Today the liver cancer took my father away. He was 68. He was a family person, tried to spend as much time with his family, loving and caring. Doing sports and working all his life without bad habits.

It all started this summer, when I noticed he is losing weight and getting old too fast. I actually suggested him to do full blood tests, on which he replied "It's you who likes to spend money on doctors, I am just getting old that's it". In october his skin started to turn yellow, he was rushed to hospital, after a doctor visit.
First few days, when I phoned him, he was happy saying, that he is feeling alright, able to run up and down the stairs and had good appetite. In another few days he was losing strength and was hardly able to walk to the bathroom. He started to lose more weight and his eyes already started to turn yellow. We thought this would be the end, he already started to say "goodbies to us all" "just accept and move on, this is a part of life". Doctors made full tests and provided him with surgery (placed some metal thing in his liver to function better). After he started to turn back to normal, though still skinny and weak. He was signed for chemotherapy in january and sent back home.

Back at home, we tried to take care of him, doctor made special diet, which he followed. He still was able to move on his own, slowly, but still could do things around the apartment and cook his own meals. Though he said he felt dizzy... During winter his body temperature was going up and down, sweating at night, freezing in bed.

When january came, we took him to hospital for Chemotherapy, which went well, he felt comfortable during process and actually said he felt a bit better after. Though the blood tests still were really bad, but we had hopes. They signed him for another chemotherapy, which was in 2-3 weeks.
The day came and again we took him to chemotherapy and thought we would go home early as the last time, but this time was different, he was placed to the palliative departmentю (For those who doesn't know, this is the place where people spend their last days before they pass).
While in there he still was able to walk slowly, they were feeding him well, he actually liked there, but at the same time was really scared as 4 people were "carried away" in those 2 weeks. So basically, he was the only one taken out alive back home. And it seemed as he gained weight a bit.

The blood tests were showing, that he already has 3-rd stage cancer and it was already progressing to 4-th, he was taken home and suggested to get well before another chemo.

From there, he was getting worse by the day, already started to faint, lose more weight, needed help to get off the bed...
In the end of february on mother's birthday 23-th he was rushed back to hospital. We tried to visit him often, he lost ability to walk, he had a diapers on him, which he hated, started to turn yellow again and in few more day he was hardly speaking. During these days he was visited by priest, he felt really nervous after. When visiting him in 2 weeks by myself he told me "They won't cure me, I want to go home, I don't want to die here, so pack my stuff and lets go", he went really aggressive when we told him, we won't be able to carry by ourselves, he really didn't want us to leave him there. We had to talk to the doctor and make his final wish come true, we payed them 150 euros for them to transport him back to his bed, where he felt more comfortable.

So back at home, we started to take care of him even with more care, changing diapers, feeding from the spoon, talking, spending time with him, I actually bought him a toy which he wanted long time ago https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/352888272747233280/1217749916508753950/image.png?ex=660528fc&is=65f2b3fc&hm=618888dca7db81724e4fd5c988c54c0058df3f071ae34c8168787b4a91b3ff00& Like this one and we started constructing it in bed, Though his hands were too weak. So I had to do all the work.
Day by day he was getting more weak and more silent, lost control of his legs and barely could move his hands now. This week he went completely silent, lost ability to move, hardly breathing, not able to even lift his hands. We communicated through blinks as "yes" or "no". He still was in clear mind and heard us. He said that he didn't feel pain, but a weakness and was getting nightmares since cancer was found. He now was just a living skeleton lying in bed waiting for his end.

Today in the morning my mom called me and told me he is no longer breathing or has a pulse. He is no longer with us...


Thank you, father very much for everything, for a happy childhood, for a stable youth and a reliable adult life... I miss you already, you were good father, you were living and sacrificing everything for your family, we won't forget you.
Life moves on, but it feels more empty without you already. Rest in Peace.



PS. If you love your parents, please do try to spend more time with them, at least phone them from time to time and do not refuse the invites, they won't be here forever. Thank you for your time and understanding