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[gestures wildly at my anxiety and depression]
9 years ago
General
LEAVE ME ALONE HOLY SHIT
I've been anxious, really fucking depressed and really?? fearful?? over the past week (honestly past month, but it got REALLY BAD this week)?? OH BOY, did I FUCK MYSELF OVER!!! I got some BAD THOUGHTS in my head and wow it was definitely a low point and honestly I've never really thought about death seriously but wow okay....?? okay....
It's like.... I knew whatever it was I was thinking was irrational and probably Not a Thing, but it was enough to fuck me up and made me think about!! what if I end up in a situation I just can't handle mentally??? it's happened before on a smaller level (a breakdown that resulted in me having to go home and i ended up snapping again later that day over something irritating but not worth putting my foot through the wall over). i don't know how to cope with anything and ??? SIGHS REALLY LOUDLY
DON'T WORRY THOUGH, I'm fine, I just ended up sleeping a lot during the day (and somehow did not fuck up my sleeping schedule) and just laid around in bed a lot just... aimlessly staring and trying not to think about those thoughts. Couldn't eat anything despite being hungry and just general... Ugh. But I'm fine now, I think. My girlfriend is here right now and I've actually had a couple of meals today.
I think... I just need something else to do during the day.... I'm currently unemployed and trying to find at least volunteer work that I can actually manage and deal with mentally. I think having nothing much to do is starting to get to me as well.
Anyway, these thoughts are still... there and I still have fears, but I don't want that to stop me from creating art and sharing it. I want to start drawing more finished stuff of my OCs more. They really need more love. And I haven't drawn any Gen 7 Pokémon yet. Surely I should have drawn Litten by now!!!!!
WELP, I should try to get that motivation back aha.
I've been anxious, really fucking depressed and really?? fearful?? over the past week (honestly past month, but it got REALLY BAD this week)?? OH BOY, did I FUCK MYSELF OVER!!! I got some BAD THOUGHTS in my head and wow it was definitely a low point and honestly I've never really thought about death seriously but wow okay....?? okay....
It's like.... I knew whatever it was I was thinking was irrational and probably Not a Thing, but it was enough to fuck me up and made me think about!! what if I end up in a situation I just can't handle mentally??? it's happened before on a smaller level (a breakdown that resulted in me having to go home and i ended up snapping again later that day over something irritating but not worth putting my foot through the wall over). i don't know how to cope with anything and ??? SIGHS REALLY LOUDLY
DON'T WORRY THOUGH, I'm fine, I just ended up sleeping a lot during the day (and somehow did not fuck up my sleeping schedule) and just laid around in bed a lot just... aimlessly staring and trying not to think about those thoughts. Couldn't eat anything despite being hungry and just general... Ugh. But I'm fine now, I think. My girlfriend is here right now and I've actually had a couple of meals today.
I think... I just need something else to do during the day.... I'm currently unemployed and trying to find at least volunteer work that I can actually manage and deal with mentally. I think having nothing much to do is starting to get to me as well.
Anyway, these thoughts are still... there and I still have fears, but I don't want that to stop me from creating art and sharing it. I want to start drawing more finished stuff of my OCs more. They really need more love. And I haven't drawn any Gen 7 Pokémon yet. Surely I should have drawn Litten by now!!!!!
WELP, I should try to get that motivation back aha.
for the past month i had these goddamn instrusive thoughts about life and mortality and my anxiety popped in too so it's like oh jeez
HUG
[HUGS BACK]