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Some of its magic, Some of its Tragic, A plea for help.
8 years ago
General
So... I dont do this vary often but i need some kind of out source for this.
here we go...
back in December i got a call from my father, It was great to hear from him, i just spent my first year in Maryland had the best crab cakes of my life, enjoyed my time with my family and everything felt great But then the call came. My Dad called me to talk to me about something he had been meaning to tell me... My grandmother hadn't been feeling well for quite sometime, I knew this already its part of getting old, your health and quality of life declines least that's what I was always taught It turns out my grandma had been having issues for months leading up to this but she didn't think much of it but one evening my aunt had to take my mother to the hospital because the too a turn for the worst It turns out a doctor who she wasn't normal seeing saw something off about my grandmothers health and ordered a panel of tests to figure out what was wrong, all her values came back low, That is when they called in a chopper to get her to OKC After a few hours my aunt found out my grandmother had Pancreatic cancer...
I flew out the 27th of the following month at the earliest I could it had been close to 10 years since i had been in Oklahoma, My family lived here for as long as i can think back its always been home to my father's side of the family. Seeing the old sights were i have been where i have gone it was like magic Seeing how some of it had changed but then somethings had been untouched as if i was in a time machine while my uncle drove me back to Shawnee. Even here There are things that had stayed the same while some changed. The Dread mounted at this time when we drove up how did she look... what will she feeling, These questions and more flooded my mind, But as a came in i could see a much thinner version of my grandmother, I could see how the Pancreatic cancer was taking its toll on her body we sat there my uncle, aunt, grandmother and I talking about what was going on.
Come to find out the doc's told her she had already been living with it for 4 or 5 years already all of what she had been dealing with that entire time was most likely directly caused by it and that with out treatment she wouldn't last much longer it pains me to see her like this weak, this thin, I held it all in i had no choice but to do so then she told me what she wanted. She was going to do the chemo to see if it could help her any the docs told her it would ether do nothing, a slim chance of reducing the cancer so it may be operable, or it would kill her. My grandmother said if it is to kill her let it do so she dose not wish to go out like her husband who died to complications of his lungs with was most likely directly connected to undiagnosed lung cancer, he died on a respirator in his clock shop right next door to grandma's house. IF she was to go she wanted it to take her she would try and fight it but if she felt she couldn't win she told us she wished to die and not to be a burden to anyone any longer.
This... it hit me hard So when i stepped next door for the evening to let grandmother rest i sat down and for once in a long time i poured my self a tall glass of rum and drank it, braking my own rules about drinking my number 1 rule of never drinking when upset. That following monday was her its Treatment, I got up Saw my grandmother off with my aunt and waited at the house... It felt like days had passed before she had returned but 5 rolled around just as they were driving up, She was tired and wanted to rest. My aunt told me she did well but that didn't last, Over the next 2 weeks she slipped and declined she was vomiting and had the runs all the time, she couldn't keep anything at all in her system I could only watch in in silent dismay as i watched my grandmother wither in anguish from the effects of chemo.
At the end of the first two weeks of her chemo she had to be placed in the hospital, she had eaten a total of perhaps a meal and a half may be more in that two weeks with she had been able to hold down she spent a day and a half there until her vitals were normal before the hospital tried to call our family at 3am in 32 degree weather in the morning trying to get someone ot come and pick her up as they were discharging her from the hospital rather then admitting her for longer term care, When no one picked up the called a uber for her and drove her back to Shawnee. later the following day, after her next doc visit she told my aunt no more... she isnt going to go through it anymore... It hit me like a ton of bricks hearing it and then i knew i couldn't do anything, I looked for other treatments, I looked in to cbd, or even pot supplements to help her but she fuses to try any of it.
With my grandmother on medicare the is no way we could afford any of the other experimental treatments to try and help her let alone pay for the bills with will be coming after this shit storm. I have been sitting here watching the days tick by watching her as all she can do is move from her chair to her bed, watch tv or moans and groans as she throws up in her vomit bucket. Watching her slip slowly from the Ox of a woman who it took two of my uncles holding her back from beating a little tramp who showed up at a family party to the woman i see now. I know death comes for us all its a sad truth about this world, a reminder of our own mortally but i hold my tears in, I smile and laugh and act like nothing is wrong while inside I am screaming my head off, I offer my shoulder to my aunt who cry's on it when taking care of grandma grows to be too much... I do my best to be a Rock for my family to support them but its hard.
I am currently typing this all out after having gotten news from my mother finding out her mother, my other grandmother was just diagnosed with lung cancer. My heart is heavy right now... my mind foggy, and i dont know what to do I know i will do my best to be that stone for my family but there is now way my family will be able to support a blow like this... Please understand Im not asking for handouts, that im typing this begging for support for this, Or that this is some kind of scam. But me begging for help with a moment in my life when i understand i will be helpless to help two people who have brought sunlight to my entire life...
here we go...
back in December i got a call from my father, It was great to hear from him, i just spent my first year in Maryland had the best crab cakes of my life, enjoyed my time with my family and everything felt great But then the call came. My Dad called me to talk to me about something he had been meaning to tell me... My grandmother hadn't been feeling well for quite sometime, I knew this already its part of getting old, your health and quality of life declines least that's what I was always taught It turns out my grandma had been having issues for months leading up to this but she didn't think much of it but one evening my aunt had to take my mother to the hospital because the too a turn for the worst It turns out a doctor who she wasn't normal seeing saw something off about my grandmothers health and ordered a panel of tests to figure out what was wrong, all her values came back low, That is when they called in a chopper to get her to OKC After a few hours my aunt found out my grandmother had Pancreatic cancer...
I flew out the 27th of the following month at the earliest I could it had been close to 10 years since i had been in Oklahoma, My family lived here for as long as i can think back its always been home to my father's side of the family. Seeing the old sights were i have been where i have gone it was like magic Seeing how some of it had changed but then somethings had been untouched as if i was in a time machine while my uncle drove me back to Shawnee. Even here There are things that had stayed the same while some changed. The Dread mounted at this time when we drove up how did she look... what will she feeling, These questions and more flooded my mind, But as a came in i could see a much thinner version of my grandmother, I could see how the Pancreatic cancer was taking its toll on her body we sat there my uncle, aunt, grandmother and I talking about what was going on.
Come to find out the doc's told her she had already been living with it for 4 or 5 years already all of what she had been dealing with that entire time was most likely directly caused by it and that with out treatment she wouldn't last much longer it pains me to see her like this weak, this thin, I held it all in i had no choice but to do so then she told me what she wanted. She was going to do the chemo to see if it could help her any the docs told her it would ether do nothing, a slim chance of reducing the cancer so it may be operable, or it would kill her. My grandmother said if it is to kill her let it do so she dose not wish to go out like her husband who died to complications of his lungs with was most likely directly connected to undiagnosed lung cancer, he died on a respirator in his clock shop right next door to grandma's house. IF she was to go she wanted it to take her she would try and fight it but if she felt she couldn't win she told us she wished to die and not to be a burden to anyone any longer.
This... it hit me hard So when i stepped next door for the evening to let grandmother rest i sat down and for once in a long time i poured my self a tall glass of rum and drank it, braking my own rules about drinking my number 1 rule of never drinking when upset. That following monday was her its Treatment, I got up Saw my grandmother off with my aunt and waited at the house... It felt like days had passed before she had returned but 5 rolled around just as they were driving up, She was tired and wanted to rest. My aunt told me she did well but that didn't last, Over the next 2 weeks she slipped and declined she was vomiting and had the runs all the time, she couldn't keep anything at all in her system I could only watch in in silent dismay as i watched my grandmother wither in anguish from the effects of chemo.
At the end of the first two weeks of her chemo she had to be placed in the hospital, she had eaten a total of perhaps a meal and a half may be more in that two weeks with she had been able to hold down she spent a day and a half there until her vitals were normal before the hospital tried to call our family at 3am in 32 degree weather in the morning trying to get someone ot come and pick her up as they were discharging her from the hospital rather then admitting her for longer term care, When no one picked up the called a uber for her and drove her back to Shawnee. later the following day, after her next doc visit she told my aunt no more... she isnt going to go through it anymore... It hit me like a ton of bricks hearing it and then i knew i couldn't do anything, I looked for other treatments, I looked in to cbd, or even pot supplements to help her but she fuses to try any of it.
With my grandmother on medicare the is no way we could afford any of the other experimental treatments to try and help her let alone pay for the bills with will be coming after this shit storm. I have been sitting here watching the days tick by watching her as all she can do is move from her chair to her bed, watch tv or moans and groans as she throws up in her vomit bucket. Watching her slip slowly from the Ox of a woman who it took two of my uncles holding her back from beating a little tramp who showed up at a family party to the woman i see now. I know death comes for us all its a sad truth about this world, a reminder of our own mortally but i hold my tears in, I smile and laugh and act like nothing is wrong while inside I am screaming my head off, I offer my shoulder to my aunt who cry's on it when taking care of grandma grows to be too much... I do my best to be a Rock for my family to support them but its hard.
I am currently typing this all out after having gotten news from my mother finding out her mother, my other grandmother was just diagnosed with lung cancer. My heart is heavy right now... my mind foggy, and i dont know what to do I know i will do my best to be that stone for my family but there is now way my family will be able to support a blow like this... Please understand Im not asking for handouts, that im typing this begging for support for this, Or that this is some kind of scam. But me begging for help with a moment in my life when i understand i will be helpless to help two people who have brought sunlight to my entire life...
