Hello everyone. It's been awhile since my last journal. Normally I don't like posting these. Once again don't have too much activity going on, and I feel like at least for FA. Unless I'm notifying people of updating content. There really isn't much for me to put here. I don't want to fill people's inboxes with little snippits, questions, and dumb shenanigans. After all I got a Twitter for that reason. So short snippits and updates on more day-to-day or week-to-week updates would be available to those who care. Anyway. Today I have a bit to talk about. Part of this is mostly so I can link to this journal, and mass send messages to friends. Rather than copy and paste a bunch of stuff. As this is going to be a pretty decent change for me. And for a little while.

So let's begin. Firstly I want to inform all my fuzzy buddies. I'm going to be taking a somewhat short break. From furry. From discord. Due in part because of recent comments, life changing things going on, and interpersonal drama that happens plenty. I'm sure everyone knows by now me and  KampferWolf have moved in together and are still on the first month of figuring out living in an apartment. But unfortunately. Moving isn't the only stress going on in my life. The last few months have been compounded moments of me making stupid decisions. And causing stress and strife at every turn. Weather hurting my friends by being stupid and overly protective. Or if it was views that clashed with my own. Even me having broken connections and trampled on a heart. And that's just things going on online.

Besides that, home life up to the move was hectic and hell. Situations with my parents have continued to stress me even today as we try to move everything out of my old home. And the person who's been a tyrant my whole life (my mother) has been belittling and doing her own stress enducing abuse all the while. All this while trying to balance online going ons. Not to mention worrying about money and affording all the things this apartment entails which is a whole other headache.

Its gotten me to finally say enough is enough, I can't keep doing this. I need to defuse, and relax. And hopefully the next few weeks will be that. I will be going mostly offline. And really only contact will be when I feel like it, and likely with my closest friends. I hope this doesn't make people upset or feel favoritism is there from this. But it's going to be how things are. I will likely still do a tweet or two, a retweet or like here and there on Twitter.

Speaking of friends. I want those of you all to know, I'm going to be changing up things on discord as well (my main chat and preferred chat app). I know I am always someone who's advocated being always available. And that if you need me just text. And leaving myself open constantly to text. But I need it unfortunately to stop. I still value everyone, and want to be there for you all. That isn't going away, but if I say it's not a good time, or if I try to go and say let's chat another time. Please help me and honor that. I'm terrible at ending conversations cuz I feel like I'm letting you go to be alone... You don't know how many times however I have honestly been in the middle of things, or important moments and I've stopped what I've been doing to give you my full attention. The issue is, that I'm diverting from what I was previously doing and I've had lately a lot of issues irl because I shift gears to address you folk. I don't want to be a pivot man. I'm tired of missing things irl, because I suddenly snap to try and help you when I'm in the middle of something myself. And it's hard for me to say no, truely cuz I know you all and love you all, and that sometimes you're lonely and need someone to chat with. I get it. I just can't do that all the time anymore. So please help me and honor this request. Cuz I'm going to start just "ghosting" people if it comes an issue, and not reply.

Besides this. I'm going to be doing also a friend's list clean up of sorts. I've already removed a few people I've felt like acquaintances that no longer really talk to me anymore. Random friend requests over the last year or so, that never went very far. If you have been removed I'm sorry. I mean no offense to you. Our conversations were pleasant but I'm wanting to condense a little. And as I've grown a bit in popularity, it makes it hard to keep up with everyone. Try multi-tasking to talk with 7 or 8 people at the same time. It's impossible to keep track of. And many of you know you've fallen victim of me accidently ghosting you all cuz I can't keep up. So hence why hopefully I'm going to opt more towards hovering around my favorite servers so that I can be reached there. I will be removing more people from my list again here soon. if you get removed, is not because we are not friends. It is only because I want to focus on my core best friends. And you can always obviously talk to me via note or in a server I'm in.

I think besides all this... I'm going to be trying to take it easy and really just focus on starting life in a way. Finally moving out is going to be a long adventure, time being able to do things is going to change as I have to start doing everything for myself. Cooking for myself be a big change I'm working on. Not to mention tons of other small things that will now chew up time I can interact with people. I will explain this right now and as clear as I can. I will not be able to be nearly as active as I used to be. Especially now today when I post this journal. It will get better in time, but I don't have all the same luxuries I had of living at home. Even game time.

Also if I'm gaming (which you can see if I'm playing something on my discord profile) I will likely no longer be messaging while playing (again with the whole missing things and diverting away from something I was already doing deal).

I'm going to leave the last of this journal a bit open ended. As much as I want to say these are all finite things going on. With how my life has been the last couple days and the stresses going on. Maybe this is just me having all sorts of anxiety that I don't know what to do with. So perhaps things change in a few days as my mood changes. But for now. I want peace, and if I can't take care of myself right now with all these high levels of stress. I can't take care of you folks I love bunches. Something I should have been doing a long time ago, and something my dear wolf is trying to help me with. Even other friends too, but I've just been terrible at listening and implementing until now. Putting my paw down in a way.

And as a lasting note. To those I've maybe hurt the last few days/weeks/months. I apologize if I've been dumb and careless. If I've been an ignorant and upsetting moron. I'm trying hard to understand more and learn. I want to be the person you all know is the most caring heart you've met. But lately all I feel like I do it hurt those I care about. But God damn have I hit quite a few roadblocks I don't know how to cross, and comfortably. Enough that I've actually reconsidered going and finding a counselor/therapist again to see if maybe the can finally shake my head up and help me see. We'll see if I do. Or if I fall back on my plans like I always do.

I love you all. Please have patience with me. And I hope to see you soon in a few weeks, or longer.

~Roy