Dear friends, followers!

The past few weeks were an insane rollercoaster and not the fun kind. It is now time to let you all know what happened to me.

It all started as simple migraines. But as time passed my symptoms kept getting worse exponentially, and at this point, I was supposed to get a head and neck X-ray. I discussed it with my mother, that she would come to visit, and then I would get a taxi and be escorted to the hospital by my flatmate. But when the day came and my mother arrived, she found me in a very deteriorated state: I didn't fully know where I am, I was pale as a wall, my speech was very slow and slurred and I couldn't get out of bed without help, and I was projectile vomiting. My mother and flatmate tried to hold me and help me get to the taxi waiting but I fell into a bush and couldn't get up so they had to drag me up. AT this point they called an ambulance. Later I was told that I practically looked as if I was having a drug overdose.

From this point, I don't remember 98% of what happened, only a few blurry fragments. Paramedics arrived and looked concerned. I'm vomiting in the ambulance. Medics are dragging me through some hospital corridor. Then I'm sitting in a doctor's office and being told that my MRI shows I have a massive brain tumor and I require immediate surgery. And the next thing I remember is waking up after surgery. I didn't even have time for the news to sink in.

I've read the MRI report later. The tumor caused edema, and my brain was so squished that some of the right brain was hanging over into the left side of the skull. The center of my brain was an entire 10 millimeters to the left of the center of my skull. There were also several spot bleeds in my brain. I was practically nearly dying.

I was then in the hospital for 10 days or so, having wild hallucinations for the first week. At times I couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't. I also had strong double vision and couldn't stand without holding onto something because I was randomly losing my balance. But my surgery went really well, and I was slowly getting better. Now I'm recovering at home. My vision is almost back to normal, but I'm still very tired and weak. Full recovery will take some time.

Then finally today the tumor autopsy results came in. It's malignant. In other words, it's cancer. So now I need to meet an oncologist for consultation and get started on radiotherapy ASAP. I'm assuming there will also be chemotherapy after that. Overall I'm relatively young (36) and otherwise healthy and strong, so I should handle the treatments well, and I'm feeling positive that it will be successful. It is what it is, there is no point in wasting my energy on feeling sorry for myself, rather I'll focus on moving forward and pushing through. I got this!

But I would lie if I said that the news didn't hit me pretty hard, or that I'm not afraid. I am. Honestly, I'm mostly afraid of what chemotherapy will do to me. That thing is brutal. But it has to be done. I'm just really hoping that with that this whole nightmare will finally be over.

Sadly it will take a while until I'm able to get back to art, even though I really want to paint. For now, I have to focus on just recovering and gaining back my strength as well as getting through radio and chemo. So I have no way to know when can I really start painting again.

Also, while the medical treatment was free as we have universal healthcare here, there are all kinds of costs associated with this whole debacle and my recovery, and from next month I'll get a reduced salary as I'll be on medical leave. So if you feel like joining my Patreon, or perhaps giving me a little donation, now would be a great time.

I'll be updating you all on my situation as time goes on. I have an oncology appointment this Thursday, I'll know more about the specifics of my tumor and the treatment I'll get after that. Until then, stay safe, be happy, and maybe send me some positive thoughts. :)