this man was the keeper of time, and his duty was to reboot time itself so that time would never end.
Dream Journal #7
Posted 11 years agoI once had a dream where I was walking through a street with side shops, one shop which was a game shop, had a TV with n Xbox 360 hooked up to it. the console was running a Mario Kart game called "Mario Kart Final"
when I saw this, I thought to myself, How is Microsoft not being sued up the ass for this?!
(that's about as much as I remember of this one, had this one maybe a year or two ago)
the game title was pretty legit though XD
when I saw this, I thought to myself, How is Microsoft not being sued up the ass for this?!
(that's about as much as I remember of this one, had this one maybe a year or two ago)
the game title was pretty legit though XD
Dream Journal #6
Posted 12 years agoI once had a Dream, that I was on the Titanic, the moment after it had split in half, and the back end of the ship was tilted completely Vertically, and sinking (like in the Movie)
I'm guessing I was Jack, and Rose was next to me, as we stood atop the guard rail as we watched everyone below us drown and freeze to death.
The water was reaching us, and this is where the dream took a darker and creepier tone...
For some reason, the water was solid for me, and I was able to stand on it, I stood up as I watched everyone drown below me and the ship fade into the Darkness of the Deep. Lastly I saw Rose stare back at me with a frozen expression of shock as she drowned along with everyone else, while I stood there as the only survivor.
Left alone to contemplate what just happened.
I'm guessing I was Jack, and Rose was next to me, as we stood atop the guard rail as we watched everyone below us drown and freeze to death.
The water was reaching us, and this is where the dream took a darker and creepier tone...
For some reason, the water was solid for me, and I was able to stand on it, I stood up as I watched everyone drown below me and the ship fade into the Darkness of the Deep. Lastly I saw Rose stare back at me with a frozen expression of shock as she drowned along with everyone else, while I stood there as the only survivor.
Left alone to contemplate what just happened.
Dream Journal #5
Posted 12 years agowhy did I have a dream about Doctor Venture being chased by a Brown Recluse, and me being either Hank or Dean, getting an experimental torch, trying burn it to death, only to find out the outside of the house was flooded with brown recluses all over the place?
Oh yes... its going to be a very special birthday indeed, lol
Oh yes... its going to be a very special birthday indeed, lol
Dream Journal #4
Posted 12 years agolast night, had a dream that I hadn't dremt in a long time ago, its basically set in the future, and how your future path is determined based on the initial route you take inside a round ball on a course with multiple paths specifically designed for the ball. (The paths are labled by letters with each fork in the road "ex: A,B,C,D,E,F etc, and there are coins to gather along some of the paths) and the Decisions you make on the paths you take will determine your overall future.
Would make for an interesting start of a game, if I do say so myself
on another note, I also had a second dream that I was on an airplane ride, and for some reason, we were practically flying on the highway itself. another plane was flying the opposite direction on the other side of the highway. the highway had curves and and highs and lows. The engine of the plane was actually below the body of the plane (To better maneuver near the ground it seemed?) but the pilot of the other airplane had trouble maneuvering the shifting terrain and ended up hitting the ground and crashing (coincidentally enough, next to parked ambulances, firetrucks, and cops, lol)
in short, I'm insane in the head at night ;P
Would make for an interesting start of a game, if I do say so myself
on another note, I also had a second dream that I was on an airplane ride, and for some reason, we were practically flying on the highway itself. another plane was flying the opposite direction on the other side of the highway. the highway had curves and and highs and lows. The engine of the plane was actually below the body of the plane (To better maneuver near the ground it seemed?) but the pilot of the other airplane had trouble maneuvering the shifting terrain and ended up hitting the ground and crashing (coincidentally enough, next to parked ambulances, firetrucks, and cops, lol)
in short, I'm insane in the head at night ;P
Dream Journal #3
Posted 12 years agoLol, last night I had a Dream that Microsoft had created a Mario Kart rip off for the Xbox called "Mario Kart Final" Which basically had different characters that looked similar to the originals, and made use of the Rush Map Models and textures for the race tracks...
I was like... How is Microsoft not sued up the ass for this?! XD
and then I woke up... ;P
I was like... How is Microsoft not sued up the ass for this?! XD
and then I woke up... ;P
Dream Journal #2
Posted 12 years agoI had a crazy dream last night...
For some reason, I was a cab driver, and for some reason, This old woman from Futurama who always wants to go to Nuhhtly (I don't know her name, and have no idea how that city is spelled, lol)
I tried to put that in my GPS, she had to help me on how to spell it (that's how she spelled it to me in my dream).
She must be a very patient woman, cus I had no idea this was like crazy far away! so far that I reached the Aztec Pyramids, where I saw my friend Paul Wilder here for some reason or other.. greeted him, and then kept going...
for some reason, through all this, she was in a cat bag, and when there was nowhere else to go on road, we had to take a train, and I had to carry her in this bag (thankfully she was weightless).
Here I met my friend Jacob Poole who was on the same train ride for some reason..
so we took the train, finally reached our destination, and then went a ways further before reaching the final destination.
I don't recall ever getting payed, but on the way back, my friend Jacob was also going back.. unfortunately we took the wrong train, and ended up God knows where...
last thing I remember was us taking the same train back to take the right train, and also that this whole thing had taken a lot of my class related homework time...
and around there was when I woke up....
have no freaking idea what this was all about, seems about as far from reality as it can get, lol
For some reason, I was a cab driver, and for some reason, This old woman from Futurama who always wants to go to Nuhhtly (I don't know her name, and have no idea how that city is spelled, lol)
I tried to put that in my GPS, she had to help me on how to spell it (that's how she spelled it to me in my dream).
She must be a very patient woman, cus I had no idea this was like crazy far away! so far that I reached the Aztec Pyramids, where I saw my friend Paul Wilder here for some reason or other.. greeted him, and then kept going...
for some reason, through all this, she was in a cat bag, and when there was nowhere else to go on road, we had to take a train, and I had to carry her in this bag (thankfully she was weightless).
Here I met my friend Jacob Poole who was on the same train ride for some reason..
so we took the train, finally reached our destination, and then went a ways further before reaching the final destination.
I don't recall ever getting payed, but on the way back, my friend Jacob was also going back.. unfortunately we took the wrong train, and ended up God knows where...
last thing I remember was us taking the same train back to take the right train, and also that this whole thing had taken a lot of my class related homework time...
and around there was when I woke up....
have no freaking idea what this was all about, seems about as far from reality as it can get, lol
Dream Journal #1
Posted 12 years agoI've Decided I will write down my dreams over here from Face book, for ease of finding them.
----
Last Night, I had a dream that I was was wrongfully imprisoned for life, when a guy Murdered his brother, and I happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time (thus I was considered his accomplice).
I was in a system, where I was guilty before proven innocent, and thus I was sent to jail immediately.
The thoughts that kept running to my head was that I needn't worry as I knew I did nothing wrong, and soon would be found innocent some day.
though one of the creepy parts was that I still had my cellphone for some reason, and I kept waiting for appropriate times where I would be able to place a call in order to contact the outside world for help, but every time I would try and make that call, the phone would first state the following in an operator's voice:
"This is an Act of Mercy, are you sure you want to place your call now?"
That statement would always make me doubt whether it was the right moment to do so, and would cause me to hang up out of fear that I would get caught, and give people a true reason to find me guilty...
unfortunately I never placed that call out of fear, and I was never proven innocent before my mother woke me up to clean up the kitty litter box, LOL! XD
When I think about it, would make for a great Maya animation, its something to consider...
----
Last Night, I had a dream that I was was wrongfully imprisoned for life, when a guy Murdered his brother, and I happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time (thus I was considered his accomplice).
I was in a system, where I was guilty before proven innocent, and thus I was sent to jail immediately.
The thoughts that kept running to my head was that I needn't worry as I knew I did nothing wrong, and soon would be found innocent some day.
though one of the creepy parts was that I still had my cellphone for some reason, and I kept waiting for appropriate times where I would be able to place a call in order to contact the outside world for help, but every time I would try and make that call, the phone would first state the following in an operator's voice:
"This is an Act of Mercy, are you sure you want to place your call now?"
That statement would always make me doubt whether it was the right moment to do so, and would cause me to hang up out of fear that I would get caught, and give people a true reason to find me guilty...
unfortunately I never placed that call out of fear, and I was never proven innocent before my mother woke me up to clean up the kitty litter box, LOL! XD
When I think about it, would make for a great Maya animation, its something to consider...
My computer build
Posted 12 years agoWriting this for myself just so I have a place to copy my build for every time I'm asked what my computer build is.. Sucks to write it out over and over and over again, lol...
My build:
CPU: FX 8350 (4 Ghz/ 8 Solid Cores/ AM3+ socket)
Motherboard: Asrock 990 FX Extreme 4
GPU: Two XFX Radeon R9 290X HD Crossfired
RAM: 32 Gigs Gskill RipJaws DDR3 1866 Mhz
HDD: Western Digital Caviar Black 72000 RPM, 2TB
HDD: Western Digital Caviar Black 72000 RPM, 1TB
Power Supply: 950 Watt Silencer MKII
Heat Sink: H60 Corsair Liquid Cooling
Sound Card: Sound Blaster Fatality
Internal Capture Device: Avermedia Live Gamer HD
Also if interested, my youtube is: #
My build:
CPU: FX 8350 (4 Ghz/ 8 Solid Cores/ AM3+ socket)
Motherboard: Asrock 990 FX Extreme 4
GPU: Two XFX Radeon R9 290X HD Crossfired
RAM: 32 Gigs Gskill RipJaws DDR3 1866 Mhz
HDD: Western Digital Caviar Black 72000 RPM, 2TB
HDD: Western Digital Caviar Black 72000 RPM, 1TB
Power Supply: 950 Watt Silencer MKII
Heat Sink: H60 Corsair Liquid Cooling
Sound Card: Sound Blaster Fatality
Internal Capture Device: Avermedia Live Gamer HD
Also if interested, my youtube is: #
Top Dog's Art Raffle!
Posted 13 years agoThought I'd help Top Dog on His art Raffle En devours :)
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3347778/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3347778/
tiring of the Unrelenting High Expectations of Life
Posted 13 years agoYou've come to me.. for the passed 12 years, telling me how If I was a little better, I would meet expectations..
Expectations have always Risen with each coming year.. and with each coming year.. my expectations have faltered short...
I have never met expectations.. and I have come to accept.. that I never will meet the expectations of life..
and you know what... I have made peace with that..
a disappointment consider me if you must, but I know.. that I gave it my all..
Expectations have always Risen with each coming year.. and with each coming year.. my expectations have faltered short...
I have never met expectations.. and I have come to accept.. that I never will meet the expectations of life..
and you know what... I have made peace with that..
a disappointment consider me if you must, but I know.. that I gave it my all..
