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New Art Year
Posted 7 years agoNew year, New Art. And a small outline of what to expect.
After I post my next bit of art you might guess what theme I'm going for this year. Hopefully at least =)
However I am going to try and do something different.
So no more art of myself.
This will end up a year of gift art...with a catch.
No more dogs. I need to try new things. So my none canine friends...maybe you'll get something off me this year. Who knows.
There will not be any of me. And will try and avoid canines as much as I can...unless for a specific reason.
Onwards!
After I post my next bit of art you might guess what theme I'm going for this year. Hopefully at least =)
However I am going to try and do something different.
So no more art of myself.
This will end up a year of gift art...with a catch.
No more dogs. I need to try new things. So my none canine friends...maybe you'll get something off me this year. Who knows.
There will not be any of me. And will try and avoid canines as much as I can...unless for a specific reason.
Onwards!
Long read, Life Update
Posted 8 years agoHi, it’s me.
I’m not entirely sure why I am typing this out, it’s not something I normally do, if at all, but this is something I’ve wanted to try and do for a while now, just to get ideas and thoughts out. I have much to say….at least I think so. However I don’t know if I can even get it all out, or work out what it even is I want to say.
Pretty much the TL;DR of this can be summed up with: My life is shit, a lot of my problems are cus of how my job has killed me inside and I’m trying to get out.
Friends
I have friends, and I am incredibly grateful for who I know, at times I don’t know what I’d do without them, even if I don’t see them, or talk to them very often, the times I do are always nice, and help me in ways I can’t’ even really describe…for the most part at least.
I don’t know if they do or not, but it seems like it at times that some of them will go out of there way for me, or change plans to fit my incredibly shit schedules.
When this happens, I am filled with so much love and gratitude for them and what they are doing, but I struggle to really say how much this means to me. I don’t know how to say thanks for it, for keeping me going, stopping me from falling into some dark depths of depression.
Saying “thank you” would never be enough, so I don’t. I can’t. It doesn’t seem enough or even like it would come close to how much it helps.
I feel bad at this, that I can’t show how much I appreciate them.
I don’t know how to get across some of the things I feel, I suppose this is a cause for a lot of my problems, and why I’m probably going thru what I am right now.
But all of this is for the most part. Other times, when the world can’t revolve around me. I get lost in dark thoughts, and start to hate everyone around me, such as my friends, because they are free to go out and do as they like, go on adventures, go out and do things I can hardly do because my free time doesn’t line up with there’s.
I don’t like being angry at them over this, I shouldn’t’ be getting upset at my friends for doing their own thing.
I try not to talk to anyone when that happens, because I don’t want to become hostile towards the people I care about.
Family
Slowly running out of them, people are dying.
I don’t deal well with this, so I try not to think much about it, or mention it, or even grieve in ways that people notice.
Money
It’s not good, but it’s never been good, I’ve always managed, never truly comfortable, but never in a bad state. Until recent. Changes at work are going to cause a big drop in my income for the most part now. So…that’s shit for me for the time being.
Love
Still with Sayre, things are ok I guess. I’m not very good at showing him a lot of the love he needs. Specially in the last few years. Just been getting harder to really do much. I don’t have time, motivation, money or even…anything to show or give him. Just to worn out from my issues to do much at all.
When no one’s about, there is very little between us, I just sit at my computer, trying to get things done. But in public, or when being noticed, there is certainly more happening. It’s not for show, it’s just. It’s something different, my mood lifts, I can do things I want to do. On our own, I’m back to my ways of doing nothing and just existing. If I can improve my life, this will certainly improve again. It needs to, it’s not really fair on him at this point.
Health
I think its…ok, not much to really say, I’ve not really changed weight which is better than just getting fat I guess.
I do try and work out, at least make myself feel more fit. It works, until I get to demotivated to continue, and then just stop for a while until my mood improves and I can pick it back up again.
Home
Home is home, it could be better, nothing has changed, maybe I should move out. Cant’ really do that right now though, money won’t allow it. Need a better job. Trying….trying….trying…
Work
This is pretty much the entire problem, and it wasn’t’ until recently that I finally worked this out.
I have wasted so many years of my life at my current place. Wasting my life, wasting my time, missing opportunities, becoming increasingly more and more depressed, despondent, angry, bitter at everyone and everything around me who seems to have everything much better sorted in their lives (even if they don’t think it).
It is like that frog slowly being boiled in water and not noticing the change as it’s so slow.
Everything which I thought was a good counter to having a crap work rotor was slowly getting ripped from me without me noticing, and every time I said “well I have all this free time to do this stuff” was just me lying to myself to ignore the fact of how shit it was, how much it was destroying everything about me.
I know longer have the ability compassion or time to do anything with all my free time, expect sit at home and become dark and sully about my friends and people I know, jealous about everything they have, wishing I could have something like that, angry that I can’t seem to get out and find something that would improve my life no end.
It took me 2 years of trying before I was able to get a CV, the first big step in trying to improve my life.
Just before Christmas, I broke down, I’d had enough, I finally snapped, everything went to shit, and I asked for help, something I struggle with constantly.
And….finally after a while, had my own CV, the first time I’ve ever had one. My ticket out into a better life…at least I thought. I hoped.
I started to apply for things. I had no idea what I was doing, what I am aiming for, what I can do, anything helpful.
So tried going after things that my friends have, which they talk about, which they moan about being a bit shit. But that didn’t’ matter to me, all I saw was “wow, that’s a mon-fri job, they get the weekends free, I could have a normal social life. I could do that stuff, that’s the kind of job that people on Job Seekers get forced into doing, if people that don’t want to work can get that line of work, surely I can get that too”
Time went on, applications went out…and nothing ever came back, so I started to feel worse than before, why is it that I can’t get a job that people that don’t want to work are forced into?
I started to feel like why should I bother, this pain from getting nothing back was worse than what I was feeling being stuck in my work with no social life. I wanted to give up and just accept that this is my life, and I’ll always be like it.
Then, I noticed something different, so I applied for it, a job that maybe I could do, it’s something I have a bit of experience in, something I do in my free time for fun, something which I would probably enjoy doing as work. AV Tech.
I got a reply
I got an interview
….but then spent two weeks chasing up the guy as he kept missing deadlines for when he’d tell me if I had the job or not.
I got a no
That hurt
This is all new to me, I have no idea what to do, or how to act, or what to expect, this is something that I’ve never come across before.
I was a bit upset.
But kept on trying, until I reached a point where I’d exhausted all of the jobs like that.
So new thoughts crept into my head, maybe I’m being lazy now, maybe I’m being picky, should I be applying for everything? Should I just apply for all the other shit jobs too?
I don’t know, but I’ve decided that. I currently have work. I don’t have to apply for everything. What is the point of moving from one crap job I hate into another crap job I will probably dislike too?
Am I wrong in thinking this?
So…just keep looking, it’s not bad that I’m not throwing myself at everything, I have a goal I want to reach…but…none of these thoughts are sticking, I just feel like I’m wasting time, being too picky, should just give up here too and get my head into endless crap nowhere jobs.
Another email, no interview date yet, but short listed for one.
This was a good moment.
Now it’s bitter, it’s been almost 2 weeks with no update. I’m going to call this a flop and get back to searching.
I need to mess with my CV a bit first I think before I try. I need to do that soon.
Me
Overall not good. I have so many plans, ideas, wants, needs. But just can’t do them. I keep saying “I’d love to do that” Or “Oh, I’ll add that to my idea list” but cus of how I currently am, nothing gets done, or it goes so slowly.
When’s the last time I did any DJing?
When’s the last time I made a video?
When is the last time I did something I enjoyed?
What do I even enjoy?
I’ve lost my sense of self, I don’t know what I like any more, cus my thoughts are dirtied with the thought of “oh so and so likes that, I think I like that too” but I’m unsure if it’s actually something I do like, or if I’m just coping everyone else because I feel so empty and it’s something to fill a gap.
I don’t know the purpose of this, other than I just wanted to do something.
I’m not entirely sure why I am typing this out, it’s not something I normally do, if at all, but this is something I’ve wanted to try and do for a while now, just to get ideas and thoughts out. I have much to say….at least I think so. However I don’t know if I can even get it all out, or work out what it even is I want to say.
Pretty much the TL;DR of this can be summed up with: My life is shit, a lot of my problems are cus of how my job has killed me inside and I’m trying to get out.
Friends
I have friends, and I am incredibly grateful for who I know, at times I don’t know what I’d do without them, even if I don’t see them, or talk to them very often, the times I do are always nice, and help me in ways I can’t’ even really describe…for the most part at least.
I don’t know if they do or not, but it seems like it at times that some of them will go out of there way for me, or change plans to fit my incredibly shit schedules.
When this happens, I am filled with so much love and gratitude for them and what they are doing, but I struggle to really say how much this means to me. I don’t know how to say thanks for it, for keeping me going, stopping me from falling into some dark depths of depression.
Saying “thank you” would never be enough, so I don’t. I can’t. It doesn’t seem enough or even like it would come close to how much it helps.
I feel bad at this, that I can’t show how much I appreciate them.
I don’t know how to get across some of the things I feel, I suppose this is a cause for a lot of my problems, and why I’m probably going thru what I am right now.
But all of this is for the most part. Other times, when the world can’t revolve around me. I get lost in dark thoughts, and start to hate everyone around me, such as my friends, because they are free to go out and do as they like, go on adventures, go out and do things I can hardly do because my free time doesn’t line up with there’s.
I don’t like being angry at them over this, I shouldn’t’ be getting upset at my friends for doing their own thing.
I try not to talk to anyone when that happens, because I don’t want to become hostile towards the people I care about.
Family
Slowly running out of them, people are dying.
I don’t deal well with this, so I try not to think much about it, or mention it, or even grieve in ways that people notice.
Money
It’s not good, but it’s never been good, I’ve always managed, never truly comfortable, but never in a bad state. Until recent. Changes at work are going to cause a big drop in my income for the most part now. So…that’s shit for me for the time being.
Love
Still with Sayre, things are ok I guess. I’m not very good at showing him a lot of the love he needs. Specially in the last few years. Just been getting harder to really do much. I don’t have time, motivation, money or even…anything to show or give him. Just to worn out from my issues to do much at all.
When no one’s about, there is very little between us, I just sit at my computer, trying to get things done. But in public, or when being noticed, there is certainly more happening. It’s not for show, it’s just. It’s something different, my mood lifts, I can do things I want to do. On our own, I’m back to my ways of doing nothing and just existing. If I can improve my life, this will certainly improve again. It needs to, it’s not really fair on him at this point.
Health
I think its…ok, not much to really say, I’ve not really changed weight which is better than just getting fat I guess.
I do try and work out, at least make myself feel more fit. It works, until I get to demotivated to continue, and then just stop for a while until my mood improves and I can pick it back up again.
Home
Home is home, it could be better, nothing has changed, maybe I should move out. Cant’ really do that right now though, money won’t allow it. Need a better job. Trying….trying….trying…
Work
This is pretty much the entire problem, and it wasn’t’ until recently that I finally worked this out.
I have wasted so many years of my life at my current place. Wasting my life, wasting my time, missing opportunities, becoming increasingly more and more depressed, despondent, angry, bitter at everyone and everything around me who seems to have everything much better sorted in their lives (even if they don’t think it).
It is like that frog slowly being boiled in water and not noticing the change as it’s so slow.
Everything which I thought was a good counter to having a crap work rotor was slowly getting ripped from me without me noticing, and every time I said “well I have all this free time to do this stuff” was just me lying to myself to ignore the fact of how shit it was, how much it was destroying everything about me.
I know longer have the ability compassion or time to do anything with all my free time, expect sit at home and become dark and sully about my friends and people I know, jealous about everything they have, wishing I could have something like that, angry that I can’t seem to get out and find something that would improve my life no end.
It took me 2 years of trying before I was able to get a CV, the first big step in trying to improve my life.
Just before Christmas, I broke down, I’d had enough, I finally snapped, everything went to shit, and I asked for help, something I struggle with constantly.
And….finally after a while, had my own CV, the first time I’ve ever had one. My ticket out into a better life…at least I thought. I hoped.
I started to apply for things. I had no idea what I was doing, what I am aiming for, what I can do, anything helpful.
So tried going after things that my friends have, which they talk about, which they moan about being a bit shit. But that didn’t’ matter to me, all I saw was “wow, that’s a mon-fri job, they get the weekends free, I could have a normal social life. I could do that stuff, that’s the kind of job that people on Job Seekers get forced into doing, if people that don’t want to work can get that line of work, surely I can get that too”
Time went on, applications went out…and nothing ever came back, so I started to feel worse than before, why is it that I can’t get a job that people that don’t want to work are forced into?
I started to feel like why should I bother, this pain from getting nothing back was worse than what I was feeling being stuck in my work with no social life. I wanted to give up and just accept that this is my life, and I’ll always be like it.
Then, I noticed something different, so I applied for it, a job that maybe I could do, it’s something I have a bit of experience in, something I do in my free time for fun, something which I would probably enjoy doing as work. AV Tech.
I got a reply
I got an interview
….but then spent two weeks chasing up the guy as he kept missing deadlines for when he’d tell me if I had the job or not.
I got a no
That hurt
This is all new to me, I have no idea what to do, or how to act, or what to expect, this is something that I’ve never come across before.
I was a bit upset.
But kept on trying, until I reached a point where I’d exhausted all of the jobs like that.
So new thoughts crept into my head, maybe I’m being lazy now, maybe I’m being picky, should I be applying for everything? Should I just apply for all the other shit jobs too?
I don’t know, but I’ve decided that. I currently have work. I don’t have to apply for everything. What is the point of moving from one crap job I hate into another crap job I will probably dislike too?
Am I wrong in thinking this?
So…just keep looking, it’s not bad that I’m not throwing myself at everything, I have a goal I want to reach…but…none of these thoughts are sticking, I just feel like I’m wasting time, being too picky, should just give up here too and get my head into endless crap nowhere jobs.
Another email, no interview date yet, but short listed for one.
This was a good moment.
Now it’s bitter, it’s been almost 2 weeks with no update. I’m going to call this a flop and get back to searching.
I need to mess with my CV a bit first I think before I try. I need to do that soon.
Me
Overall not good. I have so many plans, ideas, wants, needs. But just can’t do them. I keep saying “I’d love to do that” Or “Oh, I’ll add that to my idea list” but cus of how I currently am, nothing gets done, or it goes so slowly.
When’s the last time I did any DJing?
When’s the last time I made a video?
When is the last time I did something I enjoyed?
What do I even enjoy?
I’ve lost my sense of self, I don’t know what I like any more, cus my thoughts are dirtied with the thought of “oh so and so likes that, I think I like that too” but I’m unsure if it’s actually something I do like, or if I’m just coping everyone else because I feel so empty and it’s something to fill a gap.
I don’t know the purpose of this, other than I just wanted to do something.
ScotiaCon 2016 Open!
Posted 9 years agoPhew!
Well, it happened, Registration is now open! \0/
http://scotiacon.furry.be/ Reg Link whoo!
Ta Da and all that shiz!
Also a Telegram group, cus thats a thing yea?
https://telegram.me/joinchat/AFujCT.....A6mmO1WQBypZ7g
Well, it happened, Registration is now open! \0/
http://scotiacon.furry.be/ Reg Link whoo!
Ta Da and all that shiz!
Also a Telegram group, cus thats a thing yea?
https://telegram.me/joinchat/AFujCT.....A6mmO1WQBypZ7g
Moments of Magic
Posted 9 years agoThis journal won't have much point really, other than to describe something that happened not to long ago.
I watched a friend put on a fursuit, and what happened was truly magical, there is no other way to describe what I saw.
It was the same kind of magic you see in children when they go to Disney land or something, and the feelings I had inside seeing this happen...well, it made me remember the magic of when I suited for the first time, the first time I saw other fursuits.
So this is how it starts. He put on the fursuit, nothing strange or different.
There were no words, just silence as he looked at his paws, and his legs, and his body, moving them slightly, flexing a bit, just admiring his new furry body.
Without him saying anything, you could just hear what he was thinking while looking at himself "This is me? I'm furry, oh god, paws, digitigrade legs, a tail?!"
It didn't last to long, but it felt like hours, the wander and magic on his face while he just looked, imagined, thought about what was going on.
At the same time, I couldn't help but also look, think, and imagine, it was like seeing someone's wish come true, for that moment, they were that giant anthropomorphic furry animal, and they loved it!
This was exactly the kind of magic I felt when I first got my suit, and seeing it from the outside, was truly a special experience, one I would love to see again, and myself experience more.
Sometimes when I suit, specially lately, its felt almost like a chore, I've forgotten why I used to do it, but this experience has reminded me why.
Bring forth future happy suiting moments!
I watched a friend put on a fursuit, and what happened was truly magical, there is no other way to describe what I saw.
It was the same kind of magic you see in children when they go to Disney land or something, and the feelings I had inside seeing this happen...well, it made me remember the magic of when I suited for the first time, the first time I saw other fursuits.
So this is how it starts. He put on the fursuit, nothing strange or different.
There were no words, just silence as he looked at his paws, and his legs, and his body, moving them slightly, flexing a bit, just admiring his new furry body.
Without him saying anything, you could just hear what he was thinking while looking at himself "This is me? I'm furry, oh god, paws, digitigrade legs, a tail?!"
It didn't last to long, but it felt like hours, the wander and magic on his face while he just looked, imagined, thought about what was going on.
At the same time, I couldn't help but also look, think, and imagine, it was like seeing someone's wish come true, for that moment, they were that giant anthropomorphic furry animal, and they loved it!
This was exactly the kind of magic I felt when I first got my suit, and seeing it from the outside, was truly a special experience, one I would love to see again, and myself experience more.
Sometimes when I suit, specially lately, its felt almost like a chore, I've forgotten why I used to do it, but this experience has reminded me why.
Bring forth future happy suiting moments!
ScotiaCon 2015 DJ Set!
Posted 10 years agoWell, I got this sorted out quickly :p
http://files.inbox.lv/ticket/e5f502.....lyptic+Set.mp3
This was not to plan, it went on longer than it should of done, everything was going wrong on the night, what a better way to get into the Wasteland theme :p
http://files.inbox.lv/ticket/e5f502.....lyptic+Set.mp3
This was not to plan, it went on longer than it should of done, everything was going wrong on the night, what a better way to get into the Wasteland theme :p
My Numbered Art.
Posted 10 years agoIf anyone might of noticed, the stuff I've been drawing recently, I have been numbering (latest one is 28)
If you have been paying even closer attention you'll see that I've not uploaded a 27.
Reason for that is I want to keep it hidden for now, it will be posted, might be in a week, might be in a month, but it'll turn up :p
If you have been paying even closer attention you'll see that I've not uploaded a 27.
Reason for that is I want to keep it hidden for now, it will be posted, might be in a week, might be in a month, but it'll turn up :p
Furstival 2015 Video
Posted 10 years agoIt can be found here
http://cdn.blufo.ps/Furstival%202015.mp4
Watch in your browser, or save the link to your computer
http://cdn.blufo.ps/Furstival%202015.mp4
Watch in your browser, or save the link to your computer
ConFuzzled 2015 DJ Sets!
Posted 10 years agoSeems Swolf got his arse in gear and got these pretty much done as soon as he got home.
Still a few more to add to this list when he gets to it, but for now most of the dances are up there =)
https://www.evernote.com/shard/s418.....ce75683f55b3a9
Still a few more to add to this list when he gets to it, but for now most of the dances are up there =)
https://www.evernote.com/shard/s418.....ce75683f55b3a9
The Upcoming (not quite) Sketch Dump
Posted 10 years agoAs some of you might of noticed if you follow me on Twitter especially, I've been trying to draw lately.
And right now I'm sitting on a small pile of art, some of which I want to line and colour, however, so that I don't feel overwhelmed with tying to do them all at once...and to try and show how I'm progressing, I'm only going to upload 1 or 2 of the ones I'm going to complete at a time =)
And right now I'm sitting on a small pile of art, some of which I want to line and colour, however, so that I don't feel overwhelmed with tying to do them all at once...and to try and show how I'm progressing, I'm only going to upload 1 or 2 of the ones I'm going to complete at a time =)
ScotiaCon 2014 DJ Set! (My self and Alec)
Posted 11 years agoTwo set for ya guys, my own, and also 
alecdeloupe
Rock set from Alec! http://www36.zippyshare.com/v/10782115/file.html
My Set, Dance/Electro http://www36.zippyshare.com/v/47875947/file.html
alecdeloupeRock set from Alec! http://www36.zippyshare.com/v/10782115/file.html
My Set, Dance/Electro http://www36.zippyshare.com/v/47875947/file.html
Furstival 2014 Video!
Posted 11 years agoAt last it is done!
http://s3.blufo.ps/Furstival%202014.mp4
Right Click, Save As, Sit Back and enjoy!
http://s3.blufo.ps/Furstival%202014.mp4
Right Click, Save As, Sit Back and enjoy!
On The Fly Mix
Posted 11 years agoGot a bit bored...was supposed to be trying to put together a chilled out Electro Mix I've been wanting to do for months....but got distracted...
http://files.inbox.lv/ticket/598946.....On+The+Fly.mp3
Gets a bit fun at 50 mins!
http://files.inbox.lv/ticket/598946.....On+The+Fly.mp3
Gets a bit fun at 50 mins!
Finally done my ConFuzzled Video's!
Posted 11 years agoJust the two however for here, both of them are made from clips I recorded (while very very drunk) during alecdeloupe 's Rock Set, which he also did the awesome lights for...wheeeee!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCXFwQXsVkg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCtmViyrSUQ
And...enjoy!
alecdeloupe 's Rock Set, which he also did the awesome lights for...wheeeee!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCXFwQXsVkg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCtmViyrSUQ
And...enjoy!
ConFuzzled 2014 DJ Set!
Posted 11 years agoConFuzzled came, I did my set, first night, first thing, it was a rocky launch, but we made lift off eventually...however!
We're blasting off again with my Delayed Launch Re-Mix!
Enjoy
http://files.inbox.lv/ticket/fd6fe0.....tended+Set.mp3
We're blasting off again with my Delayed Launch Re-Mix!
Enjoy
http://files.inbox.lv/ticket/fd6fe0.....tended+Set.mp3
Eda's Arting stuff!
Posted 11 years agoConFuzzled over with
Posted 11 years agoWell...that's ConFuzzled done with...and for some reason I've managed to leave it and acquire some projects to work on... despite telling myself I wouldn't be "Working" at the Con.
Got a promo video to do. A dance floor video. And plenty of plans to draw up for future projects in different areas.
I think I've gone to Furry Events I actually help Run/Organise/Work at and come back with less actualwork!
Hey not complaining though. Been a while since I've had proper projects to work on ^^
Got a promo video to do. A dance floor video. And plenty of plans to draw up for future projects in different areas.
I think I've gone to Furry Events I actually help Run/Organise/Work at and come back with less actualwork!
Hey not complaining though. Been a while since I've had proper projects to work on ^^
Frantic EuFuria 8 Video now out!
Posted 11 years agoFrantic EuFuria 8 Trailer!
Posted 11 years agoFrom Betwix My Buttocks
Posted 11 years ago....probably not what your thinking about.
Did a 2 hour stream earlier and pulled this mix from out my arse (get the title?)
If you fancy having a listen, cus a few people did....here you go!
http://www46.zippyshare.com/v/75622773/file.html Part 1
http://www46.zippyshare.com/v/85794022/file.html Part 2
Did a 2 hour stream earlier and pulled this mix from out my arse (get the title?)
If you fancy having a listen, cus a few people did....here you go!
http://www46.zippyshare.com/v/75622773/file.html Part 1
http://www46.zippyshare.com/v/85794022/file.html Part 2
Furstival Video Brochure
Posted 12 years agoAt last the Furstival 2013 Island Brochure is ready! Doesn't this place look like a great holiday destination!
Link Below
http://files.inbox.lv/ticket/94fc42.....tival+2013.mp4
Link Below
http://files.inbox.lv/ticket/94fc42.....tival+2013.mp4
Free YCH Raffle ~ Tight Fit
Posted 12 years agoScotiaCon 2013 Video
Posted 12 years agoFrantic EuFuria 7 Video
Posted 12 years agoLink to the Full Version Download...which has nothing to do with the release video!
http://files.inbox.lv/ticket/93db7d.....icEuFuria7.wmv
ScotiaCon DJ Set!
Posted 12 years agohttp://www17.zippyshare.com/v/71642771/file.html
Bam!
Enjoy the Dancey-Electro ScotiaCon set...with a Splash of Sci-Fi
Bam!
Enjoy the Dancey-Electro ScotiaCon set...with a Splash of Sci-Fi
Frantic EuFuria 7 Trailer!
Posted 12 years agoEnjoy!
