A man thought his wife was chearting on him. Since he didn't have a
lot of money
to hire an expensive private envesttigator, so he decided to go with
a much cheaper
one--a chinese man named Mr. Lee
The following day he received this report
Most honorable Sir;
You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she
leave house.
I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree. I look in window. He
kiss she. She kiss he.
He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I
play with me. I fall
off tree. I not see. No fee.The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After
they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,
'Kemosabe, look towards sky; what you see?'
The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'
'What that tell you?' asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says,
'Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of
galaxies. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter
past
three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all powerful ,
and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Tonto?'
'You dumber than buffalo shit. Someone stole tent.'AMAZING HOME REMEDIES
1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE
ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY
USING THE SINK.
3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR
A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE
A TIMER.
4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM
ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL
BE TOO AFRAID TO COUGH.
6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T
MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE
DUCT TAPE.
7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR
ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE
STAIRSTwo bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes,
charter a double-decker bus for a weekend gambling trip to Louisiana.
The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team
rode on the top level.
The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great
time,
when one of them realized she hadn't heard
anything from the Blondes upstairs.
She decided to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reached the
top, she found all the Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the
road,
clutching the seats in front of them with
white knuckles.
The brunette asked, "What the heck's going on up here?
We're having a great time downstairs!"
One of the Blondes looked up at her,
swallowed hard and whispered...
"YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!"