Ultimately, these past few weeks have felt like being trapped in a vial with the cork on the top; sometimes shaken and sometimes stirred.

Ever since the car accident, and even maybe before, I really have lost appreciation for my college and many other things I am involved in. I don't see value in things anymore and this goes with my own work. This past week I tried to give myself a simple goal of accomplishing at least one part of a big project. This has fallen, like many other things I set to do, unfinished.

At this point, I am simply dragging my feet on the floor to each class (even programming) with a mix of hatred and sadness. The more I try to get through my classes, the more the college seems to loop-back me into staying an additional year. The more money I give them, the more bullshit I get in return. What's the point of getting this degree if it doesn't even guarantee a job? Why do I continue to bother and deal with the insanity that is called this college?

I then ask the same about where I am. The car accident just shows how flawed everything is. I was a victim in where I had done nothing wrong, on a college day, and in a few seconds, it all changed. My car, my last link to my grandparents, is now left immobilized in a junk yard, still operable and repairable except for one flaw. I get nothing in return except a debt and an emotional toll not covered by insurance, like many other things they don't cover. The other driver gets nothing more than an increased premium and walks away with her vehicle intact. So how is this a reward towards driving safely? Doesn't this set an example for that the more bad an individual is, the more they get away, at least to a maximum point where it begins to diminish again?

I seriously just don't understand this world in any form of logic except for against what we are all told from the start. Perhaps the evolution of society has changed so greatly in little time that the shock of it all results in a now unachievable equilibrium point purposely set as it is for the sense of trying to restore things to the way they were. Perhaps it is also set there to form another change, but not in a way that may be desirable for many people, or maybe even everyone.

The more I view and see things, the more worthless things appear. If something doesn't make sense, what is the point of understanding it if no form of logic supports any of the effects? What is the logic of anything, including logic itself? I just don't fully understand any of this.

The only question I have is: "Where is the key?"

-Flame

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