SO much has happened in a month's worth of time. I had been very angry with anyone and everyone. I am still angry. But I am claming down and getting my mind back to my optimistic (or lack of) state of mind where I try to keep things positive. Even though I do have a gloomy out look on things.

I guess what I mean is, I always had this "doom and gloom" view of life. But I done my best for a long time to try to find ways around what I THINK may happen. And/or just do it and hope it works out. Most of the time the "doom and gloom" out come didn't happen and it was actually all okay. But when it does happen, I don't feel too horrid cause I saw it coming. And i just get upset with myself for not making a plan "B". Or I get mad for allowing it to happen. But I am not a fortune teller. If I was one...and a very good one, then I probably would make millions......only to be shot for knowing too much and maybe even be seen as a heretic.

But what got me mad nearly a month ago was something I honestly did not see coming. I mean, I still saw the "doom and gloom". But what I saw was tame compared to what really happened. It left me dazed and confused. What happened was worst than I thought "could". I will NOT get into it. But it left me feeling betrayed, alone, worthless. And pretty much, the scum of the earth.

But the main thing is, it just made me super anti-social and so easily tempered that I actually blew up more than once at work where I had to storm out of the building before I started lashing out at the typical ass hole public I have to deal with at work. Either way, it's something I am not proud of. And I am lucky that NO one complained yet.

I am starting to get a bit optimistic again. Though not in ways I am used to. I think I am ready for a reset switch in life. And I do not mean suicide. I mean, I want to start over again with my personal life. Work, friend's, people I respect, people I hate, even what I do on my spare time. Cause it's really not making ME happy. And recently it's not making me look better with others and it's not keeping me out of trouble.

I am keeping this account and what not. And I'll still be enjoying being a fan of furry. Of anthropomorphic animals.

But I am going to make this official. I been HAPPY not having to think or be associated with the lifestyle attitude that has become the furry fandom. So for the fandom itself, I am not on hiatus from it. I am QUITING it.

I do not need to live, act, talk, and pretty much make my life revolve around a bunch of concepts by a bunch of people who can't distinguish reality to role play. Role play can be okay at times. But turning it into life? How the hell does that work? It does not. And the last two conventions I been too are nothing more than lifestylers showing off how much of a "furry" they really are and just doing anything and everything they can to show they are somebody as a furry...instead of just anybody in life. It's not life people. It's a hobby. And until most people figure that out. The "others" who are looking in are always going to peek in, not sure if they want to even try to understand. And most who don't want to try to understand will always see the evils of the fandom.

I have no idea why I say "fandom" It's not a fandom anymore. It's on the same levels of those who consider themselves "Goths", "werewolves", and even "Vampires". It's not a fandom at that point, it's a lifestyle.

Anyway, I am done ranting on that.

But personally, I been okay. And I'll move on.

But I am tired of always being an outsider. If I can't join them. Then leave them, that's how I feel.