Interesting confessional you've written. I'm flattered to be your favorite author, hope I don't disappoint. I enjoy reading your stories as well and hope to see more from you, particularly In the Valley.

Between Darwin's Revenge and Nature, you had me hooked. :p

Oddly enough, I discovered Nature by chance when looking for . . . well . . . smut on the Adult story forums, and found something totally unexpected. (even more ironic since there's not really anything explicitly "adult" in Nature iirc -some nudity at most, though I got the feeling some of the violence merited the rating more . . . then, again, there's more graphic stuff that stayed out of the adult section)
Darwin's Revenge I'd seen over at Eka's portal (your initial post of it, at least), then lost it before rediscovering it after I found Nature and started digging through your posts.

And speaking of this, you really should post Nature on here . . . maybe Patron's War too, unless you're planning on actually working on that one again first. ;)
(I mean, at very least, they could go into your scraps)

Also, please consider my suggestions about forum/bbcode formatting for your stories too. ;)
http://forums.macrophile.com/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=18466 (you can ignore most of the babble about rich text vs doc/xml/etc . . . or at least, it's not the main point)

Or, for that matter, Arilin's point about using Markdown for flexible cross-format writing.
http://giants-club.net/topic/10/ (post 23)

Also, it's more an admission than a confession IMO. :p

I'd have to feel guilty about it for it to be the latter. Shy and a bit reserved, yes, especially for some aspects of it, but guilty or ashamed, most definitely not.

wow, I never expected that from you !

Also, man that front page of yours, just recently it had waaaaaay less text hahaha, born writer :P

I can ramble on like that in real life conversations too. :p

I also realized I've been channeling a lot of my creativity into those speculative alternate history topics. :p (not that that's not fascinating too . . . and I'm a fan of actual speculative alternate history fiction too -some good books/stories in particular, but my interest in -actual- history is a foundation for that)

How many friends of you know about the love for the certain "furry" stuff ? How do the ones that know react ? I don't judge, but I was quite surprused hehe

Aside from those in the community . . . none really know the whole story, but most of my close friends know something about it (more so given my accepting reaction to any hints or mention of their being into it . . . or other unusual things :p ).

Seriously, pretty much all my close friends in real life (and those I met in other places online -like at Sega-16) were already into the "furry" stuff in one form or another. Honestly, it' not that surprising given the overlapping fantasy/sci-fi (etc) interests that we all share. (we're all intellectual geeks :p -well, my whole family is too, more or less, including a fair number beyond my immediate family . . . though none of them know anything about my interests in this area aside from my brother)
My younger brother probably knows more than anything, including that I've started writing, and I talked about some things in a broad sense of it being speculative fiction with furry and human characters, but not much beyond that.

My absolutely oldest friend I'm still (somewhat) in touch with . . . of some 19 years turned out to be a big furry too . . . more so than me in some respects, in as far as the whole personifying oneself in their fursona, interest in going to conventions, fursuits, etc. :p (totally shocked me a few years back when he came out about it quite abruptly . . . especially since he used to joke/poke about ridiculousness furry stuff years earlier)

I wouldn't mention it on Sega-16, but I know Apolloboy's an Eric Sxhwarts/Sabrina Online fan (and casual interest in other art and stuff too), something I gradually discovered while hanging out with him IRL for the last ~3 years. (his mention of wanting a Sabrina Online themed mouse pad was the most obvious admission :p )
He's on FA too, but a completely idle lurker. (no comments, no favs, etc)

It's the macrophile (and vorephile) things that pretty much no one knows about aside from people I met in that end of the community (not just the furry community either), though I'm sure most would be OK about that too, if a bit surprised. (some others probably less so surprised, maybe, but in any case I haven't had that much incentive in telling them . . . there's one or two I'm considering though, particularly given they're also writers and into other weird things :p )
Particularly this guy:
http://evil-stan.deviantart.com/ (who, among other things, has also gotten into the pony thing . . . which I'm not, but I still kind of get it, especially from the PoV of general cartoon/comic/etc fans -which we both most definitely are- . . . he's also got some hilarious -and slightly disturbing- stories about RL encounters with totally stereotypical creepy/obnoxious bronies :p )

Well . . . that's not entirely true there either, since several friends (and my brother) were involved in some games/role play type stuff when I was a little kid, involving giants/giant animals chasing and trying to eat me (or succeeding in), sometimes with one of them playing the pred. :p
I used to tell my parents about vore-ish fantasy/adventure dreams I had as a little kid too, but that was like 15+ years ago, and at the time, I didn't think much of it (don't remember my parents thinking it was that odd either)

Actually, with the way I grew up, I didn't have much reason to feel any of that was weird either . . . at least for the first 14 years of my life. It's when that stuff started merging into . . . adult fantasies that it started getting weird. (a lot of people seem to only see this stuff on the sex/fetish end too, but that's totally not me . . . hell, I spent more than half my life with those fantasies being just intriguing fascinations, and I still appreciate them on both ends now, and pretty much all my writer friends on here are in the same boat it seems, particularly given there comments in the "earliest macro experiences" thread I linked to in my journal above)


There's bits of other stuff (and a ton more exposition, particularly on early life and discovering the stuff online) over in those forum threads I linked to. ;)
There's also more examples there of the cool-weirdness of my friends and family. (that cheetah story is probably the most dramatic . . . might have to write that one up properly . . . and I should probably re-watch the Doctor Who Survival serial -haven't seen it in well over a decade, but I have seen it a couple times at least . . . and looking at clips and reviews, it's actually a lot darker and deeper than I fully remember -but that would explain a few things)

Oh, and, oddly enough, all this reflection and introspection I've been doing since creating that "early memories" thread has made me appreciate just how cool my family and friends are . . . and a lot of my teachers over the years too. (fair share of cool, geeky teachers, especially for science/math . . . some more so just in the science/nature end of things -which is great for me too- but also several pretty into sci-fi and/or fantasy stuff -including my 10th grade biology teacher who created the "Fantasy Cinema" club at my high school . . . that's the place I got to be really good friends with "evil-stan" -they did just about everything geeky you can think of -movies/anime/table-top RPGs/random intellectual discussions/sketches, albeit not all that much at once, and there was a decided bias on playing Magic the Gathering -basically it was a collective hangout geeks could go at lunch break -too bad it only lasted the one year though, that teacher left after that . . . a lot of flux in staffing at that time; but I still managed to take a lot away from that ;) )


Oh, forgot to mention it, but I've been sporadically browsing Flacko's work (and favs) for the last year or so, and noticed she does (and favs) a fair bit of macro/micro and/or vore stuff too.
Then again, given how prevalent those themes are in the cartoony world, that's not so surprising either. (certainly one of the big places for inspiration I got as a kid for my fascinations) :p

You have had pretty good experiences and environment indeed.
My non-furry friends do not know anything about it, some of them would not understand it or associate it with something really negative... Not many people know, nor does my familiy. Any real life friends I have are all furries haha, almost, m ex-coworkers aren't but they don't know about my "secret shame" anyway haha.

Do you get disappointed when your bigass writing is responded with something short ? I would :P
But I am kind of person who just tells what is asked, and does not think or feel need to elaborate on additional details. In school I would get minus points in tests because you wrote what was not asked, and that thus means wrong answer.

As for Flacko, so draws what is asked and gets paid, but she has friends who are into some of that stuff and draws that for them out of goodwill. We are not together anymore, since almost a month now... she one sidedly decided to end the relationship that would have had 4 years anniversary the next day...

There's bad experiences too, but more related to other things. (not to get into that -don't mind talking about most of it, just kind of a long story)

Still I can't help but think I got lucky in a lot of ways, and the good more than made up for the bad, at least from my point of view.

And no, I'm not disappointed by short responses. In fact, I'm kind of intimidated (and definitely impressed) by some of the more eloquent and succinct comments people make. (speaking or writing)

That and I'm often worried I make so much a mess with my thoughts that it's a pain in the ass for others to make sense of. (and I know I lose some people in conversations, that or I end up cutting them off when a new thought pops in --some know me well enough -and are aggressive enough- to stop that before it gets out of hand, others just let me ramble on and on until I finally catch myself and try to back up to whatever I interrupted)

Hmm, and doing that in school. I learned not to, and I'm a lot more reserved in-class. Actually I've gotten more so after high school as the lectures (even in the lower stress environment of community college) are on much tighter time constraints than you get in high school. (that, and there's less chance to chat with instructors -which I used to do a lot during break and such)

I'm also a really weird mix of introvert and extrovert, some traits of each, and also varying by mood . . . a big part of it is having some sort of catalyst though. (get me started and I'll just keep going) Seriously, even the personality tests I've taken in guidance classes, career building, etc type things over the years always end up a weird, indistinct mix of personality traits that don't properly fit any of the categories.




Sorry to here about Flacko . . . hope you guys stay good friends at least. (you were that way a long time before being a couple, right)

Oh, and I just mentioned to my brother you noticed my story and . . . other peculiarities, and something along the lines of "So Tiido knows I'm weird now."

And he says, totally serious, but smirking: "He should already know that by now." And then just walks out of my room.

LOL, I am so known in your life circles eh ? hahahahaahaha
It certainly surprised me, but I really had no expectations about who you might "be"

You have certain comfort zones within different areas of life which perhaps explains the mix of intro/extrovertness. I am pretty much an introvert, but I can be pretty extrovert if I feel comfortable enough, but I lack the confidence in (new) real life situations and I'll just separate from that and enter my own bubble. It does not help that my only social life nowdays is internet, and buying food... I work at home and don't go out, I'm a cheapass too so stuff involving expenses that are not necessary to life or something will not happen very easily...

About your ramblings, at least ones I can read in Sega-16 tech threads, you seem to repeat a lot what you hear but have not quite thought out all of it yourself. Most of the would be things are not that because what has happened in reality is the better way. I mean the real hardware bits, rather than management and whatnot, you certainly do not grasp those aspects aswell as the stuff involving humans :P
Great deal of understanding of the current for of hardware is needed to make speculations on how it could have been, without having radically different approach which my be as good overall, but being worse in other stuff while better in something else compared to the existing design, end result being "no improvement" :P
It is much easier to design something when money is irrelevant, low cost stuff is incredibly sensitive to even the simple choices, major amount of analysis is needed on each approach and in the end the approach that uses least cents is the winner.

I am friends with her, but there's still awkwardness from now on whenever I have to talk to her or she talks to me etc. We knew eachother maybe one year prior to moving together.

Yes, you're known. ;) I chat Sega-16 stuff with my brother once in a while, and then related stuff, and the fact you programmed the sound engine in Pier Solar, among other things. (he's also a bigger gamer than I am . . . in regards to actually playing stuff, and completing/beating it, and not talking about it . . . also a lot better than I am, at least at several traditional/mainstream genres -platformers especially, even 3D which I'm a bit better with -my natural forte is in flight/space sim style stuff, be it realistic or more "arcadey" -in terms of lacking remotely realistic physics in gameplay . . . and other stuff like story/dialog/music differences vs really dry hardcore sims -like the Il-2 Sturmovik series)

And, of course, any of the RL friends I have from Sega-16 know you, especially Apolloboy. (and frequently use the VA3 Genesis 2 you modded ;) )

And yes, I completely realize I'm pretty sketch on some of the tech aspects, and overreach on a lot of things. Really, I kind of hoped more knowledgeable people would call me out on that stuff and point out the parts that actually have some merit. (I also feel kind of bad when I forget to qualify the things I know I'm totally speculating on without proper foundation)
I mean sure, this does work out in a lot of cases, and the more experienced/real techies around do call me out and point to things that make sense or don't make sense. (this was particularly true in a Jaguar speculation thread over on Atariage). Honestly, that's a big part of how I learned as much as I have on stuff that's not that easily accessible otherwise. (between asking questions and getting critiqued on my musings, there's a ton of obscure and semi-obscure knowledge I managed to gain there)

To be completely honest, I started doing that sort of thing back in late 2007 on a WWII aircraft forum that I frequented until the end of 2008. (and extremely sparsely since) Tech and history, and a big mix of those with historical knowledge (including a good number of historians and/or museum workers) and technical knowledge (technicians, engineers, pilots, etc) and then those with a good deal of both (general tech/history buffs. Lots of speculative discussions on a huge range of things, historical and technical.
And, unsurprisingly, I found this quite fascinating: http://www.quarry.nildram.co.uk/TFWreviews.htm (actually, the author was a semi-active member of the forum I was on too)

And then, last year, I started doing the same kind of thing over on vogons in the context of various old PC video cards, CPUs, etc. :p (the whole rise and fall of Cyrix is particularly fascinating)

On that note, Apolloboy totally gets this side of things too, in as far as he's quite the history buff . . . except that's actually his major as well (and he's about to graduate ;) ). And he's not quite as big into the creative speculation stuff as I am. (enough that he'll listen so most of the stuff I pose though -in person, we talk a lot less about the tech side though, and way more about business decisions, weird management/bureaucratic stuff, etc -and some of the more foolproof area of tech discussion, ie not total reimagined internal hardware and circuit design)

One of the reasons I don't actually get that much further into the detail tech stuff is just how torn I am with other interests, and other facets of these interest. Hell, it was hard enough to even realize I was interested in a career in software development or programming. (started out vaguely oriented towards physical science -more towards chemistry, and moved around to some other areas after I burned out on that, and reconsidered the obvious -or what should have been given what I grew up surrounded by -my dad being a software engineer and all, and a big time DIY techie . . . not to mention some of the things he's actually been involved with -though I didn't really know a lot of that history until more recently, like his dealings with the ST and Amiga while at Metacomco in the mid/late 80s ;) -worked on some of the Sinclair stuff too iirc)

I mean, as a little kid, I aspired to be a peleontologist, then that kind of dissipated into a number of less distinct interests (astronaut was one for a while :p ), then I got really big into industrial arts in middle school, then big into physical science in high school. (chemistry, physics, geology, minerology -albeit the latter two I'd been pretty strongly into since I was little, rock and mineral collector and idly studied some of it in more detail)
The history of science and technology has always been one of the bigger draws too, though. (and pretty much any subject I'm into, the history will be a huge facet of that as well)

Then there's interests I had/have really strongly but knew I didn't really want to pursue professionally. (aviation/history -tons of that as a little kid, not least so as both my grandfathers were big into that -and both Navy pilots- and my dad was into it too, my mom went along and encouraged it, a close family friend too -well, he did a ton of other stuff with the family too, more like a de facto uncle of sorts, extended family and his parents were almost like a 3rd set of grandparents to us)





And, again, best luck with Flacko . . . that's tough. I can't say I've had any personal experiences with this yet, but I do know quite a few good endings to these sorts of stories. Apolloboy apparently makes a particular point in staying friends with his exs (and some just end up being friends in the first place :p ).
That, and the most definitive example would be that family friend I mentioned above . . . he was actually my mom's boyfriend for some 5 years before she broke it off, but it worked out pretty damn well in the end. (close family friend with all of us, not least so my dad . . . really good guy, and smart, and into a lot of the science/history stuff too -again a pretty common trend for our family and close extended family ;) )

I can ramble on stuff I know everything about, but there's not a whole lot of that. Things I am not quite knowledgable about I keep my mouth shut - I recall Mark Twain saying something similar : "It is better to be silent and assumed you're a fool than to open your mouth and confirm the suspicions" :P

You grew up in a nice environment. I never got any recognition or support with whatever I was doing at home, only new when that stuff is my actual job my parents have softened up to that kind of stuff...

Again, I didn't really get into any of the bad stuff either . . . well "bad" or just difficult depending on the point of view. Home, school, inside my own head, etc, there's stuff I (or we) had to deal with, and still do, but I guess the point is that I (or we) have managed to get this far and there's plenty of good stuff to look back on. (and, at least for me, the "bad" stuff isn't really that noticeable . . . I mean I won't forget it, but I don't really hold any real regrets, or at least not resentment)
Regardless, I guess I do feel lucky . . . or grateful, rather, for what I have, and I appreciate it even more after actually thinking more about this stuff.

I will say that, as far as school went, that the only real bullying I got was teasing with very, very few exceptions of much beyond that. (granted, teasing or verbal bullying -or, the online/social media counterparts to that- can really hurt some people too, but I never had that problem . . . a few times I needed some emotional support, but the rest, I either ignored it, wrote it off, or -in a few cases- was kind of oblivious to it until reflecting on things years later)

I guess it's the same reason I never really had a huge issue with peer pressure at school, I just had too strong a self image and was never really one to try to "fit in" for the sake of it, and also was OK hanging out by myself it if came to that.

My biggest problems were more internal ones . . . anxiety issues mostly, and some other stuff, but since that wasn't really centered on any one thing . . . well it was both a mess and didn't really hurt any one area specifically as much as it just dampened things across the board. 3rd grades through 7th grade (age 8~13) were kind of a mess, though only in some respects, it's kind of complex to explain. (don't really mind sharing, and it's not really something I hide, but . . . it's long and not really worth getting into further details now . . . and this isn't really the place either -I mean in the comments here :p )
Actually, I wrote an essay on it at one point for a composition class . . . might actually be worth reworking and posting that somewhere at some point.