Interesting night at work. For those of you that don't know, I am in law enforcement. So... I was in the patrol cruiser in line at Carl's Jr (Hardy's for you east coasters) drive-thru to get me a chicken sammich, when I hear a man yelling from the street to my right. I turn my head to see this rather fat man weighing down a beat up, white Oldsmobile cutlass at a traffic light. After making eye contact with the gravity-rich man, he proceeded to yell obscenities at me such as "F*** you man" and "You suck" Unfortunately, in my state that is not an arrestable offense. So, I decided to play along.

At this time, I chose not to engage in verbal communication, but rather waved back at him politely. However his slurred insults continued, showing obvious signs on intoxication. There were at least three other males in the car, and they all seemed very amused by their friends intelligent choice in vocabulary selection, that he used to attempt to insult me.

My waves and smiles proved ineffective, so as trained, I proceeded up the use-of-force latter and proceeded to blow them kisses. This did have an effect. The obese sweaty man then chose to call me "Faggot" or "Queer" and other names implementing that I was homosexual.

I rolled my window down "You mad, bro?" I simply asked. This question stumped the fat one. He stopped yelling for a moment and he and his friends looked at each other like I just asked him to solve an intense math equation upside down, backwards and explaining it in Korean. After some seconds of mental debate he simply replied "No..." I informed him that "we were cool" and everything is okay, reinforcing my worlds with a smile and thumbs up.

Then something clicked in his brain and he proceeded with the insults. Thankfully, his light turned green and they were off.

I gathered my Trophy sandwich from the drive-thru, and the employee congratulated me on a mission well done. As I turned the corner into the parking lot, there was the bulbous man, leaning on the white car with his friends sitting inside. I smiled and waved, heading towards the parking lot exit, when something struck my car. I looked in my rear view mirror long enough to see something that resembled a shoe go under my patrol vehicle.

I put me vehicle in park, and got out to asses any potential damage by the projectile shoe, there was none. Upon my exit out of the car, the fat man asked "Are ya gunna be all gay with me now?" to which I quickly responded, "Do you want me to be?" he was unamused by my response and then asked if I thought it was funny. I answered with "Yeah, it's kinda funny."

That was the catalyst for him. He pressed himself off the white car where he sat, freeing the car to lift a good two or three inches, now free of his poundage. The ground shook as the drunken blob stumbled his way towards me aggressively. Sadly, all he found was the pavement, then defeated by his own intoxication, retreated to a near by curb and sat.

Even though I could of got him with drunk in public, disorderly conduct, or vandalism, I knew that this man had already had a blow to his ego, and the morning hangover would be unforgiving. I wished him a good night, heard no reply, got in back in the cruiser and departed.


~Raze


Later, after telling a deer friend of mine, she stated that I should of taken the shoe. For evidence of course.