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Account Life and Irrigation
4 years ago
General
I’m just really fucking irritated anymore and I guess I can’t just try and pretend like I can muscle through it because it’s completely killed my ability to work on anything.
For years, I’ve been trying to move out of an incredibly toxic environment and household and everyone from family to friends have just been the biggest walls in my life. I’ve been trying to better my life because I want this to work out, I want my art to work out, I want to not feel miserable all the fucking time. And like every fucking time I get a little closer to that goal it’s like I have to deal with a mountain of shit from everyone and every thing because everyone can’t just fucking grow up and get their shit together then quit when shits too hard. I am so sick of life and people and how everything always has to have so much traction all the god damn time. I’m tired of always having to be the main thing in every fucking facet in my life for things to move forward because if I’m don’t, everyone just sits around with a thumb up their ass wondering why they fuck nothing is happening
I hate coming off unprofessional and making people wait way more than they should when it comes to work. But I can’t focus on my work because everyone else is a fucking child all the god damn time and I have to sit here playing parent and I’m fucking sick of it. I’m sorry commissions are not happening and I can’t seem to get anything done, I’m not going to be able to do my usual celebration for this account this year but I’ll try some other point in the year, if I can... This really had become some level of hell, like everything has to be so much work because no one wants to do anything ever. If you want a fucking refund well I don’t fucking blame you because this shit has been just as irritating for me as it might be for others. If you willing to wait well more power to you cause that’s probably the only sign of kindness I’ve gotten all year from anyone.
I don’t know I’ll probably just delete this later but I’m just super bitter and angry and annoyed right now that I need to say something about why shit is taking forever. I wanted to make all these big projects and some games and give them all proper announcements but I’m at such a point in my life that I’m so unstable because life is unstable that I don’t even know if I have the will to put up with it anymore
For years, I’ve been trying to move out of an incredibly toxic environment and household and everyone from family to friends have just been the biggest walls in my life. I’ve been trying to better my life because I want this to work out, I want my art to work out, I want to not feel miserable all the fucking time. And like every fucking time I get a little closer to that goal it’s like I have to deal with a mountain of shit from everyone and every thing because everyone can’t just fucking grow up and get their shit together then quit when shits too hard. I am so sick of life and people and how everything always has to have so much traction all the god damn time. I’m tired of always having to be the main thing in every fucking facet in my life for things to move forward because if I’m don’t, everyone just sits around with a thumb up their ass wondering why they fuck nothing is happening
I hate coming off unprofessional and making people wait way more than they should when it comes to work. But I can’t focus on my work because everyone else is a fucking child all the god damn time and I have to sit here playing parent and I’m fucking sick of it. I’m sorry commissions are not happening and I can’t seem to get anything done, I’m not going to be able to do my usual celebration for this account this year but I’ll try some other point in the year, if I can... This really had become some level of hell, like everything has to be so much work because no one wants to do anything ever. If you want a fucking refund well I don’t fucking blame you because this shit has been just as irritating for me as it might be for others. If you willing to wait well more power to you cause that’s probably the only sign of kindness I’ve gotten all year from anyone.
I don’t know I’ll probably just delete this later but I’m just super bitter and angry and annoyed right now that I need to say something about why shit is taking forever. I wanted to make all these big projects and some games and give them all proper announcements but I’m at such a point in my life that I’m so unstable because life is unstable that I don’t even know if I have the will to put up with it anymore
Just know you have people here who care about you and have your back <3
There's no winning over a toxic environment. It's not going to get better, no amount of effort will make it better, ever. The only way to save yourself is to not be in it. If you're able to, move out. That's the only solid advice I can give here.
For anything else, I have been struggling with CPTSD (Like PTSD, but stemming from complex circumstances) myself. I've only found out about it about a year back, but it has incredibly helped me moving things more straight in my life. There's a great reddit community for it, if you want to talk about it.
https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/
Strangely you’re the third person to bring this up to me and I’m starting to wonder if I suffer from it because a lot of videos about it has also been recommended to me as well.