I don't know why does it still hurt...
I gave up my life long time ago... enjoy me... play with me... use me but don't take me to psychologist... i have some fears... i'm stubborn and i don't have a need to be better in my life...

Maybe you are right... maybe not... all i know is that it hurts... everything... even knowing i can't help myself... or i don't want to believe you... it hurts...

Everything about my mental health... what you're right about... and i refuse...hurts me...

It just brings depressions... not help...

I shouldn't be here...


My depressions are deeper and deeper...slowly driving me crazy... but... i don't wanna help... just let me drown in a sea of my mistakes...

My suicidal thoughts are painful...
I wanna do a vent art... but i can't....

My heart beats dry... i miss my boy...

I can see them all... all my mistakes ... it hurts...

Just IGNORE ME... i'm seeking for care... I'm crazy,mad,retarded stalker...

I don't deserve anything...

He's a rare breed called ash fox sucker. Ash fox suckers are nameed after their fangs and usual black color.
Their fangs are hollow and able to suck blood or inject desensitizing fluid.
Bloodsucking is used only to show affection(sexual) to a male(usually during or after mating) or to strenghten the bond between mates.
their fur is mostly black with white tail paws and earholes. Also their fur has a second color type (depending on the basic color of the eyes) it means that the earholes are blue (in my case) fading into white but fading from the outside... (black,blue...fading into white) and their tail tip is blue, fading into white and then continues with black).
Their eyes has one base color (blue) and other colors for personality changes.
Special eye colors:
rainbow- fighting with personalities (like if some family member dies and they just freeze with rainbow eyes until one (mostly sadness) takes control over them
gray-heartbroken or dead
black- the darkest fear their nightmare. Usualy ends up with suicide (that's why we know only about few)
white-similar to rainbow. it's a shot of everything. usually lasts for 2 seconds or less. caused by sudden exposure to raw feelings-really rare)
personality mirroring-same as eyes of their mate- very dangerous because if you're angry your mate becomes angry as well and two angry mates can even kill each other.

they're very depressed breed. they know they can hurt anytime... even their closest. so they somehow found a way how to mirror their entire population.
there used to be thousands of them but... they combined mirroring with black eyes and

they're gone.

we know only about one. he was born during their time of extinction. his mother protected him till her last second. he's the only one who survived and we know about him.

He is lonely, He's sad.
When you see him...You feel bad.
His life is cruel and he is mad.
but the most... he misses his dad.

When you see him lonely crying.
the pain is for him satisfying.
As he sees you sad and shy.
He keeps in mind ''so am i.''

when he sees you doesn't care.
he doesn't want to share.
He pushes away, yells and shout.
Then he regrets, blames,let's the pain out.

It's the blood dripping off his hand.
what anybody can stand.
he feels lonely all alone.
one more cut... and he's gone.

-naky

I spent whole 68 days waiting for my boy...

It's so much...please...stop hurting me...
It's like a knife stabbed into my heart and taken out and stabbed back again everytime i think of him...

What is life without him? Nothing...


IT'S NOT FAIR!!!





i want him back...

John...

He was like a dream... perfect... everything i ever wanted... with some lovely benefits.
Tall femboy from Vermont.. hair dark blonde and his eyes blue (heterochromia so one of his eyes was darker)... he was funny,caring,loving,nice,kinky,horny,open and loved me the way i am...

17... he was 17 years old... 17 days we spent writing together... even chatted...
It started with shattering his phone once he slipped on ice...
Poor boy... then he used various ways to write me messages...
And it ended up with his internet off...
Since then... i haven't heard of him...
I tried to find him... but... i knew only his first name...
The most amazing 17 days of my life turned grey...faded away...
I spent two months crying,trying to move on,searching him,writing him, whispering to nowhere....cutting myself, trying to forget...
I have three choices...
1st He'll come back... and bring me my happyiness
2nd I'll move on and get another boy who will help me to survive or leave me...
3rd i'll give it up... kill myself and maybe... find him in next life if that thing exists...

I miss you John... i'm still waiting...

it's been 2 months since my boy dissapeared...

i have to move on... i'm tired of crying.
He was perfect but... only for 17 days...

I wanna wait but i wanna die as well... i feel so lonely...
i miss him...

At first i'm kinda not trusting so get prepared you'll be checked for having more than just a FA account.
I like to talk about everything. I write and write and then i get blocked cuz i write too much but even blocking me won't stop me from writing.

I'm looking for a sweet loving boy who'll listen to me, answer my questions and cuddle with me so i can feel his warmth during cold nights. Also he should be a person i can talk about my depressions with and i'd love to see he cares a lot.
Now the other info... at least what i dream of... (doesn't have to be everything)

Sex:male
Age:15-19
Height: 170cm and taller
Weight: 50-80 kg depends on height and posture
Personality: sweet,nice,caring,protective,funny,cheerful,romantic,cuddly
(Can be a little crazy, pervert, horny or depressed.)
Hair: dark blonde, non curly, not too short or too long emo hairstyle is allowed
black, the same as above...
Eyes: if it's some shade of blonde then blue.
If you're cute with other eye color then show me.
Body: skinny. not too fat or too muscular.
Clothing: normal,collar is allowed.
Species on FA: canine,feline,vulpine (or their crossbreeds) (no lizards,horses, deers, rabbits, and maybe some more... dunno)
IQ: clever... or at least average.
Smoking: i'm ok with it... (i like the smell of smoke)
Alcohol:maybe... depends on how much.
I accept only cute emo femboys...

Well for more info note me... and if you're not sure about something feel free to ask.

Now the similar thing about me...
Sex: male
Orientation:bisexual (male pref)
dom/sub: in between dunno yet...
Nation:Czech
Language: Czech90%,Slovak78%,English72%,german30%,russian1%,polish1%, japanese1%,Hungarian -1%
Age:15
Height:173cm
Weight:53kg
Personality: friendly,weird,nice,little honest, trusty,stubborn,sarcastic,unstable,depressed,caring,kinda romantic, hurt, depending on weather and music,unhappy,sad,crazy,loving,picky,angry,silent/loud/calmed(irl not on FA),dumb, (I'd die to spend one night sleeping with the special one, i would die to feel his warm body by my side)
Hair:really dark blonde(weird color) maybe hazel blonde, non curly, average... haircut:none or something what can be called as retro.
Hair on the rest of my body: black,curly,me no likey, but i keep it because of cold winter...
Beard: same color as hair. Keeps growing back
Eyes:blue
Body:skinny
Clothing:t-shirt,shirt,hoodie,jeans,workwear, etc...
IQ:clever... but still suck at math...
Smoking: no... i don't
Alcohol: maybe... i promised i won't drink alcohol.

Stuff i'm not interested in(doesn't mean i hate it...) : vore,diapers,pacifiers, super muscular guys,macro,micro,babies and more to go...