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EMERGENCY Commissions OPEN! + Small life update :(
4 years ago
General
Hello, guys.
Not very good news around here, this time. :(
I was expelled from my home by my mom last night, after a long period of intense fights and conflicts.
I explained it better on my Twitter, fixed tweet: https://twitter.com/Millleart
But just to summarize the whole situation, I've been a victim of a very narcisistic mother my whole life, someone who just wanted me to be a copy of her, obey her fully and act exactly as she wanted me to. If I had different views or opinions, I would frequently face a lot of yelling and she used to break objects at home. As a little child, I remember a lot of times where the dinner food was all over the kitchen, thrown away into the walls, roof and floors. Broken cups, broken plates.. I grew up in this environment.
Once she broke my dad's car windows after a family disagreement. Often she would threaten to k*ll herself in front of me, just to get what she wanted. I tried my best my whole life to be the perfect daughter she wanted me to be. I always studied a lot, managed great grades, straight A's... Always quiet, I would accept her behavior and shut up everytime she yelled and threw a tantrum. When I was 17 and managed to pass to a very good university (where I study now), but very far away from home, I got punished and she wouldn't speak to me for weeks, because she wanted me to stay in our hometown (yes, so she could control me better...).
I have properly diagnosed depression and anxiety disorder, and she never cared about it. Everytime I tried to explain her and tell her about those issues, she would turn against me and say stuff like: "What about MY problems?? I'm suffering WAY more than you!!", blah blah... I've listened other kind of stuff as well, like "You're an useless daughter", "Your depression isn't real"... Sometimes I would complain that I was too tired, and heared back "OH, TIRED? Of what, DRAWING?? Coloring? That's ridiculous"...
Yeah... Very messed up, I know. But I thought my family was healthy, for a long time. I thought I was the problem, for a long time, as she made me feel. Always saying everything was my fault. I was a child, and then a teenager, too young to understand what was happening.
I've been to some therapists during my life, and now I found a very good one, that I'm attending for more than one year. She showed me how bad those patterns and behaviors were. How unacceptable they were, and, of course, that my mom's problems weren't mine to solve.
Last year, I started applying my first basic boundaries at home. I started saying NO for the first time, and since that time, everything became slowly a living hell.
Of course she got even angrier and pissed off at me. Because I started asking for privacy, for freedom of choices and opinions... Etc.
She threatened to expell me from home a few times in the past. But this time, it was a terrible discussion and she officially expelled me from home.
The fun part is, while she was screaming, cursing, yelling and punching the tables/objects, I was very calm, using a calm and serious voice torwards her.
I know this pattern an behavior very well, at this point of my life. So I said, OK. Let's end this cycle.
I'll graduate in around 2 years from now, and even tho lawyers don't receive such a good salary in my country as it is in the US. or Europe, I think i'll still manage to build my life and find good people around, in the future.
In the city of my university, I know some places that I can try to find cheaper rents to live. Now I'm focusing on my future and trying to plan this new life. Maybe it was better that way... But indeed, I'm very sad, and still processing everything. Guys, I did tried my best to be the best daughter possible, helping my parents even financially since when I started earning some money from commissions, since I was 15 y.o.. Sometimes I wouldn't give her part of my commissions money, and she would get very pissed as well, because in her theory I should give my money to her because ''it's family'' and I have to ''be there for them''.... And I did it, for a long time.
Yesterday, she told me to go away, to never talk to her anymore, and to not even attend at her funeral. Plus some other terrible stuff I prefer not to say.
Well... That's it. I'm tired. And now, by myself. At least I still have my art, my studies and a few good people and friends around.
>> So that's why I'm opening emergency commission slots, and getting ready to work more <<
The link to my alternative profile where I have available and affordable YCHs and Adopts:
And also some other links below as well.
Thank you so much for your attention.
Twitter
Support my work - Buy me a coffee
DeviantArt
My Patreon ❤
(Gain access to Exclusive Posts, Early Access, NSFW alt. versions, Work-In-Progress pictures, Sketches, Studies, Polls/Art Suggestions and much more!)[/center]
Not very good news around here, this time. :(
I was expelled from my home by my mom last night, after a long period of intense fights and conflicts.
I explained it better on my Twitter, fixed tweet: https://twitter.com/Millleart
But just to summarize the whole situation, I've been a victim of a very narcisistic mother my whole life, someone who just wanted me to be a copy of her, obey her fully and act exactly as she wanted me to. If I had different views or opinions, I would frequently face a lot of yelling and she used to break objects at home. As a little child, I remember a lot of times where the dinner food was all over the kitchen, thrown away into the walls, roof and floors. Broken cups, broken plates.. I grew up in this environment.
Once she broke my dad's car windows after a family disagreement. Often she would threaten to k*ll herself in front of me, just to get what she wanted. I tried my best my whole life to be the perfect daughter she wanted me to be. I always studied a lot, managed great grades, straight A's... Always quiet, I would accept her behavior and shut up everytime she yelled and threw a tantrum. When I was 17 and managed to pass to a very good university (where I study now), but very far away from home, I got punished and she wouldn't speak to me for weeks, because she wanted me to stay in our hometown (yes, so she could control me better...).
I have properly diagnosed depression and anxiety disorder, and she never cared about it. Everytime I tried to explain her and tell her about those issues, she would turn against me and say stuff like: "What about MY problems?? I'm suffering WAY more than you!!", blah blah... I've listened other kind of stuff as well, like "You're an useless daughter", "Your depression isn't real"... Sometimes I would complain that I was too tired, and heared back "OH, TIRED? Of what, DRAWING?? Coloring? That's ridiculous"...
Yeah... Very messed up, I know. But I thought my family was healthy, for a long time. I thought I was the problem, for a long time, as she made me feel. Always saying everything was my fault. I was a child, and then a teenager, too young to understand what was happening.
I've been to some therapists during my life, and now I found a very good one, that I'm attending for more than one year. She showed me how bad those patterns and behaviors were. How unacceptable they were, and, of course, that my mom's problems weren't mine to solve.
Last year, I started applying my first basic boundaries at home. I started saying NO for the first time, and since that time, everything became slowly a living hell.
Of course she got even angrier and pissed off at me. Because I started asking for privacy, for freedom of choices and opinions... Etc.
She threatened to expell me from home a few times in the past. But this time, it was a terrible discussion and she officially expelled me from home.
The fun part is, while she was screaming, cursing, yelling and punching the tables/objects, I was very calm, using a calm and serious voice torwards her.
I know this pattern an behavior very well, at this point of my life. So I said, OK. Let's end this cycle.
I'll graduate in around 2 years from now, and even tho lawyers don't receive such a good salary in my country as it is in the US. or Europe, I think i'll still manage to build my life and find good people around, in the future.
In the city of my university, I know some places that I can try to find cheaper rents to live. Now I'm focusing on my future and trying to plan this new life. Maybe it was better that way... But indeed, I'm very sad, and still processing everything. Guys, I did tried my best to be the best daughter possible, helping my parents even financially since when I started earning some money from commissions, since I was 15 y.o.. Sometimes I wouldn't give her part of my commissions money, and she would get very pissed as well, because in her theory I should give my money to her because ''it's family'' and I have to ''be there for them''.... And I did it, for a long time.
Yesterday, she told me to go away, to never talk to her anymore, and to not even attend at her funeral. Plus some other terrible stuff I prefer not to say.
Well... That's it. I'm tired. And now, by myself. At least I still have my art, my studies and a few good people and friends around.
>> So that's why I'm opening emergency commission slots, and getting ready to work more <<
>>I'll leave my commission info here. <<
The link to my alternative profile where I have available and affordable YCHs and Adopts:
And also some other links below as well.
Thank you so much for your attention.
Twitter 
Support my work - Buy me a coffeeDeviantArt
My Patreon ❤ (Gain access to Exclusive Posts, Early Access, NSFW alt. versions, Work-In-Progress pictures, Sketches, Studies, Polls/Art Suggestions and much more!)[/center]
I'll send you a note!