For those whom have spoken with me and know me... they are aware that I am caregiver for my mother who has ALS. As of 2/9/2022, my mom has stopped receiving her tube feeding like before. From what I have been told she will likely pass by next week.

This is a big... change in my life. I have been taking care of my mom since like ... 2017 due to her condition turning into something from what we originally thought was recoverable to being ALS... she was originally diagnosed at the end of 2018.

This is a lot for me to take in... considering from 2017 to now 2022... that is been like 4 years maybe 5 when I consider when I started to take care of her or at least very close to 5.

Many may not understand how like 5 years is to give up a lot in ones life for another and many will understand... not just in a care giving sense but parenthood too for many. I have learned a lot from this express about myself... my faults, weaknesses, and strengths.

As for the future... I do not know, I am still trying to come to terms with the shock of all this and how things will change. That said... I hope to at some point this year get back into art and attempt to do something with my life to honor my mother and her care she gave to me.

I know one of the things I have wanted to do was to learn to use Unity and make a game... and I have a vision for a board game I have made to try and make it into a digital product and well... maybe if I can achieve that I can make a life for myself and live a life long dream I have had in some way in getting into game making. I am simply trying to think of new possibilities for me in order to attempt to achieve when I have put off so much in my life.

I quit my possiblity in progress of my art career due to the pains in care giving and the struggle to balance work and life... I will have that time again to attempt it and other things... but that is still a lot to take in with no certainty.

As of now... I am just hoping to just get through this time.