Alright, so. As only a select few would previously have known, my father died just recently.

But yeah, only after he died, I found out he wasn't really my father afterall, not biologically at least. Apparently my mom doesn't even know who my father actually was.

My father and I were never what you'd call close. Hell, the way we got along, I probably would have ended up killing him myself eventually. Bleh. Somehow though, his death still hit me like a truck..probably because he died of a heart defect, and I also happen to have one, though a different kind.

Anyway the funeral should have been last week, but the coroner wasn't releasing his body for some reason. No one would tell me why. Heh, found out yesterday. Turns out his family in Germany demanded the body be shipped back to Germany for burial there. And his current wife being the inconsiderate sloth she is, let them do it.

So I can't even go the funeral. heh.

Anyway. I'm not going to say I'm okay, obviously. But I'm not entirely fucked up either. I'm unstable. Swinging from calm to deep depression to anger to anxiety and back again randomly, set off by the stupidest, smallest things.

This is also why I've not been really responding to anyone who tries to message me. I don't mean to be insulting but the simply fact is, things how they are, there are very, very few people I have any interest in talking to at all, and they already know who they are.

Yeah. I'm also going to ask you don't ask any questions or anything from all this. The fact is, I didn't really want to explain this in the first place, but people seem to actually be worried about me, and I felt I owed them at least this much. But this is as much I'm giving, put frankly, I don't want or need to talk about it, and I don't feel like answering questions.

And for the foreseeable future, I don't see much chance of that changing.

All my love to my mates Fur and Shimmy, and Jess.

-Devon