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worthless
General | Posted a year agomaaaaan
Family makes me feel fucking worthless
yesterday, I went and watched Transformers one, was a good movie. After I bought dinner for Family
Today, I go upstairs to figure out food and see my family got Taco Bell and just simply forgot that I was home
They literally looked at me and said they didn't think I was home
And this also follows right after I paid 133 to restore phones, because my dad is bad with money I have to put myself in the hole so we can all have nice things
Family makes me feel fucking worthless
yesterday, I went and watched Transformers one, was a good movie. After I bought dinner for Family
Today, I go upstairs to figure out food and see my family got Taco Bell and just simply forgot that I was home
They literally looked at me and said they didn't think I was home
And this also follows right after I paid 133 to restore phones, because my dad is bad with money I have to put myself in the hole so we can all have nice things
unplug
General | Posted a year agoAm going to unplug from my accounts one of these upcoming weeks.
Mental and emotional stress have left my ability to function at my normal levels either really hard or impossible.
Too much BS and pain from my normal life.
I need a break
For how long? Don't know
I just know I need to do some personal care and to do that I feel like I need to unplug
Mental and emotional stress have left my ability to function at my normal levels either really hard or impossible.
Too much BS and pain from my normal life.
I need a break
For how long? Don't know
I just know I need to do some personal care and to do that I feel like I need to unplug
World hates me, no gives a f*ck
General | Posted a year agofor 2 months now, the world seems hellbent on making my life hell as much as possible.
first, my uncle passes away, I hardly knew the guy. We were told of his passing 2 days after and 2 days before the funeral. I live in on the west edge of Ohio and extended family lives in Pennsylvania. also due to the short notice, and several family members not caring, only me and my mom go. and I only go because it is a long ass drive and my mom normally doesn't drive that long. I give up my normal 2 days off and a PTO day for this and the family gathering was extremely uncomfortable and awkward.
hardly know my cousins and aunt, because they all moved wehn i was 7 or 8 and I am 31 now. also, we planned on taking a rental, but couldn't because I couldn't pay for it and my mom didn't have the money for the deposit. so we left late using my mom's car thst has been in rough shape for a while now.
following week, after getting back and on my next 2 days off, I am doing some yard work. trying to clear some overgrowth our landlord wants gone.
as I am cutting back a wild bush, i get swarmed and stung by bees.
i get stung a total of 3 times. and apparently am some kind of allergic as I get sick immediately after, causing me to spend the thecrest of my time off feeling awful.
and then the following week, because if those 2 times weren't bad enough, I get COVID on Tuesday, the start of my next 2 days off and once again feel like crap. it go so bad that on Saturday and Sunday I needed to call off because I was that sick. still felt like crap going into the following days off and ended up not doing anything, which in turn left me feeling depressed.
that is not even covering the worst of it.
Was planning on getting a commission to help lift my spirits, got smacked with a $200 phone bill because my dad didn't pay the $120 bill and I had to reactivate all our phones. so had to cancel getting that commission.
tried getting other stream commissions from an artist I like, during their FFA streams. I know the openings are tight, but I sent my idea in at the time they opened, only to wait an hour and be told that slots filled up. because all the people who sent in microseconds before me took up all 25 or more characters this artist take per stream. 2 times in a god damn row!
i gave up on doing their themed stream slots because I wanted to save money for the FFA slots. It sucks even more because several other people have managed to get in twice or all 3 of the previous streams and I haven't been able to get in 1 of the past 3 streams.
abd to add salt to wound, apperntly several of these people already have slots lined up for the next FFA in September, because that is fucking fair.
people have also stole the little cat house I put out at my work for the strays I have been feeding. Those houses are not cheap and I even invested a bit more into it for a more comfortable sleeping pad.
and the proverbial frosting on the shit cake is that bad memories of my old online friend group, who cut me out over my opinions of metroid fed force and pokemon sword and shield, have been rising to the forfront of my brain and linking them selves to several of my current friends
i don't like it
i fucking hate it
i am tired and hurt
abd i just want it end
first, my uncle passes away, I hardly knew the guy. We were told of his passing 2 days after and 2 days before the funeral. I live in on the west edge of Ohio and extended family lives in Pennsylvania. also due to the short notice, and several family members not caring, only me and my mom go. and I only go because it is a long ass drive and my mom normally doesn't drive that long. I give up my normal 2 days off and a PTO day for this and the family gathering was extremely uncomfortable and awkward.
hardly know my cousins and aunt, because they all moved wehn i was 7 or 8 and I am 31 now. also, we planned on taking a rental, but couldn't because I couldn't pay for it and my mom didn't have the money for the deposit. so we left late using my mom's car thst has been in rough shape for a while now.
following week, after getting back and on my next 2 days off, I am doing some yard work. trying to clear some overgrowth our landlord wants gone.
as I am cutting back a wild bush, i get swarmed and stung by bees.
i get stung a total of 3 times. and apparently am some kind of allergic as I get sick immediately after, causing me to spend the thecrest of my time off feeling awful.
and then the following week, because if those 2 times weren't bad enough, I get COVID on Tuesday, the start of my next 2 days off and once again feel like crap. it go so bad that on Saturday and Sunday I needed to call off because I was that sick. still felt like crap going into the following days off and ended up not doing anything, which in turn left me feeling depressed.
that is not even covering the worst of it.
Was planning on getting a commission to help lift my spirits, got smacked with a $200 phone bill because my dad didn't pay the $120 bill and I had to reactivate all our phones. so had to cancel getting that commission.
tried getting other stream commissions from an artist I like, during their FFA streams. I know the openings are tight, but I sent my idea in at the time they opened, only to wait an hour and be told that slots filled up. because all the people who sent in microseconds before me took up all 25 or more characters this artist take per stream. 2 times in a god damn row!
i gave up on doing their themed stream slots because I wanted to save money for the FFA slots. It sucks even more because several other people have managed to get in twice or all 3 of the previous streams and I haven't been able to get in 1 of the past 3 streams.
abd to add salt to wound, apperntly several of these people already have slots lined up for the next FFA in September, because that is fucking fair.
people have also stole the little cat house I put out at my work for the strays I have been feeding. Those houses are not cheap and I even invested a bit more into it for a more comfortable sleeping pad.
and the proverbial frosting on the shit cake is that bad memories of my old online friend group, who cut me out over my opinions of metroid fed force and pokemon sword and shield, have been rising to the forfront of my brain and linking them selves to several of my current friends
i don't like it
i fucking hate it
i am tired and hurt
abd i just want it end
Venting
General | Posted 4 years agoA writer here on FA who I had been following from DA before the Eclipse posted a journal saying that they were open for story commissions with a new TOS.
Reading over their new TOS, i saw the only thing that really changed was that they would not be taking NSFW commissions, and I thought 'okay, cool. I have this one idea i benn wanting to get for a bit and I can spin it as SFW'
So I spend a good chunk of my night, reading and re-reading their TOS and brainstorming snd filling out my idea into a full commission submission. I checked it over and made sure it did not violate their NEW TOS and it did not.
The idea basically involved 2 characters being transformed into Pokemon, and while transforming their minds would be flooded with feral instincts causing them to forget about their human lives and start thinking like the Pokemon they are being changed into. They would retain their personalities and some aspects oftheir memories but through the filter of the feral instincts they now possess. It eould end with them being put out into the wild to live as wild Pokemon.
Basically expensive Mind change, but not full on. The writer's TOS had nothing against MC and they had written for me in the past. So I submitted my idea.
When I heard back, it was basically a fucking slap in the face and a fuck you from the writer. As they decided that, AFTER READING MY STORY PITCH for a commission from them to update their BEW TOS to not allow MC.
Basically telling me my idea was bad and I am a horrible person.
That is not OK! It is not okay to suddenly decide, AFTER PUTTING OUT A NEW TOS AND TAKING COMMISSIONS AGAIN AND THEN CHANGE THOSE TOS AFTER ONE OF YOUR REGULAR COMMISSIONERS SEND YOU A STORY PITCH.
So if anyone cares, avoid MCatChat/Roundabbout here on FA/DA.
They are not worth your time or money, because they might just update their TOS to say 'fuck you' to you as well.
Reading over their new TOS, i saw the only thing that really changed was that they would not be taking NSFW commissions, and I thought 'okay, cool. I have this one idea i benn wanting to get for a bit and I can spin it as SFW'
So I spend a good chunk of my night, reading and re-reading their TOS and brainstorming snd filling out my idea into a full commission submission. I checked it over and made sure it did not violate their NEW TOS and it did not.
The idea basically involved 2 characters being transformed into Pokemon, and while transforming their minds would be flooded with feral instincts causing them to forget about their human lives and start thinking like the Pokemon they are being changed into. They would retain their personalities and some aspects oftheir memories but through the filter of the feral instincts they now possess. It eould end with them being put out into the wild to live as wild Pokemon.
Basically expensive Mind change, but not full on. The writer's TOS had nothing against MC and they had written for me in the past. So I submitted my idea.
When I heard back, it was basically a fucking slap in the face and a fuck you from the writer. As they decided that, AFTER READING MY STORY PITCH for a commission from them to update their BEW TOS to not allow MC.
Basically telling me my idea was bad and I am a horrible person.
That is not OK! It is not okay to suddenly decide, AFTER PUTTING OUT A NEW TOS AND TAKING COMMISSIONS AGAIN AND THEN CHANGE THOSE TOS AFTER ONE OF YOUR REGULAR COMMISSIONERS SEND YOU A STORY PITCH.
So if anyone cares, avoid MCatChat/Roundabbout here on FA/DA.
They are not worth your time or money, because they might just update their TOS to say 'fuck you' to you as well.
